I’ve spent the past few months attempting to figure out a framework for Ghost Physics in the Danny Phantom universe? Enjoy my crazed scribblings.
Cliff notes version: The Ghost Zone is our dimension’s 4D “atmosphere,” absorbing harmful trans-dimensional radiation. Ghosts are made of the Ghost Zone’s version of matter, called ectoplasm, a substance capable of 4D motion (video explanation of that), “toggling” how physical forces (esp. electromagnetism and gravity) interact with it, and storing huge amounts of energy. A ghost’s unique nervous system and encoded body plan (the ecto-signature) remains in the upper energy levels of the Ghost Zone at all times, remotely controlling their body. Danny can chemically change his body between ectoplasm and regular matter, and has both a normal physical brain and an ecto-signature.
After his curtain call message, Takato says there’s something he definitely wants to do with everyone!
Takato: It’s not the nukunaru! Nee Kuro… can we do the chant? Shouri: Guess we have to! All right, everyone! Bishin: Everyone, all together! Repeat after Kuroo and say it together with us! Everyone in the live-viewing theaters too!
Several beautiful and brave kittens have messaged me recently asking for
advice on self harm, so I wanted to do a post addressing the topic. Your usual post will be up tomorrow instead, and I have put the info behind a read more for those who might find the discussion potentially triggering.
Also a reminder that I try to make myself available on messenger if you need to chat, or need more immediate attention 😺 💖
Be safe, my little pumpkins! I love you and you are doing so well!
Why do some people claim to not be discriminative, but then only have friends of one gender, or of one race or ethnicity, or only friends of their same sexuality? Is this also a form of discrimination?
Because we all want to be seen as non-judgmental (because we want to be seen as “good people”), and because most people do not understand bias. They think all bias is a choice, whereas most bias has nothing to do with choice…it is one of the by-products of the automatic decision-making done by the human brain. Part of addressing unintentional bias is paying less attention to our intentions and more attention to our actual behaviors, decisions, and outcomes.
Unfortunately, many different forms of de facto segregation have increased in America alongside increasing income inequality. For example, sociologists have documented a trend toward “associative mating,” where college educated people have become much more likely to marry other college-educated people than they were in the past. The biggest predictor of whether you will go to college is your parents socioeconomic status. Neighborhoods have become more, not less, segregated in the last 3 decades. Many of our social relationships and networks expose us mostly to people who are the same as us.
Of course, this isn’t an excuse. People may not be actively discriminating, but they are also probably not actively being inclusive either. We all share responsibility to create environments where people from diverse backgrounds feel welcome. That’s one reason why it’s so important that our workplaces are diverse.
“Hey did you hear? We have a new assignment. Some big group of foreigners coming in for a musical tour.” Your co worker Anna whispered into your ear as you took off your bag and set down your coffee at the big conference table. The phone call you received from your supervisor this morning advising you of the new client and requesting your presence was nothing out of the ordinary, but you were surprised to find several other translators from the firm gathered around the table as well.
“Monsters in movies are us, always us, one way or the other. They’re us with hats on. The zombies in George A. Romero’s movies are us. They’re hungry. Monsters are us, the dangerous parts of us. The part that wants to destroy. The part of us with the reptile brain. The part of us that’s vicious and cruel. We express these in our stories as these monsters out there.”
What would everyone's favorite Halloween candy be in class 1-A? Bakugou's already is snickers from earlier posts lol
NO NO NO MY FRIEND
BAKUGOU’S FAVORITE CANDY ARE THOSE RED HOT CINNAMON CANDYS (kid fucking loves spicy shit ok)
as for the rest……….
Izuku really likes chocolate. he’s a simple guy
Uraraka really likes pretty much any candy b/c she grew up poor and didn’t get much as a kid. she really likes Smarties and pop rocks
Kirishima eats Jawbreakers like they’re fucking nothing. just. takes a goddamn bite out of them. the others are horrified. he also really likes red hot cinnamon candies (they remind him of Crimson Riot, plus they make him feel SUPER HOT BLOODED). he also likes chocolate and rock candy
Tsuyu really likes those gummy/taffy candies, and she really likes fruity flavors
Aoyama like white chocolate. and banana flavored candy in general.
Shouji actually really enjoys sour foods and stuff like twizzlers
Sero likes pretty much anything. he’s not really picky
Momo likes really sweet candy, like pixie sticks or chocolate. she finds dollar store candy fascinating and also really enjoys gummy bears an caramel
Iida also chocolate, but mostly if it has nuts or mint in it. he also likes dark chocolate
Kaminari likes sweet/sour stuff. especially sour. the class is kinda surprised that he doesn’t like ‘safer’ candy, but the feeling of super sour candy reminds him of his lightning, just without the ‘frying his brain’ part. he particularly likes those sour lemon candies
Tooru likes sweetarts and Smarties and chalky candy
Tokoyami likes dark chocolate and licorice. anything bitter.
Satou likes chocolate bars.
Jirou likes jelly beans and sour gummy worms. also cola gummies
Ojirou likes anything with nuts in them. generally he prefers healthier candies
Todoroki likes anything cool and mint. particularly mint chocolate
Kouta likes granola bars and peeps. anything with marshmallows
Mina loves acidic/sour stuff. pop candy and candy rocks and sour fruit juice. she also likes anything with bizarre flavors
Bakugou also likes crunchy candies and gum. he tends to grid his teeth a lot so it helps. also bitter stuff.
Aizawa likes dark chocolate and anything coffee flavored
All Might loves sweet milk chocolate. he’s also a simple guy. (like father like son)
It’s been around a year since Weatherly starred as Agent Anthony ‘Tony’ DiNozzo on “NCIS,” but we may still see an “NCIS” reunion, since Weatherly says there are talks to bring him and Cote de Pablo (who played Ziva David) back together.
hello yeah this webtoon was all over my instagram explore today so I was like heck yeah another BL webtoon that could ruin my life and heart and brain and every part of my body so my plan was to read this beauty up to chapter 8 like everyone else did but nOOooO my broke ass can’t even afford a chapter on lezhin since it’s only free up to chapter 2 so i’ll just bawl here until i can read it for free goodbye this masterpiece is hecka cool so far beautiful art I very much love yes I agree 11/10
Had you become desensitized to him now? You had been seeing his face all night. All month actually.
But seeing Minseok in person felt like a dream. Of all the places, in that stupid bar that you loved because of its dark quiet hidden corners and the proximity to your apartment and that damn smile of his.
Y/N was sat reading on the sofa when there was a knock on
the front door. Her parents were both still at work since it was mid-afternoon.
It was the summer holidays and she had recently graduated but still had no idea
where she wanted to go. She knew she was leaving it late but she didn’t want to
make any decisions without a certain someone. She placed her book to the side
and opened the front door to reveal the only boy she had ever loved.
“Billy?” She stood there in shock as he smiled. It had been
over a year since they had seen each other.
“Hey, princess.” That was all it took and she jumped into
his open embrace. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she buried her head in
the crook of his neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed a kiss
to her temple. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too, so much.” She whispered into his neck
before pulling back to look at him. “Why are you here?”
“To ask you to run away with me.” He smiled. “We’ve both
graduated. Let’s get out of here. We can go anywhere we want.”
Y/N didn’t even need to think about it before agreeing and
slamming her lips against his. He smiled and followed her upstairs as she
packed a bag. He leant against the door frame and watched her closely. She hadn’t
changed much. Her hair was longer, she had another piercing in her ear and she
seemed even more beautiful. He had changed more, Y/N had noticed. His hair was
chopped a lot shorter and he wasn’t wearing his ear ring. However, his usual
denim jacket adorned his shoulders, there was a fading bruise on his left
cheekbone and there was a pack of cigarettes in his pocket.
We’re going down this
With tears in our rear-view
Far from home,
But in the dark,
With me you’ve got
nothing to fear.
Y/N threw her bag in the trunk of the Camaro next to Billy’s
stuff and quickly scribbled a note for her parents saying she would call as
soon as they had a more permeant destination. She climbed into the passenger
seat with a smile that Billy matched as they set off down the road.
“Any idea on destination?” Billy questioned.
“How about New York?” She suggested.
Billy glanced at her. “Why the hell not?”
She laughed and turned the radio on. Bryan Adams came
flooding through the speakers and they glanced at each other with a smile as
Billy lit a cigarette before passing it too her. They talked about everything
that had happened over the past year as the passed the cigarette back and forth.
So, let’s run away.
They will have to find
another heart to break.
Why don’t we just run
Never turn around, no
matter what they say.
We’ll find our way.
When the sun goes down
On this town,
There’ll be no one
left, but us.
Just like runaways,
They will have to find
some other hearts to break, hearts to break.
They drove into an empty town as the sun was starting to
set. They glanced at the houses and small amount of shops with wonder. Neither
of them had actually dreamed they would actually run away together. But, they
also both knew it would have always been to outcome. It contradicted itself but
everything had gotten so complicated since Billy had left. They pulled into a
motel that looked half decent for the night. Y/N walked up to the desk as Billy
pulled their bags out of the back.
They got a room and as soon as Blake had closed the door,
Billy’s lips were on hers with some primal urge.
Out in the distance,
Lost in the fold,
We trace our steps to
a great unknown.
Bury our toes,
Where the ocean meets
We hide ourselves
right where we stand.
They stopped off at a wide variety of places as they road
tripped across the country. They were making it last as long as possible
because as soon as they reached New York it would all become normal and
stationary. Y/N had managed to get them both places at NYU and they had found a
small, cheap apartment. While they would both be together, and in the end, that
was all that mattered, the current sense of freedom would diminish.
They won’t catch us in
Roll like thunder,
burn like stars.
They will have to find
another heart to break, heart to break…
They laid on the front of the Camaro, wrapped in each
other’s arms and looking at the stars. “I wish we could do this forever.” Y/N
whispered as her head laid on his shoulder.
“So do I, princess.” He smiled down at her. “Let’s get
through college and we can do it all again.”
She smiled widely at him and moved so she was straddling his
hips. “As long as I’m with you.” She leant down and kissed him as his hands
rested on her hips. “I love you, Billy Hargrove.”
“I love you too, Y/N L/N.” He smiled before cupping her
cheek and pulling her down for another kiss.
So, let’s run away.
They will have to find
another heart to break.
Why don’t we just run
Never turn around, no
matter what they say.
We’ll find our way.
When the sun goes down
On this town,
There’ll be no one
left, but us.
Just like runaways,
They will have to find
some other hearts to break, hearts to break.
It’s finally finished! I originally wrote a short little blurb that was inspired by this post, but some of y’all wanted more pain and asked for a continuation, so here’s the full fic. Just a heads up, this is the first fic I’ve ever written so yeah. Enjoy *cue the evil laughter*
The battlefield was pure chaos. They’d been fighting since dawn, all the forces of Maeve, Erawan, and her finally clashing in what was the bloodiest battle she’d ever witnessed. Their lines had collapsed, and it was now a melee, every man or woman or witch for themselves. She was right in the middle of it, and everyone fought on around her, unaware that Adarlan’s assassin and the Queen of Terrasen was right in their midst.
Rowan had been separated from her almost as soon as the battle had begun, and she’d caught glimpses of her Court throughout the day. Every time she did, some corner of her killing-numb brain had registered that they were still alive, and been grateful.
The sun was shone high above them, beginning its descent as the day wore on. Her body was aching and she moved like someone possessed, brain on automatic. Every blow she landed was aimed to kill. She was a whirlwind of flames and death and destruction.
Truly, the Valg prince that had chosen to go after her didnâ€™t have a chance.
She spotted him first, the ebony collar stark against the silver of his armor and his host’s pale, beautiful face.
Blood sprayed as she dispatched her current opponent, but she paid it no heed. Hefting the dagger in her hand, she threw it right at him, the silver of the steel flashing. He caught it right before it hit him right between his eyes.
The Valg’s slow grin at the sight of her was enough to send shivers down Aelin’s spine.
“It’s the fire-breathing queen herself,” he hissed. “You die here and now.”
Aelin smirked. “As if you’d be enough to kill me. I took on three of your brothers and burned them all to a crisp. You really think you’d fare better?”
“I suppose we’ll find out!”
Their clash sent shockwaves of flame and darkness throughout that battlefield. She thought she heard someone calling her name, but all she could think of was the battle before her. Her weapons were coated in her flames, and step by step she drove the Prince back.
He swept his sword in a great arc, an attempt to disembowel her. The fool didn’t realize that he left himself open to her.
She stepped into his guard, and with a dagger of pure flame beheaded him.
His body stayed upright for a moment, then fell to the ground with a crash.
She burned it to a crisp for good measure.
Aelin’s breath was coming out in harsh pants. Black blood coated her, and despite her massive reserves her flames were running out. She allowed herself a moments reprieve to survey the battlefield. The screams of the dying and the clang of metal on metal and the roar of wyverns were deafening.
She didn’t know how long they could last.
Aelin looked around, searching for her next opponent to fight. And then she saw him.
And her world began to crumble to ash around her.
Across the field, he dispatched his opponents with the same cruel efficiency that she’d been taught. As he gutted a soldier wearing Terrasen’s colors -one of the Bane, some part of brain dimly recognized- he saw her, and turned to face her.
The din of the battlefield faded to the background as a strange ringing took over her ears. Time slowed down.
Sam Cortland was grinning at her, a black collar around his neck.
She could hear nothing but the pounding of her own heart. Images flashed through her mind. A dark, damp dungeon, a mutilated body, the smell of a rotting corpse.
Athril’s ring pulsed on her finger.
“Oh, wait,” Sam said, cocking his head to the side in a predatory way that was so decidedly not him. “You go by Aelin now. Who would have known that you were the lost princess of Terrasen. Then again, I suppose Arobynn did. That was why he favored you, wasn’t it?
It couldn’t be him. She’d seen his body years ago, laid next to it, been to his grave. He couldn’t be here.
She didn’t think she was breathing.
A piercing shriek was heard above the noise of the battlefield. Their gazes snapped upwards, just in time to see a bird plummet down and shift in a brilliant flash of light in front of them.
“Get away from her,” Rowan snarled, covered in crimson and brandishing a bloody sword. Somewhere along the way he’d lost his hatchet, and most of the sheaths on his weapons belt was empty.
“If it isn’t the King of Terrasen,” Sam sneered. “Nice to see that you’ve moved on, Aelin. Was that all it took for you to forget me? Some Fae Prince making eyes at you?”
His words hit her like a punch to the gut.
This wasn’t Sam. Sam wouldn’t be saying these cruel things to her.
The collar at his neck gleamed. Somehow the Valg inside of him had accessed his memories and he was using them to hurt her. It was just another one of Erawan’s tricks.
She refused to be manipulated by him.
“Is that the best you can do?” she smirked, forcing that easy arrogance back into her voice, the one that had been as easy as breathing. She took a step forward until she was standing right next to Rowan. Her mate’s warmth was a comfort. “Wearing the body of a dead lover that I’ve moved on about? Really, you and your master will have to try better.”
Valg-Sam smirked. “How cold, Aelin. We thought for sure this would be enough to bring you to your knees. You’re even more heartless than we anticipated. Tell me, do your subjects know what kind of person you are? Does your Court?”
Rowan stepped forward with a snarl as a bolt went through her chest.
“Enough talking,” he snarled. “We’re in the middle of a battle. Are we going to fight or not?”
Sam’s smirk developed a wolfish gleam. “Be careful what you wish for, King.” Then he struck.
Rowan shoved Aelin back, parrying Sam’s blow with his sword.
“No!” she yelled. “I’ll be your opponent!”
They both froze.
Sam’s grin deepened. “If that’s what you want.”
Rowan stepped up to her side. “Aelin, you don’t have to do this.”
She looked up at him, his green eyes shining with fury, love, concern.
“Yes, I do,” she whispered.
Her mate, her heart, opened his mouth to say something, probably to argue, but he closed it after a moment. “I’m here,” he said instead.
“I know,” she said, the corner of her mouth tilting up. She turned to Sam. “Let’s do this the old fashioned way, shall we?” she said, motioning with her sword.
Sam grinned. “As you wish.”
Taking a breath, she took a step forward. And like a snake, struck.
Sam parried the blade with that same easy arrogance that’d he’d once possessed.
“You’ll have to do better than that, Aelin,” he sneered.
“I’m just getting started,” she snarled back, and went right for his throat.
It was like being back in the Guild and sparring with him, except this time he had the strength of a demon prince from another realm to help him. Back then she’d always beaten him easily, but now it was taking all of her skill and concentration to not die.
She felt Rowan behind them, watching them like a hawk. His magic pulsed in the air, ready to provide support should she need it, but he maintained his distance as she and Sam circled each other.
He moved first, sweeping his sword in a blow aimed straight at her head. She ducked and danced back out of reach as he lunged for her. She spun to meet his sword.
They were a blur of armor and steel.
All of her tricks, he countered, just as she did the same to him.
The sound of metal up metal was deafening as they clashed and sprang apart and struck at each other all over again.
Then he lunged, leaving the tiniest opening for her to take advantage of.
Stepping into his guard, Aelin disarmed him. He froze. A blow to his head with the hilt of her sword was enough to make him collapse to the ground.
“You bitch,” he wheezed when he’d come back to his senses.
Aelin could barely get the words out. “Is that really the only insult you people can come up with?”
“Well? What are you waiting for?” Sam struggled to get to his knees, but he pushed himself into an upright position. “Finish it.”
She opened her mouth, but she didn’t get a chance to speak.
The only warning she had was another pulse of Athril’s ring on her finger. Darkness exploded from Sam, screams erupting everywhere around them.
Before she or Rowan could make a move, the darkness disappeared as quickly as it came.
In front of her, Sam was on all fours, chest heaving with the force of his breathing.
He looked up at her, and it wasn’t the Valg inside him that was staring at her with desperation.
“Celaena,” he groaned. “You have to kill me.”
Something in his face shifted, but he was back in a second. “Please, I can’t hold him back much longer.”
She finally forced her voice to work. “Sam, I can’t -”
“Please!” he screamed, voice breaking on the word.
She took in the sight of Sam struggling to stay on his knees before her, the Valg Prince inside twisting his features into something unrecognizable as it took over once again.
Aelin raised her flame-coated sword and, tears streaming down her face, plunged it through the heart of her first love.
And then the screaming began.
The flames vanished as they were drawn into Sam’s body, and Aelin stepped back. Rowan reached for her, joining their hands. As soon as they touched, Aelin felt his magic pouring into her, bolstering her diminished reserves.
Sam’s screaming grew more intense as Rowan’s magic increased the power of her flames.
Tears streamed down her face. She knew that this was how he’d screamed when he’d been taken apart piece by piece by Rourke Farran. And so Aelin didn’t look away, even as she felt the wound being torn wide open once more.
Sam’s veins, his skin, was glowing from the light of her flames. His eyes shone golden. And then it all stopped.
“Sam!” She shrieked, diving for him as the collar around his neck cracked and fell off, and he collapsed to the ground. She gathered him into her arms.
His eyes fluttered open.
“Celaena?”he whispered weakly.
Celaena. The Valg Prince was gone, and Sam was back.
“I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “Gods, I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Sam groaned. “It wasn’t your fault. You had no way of knowing what would happen.”
“How…how is this possible?” she whispered, taking in his face. Though his brown eyes were filled with pain, they were still his brown eyes, the ones that she’d grown up with, the ones that she’d come to love.
“I don’t know. All I remember…is waking up in a dungeon and then getting that stone collar put around my neck.”
Aelin swore softly.
“There are so many things that I want to tell you,” she whispered. “Arobynn…he was the reason you…” She couldn’t bring herself to say the word. “Lysandra was the one who killed him.”
Sam blinked. “He’s dead? And at Lysandra’s hands?”
She nodded. “It’s been months. The Guild is Tern and Mullin’s now.”
“Those bastards can have it,” he coughed, no small amount of cold satisfaction on his face.
“Sam…I’m sorry,”she repeated. “This…everything, it was all my fault. Arobynn wasn’t the only one who was responsible for your death. It was my fault too, for daring to defy him.”
“Celaena, it was my decision too. I knew…on some level that Arobynn….wouldn’t have let us live in peace, and yet…whatever time we had…I’m grateful for it.”
“I never got to tell you,” she whispered, “that I loved you. Some part of me always did, and always will.”
His eyes were shining with tears. His looked over her shoulder, gaze falling on Rowan.
“Does he make you happy?”
Aelin glanced back at her mate where he was guarding them, making sure that no one would interfere.
“Yes,” she said, unable to keep the smile small off her face even as a pang of guilt went through her.
Sam smiled, and her heart shattered a bit more.
He sighed in what sounded like relief. “I’m glad…that you found someone who makes you happy, even if it’s not me. You…deserve it.”
A violent cough wracked his body. Blood coated his lips, and he groaned in pain. “You should leave me,”he said. “I’m not…worth staying with any longer.” She heard his unspoken words.
I’m not worth staying with because I won’t last much longer.
“No,” she moaned. “Please, you have to hang on. You can’t leave me again. We can heal you. Rowan -”
Sam stopped her with a hand on her cheek. “You know I can’t stay. I don’t belong here, not anymore.”
“I don’t want you to go,”she whispered, almost like a child.
“I know.” He coughed again, more violently this time. He took a shuddering breath. “There’s something you should know.
“What is it?”
“Your parents are proud of you.”
Silence washed over her mind.
”What?”she whispered. “You…”
“They were all there with me. When we realized that Erawan was trying to bring me back, they wanted me to pass on a message.”He took a breath. “They’re proud of the person, the queen…that you’ve become, and they wish more than anything they could tell you that in person. Marion…wants to thank you for finding Elide. She wants you to tell her that she’s proud of her. Orlon says there’s no one more worthy of being the next Queen of Terrasen. And Nehemiah…”
Aelin sucked in her breath.
“Nehemiah loves you. She’s sorry for sacrificing herself, and she hopes you can forgive her. More than anything, she’s proud to be your friend, and she’s happy that you’ve found good people to surround yourself with. She’s grateful that you protected Eyllwe as if it were your own kingdom. And she’s glad to see that you lived up to the name she gave you.”
Aelin was sobbing now.
“And I…despite the circumstances, I’m happy for the chance to see you again
Sam gasped, coughing again. His mouth was completely crimson. His breathing accelerated.
“Celaena, I’m scared,” he whispered. He was losing consciousness, fast. “What if I don’t go back there?”
“Shhh.”She held him a little tighter. “It’ll be okay.”
“Will…“ his eyes fluttered as he struggled to keep them open, “will you stay with me?”
“To whatever end,” she whispered back, voice strong despite the tears streaming down her face.
“The battle raged on around them, but Aelin held Sam as his breathing steadily grew more and more faint. He let out one more exhale, and then his chest stilled.
She gently laid him down on the grass, closing his eyes, and slowly rose to her feet.
“Fireheart…” Rowan took a step towards her.
The flame inside of her guttered, then exploded.
Every one of Erawan’s minions within a 100-meter radius was burned to ash.
On her forehead shone the mark of Brannon as she looked at her mate, the killing calm overtaking the turmoil of her mind.
So the reason that this took so long is because I wrote it out like 6 times and tumblr kept deleting it and I was having a mental breakdown agshkhdjoude I was so fucking m a d
This is my first smut i’m posting on this account so please let me know what you think on my asks or messages
Written for frhhdj and lililoveskpop, enjoy! :)
Genre: Smut / fluff
Pairing: Jung Taekwoon (Leo) + you
Summary: You’re having a bad day and Taekwoon wants to make sure you never doubt his love for you again by showing you how much you mean to him
Today just wasn’t your day. Your boss had constantly been on your back for the past week and any little bit of work you tried to provide he scoffed in your face, constantly saying you and your work weren’t ‘good enough’. He kept threatening to firing you for your incompetent work. You knew this wasn’t true because the company had less workers than it needed currently, but it was still making you feel shit.
You felt less than ‘good enough’ with your personal life as well. Taekwoon, your boyfriend of 4 months had managed to convince you to go on a public date with him. After much reluctance you agreed, just to see him happy. You hadn’t been dating long, but you still knew you’d do anything to see that beautiful smile on his face.
You had been spotted by a fan and dozens of pictures of the two of you were taken and posted all over the internet. From the first time you saw the comments on it you could see starlights weren’t very happy about seeing their ‘precious Leo’ dating someone like you. They laughed at your appearance saying Taekwoon could do so much better than you.
So, as I explained in this post on the basics of how early trauma affects us, abuse and neglect during our formative years add extras into our experience of PTSD and one of those is physical illness. (a reminder that ‘formative’ is in terms of brain development; so up until the age of 25)
One of the big reasons for this is hypervigilance and the limbic system. How being constantly surrounded by an abusive environment makes you highly sensitive to sensory input (hypervigilance), and how this affects you physically.
Basically “why am I so fucking sick all the time and why doesn’t it seem to have a cause” or “what does it mean when they say that my PTSD is causing these physical symptoms”.
First you’ll have to bear with me while I explain some things about your brain and it’s parts, because otherwise this won’t make any sense.
Your amygdala is part of the limbic system that controls instinct and the panic response. It’s sometimes referred to as your “lizard brain”. And because you don’t really need to know how the whole thing is rigged, I’m going to keep calling it that. (Like you can look it up if you want, i’m not going to stop you). It’s the instinctive part and also where your core beleifs about the world are (called schemas; which is another topic).
This is the part of your brain that tries to keep you alive at any cost, where the ‘flight, fight, freeze or feign’ response lives.
Your amygdala develops very early, which is why babies can experience fear. But it develops before the conscious thinking part. Much like an actual lizard, your lizard brain doesn’t ‘think’ or reason, it just watches and notes what is dangerous, and what has worked to save you and stores that information. Because what your lizard brain’s main function is is to keep you alive in a crisis.
Don’t know what I’m talking about? This is the part of your brain that has already slammed on the brakes before you decide to when you’re cut off in traffic, or that gives you that feeling that ‘this is dangerous’ when you can’t really figure out why, but later find out that WOW you were so right. It is activated when it sees that you are in danger, and it is going to take too long for you to decide what your response will be.
Ok so now we know what it is, but how does this relate to PTSD or hypervigilance and how can this make me sick?
In an untraumatised brain, the limbic system (specifically the amigdala) will dump stress hormones into your brain and body when you are in extreme danger. One of these we already know is adrenaline, but the hormone that is most important here is a steroid called cortisol.
Cortisol basically cuts off all the regular limits your body sets so you don’t get injured, because when you’re in danger it doesn’t matter if you get injured so long as you survive. This means you can run faster and longer, you’re stronger, your senses are sharper, you’re hyperaware of your surroundings and you don’t feel pain.
This is how mothers can lift cars off their babies in a crisis. Or how come you don’t notice that you’ve broken your arm in a car accident until later.
Cortisol is great when your brain functions properly.
However; when you’ve been exposed to extreme and ongoing trauma, you become hypervigilant. You have to be constantly aware of every tiny change in facial expression, every sound, every change in tone or every slight movement. You are always prepared for danger and always trying to pre-guess what and when is going to happen. In an abusive environment, you have to do this to stay safe.
The thing is that when you’re constantly in this state of hypervigilance and hyperarousal (not sexual arousal but sensory; where you could hear a cricket fart next door), your limbic system is constantly wired up. And it’s constantly activating your FFFF (Fight, flight, freeze and feign) response, and constantly dumping your cortisol to keep you ready.
What ends up happening is that your limbic system eventually stops being able to turn OFF your cortisol tap. So instead of a dump, its a leak. Constantly dripping into your system as it’s created - even after you’ve escaped the abuse.
But cortisol is good isn’t it? It makes us stronger and faster and feel less pain?
Yes; but if it didn’t have a downside we wouldn’t only have it as an emergency plan.
Cortisol is a steroid and an immunosuppressant, in a dump it forces more blood sugar production and shuts down the digestive system. Long term it decreases cartilage and bone formation, affects glucose levels along with a whole swag of of other things.
People with this ‘cortisol leak’ can experience
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
decreased bone density leading to osteoporosis
gastrointestinal problems (nausea, vomiting, bowel problems, difficulty digesting food or absorbing nutrients leading to nutritional deficiencies, IBD, constipation, and diarrhea)
Severe allergic reactions and other autoimmune disorders
decreased immune response causing slower healing times and more infections
memory issues; short term memory, and issues relating to the maintaining or accessing of memories
and on top of all that are 300% more likely to self harm.
It also has the fun circular effect of… making you hypervigilant.
So, much in the same way that anxiety stops us from doing things which then gives us more anxiety which means we can’t do even MORE things, over and over, the limbic system makes us hypervigilant which breaks the limbic system which then makes us even more hypervigilant. And also sick.
PTSD is, as you’ve probably already realised, pretty good at cycling into awfulness like that.
But this is why the effects of traumatic abuse when our brains are forming is so profound, and so hard to heal. We quite literally have been given a form of brain damage, and our brains no longer function physically in the way they are designed.
Next up; I’ll be talking about the psychological effects of this; Maladaptive Schemas. (Which means that the things you learn as ‘’life truths’’ in an abusive environment while you’re developing can end up being warped, and that affects our ability to process information; including therapeutic information.
Till then, stay safe and know you’re not alone in this shit. Hollow