breathing excercises

I couldnt get those HCs out of my head

I’ve been dying for someone to write a fanfic with a Saeran and V friendship as the main focus- and I’m like “I could put my 4+ years of writing experience to use and do it, but I need to work on my GPA this year, shit”


So here are some HCs because I canNOT stop thinking about this AU


-ok so basically, instead of being mum about it, V works up the power to tell everyone about Saeran while he’s suffering from the after effects of the drug. MC and Vanderwood stay to look after V and Saeyoung fuckin naruto runs out of there to save Saeran



-And obviously after the entire ordeal is over we have two severly mentally ill and traumatised people who need help asap (three if we count Rika I guess? but that’s not the focus of this post)


- And like. Bear with me. Imagine this. They both take therapy sessions at the same hospital/clinic, so they have to spend time in the waiting room together


-At first it would be super hard and awkward for them and to some extent even painful and triggering to be in the same room as one another.


-It would probably be months after the RFA party at this point, when V and Saeran first get the chance to talk to each other alone. Saeran is very quiet and withdrawn and doesn’t make eye contact; he hasn’t forgotten what he’s done to V back in Mint Eye, and just being in the same room as him makes him consumed with guilt.


- V apppears calm on the outside but he’s silently repeating the phrases his therapist told him to remember over and over in his head and going over one of the breathing excercises.


- Neither of them actually speaks ever when they’re in the waiting room waiting for MC and Saeyoung to pick them up but one day, Saeran drops the ice cream cup he’d been holding because his hands are shaking. His eyes would probably widen and he’d feel panic start to nearly overwhelm him.


-He’s just about to pick it up again and have a mini episode of self deprecation for the 3rd time that day when V gently picks up a towel that the cleaning lady forgot on the glass table and cleans the mess.


- Saeran just sits there; frozen. He wants to tell V not to do that- that he’ll fix it himself, that it was his fault, and so on, but he can’t find the voice within him.


-V finally finishes. He picks up the now empty container and throws it in the trash, and then puts the towell back in its place . He’s quiet while he does this, but noticeably not as tense as before.


- “So you like ice cream? I can’t help but notice you have a cup from the clinic’s cafeteria after every session or so.” He finally says and breaks the silence. It was spoken so quietly that Saeran almost didn’t hear.


-I’m imagining him trying to speak several times and failing to process the words. “I… I do,” he manages to choke out. “..like it.”


-V nods quietly and returns to his seat. Neither of them says a word. Saeran becomes less tense, but he still won’t meet his eyes. It’s ultimately a major relief when MC finally returns with Saeyoung.


- However, from this point on, it’s not uncommon for them to share a word after they finish their sessions (and they often do at the same time).


-V would usually intiate conversation first and Saeran really doesn’t understand why, but he goes along with it


- it’s just mindless small talk like “How was your session?” “How are your breathing excercises?” et cetera


- they still sit like four seats apart but now small talk is easy and it’s even somewhat something they’d look forward to


-When V’s therapist tells him that she thinks it’s time for him to start painting a little, Saeran is the first person he tells. Saeran doesn’t understand why V would tell him but he seems to content and happy that he’s getting somewhere and Saeran does his best to make “ah, congrats” sound supportive because he really is glad that v is getting better


- after one particularly bad day with his therapist, Saeran’s more withdrawn that usual. V can see his hands shake. He doesn’t have a cup of ice cream today either.


-V goes to the small cafeteria they have on the secons floor of the hospital and buys a chocolate chip mint eye cream and a vanilla.


-He sets the mint and chocolate chip ice cream in front of saeran and takes his own with him before returning to his seat. Saeran looks up at him tentatively, eyes furrowing in confusion.


-“Why…..?”


-V stays silent for a while. “It makes you happy,” he replies quietly. “I’m sorry you’re not having a good day.”


-by the time Saeran reaches for the ice cream, it’s half melted. But he takes it anyway, and V can’t help but notice that he might be crying a little


- things just get progressively easier for them. by now it’s routine for v to always get saeran and himself a cup of ice cream after therapy when saeran forgets his money. The small talk continues, but it flows less awkwardly now


-once v brings his first completed painting in a decade with him to show to his therapist because she asked him to. Except while he’s there, another person in the waiting room recognised him as “the famous photographer” and started gushing over his pictures and how they were a big fan and how they couldn’t wait for his next gallery, when was it going to be?


-Basically V almost has a panic attack because he’s trying his best to distance himself from that, and he tries to apologise and explain, but the fan wouldn’t back off until Saeran stood in between them and very gently, very quietly asks them to please leave V alone or he’d call over staff


- they’re shocked for a second, but their eyebrows twist into a soft frown and they leave.


-V casts a side glance at Saeran, eyes wide. His surprised look melts into gratitude and he thanks him.


-Saeran just flushes and mumbles something under his breath.


-V could have sworn he said, “I.. like your painting, by the way…”


-I can see them being reluctant and hesitant with getting too close. They still remember how much they hurt each other. Saeran still remembers what he did to V back then. It’s been unspokenly forgiven but not forgotten.


-And it’s hard to even half forget something like that. They might have forgiven each other, but not themselves.


-and I can just see their bond being really delicate and fragile, but also very firm.


-I have a lot of HCs I’m yet to put here. But I imagine the day V finished all his required therapy sessions (and I believe he finishes before Saeran), he’s overwhelmed with joy. He moves towards Saeran silently and opens his arms with visible reluctance. Saeran’s happy for him. He still has a long way to go, but he’s genuinely glad that V’s getting better. He quietly goes into his arms and they share a hug. It lasts for about three seconds; it’s not long or sweet, or completely comfortable and unawkward, but it carries emotion.


-I just… I want this so bad

DONT FORGET ABOUT SELF-CARE

There are plenty of magickal and non-magickal ways to show yourself some love, such as:

  • asking yourself how you are doing and figuring out if there is anything you can do to improve your answer
  • taking a nap and getting to bed earlier
  • take a bath &/or do some bath magick
  • meditation and breathing excercises to calm yourself
  • do some spells for your happiness and well-being
  • pet a dog or cat or both
  • clean your house or room physically and spiritually
  • make some relaxing tea
  • masturbation :P
  • treat yourself to some dessert or any food you really love but don’t have often
  • take some time to enjoy your hobbies like music or reading

feel free to add more ideas!

My experience with therapy I.

THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG POST!

Like 2 months ago I started feeling sick of myself even more than I used to. I started self-harming, I became really depressed to the point that my family started to worry. I didn’t ever wanted to leave my house. I had 0 energy to do anything.

Then like a month ago I was at my friend’s farewell party and I had a breakdown. I burst out crying for no reason. I was sobbing for like 20 minutes then I went back to the others. When I got home I had a similar breakdown again.

At that point I realized that this can’t go on anymore. I need to end this because I can’t live like this any longer. Either way I want to end the pain and anxiety and feeling depressed.

So I told my mom that I’m not feeling fine. Obviously she was worried. She also noticed the scars on my skin, that made her even more concerned. But she understood that I need professional help, so after 2 weeks she got a number of a therapist.

I went to the therapist today. I was incredibly nervous and anxious, but my mom was with me (yes i’m a grown ass 20 years old man that was accompanied by his mom) because whenever I go out alone I have such bad anxiety that it physically hurts my body.

After a short introduction she started asking me about my problems. I told her the most of it, my anxiety, my dark thoughts, my sickness and physical pain. She wasn’t surprised at all. She said it’s pretty common among stressed young adults to have similar problems. In fact she has a client that almost identical to me, except that they play drums, not guitar. Then we started talking about music.

She told me it can be therapeutic. She told me a lot of stuff connected to neuroscience and I didn’t understand the half of it but the moral was that playing music can solve serious problems and is healthy.

Then obviously we talked about my unhealthy eating habits, breathing excercises, drinking a lot of water and tea, doing sports, all the kind of shit that therapists say to make their own job a little easier.

We didn’t talk about a lot of stuff, but she told me that even if I change my therapist, I already made a huge step towards feeling better. I want to feel and be emotionally and mentally healthy again. The future me is gonna thank me for it and she made sure that I believe this even if there might be no distant future me.

I’m writing my experience to help others too. If you’re suffering with your mental health, having suicidal thoughts, or you’re just tired of your own body and mind, then please get help. Even if you feel like noone would miss you, there might be someone in your future who would.

And if you’re already in therapy but it doesn’t work, go get another one, there’s someone who would help. Each and every one of us are different, maybe someone else could help you.

if you read through it thank you for your attention and i hope that things get better for you.

Empathy

One of the things I have always suffered from is being a massive magnet for other people’s misery and negative energy. Only recently have I learned that I could be an Empath, maybe even Clairsentient. Sadly, I used to drink it away, but that is no longer an option. I have researched the topic quite extensively and am trying to practice the advice of others. I have tried using two different approaches:

Repeating this mantra three times, followed by proper breathing excercises,
Eject.
Deflect.
Reject.
This works, but it requires me to repeat the process quite often.

Then there is this mantra,
Accept.
Convert. (to positive energy)
Eject.
This one doesn’t need to be reset that often, but is not as effective.

I also consistently picture the shield of light when applying the mantras.

Is there anyone with experience that has any other suggestions. I live in a part of the world that is seeing constant aggression and conflict, so I need to protect myself consistently. Especially in public areas. Everyone seems to be pissed off all the time and I am like sponge bob for their crap.

Would be grateful for any aid.
-Hale

Today, my gym blasted "Wait 'till you see my dick" by the Ying Yang twins

My gym is filled with nothing but older and bigger people trying to get in shape, with the occasional buff dude/lady. Which is why I go there.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a steady breath when you’re excercising, while you’re trying to hold your laughter at a group lesson being done to the beat of ‘WAIT 'TILL YOU SEE MY DICK, EY BITCH, WAIT 'TILL YOU SEE MY DICK, I'MMA BEAT THAT PUSSY UP.’

youtube

Dalek relaxation techniques. Priceless.