“It always amazes me how much I can care about a person. I can take a lot of shit and always see the good inside of them. I will stick with that person until the end, I will go out of my way to improve their mindset, thoughts and lifestyle. I’m loyal beyond measure and I love until my hearts content, but as soon as my intuition speaks and I get an epiphany and finally realise that it’s not mutual or reciprocated, I immediately switch off. I carry on with life as if they never existed, and it rarely hurts because I love myself enough to know when to stop. People prey on those with low self esteem and sometimes your kindness can be mistaken for that, but let me tell you.. that is certainly not me. I always think to myself, there are so many ways people can hurt you, but they should morally draw the line at love, because it’s not a game. Once I realised that this person I’ve gone out of my way to care about, can continually disrespect me with no hesitation, they are no longer alive to me and I refuse to entertain anything that has no life in it.”
and he thinks,
“She always was
a little stronger than me,
a little faster at everything,”
and she thinks,
“I’m a coward,
I’m a fucking coward,
look at me
running away again,”
and they’re both right
but both so wrong.
are happy in this place
If life takes us in different directions, please remember me as someone who always smiled and laughed loud. Someone who was always happy. Please remember all the times I made you laugh and all the times that I annoyed you with my love but you loved me anyway. Please remember all the good times that we had and the laughs that we shared and love that was between us. Remember our first kiss and the first time you told me that you were in love with me and how I smiled because I was so indescribably happy. Remember when you let me into your life, and how you let me see you cry and how I stroked your hair and you fell asleep in my lap.
Don’t remember the fights we had or the terrible times we went through. Don’t think of all the times I threw things at you and all the times we almost broke up. Don’t think of how we ended.
Think of me happy. Because that’s what I’ll do with you.
D.N. // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #26
“He said to say “When”
as he poured me a glass of
as we sat on the ugly couch
he bought for our anniversary,
preparing to watch a movie
of the loathsome Sci-fi genre that
he’d been wanting to see.
I let him fill my cup to the brim, and he said,
Wow, Honey, are you in a mood tonight? with
that stupid grin on his face.
I smiled back at that scrumptious idiot look
and snarled mischievously, seductively, that I always was,
probably always will be.
And as he leaned in for a dirty kiss I stood up,
slowly tipped the glass of wine to the freshly cleaned cream
carpet, picked up the keys to my already-packed car
off of the kitchen table, looked him in those
horrified eyes, and said
When I went through my first major breakup, I let myself go to a very dark, heartbroken place. Consolations like, “You’ll get over it eventually” or “At least now you know what you want from a relationship,” meant nothing to me. I just wanted to sit at home, lean into the pain and listen to the most depressing music I could find.
The thing is, all of those miserable songs actually made me feel better. It was as if Karen Carpenter, Elliott Smith and Otis Redding were giving me permission to just feel sad. I didn’t have to make intentionally distracting social plans or download Tinder or do anything resembling “moving on.” I could just lie upside-down in my bed and let myself wallow in pure, musical catharsis.
My playlist may not work for everyone, but hopefully the songs will give a few heartbroken people something to cling to until they reach the empowered, Gloria Gaynor phase of newfound singledom – sort of like musical morphine for the pain.