brain of a walnut

anonymous asked:

i was trying to fall asleep the other night and my brain went "if in walnut they had sex standing it could be a wall-nut" please end me

SBQOXBWGQGIEGQTWYJWGWGWU BEFWTWOF EHEBGWHWNWOE IM HOWLING

Fun: Snow day

Less fun: Dealing with snow

LESS, less fun: when your fat cat decides that NOW is the time to put into action that plan for The Great Escape that he’s been turning over in his walnut sized brain for the last year or so

Funny as all hell:  When the cat realizes that the cold wet stuff is EVERYWHERE THERE IS NO ESCAPE.

Less funny: When he escapes said snow by ducking into the bushes and then sits there, crying pitifully because coming out involves touching the cold wet stuff

Cat ownership in a nutshell: Crawling on all fours through 17 inches of wet snow to try to collect a creature who is DESIGNED TO BE COMFY IN SNOW but refuses to get his paws cold.

He was outside for less than fifteen minutes before I wrestled him back inside.  He is shivering and traumatized, to the point where Misty is grooming him just to get him to stop making sad, sad noises.

kidsxuisine  asked:

Some of my family laughs at me when I mention being upset due to the death of my dog, Socks. He died last month and I still cry every night, because he actually helped me through depression and anxiety, and he was like my best friend. I'm kind of questioning whether or not my sadness is justified. They say 'it's just a dumb dog'. Have you ever lost a pet, and if so, do you feel the same way?

OK, so I don’t want to say your family members are being total shits, buuuuut … well, let me tell you a story.

I am 32 years old. I still think about my first cat, Pansy, who I got in third grade after earning S’s for Satisfactory six weeks in a row on my handwriting. She was the most wonderful cat — a big, beautiful Maine Coon with a quiet “Plrrrrp!” sound that she would always greet you with. She liked to follow me around the house, let me carry her like a baby and was, everyone in the family agreed, the best cat that ever existed. My mom called her “The Little Furry Goddess” because she was always so serene and happy. 

She died when I was in 8th grade; we suspected, though could never prove, that the kid next door killed her. At the time, I was undergoing constant bullying in school, with no friends. I sobbed relentlessly. When we gave her a funeral in the backyard, I saw my dad wipe away tears, something I’ve only witnessed one time in the two decades since. 

Yes, she was just a cat. She cost maybe $10 at the pound. She weighed 15 pounds and had a brain the size of a walnut*. Those things are true, but so are these: She was my best friend. She was one of the only good things in that shitty, shitty time in my life. She has been dead 20 years and I can still feel so sad and miss her. Because she was fucking great. Because she brought me so much joy and comfort when I really needed it. Because I spent more time with her than with any human.

And now, I’m a grown-ass woman and I still love that cat who was only part of my life for four years. But in the intervening years, I’ve had other cats, and now Eleanor. Marigny and Eleanor in particular have brought me so much joy and happiness. I refuse to believe that either of them are mortal.

Which is a very, very longwinded way of saying that you never, ever need to feel dumb for being sad over a pet. I think they’re little lumps of God that live with us. They make things better. I hope you feel better soon, too.

#15: We Drunk**

**mature


I thought maybe he should have a payback after he’s done her so well in the last imagine ;)



The car halts on the front gate of the apartment, Harry and Y/N dramatically stumbling forward from the sudden brakes, laughing later at their clumsy behavior. To say they were drunk was an understatement; they’d literally licked alcohol off their glasses, breathed in the waft till it was what they breathed out and paid a bill for a whole month grocery to the bartender.

“Ben!” Harry called out to his driver form the back seat. “Ben, I love you man. God knows what we would’ve been doing without you.”

“I would’ve been driving probably.” Y/N inputs, blinking to keep her eyes open. “I can’t trust you driving drunk, Harry.”

Harry snickers. “You’re drunk too.”

“Yeah.” Y/N nods, blinking at her boyfriend for a good moment of silence. Then, she suddenly threw her hands in the air, exclaiming,”Let’s get outta here!” She opens the door but then sits back inside again, leaning towards the driver’s seat.

“Ben, I swear when I say I love you.” She slurs. “I would’ve have kissed but you see Harry Styles here,” She points animatedly beside her.”He’ll either punch you or me. Yeah, probably me. See ya, buddy! Keep saving people.”

She stumbles out of the car, Harry joining after her a moment later, after he’s planted a wet kiss on Ben’s cheek and told him how much he loves him.

“Y/N! Wait for me!” Harry calls out to the blurring figure of Y/N ahead of him. He strides ahead, clutching her shoulders, and she helps him out, swinging her arm on his shoulder and levering his weight on her body.

“But, Y/N, do you know why’d we drink so much?” He asks, innocently, as they take slow steps to the elevator.

“Because it’s religious to do so.” Y/N presses on  the elevator button, pushing Harry against the wall, and stretching her arms.

“Really? Damn, I should do this every day.” He chuckles, the lift door opening with a ding.

We. We should do it more.” Y/N walks into the elevator first, Harry following behind after he’s clutched her behind in both of his huge hands, keeping the distance between their chest and back a minimal.

Inside the elevator, Harry’s arms wrap around her full waist from behind, rocking her back forth as they wait for the elevator to start. He rests his chin on her shoulder, snuggling his face into her neck as she leans into him more.

“I’m gonna be off to bed, Harry.”

“We’ll see.”

“Hmm.”

“Did you press the button?”

“I thought you did.”

“So…you didn’t?”

“Nope.”

Harry gives her a look. “Kay, I’ll do it.” He leans forward, pushing the button to their floor and resumes to his place behind her, clutching her waist tighter to pull her more close.

They push their way out of the elevator, Y/N having a hard time walking, considering the heavy weight of Harry being slumped on her. He then and now sets off in his own direction and Y/N has to work up to succeed in steering in the right way.

Reaching before their home’s door, Y/N bumps the shoulder Harry’s passed out on. “Harry, the house keys.”

“Whaa..?” He wakes, wiping the corner of his mouth on her shoulder and leaning past it. “What?”

“House keys, you silly cuckoo!” She whisper-yells.

“Cuckoo? Where?” Harry swings on his feet, looking around in the dark hallway.

“Harry!” She turns around, pulling him by the collar of his shirt.”House. Keys.”

“Ah.” He nods in realization. “They’re in my back pocket.” He rubs his eyes with the back of his hand, yawning slightly after leaking out the information.

Y/N boldly stretches, twisting her arm around him to reach his back pocket. She digs her fingers into one, and Harry squeals, chuckling.

“You’re tickling me!”

She winds her other arm around him, reaching for the next pocket, and Harry gladly hugs her back, pulling her face into his chest, giving her a hard time breathing. “Ha-wey.” She calls, voice muffled under his tight grip. Finally, the keys come in her hand.

She pulls away abruptly, Harry let frowning behind her. “I thought we were having a moment there.”

The doors open, Y/N walking in first. “Are you coming in or not?”

“Yeah, yeah, give me a moment.” He stumbles into the hall, mumbling on way.

Y/N locks the door away, putting the keys away on the tray placed at the table by the door. Harry has his boots kicked off, his belt now in his hand as he turns around to Y/N taking her shoes off. He slaps the leather belt against the marble floor, rattling the furniture around, and scaring the hell out of Y/N.

“Harry, wh-“

He strides quick, winding the belt around her and then him, pulling her close to his chest, and although the buckles don’t tie together as he wanted them too, he still keeps a hand holding both end of the belt together.

“Keep walking, you, keep walking.” He mutters to her, eyes eyeing her face like a savage, determined robber. “You’re in the Harry Styles’s grip now.”

Y/N smirks. “So, are we role-playing tonight, hun?”

He gives her a glare. “I didn’t ask you to speak, you little piece of-!“ He lets the rest of the words pass under his breath.

He’s walking her to the direction of the stairs, her back to them as they slowly take steps up.

“I’m tired, though.” Y/N whines, grabbing his chest muscles to grip as she ascends every stair.

“You will not say a word or there will be consequences!” He threatens her in a hoarse voice, sporting the wide eyed, deadly look.

Y/N acts all fragile. “Oh, dear! Sire, I’m still pure, too innocent for ya! Don’t think of me that way, spare this maiden tonight, please!” She looks away, shuddering intentionally like a drama queen.

“Oh, shut up!” Y/N’s back hits the door of their bedroom. “You cannot be pure! You’ve been with a man who’s nonetheless horny as fuck twenty four hours a day! How could you be innocent!”

He slams his hand against the door behind him, hoping it would open, and when it doesn’t, he has to shrug off his role playing and use the handle to push open the door. Y/N laughs at him, finding the chance and slipping out of the grip that she’s in.

“Where d’ya think you’re goi-“  As Y/N jumps on the bed and away from him, Harry runs behind, tripping his foot on the edge of the bed in an attempt to climb up. He lies in pain on the floor, and Y/N gets down to tend him.

“Harry, are y-“ She lets out a shriek when he grabs her hips and turns her over on the floor, pinning her on the carpet floor, and hovering above her.

“Gotcha!” He titters as Y/N struggles underneath him. His face ducks down on her for a kiss, but ends up hitting on her forehead, and they both cry out, laughing in the end.

“Do it again, it brings bad luck, otherwise.” Y/N urges, and they pull in for it again, Harry catching Y/N’s lips right in the moment.

“Mhm, Harry.” She groans, his lips forcefully coming down on her.

“Please, kiss me, kiss me, please.” He coos in a soft, pained voice, leaning down again for her, and she accepts it.

They kiss in a luscious, thirst-quenching manner, the noises of their clicking mouths and heavy breathing the only sound in the room. His hands trail down, holding the hem of her dress in his finger, and he pushes it up, up till it reaches her navel, and he breaks from the kiss, moving down to kiss on the exposed skin.

“Harry, no.” He doesn’t stop, groaning against her skin. “Harry, stop, no.” Y/N slips her fingers on his forehead, pushing him away from her.

“But, why?” He sounds hurt, as he sits up, keeping a close touch on her inner thigh.

Y/N tries and sits up, but Harry’s pushed her twice back and got on top, and she’s twice pushed him and sat back up.

“I have a theory about why we shouldn’t have sex when we’re both drunk?”

“Why?” he asks, frowning.

“Because, we lose our limits.” She says, proud.

“Anything else?”

“This is it.”

“It’s shit. Let’s just do-“

“No!” She whines, pushing him hard by the chest into sitting position. “You don’t understand. What if you forget to put on a condom? And even if you do, what if it’s just left behind in me like in the Love, Rosie movie and I end up having a child?!”

“I won’t really mind.” He shrugs, shy.

“But, I would. Because we’re too young, and you’ll be always off to work, and I’ll have to look after our child all by myself which would not at all be easy, understand?”

“Point.” He nods, lips pursed in a somber expression.

“So, let’s just get back to bed like we’re an old couple.” Y/N sums up, getting off the floor.

“But you just said we’re too young.” Harry points out.

“Oh, just get here in bed, you!”

“But, I’m confused.”

“Stop running your walnut sized brain, you won’t be confused.”

“Point.” Harry nods. “But, I wanna cuddle!”

He jumps off the floor, climbing on top of the bed, where Y/N’s lying already, still in the same party clothes.

“I wanna naked cuddle!” He wiggles his eye brows at her, grinning.

“No!” Y/N whines. “You’re sleeping in these same clothes, so that we’re not confused if we did have sex at night or not.”

“Ah, nice.” Harry gives a cheeky smile. Y/N turns her body to the side, Harry snuggling into her back with his arm wrapping around her hip tightly. “But, can I atleast take off my jeans, they’re too-“

“No! Sleep.” Y/N closes her eyes, unconsciously pushing her behind on his groin, making him wince behind.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Harry consoles, more to himself.

***

Harry groans, waking up, feeling a tight strain in his pants, aching till it literally had him whimpering into the pillow. He opens his eyes, shaking his head, as he looks down to himself to see Y/N behind pressed hard over his morning wood.

It already is a torture having had to struggle with these morning surprises, and now that Y/N had kept rubbing her behind to him the whole night, the erection feels much tighter, harder and achier.

Pulling his hand back to him from around her, Harry sits up, staring at the bulge resting down between his legs. The more he looks at it, the more it hurts inside.

He looks over at Y/N beside him, asleep, and slowly creeping on the edge of the bed, he sits, pop opening his jeans button, groaning and throwing his head back at the sudden rush of air inside the space. He anchors his body with one arm behind, palm flat on the mattress, while his other hand works to undo his jeans and then, slide down his boxer briefs.

His member springs out, hard and erect, swollen at the tip, red and throbbing before his eyes. He runs his fingers over him, erupting shaky breaths from his mouth as sheen of sweat collects around his temple. His fingers wrap around him, moaning, then shushing himself with a lip bite, as he begins to pump up and down, running from the base to the tip. His breathing falters, his mind automatically shifts to thoughts of his girl, sweet and innocent, only his.

His cussing begins, he pumps faster, trying to ease off the tension quicker and free himself of the ache. His chest rises and falls unevenly, and suddenly, he feels a touch on his shoulder. He looks over, Y/N peeping at him pleasuring himself, and see meets his eyes, biting her lip.

“Need some help there, baby?” She rasps, sliding her hand down his shoulder to his wrist. Harry nods, freeing himself from his hold, and leans back, both hands resting back flat against the mattress.

Y/N gets off the bed, sitting on the floor, between his legs, and stares at his throbbing muscle, tensed and swollen in front of her. She gives him a look from underneath her eye lashes; Harry’s gut doing twists staring, down at her.

She takes him in her hands, wrapping her four fingers around, flicking her thumb on the tip of him. Harry throws his head back, spilling her name, as she brings her lips down on the tip, sucking at the pre-cum accumulated. Her hand begins to pump, up and down, up and down, as her lips then and there keep leaving tender pecks on his tip.

She leans her face closer to him, looking up through her eyelashes at him and crooking an eyebrow, sultrily

“Oh, god. Yes, yes, do it, pet.” Harry urges, breath shaky.

She brings the tip close to her mouth, slowing opening her lips to take him in. Her head goes low on him, till he’s filled her to the throat, and she grabs the rest of him in her hand, pausing to taste him around her mouth.

Her hair falls around her face, disrupting the very view from Harry, and he leans forward, clutching her hair in his both hands, bringing it up in a ponytail above her head. She starts moving, thrusting him in her mouth, while her hands pump the rest of him, going down to touch his balls, tickling her fingers underneath them.

Harry tugs at her hair, falling into a relentless saga of moans and curses, throwing his head back when she hollows her cheeks around him, giving that sudden tug at his base. He pants, his chest falling down, and then rising upbeat, Y/N’s pumping turning faster, as she bobs her head against him at a faster rate.

He twitches into her mouth, she feels a back thrust; his hands tug on her roots tighter, and he’s coming undone into her mouth. She swallows his juices, pulling out his cock from her mouth. Kissing slowly from the tip to the base, then up to his stomach and up over his chest, she comes in face to face with him. He leans in for a kiss, but she leans back.

“Morning breath.” She teases, biting her lip.

Harry pulls her to from the back of her head, attaching lips with her in a slow, fulfilling kiss. He sucks on the corner of her mouth, tasting his tanginess on her, before he pulls away, falling back on the bed with a content sigh.

Y/N lies down beside him, and he’s quick to pull her to his chest.

“My headache’s feeling worse now.” She groans against his chest.

“ Need my medicine, d’ya?” Harry smirks, pulling her by the chin to look up at him.

She smirks. “Would you give it to me?”

Harry slides down, leaning in between her legs already, as he slides her panties down her legs.

“But, Harry, tell me this: are you really twenty four hours horny?” She asks, eye fluttering from his kisses on her inner thigh.

He looks up from her legs, grinning. “Only for ya, pet, only for ya.”


MASTERLIST

Requested by @chara-against-bullshit

Metagross is a pretty cool pokémon all around, especially being the signature pokémon of Hoenn’s champion, Steven Stone. Metagross is both powerful and intelligent, possessing four brains which are faster than a supercomputer.

So we have a lot to cover with Metagross: let’s start with its multiple brains! A brain, of course, controls all functions in an animal’s body. Humans only have one, but having multiple brains is not out of the picture. Leeches, for example, have over 30 ganglia which each help control different segments of its body, effectively acting like individual brains. Perhaps more similar to Metagross, an octopus has one central brain the size of a walnut in its head, but it has auxiliary “brains” in each of its arms: for a total of nine brains! This helps each tentacle of the octopus act independently and think for itself. The octopus as whole acts as a network of these brains, which when put together act the same as one large brain would.

Metagross has four arms, so perhaps it has one brain for each arm, like an octopus. Octopi are also infamous for being incredibly intelligent, able to open jars and solve problems with their tentacles.

So how does a brain compare to a supercomputer? There are a few ways we can compare them. 

  1. First, there’s storage: how much information can the brain store? This is measured in bytes.
  2. The next is processing speed: how fast can the information be processed? This is measured in a unit caled megaflops: one million floating point calculations per secound
  3. The last is power: how much enery does it take to run?This is measured in watts.

As you can see, the world’s fastest supercomputer (in 2011) has 10 times the storage and 4x the processing speed than the human brain, but the human brain needs astronomically less power to run: 0.0002%. The brain is so much more efficient simply due to the size: one brain contains over 200 billion neurons and trillions of synapses. The fastest supercomputer has over 83,000 processors, but takes up significantly more space, meaning it needs much more power to run. To get more computing speed, supercomputers simply need to add more processors. In the current state of technology, processors are as fast as they can get.

So Metagross’ brains are faster than a supercomputer, which means they operate at more than 10 billion megaflops. Super computers, and our brains, use parallel processing to arrive at results. Serial processing, like typical PCs, computers, and calculators use, work on problems linearly, taking steps, and not progressing until the previous step has finished. Parallel processing splits a calculation up into several parts, working on different steps at the same time, which result in a faster calculation overall.

This type of processing is important in the brain for lots of reasons. Take sight, for example. Our brain needs to interpret what our eyes see very quickly: colors, shapes, motion, etc. Parallel processing makes this possible.

Metagross has four brains, which operate like a network to control Metagross. It uses parallel processing, so it is able to work on different steps of a calculation simultaneously, making it faster than a supercomputer.

walnut sized brain: using she/her pronouns exclusively for an afab nonbinary person who declares no pronoun preference

normal sized brain: using he/him exclusively to refer to him because it contrasts his assigned birth gender

big glowing brain: using they/them exclusively

mega transcendent massive brain: alternating between he/she/they instead of just picking one of them so you encompass the full scope of his identity and mirror how she thinks of themself

3

✨ Magic in Soaked Oats Smoothie Bowls ✨

 (These pictures are all mine) 


 There’s ways to incorporate magic into everything in your life. It took me like a while to realize I should maybe make a post about this cause I do this almost every single day (unless I’m craving something savory in the morning). The key to this is preparing and in the preparation is magic!!  ✨

Keep reading

SanversWeek Day 2- Nerd Girlfriends

I promised dinosaurs…


Alex ducked under the yellow NCPD tape and flashed her FBI credentials at the officer standing guard. He nodded and pointed down the hallway towards the rare gem exhibition, indicating where Alex would find the crime scene.

Alex headed down the hallway, only stopping momentarily to look up at the huge skylight that marked the centre of the Natural History Museum. She had loved visiting National City as a kid and was always begging her parents to take her back to the museum; when she had moved to National City, she had found a comfort in wandering the halls and revisiting some of the exhibitions that had captivated her so much as a kid.

She walked into the rare gem room and saw her girlfriend crouched down examining some broken glass. Alex pulled out her phone as it buzzed in her pocket and a message from Winn lit up the screen;

Valtrax. Likes shiny things. Think Smaug!

Maggie spotted Alex and stood upright, slightly surprised to see her girlfriend walking towards her.

‘Agent Danvers!’ she greeted, while waiting for Alex to come close enough to speak quietly, ‘if you’re here, I’m guessing it was definitely an alien assailant?’

‘Valtrax’ Alex confirmed, ‘Do you know what was taken?’

‘The largest sapphire in the world… currently on loan from London.’

‘That fits’ Alex mused, ‘Valtrax are hoarders- the sapphire would be ideal…’

Alex’s phone buzzed again.

‘Winn is tracking the Valtrax… ’ she informed Maggie, ‘says he should hopefully have tracked it down by the time we’re back at the DEO.’

Maggie nodded and beckoned one of the officers over, instructing him to finish bagging up the evidence and head back to the precinct.

‘It’s a shame we don’t have time to stick around’ Maggie lamented, ‘I love the Dinosaur Exhibition! My Aunt used to bring me all of the time after I moved in with her… it was my form of escape, getting to look at these bones that are older than I could even begin to comprehend.’

‘Nerd’ Alex chucked as she bumped her shoulder into Maggie’s.

‘Takes one to know one Danvers…’


Back at the DEO Alex’s eyes went wide as Supergirl opened the case that contained the sapphire carefully in front of J’onn, having placed the Valtrax down in containment for the time being.

‘Woah…’ Winn breathed out.

‘Yeah…’ Maggie responded, nudging Winn’s shoulder, ‘I know they say size doesn’t matter… but…’

They both started giggling.

‘We need to get this back to the Natural History Museum ASAP’ J’onn stated, looking at Kara, pointedly ignoring Winn and Maggie.

Kara nodded, locked the case and headed towards the balcony to fly over to the other side of National City.

‘Hang on!’ Winn yelled out, typing furiously as he zoomed in on the map on his screen, ‘bank robbery on Fifth and Weston…’

‘I’ll return the sapphire’ Alex offered, ‘you sort the robbery.’

Kara nodded and headed off with Winn giving her directions in her ear.

‘Meet you back at ours, I’ll pick up a Pizza for dinner’ Alex kissed Maggie and headed down to the basement to retrieve her bike.


‘Thank you so much Agent Danvers’ the Curator said gratefully, ‘please let me know if there’s anything I can ever do for you…’

Alex smiled, a plan forming in her mind, ‘actually, there is…’


That weekend Alex lead Maggie up to the side entrance of the Natural History Museum and took a key out of her pocket. She unlocked the door and let them both in.

‘How..?’ Maggie asked, ‘the museum closed hours ago…’

‘The Curator asked if there was anything he could do for me after I returned the sapphire, so I asked if an FBI Agent and NCPD Detective would be allowed in after hours…’

Alex took Maggie by the hand and lead her into the Museum, past the Insect Exhibition and the Natural Disasters Exhibition. Based on the route, Maggie had a feeling she knew where they were heading, but was content to let her girlfriend lead the way.

Sure enough, Alex came to a stop in front of the entrance to the Dinosaur bone room, the excitement evident on her face. She gently pushed Maggie through the door, gesturing for her to walk around

Maggie started wandering through the exhibits, the look of wonder never leaving her face. She stopped in front of a case that housed the femur of a T Rex.

‘Tell me about it’ Alex whispered in Maggie’s ear as she wrapped her arms round Maggie’s waist from behind.

‘Despite it’s size, the T-Rex doesn’t even hit the top fifteen of the largest dinosaurs to ever walk the Earth’ Maggie grinned, ‘plus they had exceptionally good eyesight.’

She pulled Alex by the hand over to the Triceratops skull, ‘this one is my favourite; mainly because it was the least likely to eat me due to being a herbivore…’

‘Practical’ Alex chuckled.

They continued to wander through the exhibits, Maggie occasionally interjecting her own facts; ‘Did you know the Stegosaurus had a brain the size of a walnut; only 3 centimetres long and weighing 75 grams?’ Until they walked through a set of doors into a giant glass ceilinged room.

‘Is that?’ Maggie gasped.

Alex nodded.

Maggie just stared at the monstrosity in front of her before launching herself into Alex’s arms.

‘How did you know? The exhibition isn’t supposed to be open to the public until next week!’

‘The Curator told me and said we were free to come in here is we wanted’ Alex grinned.

Maggie started slowing circling the giant skeleton in awe, ‘I always wanted to visit Chicago when I was younger to see her…’

‘Her?’ Alex questioned.

‘Her name is Sue, after the palaeontologist who discovered her’ Maggie explained, ‘she’s the best preserved T-Rex ever found and is also one of the most complete. She’s beautiful…’

Alex smiled and couldn’t wait to tell Maggie the final part of her surprise.

‘I guess we should head off’ Maggie said sadly as she entwined her fingers with Alex’s, ‘thank you so much for this, I loved it.’

Alex just placed the duffel bag she had been carrying down and opened it. Without saying anything to Maggie she pulled out a rolled up air mattress, a foot pump and a double sleeping bag.

‘We get to spend the night…’

‘No way!’ Maggie yelled excitedly, ‘this is making all of fifteen year old me’s dreams come true!’

‘Nerd’

‘Takes one to know one Danvers’

2

Behold the fluffy, fat and fabulous Gary the Three-Eyed Psychic Garbage Raccoon of @gallusrostromegalus ’s “Marion and Alex Ruin Seattle” Cryptid Extravaganza. He started as a joke.

He got into a wizard’s trash and now tells fortunes in exchange for bacon sandwiches via the text-to-speech program on the cracked iPhone he keeps in a slightly-too-small doggy backpack. He is also under investigation for tax fraud. He’s doing his best but math is hard when you’re paid in sandwiches and your potion-scrambled brain is the size of a walnut.

No but Harry being a super fussy baby that only really responds/calms down to audial cues. So of course James and Sirius have no issue having endless one sided conversations with an infant, and Lily has a surprisingly good singing voice, but Remus has never been much of a conversationalist and sounds like a tone deaf banshee when he sings, so he is sort of at a loss. One day he starts reading Harry books, but not like kiddie books, like proper adventure books and trashy scifi like the princess bride and hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy.

James and Sirius give him so much shit for it (“he’s literally an infant moony, his brain is the size of a walnut what’s he gonna understand about Douglas Adams?”) but moony just plugs along with his readings.

And then when Harry’s a bit older and reading on his own, he’s the biggest bookworm and for whatever reason always has the strangest feeling he’s read this terry pratchett before? Moony just grins super wide and continues reading baby teddy A Wrinkle in Time as Sirius glares at his nerd husband fondly.

pride-of-storm  asked:

ask meme: 30, 69, 75?

30: Name a kink you find bewildering.

I’ve been listening to the F plus podcast and there was a story where a guy got turned into a sock and worn by his dad.  That’s not even the part I find bewildering.  The transformation into a sock was described in loving, body-horror-esque detail, complete w/ limbs shrinking and mouths vanishing and an intermediate phase where he was like…. a fleshy person tube?  It reminded me viscerally of the transformation sequences in the animorphs.

I just wanna know who discovered their body horror transmogrification kink while reading animorphs.  That must have been a fun day.

69: Answer number 60 like it was a “fuck, marry, kill” rhetorical.

60: Dragons, dinosaurs, or aliens? 

I have thought about this question extensively since I made it up 20 minutes ago, and I think the answers are obvious.  

First of all I would kill a dinosaur.  This is because 1) dinosaurs are animals, obvs I am not going to marry or fuck one. it has a brain the size of walnut.  2) how fuckin’ cool would that be?  just like the ‘clever girl’ scene in jurassic park.  i’d probably wind up eaten by raptors.

Next, I would fuck an alien.  It’s an alien. Clearly the first item on the agenda is figuring out if we can make all the parts work together.

Finally, I would marry a dragon.  I like this choice because 1) can I fuck a dragon? would I die if I attempted the thing? let’s leave that category optional and proceed with caution.  2) how great a spouse would a giant freaking dragon make? SO GREAT.

75: Describe a weird encounter you had with a bug.

I have never met a bug in my life.

J/k.  But the other day I doubled-back midstep to look at a glimpse of a dead bug I caught on the sidewalk and I guess I looked like something had happened because some people came up to me to ask if I was okay and I had to explain I was examining the squashed roach.

2

Peyton - “It’s been nice hanging out with someone who’s brain isn’t the size of a walnut.”

Hudson - “That almost sounded like a compliment. Be careful, someone might hear you being nice and get the wrong impression.”

Peyton - “Right. Can’t have that.”

Hudson - “The Club’s meeting at The Bluffs Saturday. See you there?”

Peyton - “Oh joy. Can’t wait.”

but okay um

like, people who call out or dislike somebody soundly BASED ON which SHIPS they like, are so fuckin’ disturbing. its so bizarre that liking something could change your follower count in even the slightest. i laugh at people who get pissy because somebodys mind differs from their own. its called being a pathetic nosy-know it all who thinks the world revolves around their little walnut of a brain.
if youre being harassed by people who thinks that your FICTIONAL—NON-CANONICAL—SHIP is disgusting or improbable or weird, dont pay them any attention; they dont deserve it. they honestly dont deserve to humor themselves and start drama because something in their life (you liking a dumb ol’ ship that hundreds-thousands-etc like) makes ‘em feel a little ODD.

Crazy Food Resemblances

 Eating the right food is important for a healthy, happy and prosperous lifestyle.

 If you want to begin eating healthy, it might be an over-whelming decision as to where to begin and who knows what does what! BUT… all you really need to do is look at what body part it resembles

Here is a list of foods that resemble what body parts they are good for

 Carrot - Eye

  Slice a carrot in half crosswise and voila - if you look close enough you can notice the pattern that resembles the pupil and the iris. So if you want to improve your eyesight… munch on those carrots. They contain vitamins, and antioxidants such as beta- carotene so your eyes stay at the top of their game!

Ginger – Stomach

Ginger is known to help nausea and relax the stomach. It contains Gingerol – an ingredient listed in the USDA database of phytochemicals as having the ability to prevent nausea and vomiting but that’s not all… It also aids in digestion. So if you want to keep things in your stomach “flowing” make ginger a must in your diet 

Celery - Bone

 Celery resembles bones! Bones are 23% sodium and so is celery – this connection cannot just be a mere coincidence…

Celery also contains silicon which is part of the molecular structure that gives bones strength

 Grapes – Lungs

 Grapes resemble the alveoli of the lungs. Eating grapes, especially heirloom concord grapes have shown to reduce the risk of lung cancer. The seeds in grapes are also good for you as they contain a chemical (proanthocyanidin) that reduces allergies and asthma.

 Avocados – Uterus 

 The avocados support reproductive health. They contain folic acid and have the ability to not only balance hormones but also prevent cervical cancer. Did you know that it takes 9 months for an avocado to grow fully? - Which is the exact same time as it takes for a baby to develop inside the womb.

Sweet Potato – Pancreas 

The sweet potato is shaped almost exactly as the pancreases. Sweet potatoes are high in beta-carotene which is a potent antioxidant and protects all tissues in our body. Sweet potatoes also prevent aging and fight against cancer.

 Tomato – Heart 

 Tomatoes have many chambers that resemble the structure of the heart. Since tomatoes have lots of lycopene, they help reduce risk for heart disease and help with blood flow. They also contain loads of vitamin C, and that is crucial for a healthy heart.

Walnut – Brain 

The resemblance is just striking! The walnut is known as the one of the ultimate brain foods as they are an excellent source of omega 3, antioxidants, folic acid and vitamin E.

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Don’t Hesitate to Like/Re-Blog and hitting that follow button XD

anonymous asked:

Is there any way you can summarize comic fans because I want to try and explain the whole thing to a friend who isn't part of all this but I'm afraid I won't get a comic fan's world across??????

  • half of us have learned not to care about fighting with other fans, the other half keeps picking up fights but only ironically. the collective has stopped caring
  • the youtube comment section is excepted because, as everyone knows, youtube’s part of a wormhole where time has either stood still in 2009 or occassionally goes back to the 50s. god bless their sexist, walnut-sized-brain souls
  • the reason none of us seem to be chill on a molecular level is because we all inevitably get attached to characters we barely knew and didn’t set out to care about at all. the problem occurs this often because our favorite’s comic titles crossover with a million and one other characters’ titles and that immediately guarantees your caring about at least half the comic universe’s characters at the end of the day. involuntarily
  • yeah you thought you wanted to spend only $2.99 a month for a single comic but then you realized you’re interested in person A and maybe person B seems to have potentional and we’re all the way down to Z and you haven’t eaten this week because there are five different crossovers coming out this wednesday. good job, bob
  • when it’s summer and the sun is high in the sky and the birds are doing their thing and you hear a distant noise in the horizon that resembles a sheep mating with a gazelle, that’s probably a comic fan audibly cringing about an issue’s artwork
  • “i think it’s funny how” no it’s not. it’s not funny. you’re about to listen to a jaded fan throw shade at the comic company of their choice and their poor, poor decisions. i’m sorry
  • “why do you not follow the writers’ writing instead of bitching all the time? they’re professionals, they know what they’re doing”
  • yeah they’re professionals. they’re also fans. fans that sometimes don’t bother to open a single wiki page to check their facts. the rule with comics is that that only true consistency is inside a writer’s run. there’s a 85% chance things, tone, mood, mere character and plot facts won’t match when the next writer takes over
  • honestly, trust me when i say retaining strictly canon information ends up being more confusing than having your own patchwork-blanket canon in your head
  • “i love character X” doesn’t mean “i appreciate the way they’re written :)” or “i can’t wait to see more stuff with them!!”. it means “i love character X” and it’s time i introduced you to the phenomenon of caring on a deep, spiritual level about fictional characters
  • facebook comments will repeat how batman uses kryptonite to beat superman more times than batman has ever actually come in contact with kryptonite
  • we’re in hell, my boy

Scientists say that an average human uses less than 10 % of their memory. Surprising, isn’t it? However, lots of people struggle to memorize historic dates, chemistry cycles or physics formulae. Is that about you? If so, I presume you’re interested in making your life easier by using the following memory tricks.

Impression

People tend to memorize the information which made a deep impression on them. Indeed, it was really easy to memorize that Henry VIII had six wives or that Russian tsar Ivan IV killed his own son. So one key to memorizing is to:
💎 Concentrate on the topic. 15 minutes of deep concentration will bring a far more productive outcome rather than years of mess in thoughts
💎 Imagine what you’re reading in detail
💎 Try to draw what you’re learning. It’s much easier to memorize a picture rather than text

Revision

It goes without saying that to remember something, you need to revise it from time to time. No one can escape forgetting info. But how you revise can affect the speed of memorizing. Here are some smart ways of revising:
💎 We memorize 90% of things we say ourselves. So when you need to remember how kidney works/reasons for the Cold War, find someone to listen to you. Group studying is really helpful
💎 In case you are alone, read things aloud. It involves both visual and auditory memory
💎 It’s much easier to memorize something while practicing. So instead of learning formulae by heart like poems, try solving tasks. Similarly, try finding topical tests for history or biology
💎 Use flash-cards or apps like quizlet. I once learned a series of maths formulae (about 15) by hanging them all around my room. I didn’t even open my textbook!

Association

Our memory works by means of association. It would be extremely difficult to memorize something without having any primary knowledge about it. Why not using this quality of memory?
💎 Compose a funny poem
💎 Use abbreviations. I don’t know why, but “pmet” helped me to memorize the sequence of meiosis stages; DEKA (10 in Greek) stands for fat soluble vitamins D, K, E and A
💎 Think about the topic in order to build more connections between the things you already know and the subject you’re trying to memorize

Health

And of course, our memory is tightly connected with our health condition. So you should consider:
💎 Doing sports. Getting some exercise is also really helpful after hours of mental work because it speeds up blood circulation. As a result, more blood flows into the brain making it work much better
💎 Healthy diet. Walnuts in particular help brains work
💎 Staring a vitamin/glycine/omega 3 course

I hope these tips will be helpful for you guys. Please don’t be irritated by my mistakes (I would be very grateful if someone corrected them)

Use my essay? Get an F.

Today I will tell you guys about this little shit who got what he deserved. So there’s a guy, let’s call him Q. Q is one of those type of people who posts pictures of himself on Facebook posing with energy drinks and airsoft guns, so you get the picture. Anyways, this week we had an essay due in our Honors Literature class and of course he waited until the day before to do it.

The night it was due, I get a Facebook message from Q that reads hey bro can u send me ur essay so i can make sur mine is good.

Normally, I’d ignore this message, seeing as I don’t want people to think I’m the way out of doing work. However, I decided to get my revenge on him for everything he’s done in the past. I download an essay from some website that has nothing to do with our prompt. I then proceeded to change the title and the first paragraph, so that he thinks the essay is legit. Also at the end, I added in this: I regret that my walnut sized brain cannot muster up the willpower to write a simple three page essay. My apologies.

I was excited after I sent it to him, but then reminded myself to keep my hopes down, because perhaps he’ll realize the essay isn’t even mine. To my surprise, he turned it in yesterday morning in class, and even thanked me. I was jumping with joy on the inside. But it gets better-our teacher picked a couple essays at random that she would show on the projector to the whole class. To my luck, one of them was his.

His face when they read the first page was like that of a person standing in front of a speeding train about to be run over. The teacher showed the whole thing to the class and I was happy the entire day. I heard Q was confronted by the teacher after school, and I didn’t see him at school today.

Either way, thanks for reading. I know it’s not that much compared to some of the stories I’ve read on this subreddit, but it was good enough for me.

Petty Revenge: Your daily dose of the best petty revenge stories. | source

anonymous asked:

Im pretty sleepy and had about a minor heart attack when i saw that "as a Republican" tag before my brain was like "uk politics ya walnut!!!"

lmaooooo I’m sorry bb! in US company I usually call myself an antimonarchist