break-up

When you love, I think it’s better to love with your whole heart than to be safe and reserved. I know it might set you up for getting your heart broken which is no fun, but even if that does happen, at least you know that you gave it your all. If it didn’t work out, it wasn’t your fault because you were brave enough to say, “hey, I love the absolute shit out of you, I hope that’s enough”.

July 26
I’m still thinking of you

July 27
Please don’t fall in love with someone else

I met my soulmate many years ago. You don’t forget something like that. If you are reading this and one single image doesn’t splay across your memory, you are lost for having a soulmate. There is no doubt in this. You are governed by this connection, by how much of you can be reflected in another spirit. There is fire and there are storms that only a clash this formidable can reap. But there is also an overwhelming sense of comfort throughout it all. A calm. That’s what a soulmate is. A moment of calm amidst the endless storms.
—  pardis a.

imagine regarding this video^


-
You knew this would happen. You knew it. You knew that he would be irresponsible and do something stupid, but not this. You didn’t think he would cheat on you. You actually thought he loved you.

Jc had told you. Plus, the fans were going crazy telling you all this and you had to know the truth. So he told you, everything. You were heartbroken when you saw the video. It may sound silly to some people but, he was yours. He was your boyfriend, your love. But he had given that up. “Baby please. We all went out and got drunk as fuck and God I don’t even remember that happening….” He was rambling on about how sorry he was, making an excuse for himself and telling you he loved you. You had enough of the bullshit, you didn’t trust him anymore. And that was his own fault.

He reached out to touch you. As badly as you wanted him to hold you and for this to never have happened, you pulled away. You had to stand up for yourself, and not give in. “We’re done.” You whispered. Well, the look in his eyes killed you. He looked sad, scared, heartbroken and regretful all at once.
You walked away. You turned your back to him, tugged at your hair and walked away.

You went into your shared bedroom at kians house and grabbed some of your things like your charger, hairbrush and small things like that. The rest, you could do without for now. You just let the tears fall. You felt the warm liquid sliding down your face and the lump in your throat grew bigger with every breath you took.
You shoved all of your things into your handbag. The lead of your charger was hanging out, and everything looked uneven, but you didn’t care.
All you could see was that girl. That girl with the stupid fucking smirk on her face and that annoying snapchat filter that everyone loved. You thought about kian in the video, sleeping as peacefully as anything. You didn’t care whether they had sex or not. You knew something happened, you don’t just lie in a bed with someone for no reason.

You were crying for many reasons. Because you broke up with your boyfriend of 3 years over some stupid girl, because there was this ache in your heart and you couldn’t control it, because you didn’t want to leave him; but it was best for you. But most of all, you were crying because you didn’t know why you weren’t good enough. Why did he do that? Why couldn’t he have just come home to you? Cuddled with you? Had sex with you ?

You stopped thinking and started to walk out of the bedroom. Your handbag was hanging down your shoulder, your eyes were bloodshot red and stinging. Your hair was messy from being tugged at for a majority of the night. You were about to run down the stairs until you heard kian sobbing. He was hiccuping due to crying so much. You walked into the bathroom and he was on the floor, knees to his chest, his head buried in his hands. His sobs were muffled by his skin. You thew your handbag on the ground and walked over to him.
You pulled him up off the ground furiously and pushed him against the wall.

“NO” you screamed. “No Kian. You don’t get to do that. YOU aren’t the one that got their heart ripped out. YOU aren’t the one that looks like a fool. YOU are not that one that trusted yet again, the wrong person.” You were yelling so many stupid things at him. You had a firm grip on his shirt.

Both of you were crying now. After you had finished yelling, you started sobbing. Your body was shaking and you couldn’t stop it. You were so angry, yet sad at the same time. You loved him, yet you hated him. You didn’t know what to feel.

-
You had finally composed yourself. Neither of you had said anything to each other. The only sound you heard was sniffling, the occasional hiccup and hazels hard claws patting against the hard wooden floor downstairs.

“I’m leaving, kian.” You lifted your handbag off the ground and fixed your clothes. You stood there for a moment. Just looking at each other. You were giving him a chance to say something but he stood speechless.

“Thank you. Thank you so much for trying save our relationship. I’ll come and pick up the rest of my stuff sometime during the week” You swallowed, hard. The lump in your throat had only grown bigger. You ran downstairs and left him there. He stood, his brain was somewhere else, his heart was broken and his soul felt empty. He had lost her. And it was his own fault. He fell to the floor, pulling so hard on his hair that some of it started to come out, but he didn’t care. He wanted her. His love. He started sobbing again, choking on his own tears. He had never felt this way before. He had never regretted something so much. He had never felt so alone. - You walked over to Jc. He has heard the whole fight. “Sorry” you whispered, eyes still full of tears. You took it all in. This was probably one of the last times you would see Jc. One of the last times you would be in that house. One of the last times you would see hazel, or wishbone, or vega. Most of all, the last time you wanted to see Kian. Jc placed his hand on your cheeks and kissed your forehead. He wiped your tears away and hugged you for a good 5 minutes. “I’m so sorry. I tried to stop him but, he was too drunk to listen to anyone. I just wish he wasn’t so stupid. I could never do that to Lia” he said, sadly. He sounded genuinely upset and that made you feel even worse. “I wish that too. I still love him Jc. I just want to run into his arms and hug him and just forget about this, but, I don’t know if he will do it again, or how many times he has done it. I guess I don’t wanna be with him if he’s wishing he was with somebody else” you felt your heart sink once more. You pulled away and smiled at Jc. “Thank you” you said. “For being a good friend and being honest. I hope we can still be friends, I wouldn’t want our friendship to be over. I love ya too much” He chuckled. “I love ya too” he hugged you quickly and walked you to the door. You walked out. You were greeted by the night breeze and that calmed you down in some sort of way. You just wanted to go home. To think. You had lashed out at Kian, but you had a right to. You were worried you had thought too quickly and done the wrong thing.

You went home to think. You didn’t know what the next few days would bring, but you hoped you would somehow fix this. Because you loved him at the end of the day, and you couldn’t bare to be without him, no matter how much he hurt you.

- I hope this is what you wanted anon, I apologise if it was boring or not good :( . It was quite sad writing this tbh lmao. I am gonna write another one about a birthday. requests are open [Nobody ever requests Jc imagines so if someone wants one please let me know. I’d like to write about him too]
I think you need to just close the fucking chapter on him even if it was long enough to be a fucking novel itself. You’ve cried over this boy so many times before, when are you going to put yourself first? When are you going to realize this is not what you deserve? When you were little would you have ever wished this for yourself? Why are you putting yourself through this? You are so goddamn important and he is a fucking idiot who didn’t deserve to know you the way he did. Let him go, let him go, let him go. There is nothing more you can do.
—  @onlineprincess opened my eyes finally

I’m needy.

There, I said it. But it doesn’t mean what you think it means. It doesn’t mean I want to deprive you from your friends and family. It means I want to feel like you want me to be part of your daily life just like they are. I want you to bring me to family holidays so your great aunt can ask about my name. I want you to hold my hand while we’re sitting on the couch of your grandparents house and they’re telling stories about you when you were four years old. I don’t want you to hold me. I want you to figure out how my body works and show me affection. I want your hand on my back, asking me about the scar on the back of my arm. I want you stroking my hair while you tell me all the things you think about late at night. I don’t want you to coddle me. I don’t want you to constantly text me. I just want you to tell me when you make it home so I know you’re safe for the night. I want you to tell me about the bad day you had and how you found out your grandpa has cancer. I want to know how all of this makes you feel. I don’t want be another “needy” girl to you. I want to be entirely yours, and most of all, I need to know that you are entirely mine.

So yeah, I guess I’m a little “needy.”

—  Needy
Dear future daughter,
 
1. When you’re at some party, chain smoking on the roof with some strange girl with blue hair and exorbitant large dark eyes, ask her about her day. I promise you, you won’t regret it. Often times you’ll find the strangest of people have the most captivating story to tell.
2. Please, never mistake desire for love. Love will engulf your soul, whist desire will emerge as acid, making its way through your veins, gradually burning you from the inside out.
3. No one is going to fucking save you; anything you’ve read or heard otherwise is bullshit.
4. One day a boy is going to come along whose touch feels like fire and whose words taste like vanilla. When he leaves you, you will want to die. If you know anything at all, know that it is only temporary.
5. Your mental health comes before school baby, always. If it’s midnight, and you have an exam the next day but your hands have been shaking for the past hour and a half and you’re not sure you want to be alive anymore, pull out that carton of Ben and Jerry’s and afterwards, go the fuck to bed. So what if you get a 68% on the exam the next day? You took care of yourself and at the end of the day that will always come before a high test score. To hell with anyone who tells you differently.
—  A.N