brag call

  • Phil: You so-called "drunks" want something to feel shitty about? I got something for you. My name is Phil.
  • People at an AA meeting: Hi, Phil.
  • Phil: Oh, like you didn't know. Anyway, there's this woman you've probably seen around town today. My associate producer, Rita, Rita Hanson. And that's her real name, you can look her up, I don't care. And first, I tried to sleep with her. But she always said "no". So then I systematically learned all her likes and dislikes without her knowledge to make myself more desirable to her so she would sleep with me. And I've been doing that probably for years, which isn't even mentioning all the hundreds of women I've successfully duped into having sex with me. And the worst part is I don't even know what happened after I was done with them! Did I ruin families? Did I scar anyone for life? I don't know! I'll never know, because no one ever remembers anything the next day! I could commit mass homicide tonight and wake up tomorrow with everyone acting like it's all hunky-dory! There is literally nothing I can't get away with! And that's just like one of a billion things that I have going through my head all the time! So anyone got a better story than that? ... Didn't think so, bitches. Where's my trophy or chip or whatever?

My favorite headcannon is that Jack has an amazing singing voice and he doesnt even know it.

One day when they’re driving in the car, Bitty has his Sappiest Love Songs Ever playlist going, and Jack’s hitting every note in If I Ain’t Got You. By now Bitty knows Jack can sing, so he posts a video of Jack just going at it on his twitter. The offical Falcs account retweets it. Lin-Manuel Miranda retweets it. Bad Bob retweets it with a “He definitely got that one from his mother”. #WhatThePuckZimmermann is trending #1. The world absolutely loves that this big, quiet, awkward hockey bro also belts it out to sappy love songs on long drives, and Bitty is so proud they finally get to see a part of the real Jack.

Words to use instead of decir

@languageoclock made this kind of vocabulary list for German “words to use instead of sagen, and so I’m adapting/adding to the the list for Spanish as a kind of looser “words to use instead of decir” version

  • anunciar = to announce
  • contestar = to answer
  • molestar = to annoy [used like gustar]
  • discutir = to argue, to discuss [pelear or luchar are more physical]
    argumentar = to contend, to argue
  • articular = to articulate / to enunciate, to speak clearly
  • respirar = to breathe
  • inhalar = to inhale
  • exhalar = to exhale
  • aspirar = to suck in air
    aspirar = to aspire
  • soplar = to blow air out
    soplar = to blow (wind)
  • expresar = to express
  • dar voz a = to voice [lit. “to give voice to”; dar voces is sometimes translated as “to shout”]
    poner voz a = to voice [lit. “to put voice to”]
  • mantener = to maintain
  • pronunciar = to pronounce
  • comentar = to comment
  • plantear = to claim, to make a claim/statement
  • predicar = to preach (religion)
    predicar = to assert, to declare / to mention
  • declarar = to declare, to make a statement
  • regañar = to scold, to yell at (usually parents to children)
  • reprochar = to rebuke, to reproach
  • clamar = to clamor (for)
  • reclamar = to complain, to appeal (legal)
  • confesar = to confess
  • insultar = to insult
  • ofender = to offend
  • ladrar = to bark [usually said of dogs]
  • darse cuenta = to realize, to notice
  • notar = to notice, to perceive
  • percibir = to notice, to observe
  • observar = to observe
  • reportar = to report
  • informar = to report, to inform
  • enfatizar = to emphasize
    hacer hincapié en (algo) = to stress (something)
  • recalcar, remarcar = to stress, to emphasize, to underscore
  • subrayar = to underline
  • ofrecer = to offer
  • pedir = to ask, to plead / to request
    [in the sense of food/restaurants, pedir is “to order”]
  • rogar = to beg
  • solicitar = to request, to seek, to ask for
    [solicitar can also be “to apply for a job”]
  • hablar entre dientes = to mutter [lit. “to speak between teeth”]
    hablar muy bajo = to mutter [lit. “to speak softly”]
  • mascullar = to mutter, to mumble
  • murmurar = to murmur
  • deletrear = to spell out [in the sense of telling someone how something is spelled]
  • clarificar = to clarify, to spell out
    decirlo en blanco y negro = to spell something out, to not beat around the bush [lit. “to say it in white and black”]
  • debatir = to debate
    discutir = to discuss [when not meaning “to argue”, it means more “to talk about something in depth”]
  • hablar = to speak
    [in some contexts, hablar can carry the meaning of “to put into words”, or “to speak up/out”]
  • invitar = to invite
    [side note: invitar can also be used as “to treat” when you buy something for someone else; invito yo is “it’s my treat”]
  • replicar = to reply
  • contraargumentar = to counter, to counter-argue
    contraatacar = to counter, to counterattack 
  • explicar = to explain
  • mencionar = to mention
  • contar = to tell (a story)
    recontar = to recount (a story)
    [note: contar can also mean “to count (numbers)”, or contar con algo/alguien “to trust (something/someone)” as in “to count on”]
  • jurar = to swear (an oath)
  • prestar juramento = to pledge / to make an oath
  • testificar = to testify
  • atestiguar = to attest, to bear witness, to provide testimony
  • maldecir = to curse
    decir palabrotas = to curse / to say bad words
  • formular = to forumlate
  • preguntar = to question
    preguntarse = to wonder [me pregunto si… “I wonder if…”; lit. “I ask myself if”]
  • hacer una pregunta (a alguien) = to ask (someone) a question
  • sonreír = to smile, to grin
  • gorgotear = to gurgle [liquid or water]
    borbotar / borbotear = to gurgle [usually in the sense of water]
  • balbucear = to babble, to gurgle [usually said of babies, or when it’s not clear speech]
  • gorjear = to squeal, to chirp [usually noises a baby makes, or sometimes small birds]
  • aullar = to howl, to yelp
  • tronar = to boom, to yell, to thunder
  • vociferar = to say loudly
  • rugir = to roar
  • berrear = to bellow
    berrear, mugir = to low, to moo (cows)
    berrear = to bawl, to cry loudly, to wail
    [in some places berrear might be “to snitch” or “to tell a secret”]
  • toser = to cough
  • imitar = to imitate
  • emular = to emulate, to imitate
  • parodiar = to parody
  • remedar = to mimic, to copy [often in the sense of “parroting” someone’s words to make fun of them]
  • quejarse (de) = to complain (about)
  • gruñir = to groan, to grumble, to growl
  • refunfuñar = to grumble, to gripe, to rabble 
  • aullar, gañir = to yelp [usually said of dogs]
  • chillar = to shriek, to squeal
    chillar = to squeak (a mouse)
    chirriar = to squeak (objects, shoes, doors)
  • divagar = to go on a tangent, to ramble
  • irse por las ramas = to ramble on [lit. “to go through the branches”, “to beat around the bush”]
    irse por la tangente = to go on a tangent
  • hablar y hablar = to go on and on [lit. “to speak and speak”]
  • cecear = to lisp
  • mentir = to lie
    fingir = to feign
    engañar = to deceive
  • gemir = to moan
  • opinar = to opine, to have an opinion
    expresar la opinión = to express an opinion
  • estornudar = to sneeze
  • bostezar = to yawn
  • charlar = to chat, to chitchat
  • platicar = to chat, to have a chat [usually in the sense of small talk]
  • conversar = to converse, to have a conversation
  • parlar = to talk, to have a conversation / to parley (pirates)
  • chismear = to gossip
    comadrear = to gossip
    [usually said of women, a bit antiquated but it’s related to la comadre which are close friends of a woman, lit. “co-mother”, so it used to apply more to when women would talk to each other alone]
  • cotillear = to snoop, to pry / to gossip [more common in Spain; it has the meaning of “to get into someone else’s business”]
  • reaccionar = to react
  • protestar = to protest, to object (court of law)
  • refutar = to refute
  • rebatir = to refute, to rebut / to parry
  • negar = to deny
  • presumir = to brag, to show off
  • alardear = to boast
  • pavonearse = to boast, to brag, to peacock
  • vanagloriarse = to brag, to toot one’s own horn
  • fanfarronear = to to brag, to boast
  • jactarse de = to brag about
    presumir de = to brag about
  • llamar = to call (on the phone) / to call out
  • llorar = to cry, to weep
  • lloriquear = to whimper, to snivel, to cry
  • sollozar = to sob
  • burlarse de (algo/alguien) = to make fun of (something/someone), to mock, to tease
  • reírse de (algo/alguien) = to laugh at (something/someone)
  • mofarse de (algo/alguien) = to deride, to scoff at, to mock
  • bromear = to joke, to tease
  • chistear = to tell a joke
  • tomar el pelo a alguien = to trick someone, to pull someone’s leg, to mess with someone [lit. “to grab/take hair”]
  • suspirar = to sigh
  • gritar = to scream, to yell
  • cantar = to sing
  • silbar = to whistle
  • chiflar = to whistle / to boo, to jeer at
    rechiflarse = to boo, to jeer
  • abuchear = to boo, to jeer
  • vocear = to vocalize, to announce / to yell, to shout
  • aclamar = to cheer, to cheer on / to acclaim
  • vitorear = to cheer, to cheer on
  • aplaudir = to applaud / to cheer
  • decir = to speak, to say, to tell
  • negociar = to negotiate
  • tartamudear = to stammer, to stutter
  • titubear = to hesitate, to stutter
  • atorarse = to stutter, to get tongue-tied
    trabarse la lengua = to get tongue-tied
    tropezar al hablar = to stumble while speaking, to have difficulty speaking
  • escupir = to spit
  • sisear = to hiss
  • introducir = to introduce
  • reflexionar = to ponder, to reflect on
  • considerar = to consider
  • contemplar = to contemplate, to think about
  • tomar en cuenta = to keep in mind
  • sugerir = to suggest
  • exigir = to demand
  • alabar = to praise
  • elogiar = to laud
  • decir maravillas de (algo/alguien) = to speak highly of (something/someone)
  • condenar = to condemn
  • denunciar = to denounce
  • acusar = to accuse / to charge (legal)
  • revelar = to reveal
  • indicar = to indicate
  • traicionar = to betray
  • seguir = to follow, to continue
  • continuar = to continue
  • guiar = to guide, to lead
  • conducir = to conduct, to guide / to drive
  • maniobrar = to maneuver
  • criticar = to criticize, to critique
  • transparentar = to be obvious, to be transparent
  • translucir = to reveal, to shine through
  • añadir = to add
  • interrumpir = to interrupt
  • interponer = to interject
  • intervenir = to intervene, to step in
  • exclamar = to exclaim
  • abordar = to approach / to address an issue, to broach a subject
  • admitir = to admit / to allow
  • susurrar = to whisper
  • divulgar = to divulge, to tell a secret
  • piar = to chirp, to tweet (birds)
  • perder el hilo = to lose one’s train of thought
  • irse apagando = to trail off [lit. “to go diminishing”]
  • quedar en ridículo = to look ridiculous, to look foolish
  • poner en evidencia = to show someone up, to put someone in their place
  • defender = to defend
  • oponerse = to stand against
  • abogar = to advocate / to vouch for, to intercede on behalf of
  • emepzar (a) = to start (to)
  • comenzar (a) = to begin (to), to commence (to)
  • detener = to stop
  • dejar (de hacer algo) = to stop (doing something)
  • concluir = to conclude
  • garantizar = to guarantee
  • contradecir = to contradict
  • responder = to respond
  • ayudar = to help
  • apoyar = to support
Take my breath away (a fluffy one shot)

(Bucky x Reader) (Steve x Reader)

We all know the ‘bring a fake date to the reunion’ trope, I’ve tried to use that one but do it a little differently. I hope you guys like it! 

This is a Steve and Bucky AU fic.

Story: You’ve had a huge crush on Bucky all through college but nothing ever happened between you two. You are determined to change this when you see him again at the reunion 15 years later, but another man shows up to disturb those plans.

Word count: 4110

No warning. This is mostly fluff and feels, a lot of kissing and soft touches but nothing beyond that.

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t fucking cry.

You could do this, it was just one stupid night, one stupid reunion and then you’d never have to see him again. You could go back to forgetting all about his existence and get back to your life.

Your life as a hopeless, desperate, single woman in her thirties who hadn’t been on a date for as long as she could remember. Back to table-for-one restaurant visits and girls nights out where you were the only single girl in the group.
Back to your empty apartment with no one waiting for you except your cat Noodles who didn’t really care when you dragged your ass home as long as she got fed.

You shouldn’t have come here tonight. You knew this reunion was a horrible idea, you hated these people back then and you hated them just as much now.

Well, not all of them.

Not James, you could never hate James. James Bucky Barnes had been the only one who made your college years somewhat bearable, not that he was ever aware of that fact.

You’d had a crush on him all through college and you never had the guts to tell him. He didn’t even know you existed.

Keep reading

MCL Boys: Summer Headcanons

hmmm i can see that a lot of requests in my inbox are for summer headcanons. and i, kahasan, am here to provide you with your summer vibes. i hope you enjoy!


  • Actually likes playing at the beach. Volleyball, tennis, frisbee, he’s really into beach activities.
  • That one guy that holds his food everywhere in every place until he’s done eating.
  • Has such nice looking trunks. So nice? He’s not even trying but they’re such aesthetic trunkS
  • Though he’s not a fan of sweets vanilla ice cream is tolerated, we know this.
  • If he wanted to bring anyone, he’d definitely bring Armin. Who brings Alexy. Who brings Kentin.
  • Wouldn’t actually take anyone with him. But he wouldn’t mind Armin or Kentin’s company.
  • Looks really good in a visor ?? Like holy damn this boy can pull it off with zero effort.
  • “Alright..but I did find something we could try out before we swim!” Won’t admit he’s scared of swimming, he tries to improvise.
  • If Candy knows how to swim, he’ll ask in a heartbeat, he’s not super open to swimming deep in the water.
  • That kind of guy that doesn’t like sweets but buys Candy her favorite sweets anyways. probably limits how much to get because he’s a mom
  • His favorite thing to do is throw a frisbee. he just loves throwing that damn thing into the sky to see how far he could go
  • Super competitive! He won’t have mercy on Candy! Until she gets too annoyed..he’ll reconsider.
  • Loves taking candid pictures of Candy, especially when she’s playing around.
  • Really thinks that frilly swimsuits are cute, especially with a skirt. Though he’s not super into that stuff, it’s nice to think about.
  • Can and will tear anyone up at volleyball or tennis. try him, he has no mercy
  • Kinda afraid of swimming?? Blame his fear on all those documentaries he’s watched of people drowning.
  • Will refuse to let Candy swim without some swimming equipment,, because he’s protective like that™


  • Debates between a pony tail or a man bun. But really, both are good?? he pulls them off 1000%
  • Would prefer to wear khaki shorts over trunks since at least the thing has some damn pockets.
  • Tbh, his day would revolve around Demon like he’s not super interested in doing much??
  • Was most likely dragged by Candy or just had a strong urge to spoil Demon.
  • If he wanted to bring anyone, it’d have to be Armin and Lysander.
  • Peronsally, he doesn’t care what Candy wears to the beach. But he has a thing for pin-up tops and short shorts.
  • Not the best thing to do to bury him under the ground, or ask. He hates the feeling of sand since it takes a lot to get rid of it.
  • Can’t stand when sand gets stuck him?? He would honestly wear some shoes or sandals, he’s not about that life.
  • Will lay anywhere to sleep. On the bench, some blanket, chair. As long as something carries his body.
  • Gets the best tan, just honey-colored tan. Glistening angsty tomato gets the best tan no competition-
  • Would enjoy playing volleyball, any kind of activity that involves hitting and throwing; Castiel approved.
  • Would pick Candy up by surprise and low-key run to the water just to scare her.
  • Actually likes cute bathing suits. Though he wouldn’t mind if Candy turned up the heat a bit hayy
  • “Everyone complains it’s so hot and come to the beach as if it’s gonna cool them down.” Honestly doesn’t like beaches. It’s very hot and the sand burNS,, complains about it.
  • Really competitive in sports?? This boy will jump from lengths to be the winning team.
  • Actually likes building sandcastles. It’s pretty therapeutic, he can make a good sand castle.
  • That one kind of guy that buys an ice cream and hesitantly gives it to the crying kid next to him.
  • Really loves snow cones lemon or cherry flavors usually.
  • Actually yelled went a crab pinched his trunks he’s really scared of creepy crawlers.


  • Personally, Lysander doesn’t like hot weather. Hot weather and his hair just doesn’t mix.
  • Wears a lot of sunscreen, possibly a sunhat, just anything to shade him from that scorching sun.
  • Likes sharing his ice cream with Candy, he’d probably give it to her though, he’s not too much into sweets.
  • He’s pretty willing to try new things. Like snow cones, he grew a thing for those.
  • If he wanted to bring anyone, it’d be Castiel. He’d bring up Kentin but it’d be super awkward if he did, with Castiel around and what not.
  • Likes having to lend Candy some of his beach wear. That being one of his sweaters or hats, he takes pictures.
  • Would honestly be buried under the sand and try not to sleep because no he has to be awake.
  • Pretty good at making sandcastles?? But whenever he’s asked he’s like “Well, it’s not that good, but thank you.” and it really looks like a mansion.
  • His favorite thing to do is to be buried under the sand! It’s so warm, he likes when Candy builds a little castle on top.
  • Can’t stand when sand gets in his hair or face, it’s super irritating. He actually makes an annoyed face.
  • Really loves watching the sunset with Candy. It’s pretty cliche, but the sunset is never the same thing.
  • Will never be completely shirtless unless it’s serious. Or Candy, both are very true.
  • Hair becomes a lot curlier due to the humidity, quite fluffy hair.
  • Walking around the beach during sunset is a must. He really has a thing for night time scenery.
  • Loves cherry popsicles! Cherry is one of his favorite sweet flavors.
  • Took a lot of candid pictures of Candy. He’d just keep them but?? He’d show her to see if she’s alright with it.
  • Loves it when Candy wears a flowing skirt and a bikini top, that’s a beautiful combination. Whoops taking some more,, candid photos
  • Not really into playing games. Volleyball or tennis is nice, but he’s not the playing type.


  • Honestly? He wouldn’t go to the beach, he’s more of a water park type of guy.
  • Would rather wear some light colored shirt. He’s not too comfortable showing his body to everyone else? So a t-shirt or tank top would do.
  • Wears some pokemon visor. He personally can’t handle having sunglasses since as soon as they fall off, his eyes are just done for.
  • Loves playing with water guns. He’s super into water activities and some water gun battle would be amazing.
  • Everyone already knows that Armin would bring Alexy there’s literally no point in listing this.
  • More of an ice cream sandwich person. He’ll buy Candy what she wants, sure, but he’d rather have a sandwich since he can’t keep up with ice cream.
  • Likes being a coach. Honestly?? He thinks he’s cool being the coach, yelling out scores, and especially yelling “FOUL!” he takes his job too seriously.
  • Blowing bubbles with Alexy is expected. He’ll blow bubbles a lot, he loves trying to outdo others in making a huge bubble.
  • Tries to surf but slam dunks himself in the water. If Candy can surf, he’ll ask for her how to do it. And still fall, because that’s Armin.
  • Personally did NOT ask to go. He just went for Candy and for the sake of not being dragged…also the swim suit.
  • Though he likes two-piece swimsuits, he’s more into when Candy wears a bikini top and shorts. hot damnnn
  • Alexy drowned him in sunscreen. Tbh, Armin’s skin would be very sensitive to the sun seeing how inactive he is with the outdoors.
  • Gets sun-burned easily and thinks he has every right to complain and/or whine about it back at home.
  • Waterballon fights are a must, don’t argue with him on this, it’s something that has to be done.
  • Pranks Alexy by waving a crab at him, he recorded it and Alexy almost jumped on him after he saw.
  • Likes playing games that involve throwing, usually a good game of volleyball is something he’d do with Candy.
  • Will float in some float for the majority of the time. If Candy and Alexy plan on scaring him, he’d prank them by pretending he’d drown. Lmao then Alexy would whack him upside the head.
  • Very great aim. Thanks to all those shooting games, he’s got quite the senses on how to win.
  • Ends the day with some water gun fight war. Whoever wins gets bragging rights and is called “the best shooter through the whole beach”. If he loses, he’ll be pouty about it.


  • Isn’t much of a beach guy, he’ll just walk around here and there but he’s not a super outdoorsy person.
  • Likes riding a bike around the lake, he always finds a way to work himself.
  • Most likely came to the beach for Cookie to have some playtime. And/or if Candy asked him.
  • Likes helping kids make some sandcastles. He doesn’t know why, but he feels really good having to help kids. Such a great husband, right?
  • Shirtless all the way, he sweats too easily to risk himself like that. Glistening abs in the sunlight tbh.
  • Actually plays too hard, doesn’t know his own strength. He’ll be a little too tense if he’s hitting something, so, it’ll go far.
  • Picks Candy up to play in the water. He’s such a playful boy in these kinds of settings?? It’s just so nice.
  • Wears his military cap, his dog tags, and trunks. He looks like a G.I Joe ready to play at the beach, which is expect by others. Ahem Alexy.
  • If he wanted to bring anyone, it’d have to be the famous Alexy. Then of course, Armin who was dragged.
  • He’d get pranked a lot by the twins. Crabs by his trunks, some creepy thing Armin picked up, it’s annoying but he’ll admit it’s fun to some extent.
  • Will honestly buy a lot of sweet treats. Ice creams, chocolate fudge ice cream, slushies, he’s seen it all.
  • Out of all the animals that were used for him to be pranked with, one thing he can’t handle are starfish on his back or body, he’s scared of those.
  • Can surf. He’s more of an intermediate, but he considers it a pretty cool activity to do.
  • Likes watching the sunset. Okay, he’s not really the type to stay long but if they had,
  • He’ll teach Candy, for sure. But again, he’s not a pro - he knows the basics on how to get started and deal with the waves.
  • Likes it when Candy wears a two piece with some transparent top over it. It’s like a mixture of adorable and sexy, he’s super into that.
  • Volleyball is his favorite thing to do! Darting around and trying to hit the ball makes him hyped, he usually wins.
  • Has mercy on Candy with beach games, but he’s good at acting that he didn’t…but then he totally admits it just to rile her up.