THE SUN’S SON IS A DICK

THE WORLD USED TO BE COMPLETELY RULED BY WOMEN. THE TUPI SUN GOD GOT FED UP WITH THIS SHIT AND DEMANDED SOME FUCKING EQUALITY. 

TO FIX THINGS HE GETS A GIRL CALLED CEUCY PREGNANT THROUGH SOME DIVINE VIRGIN PREGNANCY BULLSHIT INVOLVING TREE SAP. SOUNDS REALLY FUCKING STICKY. SHE HAS A SON, JURUPARI, WHO GROWS UP TO BE AN UTTER LITTLE SHIT. 

HE ESTABLISHES MALE DOMINANCE ACROSS THE WORLD, CAUSES ANY WOMEN WHO LOOK AT HIM TO DROP DEAD, AND ENDS UP KILLING HIS OWN MOTHER. HE ALSO MAKES A BIG DEAL ABOUT BANNING WOMEN FROM MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS AND RELIGIOUS RITES AND IS GENERALLY A DICK. 

JURUPARI THEN GOES ON A BIG QUEST TO FIND THE IDEAL WIFE FOR HIS DAD THE SUN, BUT GIVES UP AND DECIDES NO WOMAN IS GOOD ENOUGH. IN SOME VERSIONS, HE THEN BECOMES THE STRAIGHT-UP SPIRIT OF FEDORA WEARING EVIL.