brass marching band

Terrifying things said in my marching band

“Go back to set 1”

“Because the Trumpets won’t listen, we are running part 2 all the way through”

“Ok water break over!”

“I’m gonna try to jump over all the clarinets and flutes I can.”

“Did someone step on my instrument?”

“DOES ANYONE HAVE AN EXTRA PLUME?!?”

“MIKE BROKE A CAN OF HAIR SPRAY IN THE TUBA ROOM!!”

“Holy shit the directors pissed!”

“This isn’t your jacket”

“No watch me I can colo-I CAN COLOR GAURD WITH MY BARRY CLARINET WATCH”

“a cheerleader broke a prop holy shit we’re walking on the field right now”

*starts performance* “DRUM MAJORS, IS YOUR BAND READY??”

“No I don’t need to count.”

“Watch me chug this Mountain Dew.”

“Guys…we can’t warm up before halftime because the refs won’t let us.”

“They cut funding again.”

A Musician PSA: How playing my saxophone paralyzed my mouth

Hi! I’m Katie for those who don’t know me and I want to share to you all my story on how my Mouth Machine Broken from playing my instrument too hard. 
So, I’ve played alto saxophone for 10, going on 11 years now. Throughout my music career I’ve played in many ensembles, mostly in high school. Every single day I either had practice or I was practicing. I would always practice until my mouth was too tired to play anymore (we call it busting our chops here but you get the point). I also picked up trumpet whilst marching DCA in the 2016 season (shout out to my hurcs), so I was practicing hardcore all the time. 
So anyways, in this past February, I woke up one day with what looked like a bubble on the inside of my lower lip. I developed a “mucocele” or “mucous cyst” inside of my lip. They occur when a salivary gland in your mouth gets plugged up and it results in a collection of fluid in one duct. The common cause is from trauma to the mouth or excessive lip biting. Mine was caused by playing my instruments too hard to a point where I actually hurt myself. 
As a result, I needed to get it surgically removed. In early March I had the surgery, which resulted in my lip being swollen for a week and a half, and stitches that stayed in my lip for 2 weeks. The mucous cyst and all surrounding salivary glands in my mouth were removed. Throughout this entire time, of course, I was unable to play my instrument and I missed 2 performances. 
Due to the fact that my salivary glands had to be cut out of my lip, I suffered a lot of nerve damage in my lower lip. It took me 4 months to completely relearn how to play my saxophone, and its 6 months later now and I can’t play for longer than 45 minutes without losing control of my embouchure. My mouth is slowly regaining feeling, but it can take years to completely heal. I have been unable to buzz on a mouthpiece since then, and I still try to get a sound out of my trumpet often. 
So please, my dearest musician friends. Do not overplay if you don’t need to. Do not bite your lips when you are nervous or try not to out of habit. Take care of your precious faces, because it can permanently damage your music careers if you don’t. 

how a music crush begins
  • me: *sees male musician*
  • me: meh I guess he's kinda cute
  • male musician: *plays for two seconds*
  • me: YOU ARE LITERALLY APOLLO MY SOULMATE THE MOST ATTRACTIVE MAN MY ONE LOVE I NEVER DOUBTED YOU WE SHALL MARRY AND HAVE BEAUTEOUS MUSICAL OFFSPRING
Who You Should Fight: Marching Band Edition

piccolo

who wins: them

don’t do it.  don’t fight the piccolo player.  just don’t.


flute

who wins: them

they were told you were challenging them for first chair. run while you still can.


clarinet

who wins: them

threaten you with their register key.  forfeit for the sake of all.



saxophone

who wins: them

you are promptly deemed a “nerd” and stuffed in a band locker by the entire section even though you only wanted to fight one of them.


low reeds

who wins: no one

 you yell increasingly bad sexual innuendos at each other across the band room for twenty minutes until you both get tired and go home.


mellophone

who wins: them

punches you in the face repeatedly on the offbeats of a sousa march playing in the background.


trumpet

who wins: you and then them

you win the fight easily while they’re giving their villainous monologue.  entire trumpet section later jumps you in a dark hallway for disgracing one of their own.


trombone

who wins: no one

they get distracted halfway through the fight and wander off.


low brass

who wins: them

you mock them by making farting noises with your lips.  they punch you in the stomach with their abnormally strong arms.  you can’t breath properly for days.


pit percussion

who wins: you

pretend like you can’t tell the vibes, marimba, and xylophone apart.  wait until they’re blind with rage, then run them over with the closest wheeled pit equipment.


drumline

who wins: them

show up to the fight with a shank fashioned out of a broken drum stick.  proceed to kick ass.


drum major

who wins: them

calls you to attention (you can’t disobey!) and then waits until you faint from exhaustion.


color guard

who wins: them

have you ever watched one of these fuckers on the field?  you’re screwed.


band director

who wins: them

just when you think you’ve won, they get up smiling and say “one more time!”