I can’t handle feeling like this anymore. The screams are stuck in my throat and my face sticky with tears.

I can’t handle feeling like this anymore. Everyday, I find it harder and harder to breathe and I struggle to find my own strength.

I can’t handle feeling like this anymore.
I keep texting him messages and then deleting them before sending them and I’m pretty sure I’ve drunk-dialed him many times.

I can’t handle feeling like this anymore. No one helps me forget. The cigarettes burn before they are even close and the alcohol results in bad choices.

I can’t handle feeling like this anymore. He left and I didn’t think he would, but I should’ve known when he started being distant.

I can’t handle feeling like this anymore. He’s gone and he’s never coming back and I can’t do anything about it.

I can’t handle this anymore..

I can’t handle me anymore.

—  D.N. // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #39
youtube

Here’s one of the live musical performances I gave at the launch for my new book The HMS Bad Idea!

It’s a song about the truest love that anyone can love: Netflix.

It always amazes me how much I can care about a person. I can take a lot of shit and always see the good inside of them. I will stick with that person until the end, I will go out of my way to improve their mindset, thoughts and lifestyle. I’m loyal beyond measure and I love until my hearts content, but as soon as my intuition speaks and I get an epiphany and finally realise that it’s not mutual or reciprocated, I immediately switch off. I carry on with life as if they never existed, and it rarely hurts because I love myself enough to know when to stop. People prey on those with low self esteem and sometimes your kindness can be mistaken for that, but let me tell you.. that is certainly not me. I always think to myself, there are so many ways people can hurt you, but they should morally draw the line at love, because it’s not a game. Once I realised that this person I’ve gone out of my way to care about, can continually disrespect me with no hesitation, they are no longer alive to me and I refuse to entertain anything that has no life in it.
—  Meggan Roxanne
I hate you [I love you]

Finally deleted the pictures of you
That had been living in my phone so long
Does that make me the stronger man?
Or the weaker one, because I couldn’t handle
Another day still clutching at the memories of you

And it breaks my heart to say so
But maybe we were made to let go.

To be really honest with myself
I can’t fucking believe
I let you ruin my favorite places
And make me turn around to see
You in everyone’s faces

I still look for you in every crowd
Even when I know for a fact you will not be around

Sweetheart,
You broke me in ways
I didn’t think were possible
Humanity itself had never seen
So many broken bones,
Or such a massacred heart

Because I didn’t just fall for you
I rolled and stumbled -
Kicked and screamed for you.
Like the mad woman I am
I fought for you
I cried and bled from my lungs for you
All the way down
And you stood at the top,
Watching me go

Losing him was hard,
It was like the feeling you get
When you turn off the music
And are left in the silence of a room

The saddest part was that
Once the music was off
I had to suffer in silence
Unable to turn it back on

Sweetheart,
Nothing lingered. Not even you

It’s strange that I could even believe
Even if just for a moment
That you couldve loved me too
I guess you were kissing a fool

And yet, I still think of you so much.
I wonder if you think of me
As often as I think of you

And now,
The sun will rise again
And so will I
Maybe not brighter than before
But definitely stronger
Because I will mend the cracks you left on me
And someday light will shine through them
Just you wait and see

Trust me, I love you. And I’ll love you forever.

You’re my future and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m so deeply in love with you.

I’m terrified at the thought of losing you.

Maybe I need you more than you need me.

All couples fight; it’s no big deal.

You annoy me sometimes, but that’s okay.

I’m still here.

Realistically, we won’t end up together, but I love you.

There’s so many people I would date, but you’re the only one I NEED.

I love you.

I do love you.

I love you so much.

I love you more than I even thought was possible.

But I can’t do this anymore.

I’m sorry.

—  D.N. // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #27
Don’t let him ruin your favourite songs.
Don’t let her ruin your favourite places.
Don’t let his smell overcome you.
Don’t let her smile be stuck in your head.
Don’t let the thought of them bury into your chest.
Moving on is hard.
But you can do it.
Never look back, because you aren’t going that way.
—  July.1st, 2015