break up books

We live in an age where we feel guilt whenever we have to cut someone off but the reality is that some relationships do need to die, some people do need to be unfollowed and defriended. We aren’t meant to be this tethered to the people in our past. The Internet mandates that we don’t burn bridges and keep everyone around like relics but those expectations are unrealistic and unhealthy. Simply put, we don’t need to know what everyone else is up to. We’re allowed to be choosy about who we surround ourselves with online and in real life, even if it might hurt people’s feelings.
—  Ryan O’Connell, You Don’t Have To Be Friends With Everybody

“I know he loves her now,” she said, “and I’m only a memory that he tries not to visit too often.” She paused, looking so at peace, but in the saddest way possible. “I guess I just hope that he thinks of me from time to time. When he sees a sunset too beautiful for words, or when our favorite artist releases a new song, or when he passes my street. I just hope that sometimes he remembers what it felt like to be nineteen and so in love that it was almost like your heart might burst. I hope that he smells my old perfume and he can’t shake the picture of me running outside of my house, barefoot, to jump into his arms. I just want our love to still be important, you know? I just… I hope it lingers.”

“It sounds like a beautiful memory,” I told her. “How could he forget?”

She smiled. “Darling, everything fades with time. Even the most vivid of moments — realizing, for the first time, you’re in love, or your first kiss, or even the day it all came crashing down around you — fade as new moments pass. I just hope I was important enough to last a little while longer.”

—  excerpt from an unfinished book #136 // Thinking of you because Ed Sheeran released a new song
I miss you
But I shouldn’t
Because we’re told,
Not to miss people that have hurt us
We’re told to move on
But that must mean there’s something wrong with me
Because I miss you so much it hurts
I can’t eat or sleep
You consume my thoughts
We’re not supposed to want those people back
But it’s my little secret,
That I wish every night that you’d come back to me
—  Chapters from my life
It won’t hit you until the morning after, when you wake up without them next to you.
It won’t hit you until you’re out with your friends and their name won’t be mentioned even once.
It won’t hit you until it’s three a.m. and you’ve checked your phone’s messages multiple times but nothing is there.
It won’t hit you until you’re at the supermarket and you’ll have nobody to double check what you need with.
It won’t hit you until you’ve got the greatest news and you can’t tell the person you’d always tell first.
It won’t hit you until you’re watching a movie that you’d usually watch with them, and when that scene where the both of you died of laughter plays, you find yourself sitting in silence.
It won’t hit you until you see a couple across the street gazing into each other’s eyes when you’ll miss the familiarity.
It won’t hit you until you’re drunk and lonely, when you’ll miss being held.
It won’t hit you until you’re finally at your best, but they’re not there.

It will hit you then, that you’re doing okay.
That your heart is still beating,
that you can survive without the help of anybody.
That you can be happy on your own,
that when you thought you’d be sad over it forever, you were wrong.
When that happens,
I want you to know
that without you,
their life wouldn’t have been the same
and sometimes they feel lost without you too.

—  Lovers often after they become strangers

“How are you doing?”

The question kind of stops you. Because you’re okay. Your world is still spinning and you’re still smiling and you’re okay.

But then sometimes you’re not okay. Not even one little bit. And you don’t really sleep at nights because your bed is as empty as your arms. And there’s a space on your wall where his photo used to hang. And sometimes you can’t even eat because he’s gone and the sick feeling in your stomach just becomes a permanent part of you. And when you kiss someone new their lips are wrong and their hands don’t tug your hair and their body doesn’t feel quite right beneath your wandering hands. And sometimes you cry and you don’t think you’ll ever stop.

But you don’t say that. They don’t want to hear that. You just smile and say, “I’m okay I guess.”

—  Even when I’m okay, I’m not, 08/10/2016

“He still asks about you, you know.”

She gets a pang of longing and hurt in her chest. “I know.” She whispers

“Do you ever think about getting in contact again?”

She’s silent for a moment. “I would love nothing more than to run to him.” She says, smiling, thinking back to him. “But so much happened. So much hurt. I was broken after it ended. I can’t risk having to say goodbye again, it destroyed me for a long time. So would I want to? I would love nothing more. Will I? No.”

I want you to know that you ruined me. That I don’t know if I can recover from this.

This isn’t me being dramatic or trying to make you feel bad, this is me putting the cards on the table and telling you that telling me you were different and that you would love me despite my flaws, and then throwing my insecurities in my face was cruel.

—  You hurt be beyond repair, I will never be the same. I will mend the wounds but the scars will remain a painful memory.
When someone’s been gone a long time, at first you save up all the things you want to tell them. You try to keep track of everything in your head. But it’s like trying to hold on to a fistful of sand: all the little bits slip out of your hands, and then you’re just clutching air and grit.
—  Jenny Han, To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before
It wasn’t the distance that scared her. She was scared of the idea that he’ll find someone better in between their distance apart.
—  This is killing me.
Maybe, I just ask for too much.
Maybe, I give too much expecting the same in return.
Maybe, I should stop being disappointed when I’m alone again.
—  Excerpt from the book I’ll never write// Maybe…
People scold us for missing people that we shouldn’t. There are some people that just get you. That you have this connection with. They spark something in your soul. And sometimes you have to say goodbye to those people because you just can’t have contact anymore; other than checking in once in awhile, if that. Even years down the road, you get this longing of missing them. It doesn’t even have to be in a romantic way anymore. You just miss how you could talk to them or how they made you laugh, and you wanna reach out. But you can’t. Because some people just aren’t good for you anymore and you need to know when you have to stop. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them. Maybe they cheated, maybe you did, maybe they played head games, maybe nothing bad happened, maybe you ran because you were scared. Whatever it was, the damage has been done between you. But in those rare moments when you catch up, you get that feeling in your chest and your heart speeds up a little. Some people just leave this imprint on you. Sometimes you drift away or have to tell them goodbye; even if it kills you. I think it’s okay to miss those people. Whether you spent months or years with them. Or if you never had a chance to get started. Because they did make a difference in your life; they impacted you. And that was important. You shouldn’t be judged for missing someone that made you feel something. Even if it is over.
—  Chapters from my life