bread tabs

a while back, ghostbong bought a very cheap, very used Roomba from craigslist.  "so, you’re going to ‘hack’ this, right?“ said the man at the parking lot rendezvous.  but we just wanted a vacuum.  since then, the addition of the word "robot” to our casual, every-day lexicon is continually jarring, as if even living in the future will give you future-shock.

doing maintenance on the robot.  the robot is stuck on a cord.  the robot ate a sock.  the robot ran out of power before it got back to its charging station.  the robot knocked something over.  it doesn’t help that the Roomba programmers saw fit to outfit the little thing with a series of Artoo-like MIDI scales and honks, to convey the mood of its message: docking successfully produces a tiny fanfare, and getting its brushes jammed on a foreign object makes it cry out in sad distress. do i verbally reassure the robot when i pull a wad of cat hair and bread bag tabs out of its works and set it back down on the floor? you bet i do.

but the larger point is that it is now possible for me to say (or type) out loud and without irony, sarcasm, or any kind of fictitiousness: “the robot knocked over the kitten’s water dish >:I ”

the future is here, and it is me on my knees on the floor yanking hairballs out of a domestic droid while it softly boops at me

DREAMS  ARE  TRICKY

_______________________________________________________________

Dreams are a tricky thing. They twist and alter everything. Time and space has no meaning.  You can be at a certain place and at the same time somewhere else.  Even in another time.  The most impossible things seem to be completely normal.

In his dream Sherlock sees a woman. A bride wearing her wedding dress. Standing on a balcony. The bride is aiming her weapons at the street below. Shooting randomly?

The bride doesn’t aim for people  … she hits a loaf of bread.

Does the bride aim at the shop window of the bakery?

Sometimes a street with a bakery is called Backer Street.

Is the bride … the wife … aiming at Baker Street?

DREAMS ARE TRICKY AND SOME PEOPLE BAKE THEIR OWN BREAD

.

All I needed
was a vacuum

What I got was something
easier, he said

when I made arrangements to pick it up
from the parking lot of McDonald’s
Easy as a drug deal

I put it on the floor
and as it chortled and gurgled in MIDI
I resisted the urge to pet it

I almost named it Clara
for the companion girl-gone-Dalek
but I didn’t want to be weird about it

The robot zoomed its flat circle body
exploring my hardwood floors
like Neil Armstrong

I didn’t have the heart
to tell the robot I was here
first

When it docked successfully
it was so proud of itself that it sang
with the fervor of Beyoncé
at the opening baseball game

There were no fireworks
which made me a little sad
but I don’t need my outlets blown

The robot is infatuated with bathrooms
The robot forgets that it cannot reach the handle
to open the door after it closes it

The first time it bit down too hard
on the rug tassels, the robot wailed
distressed and dying

Did I verbally reassure the robot
while I pulled out the poison whorls
and unwound a long hair from its works
before I set it back down on the floor?

You bet I did

ERROR MESSAGE

The robot ate an argyle sock
The robot knocked over the cat’s water dish
The robot is too tired to clean the kitchen
The robot needs a doctor
I mean repairs

I’m sorry,
I can’t right now
I’m doing maintenance
on the robot

As I take out bread bag tabs from its bristles
I think of the man in the McDonald’s
asking me if I intended to hack it

Instead, it has hacked me

The future is here
and it is me on my knees
yanking hairballs out of a domestic droid
while it softly boops at me

—  Lux, “Lifehack,” after Eliza Gauger (with permission from and credit to).

We’re so concerned about gender binaries in relationships that we overlook the really important relationship binaries. Binaries like:

  • Who makes the terrible puns vs. who makes a big production out of being offended by them
  • Who constantly interrupts TV shows with “hey, weren’t they in…?” vs. who looks it up on Wikipedia to shut them up
  • Who collects loose screws and stray bread tabs in case they’ll need them later vs. who quietly thins out the junk drawer when nobody’s looking
  • Who randomly brings up really far-fetched concerns vs. who says “I’m sure it’s fine, dear” (or words to that effect)

anonymous asked:

if the companions had tumblrs, what would they be like? (add in maxson and sturges if you can please! thank you so much! your reactions are amazing be the way, keep up the great work :))

Thank you for the kind words! :’) Hopefully these reactions meet your approval!

Cait: Cait’s content would have a lot of fighting; professional boxing, wrestling, street fighting, bar fighting, you name it.  She’d also be the kind to reblog aesthetic posts following the lines of monochromatic color schemes, obscure angles, and alcohol.  She doesn’t add text to posts, and she doesn’t tag anything.  Doesn’t really interact with anyone.

Codsworth:  He’s all about life hacks.  He loves learning little tips about using bread tabs to organize cords, adding essential oils to the inside of toilet paper tubes to make the bathroom smell lovely, and little tricks to get red wine stains out of anything.  He’s also big on recipes and succulent pictures of food of any kind.

Curie: Curie mostly uses her blog to catalog various research articles she’s come across and found interesting.  Her tagging system is very broad, and she’s able to find anything at a later date with a quick search.  On occasion, she’ll reblog bad science jokes, pictures of cute animals, and respond to posts requesting help from “the science side of tumblr.”

Danse: Danse only used tumblr once.  He wasn’t sure what to do, so he posted a few cheesy jokes.  He didn’t tag them, and had no followers, so no one saw them.  He considered it a waste of time and never returned. One of those posts ended up going viral.

Deacon: Deacon loves looking at cosplay photos.  He loves admiring all of the time and effort that people put into their costumes, and it inspires him to get more creative with his own.  He reblogs lots of makeup and sewing tutorials, and groups them under really vague tags that, honestly, don’t help much when he tries to pull up specific posts later.

Hancock:  MEMER MEMER CHICKEN DEEMER

MacCready: He’s actually pretty dedicated to following various fashion styles.  He reblogs runway pictures of models wearing outfits he wish he could wear. He also tends to reblog “squad goals” pictures, tagging himself, Sole, and various other companions as people within the images.

Nick:  Nick’s all about noire stuff.  Black and white images, aesthetic posts of dark nights, pretty women, and withering cigarettes.  He’s also a sucker for puns, and reblogs text posts that he likes without hesitation.

Piper:  She reblogs satire articles like the Onion constantly.  She follows politics pretty heavily and isn’t afraid to shut someone down with some facts.  She frequently gets in arguments with people of differing opinions and has garnered a decent amount of hate, but she has a pretty large amount of dedicated followers who love her for her honesty, humor, and charm.

Preston:  Preston mostly reblogs historical images, articles, and jokes, often adding his own  meaningful contributions and thoughts (though not always).  He tries to follow as many people as he can, and likes almost every post he sees, whether he actually really likes it or not.

X6-88: X6 doesn’t log onto tumblr frequently, but when he does he mostly reblogs pictures and articles about guns.  On occasion, he’ll float through various tags and go on a liking spree of people that he finds pleasing or attractive.  He doesn’t know that his likes are visible on his blog.

Bonus! Maxson:  He posts a lot of stuff about weapons, robotics, and military-themed images.  He tends to add unnecessary comments to literally everything he reblogs, like “nice”, “cool”, or “ad victoriam.”  When people send him anonymous messages telling him to stop commenting on everything, he just cusses them out and insults them in a rant with very little punctuation.  He has a side blog for racy and pornographic images that he keeps private.

Bonus! Sturges:  His tumblr is a hodgepodge of things he likes.  Sometimes it’s scenic photography of buildings and bridges, sometimes its tutorials on how to build various gadgets, other times it’s videos of people showing off things they had built or planned that had gone wrong.  One of his all-time favorite videos is of a man showing off an electric guitar he had built and electrocuting himself when he strikes the strings.

 (Blogger’s Note: Wow, did anyone else know this? Anyone want to check the next time they head to the store?)

I thought this was interesting. I looked in the grocery store and the bread wrappers do have different colored twist ties, and even the ones with the plastic clips have different colors. You learn something new everyday!!

When you go to buy bread in the grocery store, have you ever wondered which is the freshest, so you “squeeze” for freshness or softness.

Did you know that bread is delivered fresh to the stores five days a week? Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. And each day has a different color twist tie. They are:

Monday - Blue
Tuesday - Green
Thursday - Red
Friday - White
Saturday - Yellow

So today being Thursday, I wanted a red twist tie - not white which is Friday (almost a week old?)

The colors go alphabetically by color Blue - Green - Red - White - Yellow, Monday thru Saturday. Very easy to remember. But I put a post-it note in my wallet when I first found out about this so I would not forget.

Enjoy fresh bread when you buy bread with the right color on the day you are shopping.
Bread Speculations

In her latest post @welovethebeekeeper speculates about the bread that gets shot in the added footage of the TAB trailer.

I’d never have made the connection between bread and Baker Street. Although it’s obvious if you think about it. However, what I automatically think about whenever I hear ‘bread’ in relation to Sherlock is ‘bakes her own bread’. And this gives John leaving Baker Street and subsequently Sherlock a whole new meaning.

For what else does this mean than John doesn’t need Baker Street any longer, now that he has found someone who bakes their own bread? You could even take it to the next level and add that now that John has a wife who can give him a baby (bun in the oven), he doesn’t need Sherlock any longer. And we all know that Sherlock himself realised that ages ago on the day he accidentally deduced Mary’s pregnancy.

In TAB the bread gets shot.
Mary is decidedly not pregnant.
Yet she is wearing black.

A rather far-fetched train of thought, you might say. Agreed, but the fate of this unfortunate plot device is nagging at the back of my mind whenever I see that wife in the special.