bring ur cats

anonymous asked:

So now that we know how to BE a girlfriend, how does one obtain said girlfriend?

this is the hard part tbh

first u gotta get gf bait which u can probably find online from amazon but they totally jack up the prices so i would recommend going to your local witchcraft supply store

then u gotta make sure u go gf hunting at the right time u gotta look out for the phases of the moon, high/low tide if u live near the ocean, weather (not too cold unless u are looking for a Wintery Snow GF!), and time of day. ideally, it would be either full, crescent, or new moon (gibbous is for cryptid hunting with said gf, which is another post all together). ocean GFs come out during low tide, and dawn/dusk are the best time for GF hunting imo. (some will say solar noon is best, or whenever the moon is directly overhead, these are excellent times if u are looking for a sun or moon gf, but not as fantastic for other types of gfs)

location matters too. want a tree nymph nature gf?? u better be around some trees or a forest or a park or something!! want a goth gf? it might be helpful to hunt near a hot topic or a cave with bats living inside it. think of where ur gf type would live.

its worth mentioning here that if u are looking for a rare gf (i.e. cryptid gf) you probably wont catch one of the first try. bigfoot is busy! she appreciates ur hard work but she is shy and needs to warm up to u first. its okay. give her time. be patient. she will come around. the same can be said about the loch ness monster and the jersey devil. patience is key!

once uve got a plan for ur gf hunting, u need to perform the gf ritual. pray to mother sappho with all the gay shit you’ve got (rainbows, flannel, docs, etc. Don that gay apparel ladies!!!!). again, depending on the type of gf u are looking for, the ritual will vary. sappho can help guide u thru it

NEXT comes the actual acquiring of the GF, which is the hardest part. set out your bait but do not put out a box or net or any other kind of snare to trap her. She will be wary at first, but thats okay. bringing along ur cat or dog to intrigue and soothe her might be a good idea. perhaps some vegan ice cream to help calm her nerves.

once ur gf trusts u, the two of u must return to where u prayed to mother sappho originally, where she will bless u. ****Do NOT skip this step!!!!!**** we must all remember to thank mother sappho for her blessings always.

the final step is to cherish ur gf. just as u put in a lot of work to catch a gf, u must put a lot of work in to keep her. do gay things like take her to pride. tell her u love and appreciate her. cuddle with her and bake with her.

good luck!

The wooing of Arthur and his cat 3/5


Summary: England is a simple cat with a simple owner who is about to watch the interesting courtship of his owner Arthur Kirkland, without realizing that he himself is being courted as well.  

A/N: I finally know where I want to go with this fic! Aha it’s probably good since it’s over half done. /o/ Remember this fic doesn’t have an update schedule so I post when I write it. Thanks for the sweet messages on wanting more of it. I do keep it in mind even if I can’t ever guarantee a time of update. :’)

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people leaving comments on ur tumblr posts is like when ur cat brings you dead mice and shit like i know you thought you were accomplishing something here and i can’t really blame you because it’s in your nature to be an antisocial gremlin but i’m still faintly disappointed and now i have to get involved in ur gross pastimes