(I know it looks long, but just read it okay?)
Today, I felt terrible. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. Like everyone who smiled at me was lying. lies, lies lies. Everywhere.
It was pretty hot out today, so instead of wearing a sweater, I wore 3 million bracelets to cover my self harm scars. Everybody. And I mean EVERYBODY I EVEN ran into made fun of them. Even my “friends.” My good friend Amanda:
“Haha what’s with all the bracelets?”
My friend Olivia:
“2012 called, they want their style back.”
My friend Nadyia:
“Why are you wearing all those bracelets ?”
I couldn’t tell you how many comments I got about my “2012 fashion”
It’s not my choice.
I HAVE to wear these.
All day I was tired. I was depressed again. I was yelled at by my “friends.” Yelled at by my teachers.
I got home and I was tired. I was achy and I wanted everything to just end.
I wanted the pain to stop.
Everyday this happens and I was tired of it.
But then, a notification.
“YuB uploaded a video: DON’T BEA MEAN! (Night in the woods playthrough.”
I had been waiting to watch some night in the woods.
So I watched it. I checked Dan and phil’s channel and watched some of their old videos. Next thing I new, another notification.
“StacyPlays uploaded a video: CAMOUFLAGE (Mystic Mesa)”
I watched that. By that time, about an hour had passed. A whole hour without thinking of hurting myself. I then finished watching Jackfilms’s hour long:
“Frame by frame review of the emoji movie trailer”
Of corse the video was a joke, so that was a whole ‘nother hour of laughing.
2 hours. 2 hours of not thinking about suicide. 2 hours of laughing.
Then, I watched a new game theory I’ve been meaning to watch.
Then, the “little nightmares” livestream from CrankGameplays.
Then, Markiplier TV bloopers
Then I re watched the “no more mama” musical from random encounters.
And, I didn’t feel depressed anymore. Basically, this is a PSA
YouTubers help depression
YouTube is a real job
And it’s an important one too.
YouTube saved me
From my wicked thoughts