classical music hoe aesthetic

- cries over the sound of a really good chord

- doodles treble clefs all over everything

- giggles when violinists say ‘f-holes’

- brings up music in every single conversation

- emotionally attached to people that have been dead for 200 years

- points out whenever their instrument plays in the soundtrack when watching a movie (as a result, no one wants to watch movies with them)

- develops a crush on anyone who is really talented

- gets a dreamy look on the face when Tchaikovsky is played

-spends 300 dollars on a mouthpiece

- goes to everyone’s recitals for the free food

- will get in a fistfight over funding for the arts

Accurate Descriptions of Instruments
  • Piccolos: no.
  • Flutes: what you are y'all like some of y'all are really weird and some of you guys are walking goddesses
  • Oboes: duck sounds, and tuning issues. also chill out ur not oboe god
  • Saxophones: You guys are really full of yourselves or emo.
  • Tenor saxophones: Weird. Wierdos.
  • Bari Saxophones: Even weirder than the tenors believe it or not
  • Bassoons: Either lil shits or angels blessed from the high heavens no in between
  • Bass Clarinets: Emo nerds. That's it.
  • Trumpets: The big ego thing is not a lie, you either know it or you are in denial.
  • French Horns: toot toot. hon hon hon baguette.
  • Trombones: A giant cult. Laughs at fart jokes, god complex.
  • Euphoniums: Y'all are fucking weird as hell.
  • Tubas: big toot
  • Percussion: sex jokes and rim shots
Brass problems

Leaky water keys


Running away from tubas

Practising all day and then waking up with a split lip

Playing piano

Being the only girl in the section

Rowdy 12 year old boys trying to take over the trumpet section

Being totally undermined by the rest of the orchestra while knowing that you’re secretly the best you just don’t want everyone else to get jealous

Anything above a top C

Forgetting your mute

Being the only one to remember a mute

Being section leader/principal and trying (and failing) to control your section

Chromatic scales

Counting anything over 4 bars of rests and drifting off because you have a terrible attention span

People calling your baritone a tuba

People calling your instrument a different brass instrument

Not being able to use vaseline. Ever.

Having that one responsible prick in the section and not having any fun

Being that one responsible prick in the section and controlling the fun

People laughing when you say your instrument is called a cornet and asking where the ice cream is Double tonguing Triple tonguing Just tonguing. Practising for over two hours before a rehearsal and not having enough lip left Deciding whether or not it’s worth buying a practise mute Wasting money on a practise mute because they don’t fucking work.

Alternate Instrument Names:

Oboe: obi won
Clarinet: squidward
Flute: metal recorder
Piccolo: ear knife
Saxaphone: fuck phone
Barri sax: BIG low fuck phone
Bass clarinet: big squidward
Trumpet: yikes
French horn: bendy straw horn
Trombone: one loud motherfucker
Tuba: band dad
Baritone: smol tuba Bassoon: needy and wants to be included?? Percussion: miles teller

Let's Be Honest Here

We’d all much rather prefer a guy/girl in a marching band uniform than a knight in shining armor.

Pre-1918 Bohland & Fuchs F Rotary Trumpet

This is a quite interesting rotary trumpet, built by the precursor to Amati-Denak.  The instrument is not very ornamented, unlike some instruments of the era, but does have an engraved garland.  The instrument was made in Bohemia, meaning that it was either built before 1918 (when Bohemia was absorbed into Czechoslovakia), or between 1938 and 1945, as instruments made during the Nazi occupation were often labeled as being made in Bohemia.  However, another rotary trumpet also being sold by this seller is made by the same company in Bohemia, but instead of the ornate garland engraving, is labeled with a plaque, making me think that it is one made during the Nazi occupation.  This instrument has some pretty major issues, mainly the cracked metal in the crumpled area in the bell branch near the first valve.  It also needs several solder repairs, and some minor dents to be taken out of the bell.  However, it does come with the correct mouthpiece for the instrument, which is quite good as there is little on the internet about what mouthpieces should be used with these instruments.