bride's stories

Okay guys but a remake of The Princess Bride where the frame story is a sick little girl home from school, playing like Breath of the Wild when her grandmother comes in to read her a book. And she starts reading aloud, and the fantasy part starts and it’s footage from the original film that plays for 30 seconds, before the little girl interrupts to be like “is this a story where a bunch of guys save a girl?” in this really annoyed voice

And the grandmother is like “……nooo, let me start again, I misread,” and the fantasy starts again, except this time Wesley is a farm girl and Buttercup is the haughty boy who doesn’t realize he loves her, and Inigo Montoya is a woman, and so is Fezzik and Vizzini, and Humperdinck and Miracle Max, they’re all women, and the only men in the story are the ones playing the roles that were originally female (so: Buttercup, Max’s wife, old lady who boos in nightmare sequence, I literally think that’s it?)

(I thought about lesbian Princess Bride because of course, but then I thought what if you kept the script almost exactly the same, and when reviews complain that the men were boring, we can be like THE ROLES WERE ALWAYS BORING IT JUST WASNT NOTICEABLE BECAUSE THAT’S HOW YOU WRITE WOMEN)

(Lesbian Princess Bride tho, that’s giving me a lot to think about)

And there’s nothing gritty about the remake, the swordplay is as acrobatic as it is unrealistic, the quips are just as light, the colors just as bright, the characters just as ridiculous, and the rodents of unusual size are still giant puppets except women, everywhere women, women women women of all kinds, and it wins a billion oscars

Brand New

🌟old movies renamed🌟
  • <b> rear window: the boy who cried murder<p/><b>an american in paris:</b> i guess we should add some singing to all of these dance numbers<p/><b>the philadelphia story:</b> i want you back, i want you back🎵<p/><b>how to steal a million:</b> gullibility and sarcasm fall in love and steal a dinky statue<p/><b>cabaret:</b> drag and scandalous dances in WWII<p/><b>the sound of music:</b> where a kid can be a kid (and fucking sing like a normal child)<p/><b>bringing up baby:</b> can we keep him? please?<p/><b>seven brides for seven brothers:</b> abduction cause its romantic<p/><b>singing in the rain:</b> good morning🍊🎵there are 16 oranges in every tropicana pure premiu-<p/><b>it's a wonderful life:</b> a cute old man fixes jimmy stewart's many problems<p/><b>the shop around the corner:</b> we're better staying pen pals than actually dating<p/><b>breakfast at tiffany's:</b> she's lowkey a psycho but it's all about love and cats anyway<p/><b>roman holiday:</b> tomboy princess takes a day off and then has to face reality again<p/><b>star!:</b> gertie get your shit together<p/><b>my fair lady:</b> men are snobs and the english have a social system based on speech<p/><b>sabrina:</b> you got hurt and couldn't go on dates with me so i dated your brother instead<p/><b>thoroughly modern millie:</b> everyone is extra and there are white people who play asian people and horrible sex trafficking but it's okay because carol channing<p/><b>west side story:</b> why the fuck do you love him after he literally murdered your brother oh well he died so who cares anyway<p/><b>harvey:</b> polite and innocent man is a bit loopy so everyone tries to lock him up<p/><b>gone with the wind:</b> you don't love me?!?! but you gotta, i guess i'll marry all of the south to make you jealous<p/><b>casablanca:</b> paris and kids being looked at<p/><b>the african queen:</b> oh we almost died but we didn't so let's kiss and build a torpedo from scratch<p/><b>on golden pond:</b> where everyone won best actor/actress and 74 year old katharine hepburn did her own fucking stunts<p/><b>annie get your gun:</b> frank butler is a fucking selfish wienie<p/><b>lawrence of arabia:</b> nice, noble man goes crazy over the course of 4 hours<p/><b>the wizard of oz:</b> everything magical and good in the world is a hoax, kids<p/><b>cinderella:</b> cinderelly, cinderelly, we're woodland creatures providing comical pastime<p/><b>snow white:</b> practice makes perfect, disney, because this movie was on drugs<p/><b>sleeping beauty:</b> let's take a story about rape and make it for kids but then add unrealistic body types<p/><b>gold finger:</b> look it's the german villain from chitty chitty bang bang in a bond movie<p/><b>chitty chitty bang bang:</b> this movie was also on drugs but it's still great<p/><b>funny face:</b> audrey and fred in france<p/><b>🌟i love all these movies so much so don't get your panties in a wad it's a joke:</b> <p/></p>
I like to think music can save the world because you know it’s fucking saved me
—  Jacoby shaddix
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Creepy girls you’re just my style, blood red lipstick you don’t smile, falling victim to your fantasy - damn, i love that you’re so creepy.”   | Pt. 2: X | Pt 3: X | Pt: 4:X