breakups and healings

I am starting to forget the things I used to know by heart. Like the sound of your voice, the feel of your hand in mine, every detail of your face. I don’t remember what it felt to be held by you or to sleep in your arms. I don’t remember details that used to mean the world to me and I’m not even sad about it. They were right when they told me that time would heal and that one day it wouldn’t matter anymore. I didn’t realize that day would be so soon though.
—  How I chose to love myself instead of you #7 -Jess Amelia
Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Leaving isn’t easy
It isn’t the slamming of doors,
it comes months later
Leaving is a choice to leave every day
The choice to leave your bed,
wake up without him in it
and make only enough coffee for yourself
It is to leave your keys
unattended on the table,
not afraid he will somehow get ahold of them
and then your neck, and your heart
Leaving is letting go of the urge to
spread yourself like a feast at his feet
because you smelled his favorite meal at a restaurant
It is opening the windows in the summer
and not feeling your heart make a bomb shelter
from the wreckage of your ribcage
at the sound of the same truck model howling outside
It is being haunted but not inviting the dead to come home
You are the survivor

rejection hurts, but it won’t break you for good.

when you get broken up with what usually makes you feel the shittiest is the feeling of lack of control. i recently realised this, and what helps is understanding what you can and cannot control. “complicated” situations are usually situations made up of things you can and cannot do shit about.

first you identify what you can’t do shit about. the person’s feelings towards you changed, they no longer want to be in a relationship with you. that’s not about you or your feelings, that’s them and you cannot control it. so if you can’t do anything about it, accept it.

then you realise the feeling of “i have no control over my life, i had begun to trust that this relationship would last, this was unexpected. i feel helpless.” what helps is noticing that while life is out of anyone’s perfect control, the thing you can control the most is yourself.

so take control of the healing process. cry your heart out, be pathetic and sob into your friend’s lap after keeping it together on public transport. what we lose when we lose a relationship is mostly our idea of the relationship, everything we had planned for the future. the rug was pulled from beneath your feet. change is frustrating and scary.

then you realise that honestly, it takes two to tango. they were right when they said it would be unfair to continue a relationship when the other doesn’t see it leading anywhere. there’s nobody to blame. 

sometimes you can play a perfect hand, not make any mistakes and still lose. this is usually one of the first influential lessons you learn as a young adult. and man, it sucks. but instead of feeling cheated, feel relieved. it was out of your hands. don’t blame yourself. let yourself grieve and feel hurt, but just as well let yourself see the other person’s point of view. relationships are strange and chemistry is always changing. it’s nobody’s fault. and it is still allowed to hurt.

you’ll understand that they weren’t the one for you, no matter how much you liked them and believed it. falling for someone and having it not work out is not a failure on either’s part. you tried because there was something there that you both felt, and it either grows or leaves. prolonging the inevitable would be cruel. the one for you is the one who continues to believe that you’re the one, as well.

your rational side accustoms and understands and accepts the situation quicker than your feelings fade away. you can rationalise and see the things about each other that in the long run most probably would have made the relationship one you wouldn’t continue, anyway. it’s okay to cry again, it’s not weakness or relapse. it’s fallout of the situation that you just need to get out of your system.

and really, if you can, send them a last message after a night of sleep thanking them for the good times and wishing them well. they will reply with the same, and you will find a sense of closure that helps you move on. nothing helps you heal like understanding that sometimes, there’s nothing to forgive. gratefulness for having tried and being honest with each other and respecting each other is so influential.

the truth is, as much as people randomly entering and leaving your life scares you, it just means that it can happen again. you might live through another breakup or find a relationship you both want to stay in already next time. you’ll get over this, and you need to live through it to learn about yourself. next time, no matter what happens, you’ll be better prepared thanks to this experience.

you learned something. 

you always learn something.

My Break Up Playlist

Hi everyone!

Sorry for being a little absent.

    I’ve been getting a few questions about how I’ve dealt with break ups. Some are a lot easier than others. A big part of how I deal with them is music. I think I will make a masterpost later about how to deal with breakups (and heal/celebrate quicker) if you all want it(:

    These are songs straight from the playlist off of my iPhone. Not all of the songs deal with relationships, but I find them helpful. Some might make you more emotional, while others might make you feel more powerful/cold/confident in the breakup. I will label them with “E” or “P”. I want all of you to keep in mind that crying after a breakup does not make you weak. Its just you getting your emotions out and thats perfectly fine and healthy. I’m the type of person to cry all day over someone, and feel nearly nothing after that. 

No matter how you deal with it, the goal is to recover quickly.

1) The Wire - Haim  (P)

2) My Song 5 - Haim (P)

3) Next One - Bahja Rodriguez (P)

4) Damn You - Lana Del Rey (E)

5) The Birds Part 1 - The Weeknd (P or E)

6) The Birds Part 2 - The Weeknd (E)

7) Gone - The Weeknd (P or E)

8) Echos of Silence - The Weeknd (E)

9) Infinity Guitars - Sleigh Bells (P)

10) Get Outta My Way - Kylie Minogue (P)

11) Twenty Eight - The Weeknd (E)

12) Break My Fall - Lana Del Rey (P)

13)  Shake it Out (The Weeknd Remix) - Florence And The Machine (E)

14) FADE - CRIM3S (P)

15) Love Song -1-2  - The Internet (E)

16) The Heart Wants What It Wants - Selena Gomez(E)

17) Trouble - Taylor Swift (P)

18) Best Mistake - Ariana Grande (E)

19) The Worst - Jhene Aiko (E)

20) Same Old Love - Selena Gomez (P)

21) Never Gonna Change - BROODS (P or E)

22) Lies (Acoustic) - Marina and the Diamonds (E)

23) Power & Control - Marina and the Diamonds (P)

24) Not About Love - Fionna Apple (P)

25) Web of Me - The Internet (P)

26) Marvin’s Room (Can’t Do Better) - Jojo (E)

27) Smile - Lily Allen (P)

28) Bad Day - Justine Bieber (E)

29) Goodbye - Who is Fancy (E or P)

30) Cake - Melanie Martinez (P)

31) Numbers - FKA Twigs (P)

32) Can’t treat me that way - Kate Earl (P)

33) Niggas - Kehlani (P)

Hope some of you find this useful!!<3


For those who's hearts burn

You don’t need someone else to be your happiness. Be your own happiness.

Don’t be afraid to love after having lost.
But don’t let just anyone in, make sure they want you just as badly.

If something is meant to be, it will happen. Life finds a way, and eventually all the puzzle pieces will fall into place.

Know that other people are usually as-broken if not more broken as you are. We all have our demons.

People will come and go. And that’s okay. Learn from them while they’re here. It’s also okay to miss them when they’re gone.

Don’t let people who hurt you, plague you. Try to let those emotions out in a healthy way, but don’t obsess over it.

Most importantly: it will be okay. Whatever ails you, it will pass.

I think I’m doing better in terms of you and me, or rather the lack thereof. Seeing you enjoy life doesn’t hurt anymore. You deserve it. I don’t think about you as often. My head feels clearer most days. I’m not bitter or sad or anything really. I’m just a cleaner slate.

Even so though, I still have these little moments that catch me off guard. Like when your mom told me that you were adopting two dogs that she found who desperately needed new homes, even though we both know that you already have 6 cats and 2 dogs and you can’t even feed yourself some days. I guess somewhere in there you’re still softhearted. It’s those moments that are hard, watching you be kindhearted and sweet. Watching you move on is easy. Seeing you be the person you used to be with me is hard.

Never Date a Preacher

I’m a Christian and I can’t church right.

My bible has been closed since your love took flight.
I’ve been weeping, moaning and gnashing teeth every night.
God will strengthen us. Yeah, aight.
Was it also God who made our love so suddenly unrequite-?
Was it God who threw the blow that came from out of sight?
Or was it your cowardice? Too weak to put up a fight?
I guess long suffering is only possessed by those with might.
Don’t preach about love. Not saying this out of spite.
But because this kind of pain could never come from Light.
I know God can mend me. I know His word can take me to new heights.
But for now, I’ll focus on the healing flowing from the words I write.
And I’ll do so till my heart is free and ready to soar like a kite.
Anyway. Good riddance. Do I hate you? Not quite.
Shouldn’t have dated you though. But you know…hindsight.

-Alex The Great
Finding Me

I used to believe that he broke up with me because something was wrong with me. Because I was unloveable, unbearable, a terrible girlfriend. BUT NOW, I believe it’s because he doesn’t know my value. He can’t comprehend how much I would’ve offered him if he’d given me the chance. I’m too good for him. He broke up with me because he couldn’t see my worth. That’s OK honey. Someone else will (:

First Step in Healing

A few days ago a relationship of mine ended. This relationship was created from the funeral pyre of another, and it was a horrible mistake. There was not an outright cheating event, only an emotional affair, but that doesn’t change that I left a man I truly loved for a liar who made false promises.

My advice if this happens is to look at the positives: I never slept with him. We were together less than a year. I am not evil for believing in promises and trusting someone. I have learned. My previous relationship needed to be changed to work, and my most recent ex was very bad for me and did not give me the things I needed.

Remind yourself you are not evil. Remind yourself you can cope. Remind yourself you are fine as you are.

Hugging Is

Hugging Is

Hugging is healthy. It helps the immune system, cures depression, reduces stress and induces sleep. It’s invigorating, rejuvenating and has no unpleasant side effects. Hugging is nothing less than a miracle drug.

Hugging is all natural. It is organic, naturally sweet, no artificial ingredients, nonpolluting, environmentally friendly and 100 percent wholesome.

Hugging is the ideal gift. Great for any occasion, fun to give and receive, shows you care, comes with its awn wrapping and, of course, fully returnable.

Hugging is practically perfect. No batteries to wear out, inflation-proof, nonfattening, no monthly payments, theft-proof and nontaxable.

Hugging is an underutilized resource with magical powers. When we open our hearts and arms, we encourage others to do the same.

Think of the people in your life. Are there any words you’d like to say? Are there any hugs you want to share? Are you waiting and hoping someone else will ask first? Please don’t wait! Initiate!

Charles Faraone

Jack Canfield