break-ups

“I Love You To Bits” 

It’s the dreaded phrase! Picture the scene, I’m eighteen and in love (or so I thought), I’m gazing into a fresh-faced young hipster’s round spectacles proclaiming my love for his specific taste in music, his aversion to English speaking films and his affinity for deconstructed gourmet fish and chips. He stares down, into his expensive coffee and ponders lives great questions. Things like were boat shoes appropriate for evening dinners or whether La Vie En Rose is too popular a film for him to like. He returns promptly to reality, stares my straight in the eyes and fires a word bullet so cutting, I nearly choke on my £5 coffee.

“I love you to pieces”

He replies so casually, I can barely catch my breath, as he continues perusing the local paper for slam poetry events. In this moment I freeze, I am presented with two options:

  1. Throw my overpriced, low-quality coffee, which was literally served to me in a test tube I would like to add, in his face.
  2. Or I could shrug it off in hopes of preserving our already pretentious and substance absent relationship. 

I, like many I know, chose option two, I threw a life preserver to an already sinking ship. I continued the relationship out of fear of the painful loneliness of singledom. However what I didn’t realise was this phrase was used to make me pick option two, used to pacify the receiver in the absence of real love. Used regularly it ensured that stayed way longer in the relationship then I should have. 

The take home here is I love you to pieces is Bullshit. It may seem difficult at the time but upon receiving this phrase or any other phrase that negates real love, run. Love is not about pacifying someone or preserving a status. It is simple, yet complicated, easy, yet matches the calibre of quantum physics. 

Don’t settle for pieces, be loved fully. 

Just because you are lonely does not mean you should invite someone toxic back into your life.
If it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn't meant to be. You’re not missing out. Your life has different plans for you.
I. I hate dreaming about you.  the next day, I am all shaking hands.  yes, still.  in my dreams, I either forgive you or scream. either way, I wake up tired.

 

  II. I will always lie about the worst things -  the text I wasn’t supposed to see but did/ how I still let you sleep in my bed afterwards/ how the next day, it rained and rained and we thought it was for us.

 

  III. we loved each other until we didn’t. there is no way to turn this into poetry.
—  Fortesa Latifi

You’re a good person. Surround yourself with other good people. 

You’re better off being alone then being with someone who makes you feel alone.