breaking my trust

And someone asked about you.

I told them I loved you.
But I didn’t tell them that you still had me even if I don’t have you.

Goodness, did I love you.

—  No One Told Me Remembering Is Worse Than Forgetting
Why is it that
we doubt ourselves
when someone
hurts us?
Why is it that
we wonder where
we went wrong
instead of where
they went wrong?
Why is it that
we let them
define us so easily
and we don’t
blame them for
what they’ve done
to us?
Why is it that
we are willing
to believe
it was our fault
for being too much
too loving
too caring
too clingy
to attached
too naive
too—
whatever the hell
they say?
—  excerpt from a book I’ll never write #66

“true reality s h o w” - Karolina Koryl

You once made me fall asleep with a smile on my face. You now make me fall asleep with a tear stained pillow and a broken heart.
I hate you for all the lies you’ve told me. I hate you for playing with my feelings. I hate you for making me doubt anyone’s intention to me. I hate you for breaking my trust. I hate you for putting me this kind of feeling. I hate you for making me feel that no one’s good enough for me. I hate your for making me think that no one will treat me right. I hate you for making me think that everyone’s like you, that they won’t take me seriously. I hate you. I really hate you.
—  but i’m not mad, i’m just hurt / girlbehindthisblog
You see, the problem is: I want it to stop and I want to move on, feel like I can be happy again one day, but I don’t want to forget and let go of what loving you feels like.
—  excerpt from a book I’ll never write #51

anonymous asked:

remember that tweet about flint's earring having changed from gold to silver and how little in the show happens by accident? i just can't bring myself to believe that the same writers who did that also made all the flinthamilton and silverflint parallels to basically end up saying "they love each other but just in a friend way haha" i don't know it just doesn't make any sense to me

s a m e

I think we can all agree nothing makes any fucking sense at this point and nothing will until 409/410. But yeah, that ‘little happens by accident’ has been haunting my ass ever since Toby said it. I mean of course parallels as obvious and as frequent as this must have been done on purpose. We know this. We know its partly because of the similarities they wanted to show between them; Thomas and Silver being Flint’s closest friends, both of them being his partners. We also know that its because they’re leading up to Flint’s relationship with Silver being ‘a summation of all the relationships hes had so far’. But whether or not its romantic WE JUST DONT KNOW. 

Looking at everything we’ve been presented with it does makes sense for it to be romantic, of course. Because its the best explanation (at this point). If they had focused more on paralleling Miranda/Flint with Silver/Flint to show their friendship/partnership I would understand that the writers weren’t going for romantic. BUT. THEY. DIDNT. Thomas looking at James: “strange pairs, lieutenant. they can achieve the most unexpected things>:)” [pans to James looking at John]. I mean !!!!!! They paralleled Silver with Thomas from the beginning. And then as if that wasn’t obvious enough they start paralleling Madi with Miranda. So yeah, like you said I dont believe the writers did all this just to label Silver as the love of Flint’s life in a ‘platonic way’. Seems a bit dramatic to build this relationship up over 4 seasons and at the end just say ‘flint was silver’s best friend. thats it. thats what he was to him”. There’s something more going on here that we don’t know about yet.

“Thomas was my husband. I loved him and he loved me. But what he shared with you, it was entirely something else.” I’ve always believed this is the same case for Silver and Flint. Silver loves Madi and Madi loves Silver, but what Silver shares with Flint is entirely something else. We just dont know what the ‘something else’ is yet. But we’ll find out soon enough, just hold tight.

Did i break your heart with that [Reunion] post? Here, have a little Tamlen&babyHalla to cheer you up!

Also, this blog now has a comment section in each post! I don’t know if anyone is gonna use it but i wanted to have it so we can share a little more~ (thanks to @lostmindy for helping me with the html-hell!)

You fucked me up, do you know that? My biggest fear used to be ending up alone. It used to scare the shit out of me, the idea of living a lifetime and not being able to find someone that loves me unconditionally. After you however, that is no longer my biggest fear. After you, my biggest fear is finding someone that earns my trust, breaks down my walls and shows me love. My biggest fear is that I’ll invest so much of my time and expose so much of my soul to someone only to find out I was nothing but temporary, disposable, to them just like I was to you.
—  I feel sorry for every girl that comes after you
I think one of the hardest things to accept about love is that just like they love you one day, they can wake up the next and just leave. You don’t get no note, you don’t see it coming, but one day they’re there kissing every inch of you, making promises, holding you when you’re down, belonging to every part of your life, then they leave without regret, just like they arrived. It takes one second. Everything comes crushing to the ground and you try so hard to escape the big pieces falling down from the roof. Accepting that the love you swear they once felt for you is gone, is the most difficult thing you will ever do in your life.
—  excerpt from a book I’ll never write #52