break-ups

You walked past me today, and you didn’t even look at me. You didnt dare to make eye contact or even acknowledged my exsitance, and maybe you were scared that if you did you’d show something that you weren’t meant to, maybe you’d feel something for me that you once convinced yourself was gone. I don’t know if this is right but if it is, then what we had isn’t much because you’d still rather ignore me than realize that maybe ,you were wrong in letting me go
—  I still miss you

1. His scent will linger in everything you own, your sheets, your favorite sweatshirt, your hair. It’s okay to forget how to breathe for a second when you smell it, it’s okay to give your best friend that sweatshirt and tell your mom the sheets are scratchy. It’s okay to dye your hair a new color and look in the mirror at a sight he’s never loved.

2. People will watch you. They will study you to determine how well you’re handling his absence. It’s okay to be soft, it’s okay to let your eyes water. It’s okay to be weak, you are human and not made of steel and anyone that expects you to be unaffected is not someone you need around.

3. You are not obligated to say his name out loud. You are not obligated to tell people what happened. You are not obligated to act like it was nothing to you. You are not obligated to be his friend, or his friends’s friend. You are not obligated to continue to fluff his ego. You are not obligated to defend his choices, not even to yourself. You are obligated to give yourself time to grieve and fall apart.

4. Sometimes you will be sitting in the hallway at school, or on the couch with your mom and you will feel the pain all over again. It will hit you like train from hell and it will come from nowhere. Don’t not act like it isn’t there. It’s okay to be okay and then hurt all over again. It’s okay to not know what you’re feeling.

5. It’s okay to feel like the world is ending, it’s okay to lay in bed and wallow. It’s okay to cry until you can’t cry anymore. It’s okay to not be okay, but it is not okay to stay this way forever. It’s not okay to leave yourself in the past drowning in his memory. It’s not okay to shut yourself off from the world. It’s not okay to allow someone to ruin you entirely, because you are beautiful and you are whole without him. It’s not okay to lose yourself when you lose him.

—  5 things they don’t tell you about breaking up
When it’s all over & you bump into him on the street weeks or months later, & you realize that you don’t know that person anymore. Don’t be sad. Don’t feel defeated. Remember, he doesn’t know you either. And that should be the best and the most empowering thought that you’ve had since he left.
—  Took me 18 months to realize this.
I like the feeling of the liquor burning my throat, warming my body.
I rather have my throat burn for a minute then have to think about you another second

When I went through my first major breakup, I let myself go to a very dark, heartbroken place. Consolations like, “You’ll get over it eventually” or “At least now you know what you want from a relationship,” meant nothing to me. I just wanted to sit at home, lean into the pain and listen to the most depressing music I could find.

The thing is, all of those miserable songs actually made me feel better. It was as if Karen Carpenter, Elliott Smith and Otis Redding were giving me permission to just feel sad. I didn’t have to make intentionally distracting social plans or download Tinder or do anything resembling “moving on.” I could just lie upside-down in my bed and let myself wallow in pure, musical catharsis.

My playlist may not work for everyone, but hopefully the songs will give a few heartbroken people something to cling to until they reach the empowered, Gloria Gaynor phase of newfound singledom – sort of like musical morphine for the pain.

Go here for a Spotify playlist of the songs.

To The Ones Who Will Love Her After Me:

She doesn’t like to be scared. Don’t make her watch horror movies, don’t sneak up on her, don’t jump out at her, don’t wear scary masks. Seriously, not even as a joke. Just don’t do it.

The first time she tells you how she feels about you she will go all in. Her words will leave you speechless. The raw emotion, the pure honesty of her love, will overwhelm you… it might even terrify you. Don’t be afraid of it though, it’s not an act. She loves hard and all at once. It will grow to be one of your favorite things about her.

Listen to her and don’t with argue her feelings. Enough people have tried to invalidate her, don’t be another one of them.

If she’s having a bad day sending her a picture of a cute puppy or a beautiful house will always bring a smile to her face. Be careful with pictures of babies and weddings though, once she gets started on those she won’t stop.

She loves to get ‘good morning’ texts. Every day when you wake up that should be the first thing you do. Never let a day go by without telling her how incredible she is and how much you love her.

She also loves chocolate. Seriously, showing up and giving her a chocolate milkshake might even be better than flowers.

When she leaves it’s going to be hard. You’ll want to be angry, being angry would make it easier, but she won’t give you a reason to be. As much as it hurts, you will know she’s doing what she has to do. She always trusts her gut and does what she needs to do to for herself. She’ll be honest with you, and it will sting, but her honesty with her feelings was one of the things you loved most about her.

If you’re lucky enough to be a part of her life, don’t take it for granted for even a second.

—  (A.C.M.)

I’m waiting for the day when we both fade from each other’s memories
When your name feels like a strangers and if I close my eyes I no longer picture those nights
Of course I’ll wonder if any of this bothers you
Or if it’s just that easy to get over me
But slowly day by day
You’ll cross my mind less
And I know I’ll disappear from yours

I wonder if we met under different circumstances what would’ve happened
Would my life be better if I just never bumped into you that one night on the dance floor
There’s a million what ifs
But only one reality: this is the way we stopped working and I have to learn how to leave
When you’re already gone

—  “what a heart breaking end to a short love story” // a story a day #173 by d.yang
I hate you [I love you]

Finally deleted the pictures of you
That had been living in my phone so long
Does that make me the stronger man?
Or the weaker one, because I couldn’t handle
Another day still clutching at the memories of you

And it breaks my heart to say so
But maybe we were made to let go.

To be really honest with myself
I can’t fucking believe
I let you ruin my favorite places
And make me turn around to see
You in everyone’s faces

I still look for you in every crowd
Even when I know for a fact you will not be around

Sweetheart,
You broke me in ways
I didn’t think were possible
Humanity itself had never seen
So many broken bones,
Or such a massacred heart

Because I didn’t just fall for you
I rolled and stumbled -
Kicked and screamed for you.
Like the mad woman I am
I fought for you
I cried and bled from my lungs for you
All the way down
And you stood at the top,
Watching me go

Losing him was hard,
It was like the feeling you get
When you turn off the music
And are left in the silence of a room

The saddest part was that
Once the music was off
I had to suffer in silence
Unable to turn it back on

Sweetheart,
Nothing lingered. Not even you

It’s strange that I could even believe
Even if just for a moment
That you couldve loved me too
I guess you were kissing a fool

And yet, I still think of you so much.
I wonder if you think of me
As often as I think of you

And now,
The sun will rise again
And so will I
Maybe not brighter than before
But definitely stronger
Because I will mend the cracks you left on me
And someday light will shine through them
Just you wait and see