brandon burkhart

March Subscriber of the Month: Brandon Burkhart!

1. Brandon Burkhart, welcome to the exclusive Subscriber of the Month club. On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is honored and 10 is mega-honored, how honored are you? Also, tell us about yourself! I’m at a 9 on the honored scale, but that will bump up to a 10 if this exposure helps me find a wife.  I’m a Libra and I’m 6'1" tall, although people sometimes doubt that, so maybe I slouch too much.  I’ve been lactose intolerant since the 80’s, back before all those trendy food allergies came on the scene.  I love pizza and eat it regularly, even though I know it will later cause me intense abdominal pain.  That pretty much sums up what a self-destructiveDionysian madman I am. 2. You played Judge Ito in an Off-Off-Off-Broadway show called “The O.J. Whodunnit Murder Mystery Dinner Theater.” If you were the real judge in OJ’s case, what would you have wanted your Pog to look like? My Pog would look like a Magic the Gathering card on one side and a Pokemon on the other, because that would be the most 90’s thing ever. 3. You’re the co-writer of a Tumblr called Pun Dumpster. Why did you decide to make such a trashy website? Also, see what I did there?
Like all great-slash-horrible ideas, it started as a drunken joke between friends.  Just like the Wright Brothers with their "airplane” idea, the brilliant Naomi Rohatyn and I decided to make our humble dream a reality and change the trajectory of human evolution.  When people say “puns are stupid,” I say, “tell that to William Shakespeare."  Which they can’t, because he’s dead.  Also, I do see what you did there … you changed the font to italic.4. How has The Devastator benefitted you on a spiritual level?
I used to doubt that there was a Heaven.  Now with The Devastator, I know there definitely is a Heaven – because we’re living in it right now! 5. What’s your favoritest Devastator article or comic of all the times? Wow, I thought this would be a friendly interview.  I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition.  It’s like having to choose my favorite finger; they’re all vital and each has given me hours of intense pleasure.  Sigh.  Fine.  I’d like to give a special shoutout to "Brent Spiner’s TOK-WARZ” which had me rolling on the floor and clutching my stomach as if I had just eaten a large four-cheese pizza. 6. This is your megaphone to your fellow Devastator subscribers out there. What would you like to say to everybody? We have you surrounded!  Drop your weapons and come out with your hands up or we will open fire!  You have ten seconds!  10…9…8…7…6…  (I’m assuming it’s a police megaphone.)