old flame | i’m sleeping in a submarine | my heart is an apple | headlights look like diamonds | vampire / forest fire | une année sans lumière | crown of love | wake up | haiti | in the backseat | brazil | cold wind | black mirror | keep the car running | neon bible | ocean of noise | windowsill | no cars go | my body is a cage | broken window | surf city eastern bloc | the suburbs | ready to start | modern man | rococo | empty room | city with no children | month of may | wasted hours | deep blue | we used to wait | culture war | speaking in tongues | abraham’s daughter | reflektor | we exist | flashbulb eyes | here comes the night time | normal person | you already know | joan of arc | awful sound (oh eurydice) | it’s never over (hey orpheus) | porno | afterlife | supersymmetry | women of a certain age | soft power | get right | crucified again
it is 12:33am and i gotta wake up 5:30am but i just wanna sit here and keep on seeing all the brazilian memes about this brand new episode of casa das cartas where our president had his wig scalped (ft. aecio)
tears in your eyes and you didn’t care that your make-up was all over your
face. Your boyfriend just went away on the other side of the world and you
missed him already.
away in tears and got in your car. You had to wait a little before you could
drive back home, you were crying so badly that it was not safe.
finally arrived back home you were so sad you did not feel like doing anything.
Your mother was working so you were home alone. You laid on your bed and
thought of the fact that you would be without Neymar for the next 2 weeks, 14
yourself feel even worse when you looked on your phone and started looking at
photos of you and Neymar together, that you took while chilling on bed. There
was like 20 different ones, from kissing to laughing to making goofy faces.
“Can we meet, I haven’t talked to you or just
see you in like 2 weeks” you got a text from your best friend. As much as
you wanted to be alone, you knew it was mean to say no again.
“You can come to my house, mom is working.”
“Should I bring something to eat?”
“Ice-cream, lots of it!”
“Okay, coming in an hour!”
were waiting for her you went to watch TV. When she finally came you were so
happy to see her, she was like a sister to you, but this month was all about
Neymar so you didn’t have time for her. You felt bad about it.
going on? It was nice to find out on Instagram and a magazine that you are with
Neymar now” she said mad about it, while getting out ice-cream.
There was so much problems, as if I had to choose and Neymar went to Brazil, so
I travelled to Geronimo, who knew I liked Neymar and he was actually still in
love with his ex, so then guess what? I went on a plane to the final of the CL
and told Neymar that I want him and so we came back in Barcelona two days ago
and now he went to Brazil, for 2 weeks so…”
2 weeks… that is not a short time”
I’m so sad that we are separate already, like we just got together”
“I get it,
but you do know that this is his life. He will travel a lot, like to Brazil on
holidays, then around Europe and when he will have to play for the national
team he will have to leave and so on.”
“I. I know
that, but I am okay with that. It’s just that we just got together.”
he say when he left? Was it like in the movies, you running and searching from
him, begging him to stay?” she laughed, when it actually was kind of the same.
didn’t beg him to stay tho. He said that I should not believe any of the rumors
unless he confirms it to me. “
will be hard, many rumors about girls will be around. Did he say he loved you?”
leaving for 2 weeks and not saying it… Never mind.”
together 2 days, isn’t it normal? I mean…” you looked at her confused and now
even a little worried.
yeah, two days is not much so it’s normal” she smiled, but it looked like she
was still not sure about her answer.
talk you watched a movie and ate ice-cream, however you kept thinking about
your best friend saying that it is weird that he didn’t say he loved you. At
the same time, you were not sure if you loved him, or what you would answer to
him if he would say it.
You felt a
strong feeling towards him, you knew he was the only one you wanted, and you
knew that without him you feel incomplete, sad, and empty. “Do I love him? Does this really feel like love someone?”
movie finished your best friend left and you went to sleep, but it took you a
while to fall asleep.
morning you woke up and looked at your phone, there was a text from Neymar. it
was from almost 4 hours ago.
“Hey beautiful, we finally arrived in Brazil.
Call me when you wake up, miss you <3”
are 5 hours ahead of Brazil, you decided to wait a little, so he could sleep a
while. When it was 2pm and you finished cooking, you decided to call him, even
if it was only 9am there you could not wait any longer.
heard his raspy voice, and it felt strange to hear him so distant.
I let you sleep so I didn’t call you immediately.”
girl always taking care of me. What are going to do today?”
don’t know, miss you, then I’ll eat, miss you again, then I’ll help around the
house and I think I’ll miss you even more. You?” You joked, but knew it was
“I have an
interview, then a photo shooting and then we’ll go out with Jo and Gil, oh and
of course I’ll miss my girl.”
a busy day to me”
“It is, but
I will call you around 5m, you know how the time difference is?”
“Yes, yes I
have changed the timing.”
I will skype you okay?”
sleep a little more now. Talk to you later, miss you baby”
“Miss you too” you answered and hung up.
It was like this, the next few days were all the same. You talked with Neymar
and skyped with him twice a day. When you were not talking with him, you were
either watching TV, eating, hanging out with your friends or spending some time
with your mother.
week passed by, slowly but it was over. It was another 2 days for you to go
through, and it would be finally over. You would be finally reunited with
to go shopping with your friend after talking with Neymar, you were so bored
and you wanted to find a cute dress to have when Neymar comes back home.
buy some sexy underwear tho” your best friend teased you.
didn’t tell me if you two…?”
shouting, people are staring! Yes.”
how was it?”
sure it would be perfect, and it was” you smiled then walked to a dress so this
conversation would be over.
you two were both tired of walking around buying new stuff, so you decided to
go take a break and drink a coffee.
just ordering when you noticed a magazine on the counter with Neymar on it,
well actually your friend showed it to you.
and opened on the page where he was on, and you were surprised when you read
the title of the article “Already moved on”. Next to it, there was the picture
of you two at the CL final and the photo from Instagram that Neymar posted.
However then there was another photo of Neymar hugging a girl at an event he
had in Brazil.
was a famous actress in Brazil, which you had no idea of and you didn’t care.
lies” you said and looked at your friend, because you noticed she was afraid of
how you would react.
is you! You are Neymar’s girlfriend” suddenly the barman said and smiled
according to this magazine not anymore” you joked, because you remembered what
Neymar told you and repeated a billion times. Don’t trust any rumors.
“It must be
hard to live like this,” he said
just try to ignore it, and trust him”
“The key to
every relationship” he winked as you smiled and walked to your seats.
trust him totally? No worries about him cheating?” your bestie asked as you two
is it so hard to understand?” you looked at her annoyed.
okay. No need to get mad.”
did I get coffee, I don’t like it” you put your coffee away, surprising even
you don’t like coffee?”
because I haven’t drink it since I started working for Ney, I’m not used to it
anymore” you smiled and then changed the subject.
were back, home you were so tired and your legs were hurting, so you laid on
your sofa and watched TV.
At 10 pm as
usual you went on Skype and Neymar video-called you.
beauty” he smiled, how much you missed that smile.
cheater” you joked and winked.
me. With who today?” he played the game and laughed.
that’s a new one” he laughed.
did you do today?”
sleeping, then we went out for lunch with Dani and then I went to see someone…”
as he said that he looked away from the camera smiling.
you heard the voice of Davi, who jumped in front of the camera. You didn’t know
why, but you felt so emotional to see him, them both, because you missed them a
cry” Neymar laughed and you felt even more stupid for crying.
“I miss you
(y/n)” Davi smiled and made a smile appear on your face.
of you kept talking for a while until he had to go, because he had an
we will see in two days” Neymar said with Davi on his knees.
call you more!” Davi said, because he was not coming back with Neymar already.
to see you two” you smiled.
go, miss you (y/n), a kiss from me” Neymar said as he blow you a kiss, “I miss
you too, bye bye” Davi said and then they turned off the camera.
It was harder to say goodbye but you knew you
had to go sleep for two more nights and he would be back.
morning when you woke up you felt a little strange, tired and your stomach was
hurting so you decided to cancel plans with your friends and stay home. You were
not thinking much about your sickness, because all you could think of was the
fact that Neymar’s flight was today and he would be back home tomorrow.
to stay home alone but your friend was feeling bad for you so she decided to
come chek you.
said once she walked inside and sit next to you.
have to come”
to see how you’re doing, what is hurting you?”
hurting me; I just feel like throwing up, I knew I had too much to eat last
night. That sushi must have been bad.”
this sounds crazy but… you guys did use protection right?”
In that moment,
you were breathless, felt even sicker and hot in your face. You didn’t take any
pills after that night and you didn’t know if Neymar used a condom.
course. I am not… I mean, it can’t be.” You forced a smile.
I was so scared, because when you tried that bra yesterday I noticed your breasts
were a little bigger than usually, so now that you said you feel sick… We’ll
than it’s just sushi” she felt so relived and happy, but you were not.
didn’t get your period and ask Neymar if he used protection would be too risky,
because he might think you were pregnant.
“So he is coming
tomorrow?” she asked while you were lost in your thoughts.
wait to see him huh?” she winked at you with her dirty minded thoughts.
smiled again hoping she would not see how afraid you were and in panic. Because
at this moment the last thing you wanted, was to have Neymar in front of you.
I can’t believe we’re already at part ten! Thank you all for your sweet messages, and since the mistakes series is almost coming to and end you can send me requests for the next series :) Enjoy!
The only sound in the room is the tapping of my nails on the table in front of me. I didn’t even realize i was biting my lip till i tasted the blood in my mouth. I sigh, and try to relax. My whole body is tensed, and i feel a nagging pain on the left side of my head. I’m just not patient enough, i needsome news by now. I need to know if he’s alright. I stand up, and walk towards the door where a nurse is talking to a doctor, taking notes while he’s talking. They don’t look at me when i stand next to them, so i tap the doctor’s shoulder.
‘Excuse me, i need to see him.’ The doctor is young, not much older than me and looks at me with what seems like compassion in his eyes. ‘We just finished the operation, he’s in a really critical condition right now and he can’t handle any vis-’ ‘Is he awake?!’ I rudely disturb him. He sighs, and shakes his head. ‘As i said..’ He begins, but i turn around, grab my jacket and walk away from the doctor and the nurse. He’s not awake. He’s in a critical condition, but how critical? It just can’t end, not here, not like this.. Not when the last thing i said to him is how much i hate him, and how i’d rather die than see his face again. If he dies tonight, i’ll never forget the look on his face before i shut the door in his face. I run towards room 209 on the second floor, where he’s just been operated. When i reach the window of his room, i stop and try to peek through the blinds. I can barely make out what part of the mess on the bed is his face. I gasp for air, and reach for my mouth with my hand when i see how bruised his face is. Tears roll down my cheeks as i close my eyes and start praying. Praying for him to wake up, and make and end to this mess our lifes have become.
I wipe away my tears. I can’t leave him here like this, but the maid is still with Davi and she needs to leave soon. How the hell am I gonna explain what happened to him? That his Papai might never wake up? ‘Miss, I asked the doctor for permission and you’re allowed to go in now.’ I look p at the nurse from before. I nod, and she opens the door for me. Shit, I can’t even look at him.. I sit down next to him, and take his hand. There are tubes everywhere, and he makes a weird sound when he inhales. I bring his hand to my mouth, and plant a small kiss on it. This is my fault, I shouldn’t have let him go in his state. He was upset, because of me. For the 100th time that day, I start crying. If only I had listened to him, and ignored his rude comment this wouldn’t have happened. I would’ve said yes to his proposal, and we would be laying in bed right now talking about the wedding. Instead he’s fighting for his life, and I’m holding his hand hoping he’ll make it. I rest my forehead on the bed, and screw my eyes shut. I sob quietly, praying that wherever he is, he can hear how badly I want him to wake up. When I look up again, I notice a metal container on the table on the other side of the bed. I stand up and walk towards the table. My body feels numb, and the suffocating feeling I had before comes back In the container are his watch, his necklace and a little black velvet box. The same box I threw at him only hours ago. I pick it up, and open it. He only proposed to me a day before, but it feels like so much longer. So much had happened since he asked me to marry him. I put on the ring, and put down the box. If he wakes up, the first thing I’ll tell him is that I say yes. I want to marry the beautiful unconscious boy on the bed, struggling to breath. I lean in and kiss him softly. His lips feel cold against mine, but it doesn’t bother me. The last kiss we shared was in front of his house, and that too feels like a century ago. I quietly walk out of the hospital room, getting ready to tell his son what happened.
‘So daddy is sick?’ The four year old asks me. We’re laying on the couch, and he’s holding a soda in his small hands. ‘Yes.’ I answer. ‘And It might take a while before he can come home, but I promise you that will be with you.’ Davi nods, he smiles but the smile doesn’t meet his eyes. ‘What’s wrong baby?’ I ask, sitting up and pulling him into my lap. He hesitates, but I’m glad he it isn’t something about ‘Neymar. ‘When daddy comes back ..’ if daddy comes back, I think. I don’t say it out loud, obviously. ‘You’re gonna leave again.’ He says, looking down. I sigh, and put my finger under his chin forcing him to look at me. ‘You just ruined the surprise.’ I say, and he frowns. ‘Surprise?’ He asks, and cocks his head to one side. I gulp, because he reminds me of Neymar when he does that. I miss him so much.. I put my hand in the air, in front of his face and watch him look at my ring. ‘When daddy comes back, we’re gonna get married.’ I say, and the smile on his face makes my day a tiny bit less miserable.
I wake up still laying on the couch, with Davi on the other side and a thin blanket to keep us warm. I wanna visit Ney in the hospital again, but I feel sick. I groan, and sit up. My whole body feels weird, and my head is spinning. I make some breakfast,and get ready to bring Davi to school. He’s supposed to be with his dad till January, so he’ll be with me for another two weeks before he goes to his mom’s house in Brazil. If Ney doesn’t wake up before then, I’ll be alone. Thinking of Carol, I realize I still have to call his family. I sigh deeply, and dial his father. I have to tell the story of what happened to Neymar to his father, his mother, his sister, his teammates and even Carol. I met her a couple months ago, and she was nice. She asked me if she had to come and take Davi with her, but I promised her I’d take good care of him for these two weeks. When I’m done calling everyone I’m emotionally exhausted of hearing everyone cry, and ask why on earth he collapsed with that other car. Why he wasn’t looking out, and being careful. I didn’t have the heart to tell them what happened before the accident. I groan when I feel my sickness coming up again, I literally feel like throwing up because of my sadness. I wake up Davi, put on his clothes, pack his backpack and give him a ride to school. The whole ride I feel ill, and when I come home I have to run to the bathroom to throw up.
It’s been a week since the accident, His parents already visited him and they’re staying in our house for a while. They didn’t ask any questions about our break up, and I’m glad. Today Rafaella came flying from Brazil, and she’s on her way to the hospital now. When she arrives, she hugs me tightly and I do the same. I hear her quietly sobbing into my shoulder, and I hush her a little. I feel her pain, but she’s his sister which feels different after all. After talking about the accident, and how Davi is doing the subject is me and what happened. I tell her, I tell her exactly what happened from the moment I found out about the affair till the moment I shut the door in his face. I expect her to scream at me because I’m the reason he almost died. Instead she walks over to me, and holds my hand. ‘It’s not your fault honey, you couldn’t have expected this. I know you love him, you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.’ I smile at her weakly, and she rests her head on my shoulder. I groan when I feel the rising bile in the back of my throat, and Rafaella looks up to me. ‘Are you alright?’ She asks, and I nod biting me lip. ‘I’ve been ill all week, throwing up and feeling sick.’ I say, and rub my temples. I didn’t expect her question, so I’m startled when she asks. ‘When was the last time you slept with him?’ I look up and gape at her, and she takes my hand. ‘Tell me.’ Her tone is serious, which makes me laugh a little. She frowns. ‘You feel sick right? What about your period?’ My smile fades. My period? I haven’t even thought about it, and I feel the blood drown from my face. But my period has been extremely late before, so I still don’t feel really scared. ‘Oh my god..’ She whispers, and I shake my head. I haven’t even thought about the pill, since that last time I slept with him two months ago. Eight weeks, ago.. ‘You have to get a test..’ She says, glancing at her brother who hasn’t got any better since last week. I feel oddly calm, even though I might be pregnant. Rafaella is right, I need to get a test. We decide to meet up at my house, and I drive to the nearest pharmacy. I put on my sunglasses, and put my hair in a bun so people won’t recognize me. I can’t even begin to explain what would happen if someone saw me buy a pregnancy test. The drive home still feels normal, and it isn’t till Rafaella and I are staring at the plain white test till I feel somewhat nervous. Two stripes is pregnant, one stripe is false news. I take a deep breath when a stripe appears. Please one stripe, please just one stripe. I think, closing my eyes. But when I open them, Rafa gasps for air and my head feels numb. Two stripes, i’m pregnant.