boys play dress up...for real

What Writers Can Learn from Wonder Woman

I don’t know about you, but I was nervous about a Wonder Woman movie. DC had been butchering their properties in an effort to be edgier and making bad choices along the way. This was the first time Wonder Woman was going to get her own movie. She had a TV show and part in animated movies and shows, but this was her big moment.

Be a role model for everyone

Do a search here on Tumblr, and you see plenty of people who see Diana as a role model, but that’s just in the real world. If you look at some of the more inspirational scenes, you will find her changing costumes to respect the places she is visiting. One of my favorites is when she teaches a young girl how to sword fight when the boys won’t let her play in their game. There is even a scene in one of the animate movies where there is a man who is protesting her, but when she uses her lasso, he admits that sometimes he dresses up like her because it makes him feel powerful. Her response is simply, “Embrace your truth.”

Don’t be afraid to step out on your own

Most viewers already knew that Diana had been separated from her Amazon sisters, but it is still an important lesson. Diana is willing to reject everything she has known because of the mission she feels she has been called to take on. She goes into an unknown world to try to protect it from danger. Now, I’m not asking you to go off and fight Ares. That is just impractical, but you should grab hold of your story and work on it so you can send it out into the world.

Learn from your mistakes

I don’t want to give away anything in the movie, but there are times that Wonder Woman misses her mark. She doesn’t understand the rest of the world, and London of the WWI era is a very different place than Paradise Island. Wonder Woman could have given up in despair and jumped back on her small boat and tried to get home, but instead, she faced her failure and found a way to win.

If you haven’t seen the movie, I highly recommend it, and not just because I watched Batman v Superman last night and thought the only worthwhile moments involved either Diana or Wonder Woman.

Get back to writing,

Billy

“It's still a struggle to be okay with myself, but I feel more authentic now than when I was relying on external things to validate my identity. “

Submission by: @genderatheism

Currently 24, Washington,US

I never fit in with the other girls.  I have vague memories of wearing dresses and tights to daycare, but my mother tells me that around age 2 she showed me a dress to wear that day and I said, “No Mom, black jeans,” and never looked back.  I did have a dollhouse, but my favorite game was one I called Godzilla Meets the Dollhouse People, where the family would adopt a baby Godzilla that would grow up to either eat them or protect them, depending on the mood I was in.  My hair was long, but it was wild and untamed.  I played with both girls and boys, but usually in pretend games I would pretend to be a boy.  I would sometimes get teased by other kids, called a boy pretending to be a girl because no real girl would dress the way I did.  I knew the teasing would stop if I conformed, but that wasn’t worth it to me, so I endured. Basically, I was a classic tomboy.


It wasn’t until I got a little older that I started to really feel uncomfortable with being a girl.  I was introverted and spent a lot of time online where it was all “no girls on the internet” this and “get back in the kitchen” that. I didn’t have the words for it at the time, but I hated how my body was both an object of desire and something to be scrutinized in every detail.  I was called ugly because I didn’t style my hair or wear tight constricting clothes, but if I did do those things I would have been called a vapid slut.  This was around the time my dysphoria began to manifest.  I don’t know if I can separate whatever internal feelings I had about my body from the feelings brought on by external criticisms.  Just by existing I attracted unwanted attention, even when I hid everything I could under my biggest hoodie.  Even female pronouns felt grating on my ears—that “sh” sound symbolized my status as an object.  It wasn’t just a classification, it was a command.  “SH”e.  Sshh.  Sit down and shut up, like a good girl. It didn’t occur to me at the time that other girls also felt pressured to be something they aren’t, it seemed to come easily to them.  Clearly, the problem was with me, for not being like the other girls.  So I made an effort that lasted maybe a year or two.  I thought maybe, if I tried hard enough to force myself into the mold, I could learn to be okay with it.


I was 17 when I first learned about being transgender.  It felt like all the pieces suddenly clicked into place.  This was why I couldn’t act like a girl should—I wasn’t a girl in the first place.  This was why I liked “boy things” and felt so uncomfortable with my female body.  I met every criteria in the diagnosis, it just made sense.  I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my parents were going through their divorce at the same time. That’s not the subject of this story so I won’t go too much into it, but that’s hard for any kid to deal with.  My life was being flipped in all directions and I wanted to escape and start over.  I moved with my mom when she left, to a town I’d never lived in before. Nobody there knew me, so I could introduce myself as a boy rather than have to come out to people I already knew.  I started to meet other people like me.  Back then the trans community was a lot smaller, but everyone was very supportive.  I was starting to feel like I actually belonged somewhere and could be myself.  I started seeing a therapist, who agreed that my noncompliance with traditional gender roles meant that I was actually male.  At 20 I started taking testosterone, and it seemed like my life was on its way to being where I wanted it to be.


All was well for a few years.  My family accepted me and I passed well enough that nobody knew unless I told them.  I went stealth and decided that once I had gotten surgery I would put my trans status behind me, thinking of it just as a strange chapter of my life.  I listened to all the trans positivity messages out there saying “trans men are real men,” and did my best to convince myself that was true.  Of course I knew that no amount of modification would actually make me male, and that I would always have a connection to women that cis men do not have.  But that wasn’t the point; the point was to say words that make people feel good.


In the years since I came out and now, there have been a lot of discussions in trans theory that eroded my sense of belonging in the community.  We always said from the beginning that gender is a social construct and how you dress doesn’t define what you are, but at the same time we uphold these stereotypes to such a degree that anyone who doesn’t conform 100% to their assigned role is considered trans.  The hypocrisy took a few years to sink in, but once it did I couldn’t un-see it.  I never liked the concept of the cotton ceiling—for the uninformed this refers to people not wanting to sleep with trans people whose genitalia doesn’t match their orientation.  Maybe I’m taking a radical stance here, but nobody is obligated to sleep with anyone they don’t want to, and trying to guilt them or call them transphobic for that is honestly creepy.  More and more people began speaking out against the medicalization of transness and gatekeeping the community.  But instead of criticizing how the diagnostic criteria for being trans focuses on liking the “wrong” toys or clothes (which if we’re going with the gender is a social construct narrative, is a valid criticism), people wanted to drop dysphoria as a necessary symptom, meaning that being trans just meant not conforming to gender roles, which aren’t important in the first place, but they are when we say they are.  The logic felt so strained and unjustified, and I started to wonder how nobody else saw the doublethink going on.  But I had one point that I held on to, that being brain sex.  That was my justification for my feelings, I had a male brain in a female body. Sure, I couldn’t prove it, but it felt that way and that’s what counts right?


Well, then more brain studies started coming out.  There was a study on brain plasticity, meaning the brain changes shape or function depending on external circumstances—so a woman who’s been living in that role her whole life would have a “woman’s brain,” but that was due to the life she lived, not how she was born.  Last year, another study came out essentially proving that brain sex does not exist, because there is no single trait or list of traits that determines if a brain is male or female.  I consider myself a scientific person, so when irrefutable proof that contradicts my beliefs is staring me in the face, my only option is to change my beliefs.  Aside from that, there is a lot of evidence showing that transition usually does not reduce depression or suicidal ideation.  But honestly I don’t need a study to tell me that, I could see it in my own life and in the lives of other trans people I knew.  So I began to wonder, what actually makes me trans? If it’s not the way I dress, not something in the brain, and not dysphoria, what is it?  My soul or spirit or whatever?  Spare me that, I’m an atheist.  I deal with facts and proof, not things that feel good to think about but don’t stand up to critical thought.  My search for answers led me to gender critical feminism, which I was apprehensive about but I needed to understand.  I began to read the forbidden texts of radical feminism where they spell woman with a Y, but I couldn’t speak to any of my trans friends about it because they were critical of transition which made them Bad People, and me a Bad Person for even being curious about what they had to say.  I was surprised to see that there were a lot of similarities to what I had already been taught.  Gender is a social construct, I know that. Female gender roles hurt female people while male gender roles benefit male people, that’s obvious.  The biggest difference was that the ideology I was already in approached the problem of gender by creating more categories, while radical feminism advocated for abolishing the categories entirely.  What a concept, treating people the same regardless of what organs they’re born with and not assigning things like colors or behaviors to one organ set or the other—of course the trans community advocates for this too, or claims to, but gender abolition actually seemed like the logical conclusion of that line of thought.  I realized that I hadn’t needed to transition to become the person I wanted to be, that my dysphoria was more due to the way I was treated for the crime of being born female than anything else, and indeed, that I now had regrets.  I still felt dysphoric, but it seemed like transitioning would never solve that.  Even if I changed everything I could, I would still be fixated on the things that I can’t.  I wanted to go back but felt like I couldn’t, because I’d forever have an altered voice and facial hair.  I just knew I couldn’t keep acting like this was sound logic when I knew it wasn’t.  I knew I couldn’t live like this anymore.


So I made an anonymous blog.  No ties to my real identity, just a place for me to vent about my feelings. Shortly after, I stopped taking hormones and canceled my future appointments with the therapist I was seeing to get approval for top surgery.  I got in contact with other people who had realized that we needed to break the chains of gender, rather than add more colors of chains—some with a history of transition, some not.  Blogging about my experience has only made it more clear to me that gender theory has become dogmatic.  I get insults and threats from anonymous posters for talking about my own experiences, even if I don’t say anything against anybody else.  I’ve been called a self-hating trans man in denial, brainwashed by the radical feminist cult.  I’ve been asked sarcastically why I hate trans people, as if being critical of the way power structures affect the way people think means that I hate individuals or want harm to come to them (I don’t.)  I’ve even been accused of being a shill making up my whole story just to undermine the trans community.  It’s a lot to deal with, but I can’t disable comments because I also get people coming to me for advice or just to vent, people who either share my experience or are just questioning mainstream gender theory but are afraid to tell people they know.  I’m happy to be there for someone who needs a sympathetic ear, but it’s also upsetting that we have to talk about these things in secret.  Detransition might not be common (yet—I honestly believe that a lot of young people who identify as trans now won’t within a few years), but it is an important part of the experience that anyone considering transition should take into account.  I want to reiterate that I completely fit the narrative of a trans childhood and am formally diagnosed, I didn’t just get into it because it’s cool and trendy to be androgynous and have a dyed undercut.  And yet, I still realized it wasn’t right for me.  The same thing could happen to anyone in transition, especially if they are willing to critically examine their ideology instead of blindly accepting it. Detransitioned people deserve a voice in the community instead of being no-platformed the way we are now.  We used to be just like you, and you could easily become like us.


I only recently came out to my family and friends about detransitioning (via Facebook, since it’s easier to write one post than to tell everyone individually.)  It took several months for me to work up the courage—Coming out once is hard enough, and I worked so hard for everything I had achieved.  It felt like throwing away a lot of effort, and I was worried that retracting my identity would make me look crazy (or at least uncommitted) and alienate my trans friends.  I was finally inspired to speak up by a friend (who shall remain anonymous) saying that she was also going back to living as a woman, and getting a lot of positive and supportive response, including from mutual friends.  When I did finally make the post I had been dreading for ages, it was uneventful.  I called both my parents and they didn’t care as long as I was happy, and life immediately resumed.  Not a lot has changed, and I don’t expect it to.  I’m keeping my wardrobe because I like my clothes and clothes don’t define gender anyway, so I can wear whatever I want.  I’m not going back to my birth name because I never liked it (sorry Mom and Dad!) and the name I chose for myself has become part of my identity, and is fairly neutral.  People still assume that I’m a man because of my appearance, and that’s probably just something I’ll have to live with—I’m certainly not the only woman who does, even among women who have never transitioned.  It’s still a struggle to be okay with myself, but I feel more authentic now than when I was relying on external things to validate my identity.  It feels like I’m actually accepting me for me, rather than try and modify myself to chase an impossible end.  Right now I’m just taking things a day at a time and focusing on taking care of this body, feeding it well and staying physically active to feel at home in it.


If you’re reading this and you’re family or a friend, thank you.  If you’re reading this and you think I’m a violent transphobe, I can’t stop you, but I hope you understand that my viewpoint is not an outsider’s opinion, it comes from an intimate understanding of the trans community.  If you’re reading this and questioning your own transition, I’m here to tell you that it’s never too late.  Some detransitioners I know were on hormones longer than me, or had surgery, and still reclaimed themselves. Our community is here for you, and we’re all just trying to heal. 

The More the Merrier (Poly!Hamilsquad x reader)

Pairing: Hamilsquad x reader

Word Count: 1490

Warnings: It is probably shitty because I wrote it at 2:30 am and wrote it in 2 hours. 

Summary: You find out you’re pregnant, but you don’t know whose it is and you are scared to tell them. 


“DADDY! MOMMY! DADDY! DADDY! DADDY!” Frances called as she ran down the hallway to your bedroom.

 Frances was your first child. She was 4 years old and totally unplanned. You or your boys didn’t care one bit. Even though the baby was John’s, Alexander, Laf, and Hercules loved her just as their own. You wanted to have a kids with all of your boys and soon you would. Frances came along after you were sick and John stayed home to take care of you because he had the most days saved up to take off. You were complaining about your fever and John jokingly said sex was the cure, naturally you tackled him onto the bed and the rest is history. The other boys were a little hurt at first because they all secretly wanted to be the first, but they were so happy to have a baby. Soon there would be a little one running into the bedroom and 7 on a Saturday morning, but none of the boys knew it yet.

 “Can we pleeeeaaasseeee have turtle shaped pancakes for breakfast?!?!” she begged as she jumped on to the bed.

 “Of course. Go in the living room and turn on the tv, we will be in there shortly sweetheart,” Hercules told her as he embraced her.

 “Okay,” Frances smiled and planted a kiss on his cheek.

 You watched Hercules melt. You were so excited to have another child. They were all so caring and sweet and loving fathers, you were just scared to tell them because you didn’t know whose it was. You also weren’t sure how much longer you were going to hold off on telling them. John started to get up to go to the kitchen when he was pushed aside.

 “(Y/N)!” he shouted.

 “Sorry!” you shouted back from the other side of the closed bathroom door.

 “Are you okay, mon amour?” Laf asked.

 “I’m fine, I’ll be out in a minute,” you assured.

 “You don’t sound okay,” Alexander said.

 You brushed your teeth and emerged from the bathroom.

 “You don’t sound okay. Did you brush your teeth?” Herc asked.

 “We haven’t even had breakfast yet, and you are totally against brushing teeth before breakfast,” John reminded you.

 “What’s going on, (Y/N)?” Alexander asked as he had you up against the door.

 He had his hands on the wall on either side of you. He had you trapped you had to tell them. You took a deep breath.

 “I’m glad you brushed your teeth, that would not have been a pleasant smell after you just threw up.” Alexander said as he pressed his one hand on your forehead.

 “Ummm, I’m not sick. I, um, I’m pregnant.” you said looking down at the floor.

 Alex immediately wrapped you up in his arms followed by the rest of the boys joining in.

 “Why didn’t you tell us?” Herc asked.

 “Well I don’t exactly know whose it is and I was scared.”

 “Hey, you don’t need to be scared we will all love this baby like it is our own. You already know that,” Alex said lifting up your head.

 “I know, it was stupid, but I just remember y’alls faces when I told you about Frances.”

 “Look, we all hoped to be the first one but soon we realized that we were all going to be a dad. Even if it wasn’t ours biologically we were still going to love her like she is, and we still do,” Alex said.

 “I’m sorry.”

 “No sweat.”

 After breakfast you showered and came into the living room but stopped at the door. You were watching Frances sit on Laf’s lap as he read her a book teaching her french. You imagined a little Marquis running around with a head full of hair. Frances had her dad’s freckles and curly hair. You were thankful for that. Then you thought of a little Alexander running around probably learning how to write before they talked, or baby Herc sewing clothes for a doll.

********

Countless doctor’s appointments later you were sitting in the hospital with a baby wrapped up in a blue blanket. Frances looked at the baby boy in awe along with her dads.

 “He is to cute mommy,” she said softly.

 “I know, are you excited to finally meet your baby brother and be a big sister?”

 “Yes mommy, can play dress up with him?”

 “No sweetheart, this is a real baby not a doll.”

 “But what about all the clothes daddy made for him?”

 “Those aren’t for play. You can read all of the books daddy wrote for him though. How about that?”

 “Can I help daddy make the baby food? He can teach me to make food in french!”

 “That’s up to him sweetie.”

 “He can sleep with the stuffed turtle me and daddy picked out, right?”

 “Of course.”

 Frances leaned down and kissed the forehead of her new brother.  

*********

Your baby boy was now 5 and Frances was 9. He was just like his father, spoke just like him too. Marquis’ first word was Papa and he hasn’t stopped speaking french since. He loved to help in the kitchen too. Even though we was just like Laf, Marq showed signs of the others too. You found little drawings of clothes all over his room, he left you notes every morning next to your coffee (you usually couldn’t read it but it was adorable), and he loved animals, not just turtles, but all animals.

 “MOOOOOMMMYYYYY!!!!” Marq screamed from the other room.

 “What honey? What happened?”

 “Fan killed a bug then used one of my masterpieces to clean it up.”

 Dramatic, just like Laf.

 “Honey you’re going to be fine. You have plenty of others.”

 “Fan is caca téte!”

 “Alex!!!”

 “Yes my dearest?”

“Why did you teach him poo head in french?”

 “Why do you assume it was me? His dad is the one who speaks french.”

 “Alex, babe, that’s what you call Jefferson when you rant about him.”

 “Okay, fine. I am sorry. At least when he starts school no one else will know.”

 “Mommy, where is daddy?”

 “Which one honey?”

 “The one with the same hair as me.”

 “He is on his way home from work. Why do want to know?”

 “I am hungry.”

 “Well I will start dinner.”

 “No.”

 “No?”

 “Your cooking…. Méchant.”

 “MES CHERIS!! I AM HOME!!”

 The kids ran to Laf and hugged him. John and Hercules came in behind him and the kids hugged them too. Hercules planted a kiss on each of their cheeks. You and Alex stood watching, he had his arms around your waist. Hercules pulled out some gifts for the little ones. Laf held Frances and John was holding Marquis as Herc handed them new clothes. John and Laf looked at each other and smiled, they leaned in and gave each other a lingering kiss. Herc leaned in too and they both kissed his cheek and the kids giggled. You loved your family that drew weird stares from everyone when y’all decided to have dinner or a movie or taking the kids out for ice cream. You really loved how Hercules and Alexander loved Frances and Marquis even though biologically neither of them were theirs. You couldn’t wait for you to have two more kids, you just didn’t know when they day would come for the last one.

 “Hey, Alex.”

 “Yeah?”

 “I’m pregnant.”

He kissed your neck, “I know,” he said.

 “How?”

 “I feel you get out of bed every morning.”

 “Do the rest of our boys know?”

 “Yeah, you have to climb over half of us either way you get out of the bed, and you’re not the most graceful person.”

 “Why didn’t y’all say anything?”

 “Why didn’t you tell us? Were you scared Herc would be upset?”

 “Yeah…”

 “You remember the day when we were both here because I was working from home?”

 “Yeah, that’s when it happened I’m pretty sure.”

 “I know it is. Hercules and I talked about it because we noticed you were dropping hints about wanting another child, he said he wouldn’t mind being the last one. He said he has to help design some clothes for some actor or something so he would have to fly to L.A. pretty frequently and it wouldn’t be the right time for him.”

 “When were y’all going to tell me this?”

 “Tell you what sweetheart?”

 “You saying you were okay with being the last dad.”

 “I don’t know…”

“It’s okay, I didn’t tell y’all about Frances or Marquis.”

 “So when is Alex Jr due to join us?”

 “February.”

 “Mon chéri! Another Alex?”

 “Yo, what?”

“Mommy, am I going to be a big sister again?”

 “Yes sweetie. Marquis, you are going to be a big brother!”

 “What does that mean maman?”

 “There is a baby in mommy’s tummy. You are going to have a little brother or sister soon.”

 “Oh. In your tummy? How did it get there?”

The First Time He Is Alone With His Infant Firstborn

Hoseok
Hobie alone with his daughter is a heck yes. He will have the best time with his little girl. In the morning he will take her out of the cradle to relax a bit on the big bed. They will lay around for a while. Then Hobie gets up and brings that baby to the bathroom for a bath. Then he has breakfast and bottle feeds his little girl. Then the baby falls back asleep and Hobie will do a little choreo writing, humming the latest track to himself. When the baby wakes up for a nappy change, Hobie is still singing. Then he will play with her for a while. Peekaboo or airoplain or something of the like. When you come home Hobie is rocking the baby to sleep.

Jeongguk
Appa Kookie might be a bit insecure at first, but he will find his own soon enough. He will first gingerly wake his son and change his nappy. Then he will warm a bottle of milk and feed him. Then he will take his own breakfast. He’ll spend most of the time on the couch, playing games and singing to the baby. When the babe is awake Jeongguk will gently tickle him and sing for him and even play peekaboo. They take a big long nap together and when you come home you find them on the couch, snoring both.

Jimin
Probably the cutest thing in the world. Jimin and the baby will spend the whole day in their pj’s. Jimin will spend hours on end cuddling his baby daughter. He’ll sing to her and play with her. But he will also dutifully change her nappies and bottle feed her. They will have a wonderful time together. They will take naps together and have giggle fits together and Jimin will shower his little girl in sweet kisses. When you come home to your sweet squishes, they are tuckered out on the big bed.

Namjoon
Nams isn’t too confident about this and you have to reassure him that he’ll do fine before leaving the house. Namjoon will handle his son as if he is made of fine china. He’ll carefully dress the boy and cradle him with hands almost shaking. With the utmost care he will bottle feed the boy, making sure the milk isn’t too hot. Then Nams lays back on the couch with the baby on his chest. The boy clings to his appa’s shirt while he sleeps. When the baby is awake Namjoon will change his nappies and gently play with him. When you come home Namjoon confesses that he was actually not so bad.

Seokjin
We all know this is his thing. He loves to mom his little girl. So when you are not there, he can knock himself out. He will bathe his girl and dress her up like a real princess first. Then he will have breakfast and feed her her first bottle of warm milk. Then he sings sweetly to her and rocks her to sleep, putting her in the pram. While he does the chores and makes kimchi, he keeps an eye on her. When she becomes fussy he will pick her up and change her nappies. Then he’ll spend a while playing with her and around lunch he will feed her her next bottle. When you come home, he already has dinner done.

Taehyung
This is one of his life goals. He might start off a little enthousiastic, with a big cuddle session that makes his son a bit crabby. He’ll then go to the normal routine of changing his nappy, putting him in clean clothes. The baby stays fussy and Taehyung makes his a bottle, but first needs to walk around the whole house, rocking the baby before he wants to feed. After the bottle, the baby falls asleep and Taehyung naps with him on the big bed. After a long nap Taehyung makes another bottle, does a nappy check and plays peekaboo and sings, the child giggling loudly. When you come home Taehyung chatters your ears off of your head about how good it was today.

Yoongi
He will have a nice and calm day. He’ll take time to write a little and meditate. Between that he will take good care of his baby girl. He will change her nappies and gently holds her when she is fussy. He will gently talk to her and play peekaboo for her and do sweet voices. He will bottle feed her and be an overall dedicated dad. He will take a long big nap with his daughter on his chest and that is how you find him when you come home.

Okay so like

You guys remember that episode where Steven and Connie end up playing dress up in Rose’s room and Connie’s really bothered that her favorite story ends in marriage and Steven liked the ending?

I was actually super bothered by that episode. Because, like… Yes, it’s important to acknowledge that two people can enjoy the same thing while having differing opinions. That’s a good message to send to kids.

But the way it was set up… I don’t know. It felt kind of like Connie was representing the people who are tired of seeing boy/girl BFF duos turn into romances for no real reason, while Steven represented the people who like that trope.

And in the end, Steven comes out “in the right”. Connie’s kind of portrayed as overzealous and nitpicky.

But that entire line of logic can also be applied to Steven and Connie themselves. A lot of people would rather they didn’t end up together, while others think they’d make an adorable couple.

It felt lowkey like maybe, if Connie just wanted to be friends, Steven would still cling to the hope they could be together.

Idk, maybe I’m thinking too deeply into this. It’s not like they’re canonically in love, it’s just been implied that they might get together in the future. They’re love interests, not a couple.

But the fact that they were cosplaying a ship that Connie shipped platonically and Steven shipped romantically and such a big deal was made out of it made me uncomfortable (I know calling it a “ship” might seem silly but it’s the best way I can put it).

Does anyone else feel me on this??

A Tent Under The Stars 🌍✨

After Will was released from hospital, Joyce innocently assumed that gradually, things would go back to normal. She would arise to the sweet smell of pancakes and eggs being made by Jonathan. She would admire Will’s latest drawings, and help him to come up with a backstory for each and every creature he drew. She thought things would go back to normalcy, but she couldn’t have been more wrong.

Keep reading

“With a beard or without, with breasts or without, in flannel or in skirts, I am female and I will never let anything or anyone try and take that away from me again.”

Submission by @questiontransition

28 years old, Maine

When I was little, I did all the gender expected things that little girls are “supposed” to do like wear dresses and try on my mom’s make up, but I was also really active and climbed trees, played with my brothers in the mud, and played soccer. I was always wanting to pretend to be the boy when I would play with my friends, and I eventually fell out of my love of feminine things to instead embrace everything more masculine. I liked how the girls around me would accept it when I was pretending to be a boy and I felt like that made me feel more real.

When I was in middle school, I realized I was attracted to my female friends the way my male friends were attracted to them, and I started to feel really out of place. I hit puberty and I hated the way my body changed, I despised my period as any sane girl would. I had cut my waist length hair up to my ears and it didn’t take very long to start getting homophobic slurs thrown my way and people avoiding being my friend. While I found a girlfriend in high school who loved me for who I was, she was only just starting to settle into her sexuality and so she was shy about public affection or really being proud of telling people we were together.

I felt very isolated and I had started to really experience what I would later know was dysphoria, especially the larger my breasts grew and the more men started to give me attention. I was 15 when I had to do a research paper for my AP Psychology class based on any topic I wanted. I had wanted to do something related to the LGBT community and it was then that I decided to do research on the T part of that acronym and really try and figure out what it was about. As I looked up information on Gender Identity Disorder, as it was then called, and read personal stories, I started to see myself in more of them. Maybe not the knowledge of from birth, but certainly the desire to be a man, the discomfort in my gender role, the hatred of my female body. I was certain this was who I was.

I’ve been in therapy since I was a kid due to childhood abuse from my father and a traumatic divorce between my parents, so I started to discuss these thoughts with my therapist. Even over a decade ago, she was ready to tell me that I absolutely was trans from everything that I was telling her, and that the childhood wishes didn't really have to be a part of it - my current clear body dysphoria coupled with my constant desires to be a man were solid enough for her. As I was just a kid and I did not want to come out about it to my parents, I didn’t pursue any adolescent transition. My girlfriend and close friends were the only ones I came out to and I started to use he/him pronouns to see how it felt.

I was 19 when I moved away from my home in the mid atlantic to New England. Being so far away from home, I started to change my pronouns with people I introduced myself with, and started to introduce myself by a masculine name. I hadn’t taken hormones, but trans awareness was starting to slowly come into the public, so people were understanding. I ordered a binder and a packer. I tried to deepen my voice. I watched YouTube videos and read advice blogs telling me to study other guys, to talk with a deeper voice, to walk like a guy, to take up more space, to change the inflection of my words, to be more aggressive, to play more sports and stop doing all the “girly shit” I was more fond of like sewing and baking. I came out to my family - my mother didn’t care, my father was expectedly an asshole, but my aunt said something that would always stick with me; “Oh, I knew you had to be trans - you never liked make up or gossip or any of the stuff normal girls like. I knew you had to be a boy.”

By the time I reached my early 20s, I had decided I wanted to pursue transition. Through help from the Tumblr trans community, I found a doctor who only needed inform consent rather than multiple letters from therapists because I thought easier meant they were more accepting, that there was less “gatekeeping.” I got on hormones within a month of my 25th birthday. Two years later, I was able to get chest surgery. I changed my name. I changed my gender marker. I had thousands of followers watching my transition, pushing me along the way, congratulating every “brave” step I took, telling me how incredible I was, how handsome I was, how perfect I was. Sure I got the occasional hatred from bigoted jerks looking to get a rise out of me, but I was seen as a hero to so many more.

My girlfriend from high school ended up becoming my wife, we decided to start a family. It was around that time that I had started to really question what it meant to be a man or a woman. I couldn’t get her pregnant because I didn’t have the right reproductive organs - if I was a man, that should have been something I could do. My dysphoria worsened and I started to feel depressed. I had no one in the lesbian community to talk about our pregnancy journey with, no same sex couples to really connect to, and opposite sex couples wouldn’t have understood my needs. I started to realize that my sense of self was not actually that of a man, that I would never be a straight man, and my brain couldn’t wrap around it because of years of exposure to the constant rhetoric that trans men are men, men don’t all have penises, men are men if they feel it. 

The idea of trans without dysphoria had led me to the “truscum” community, which eventually led me to the radfem and gender critical communities. I had been taught to despise these people by the trans community on and off Tumblr, but I had started to see how many opinions we had that overlapped, and the concerns of gender I’d had since my wife got pregnant actually addressed. These ideas were so much more real, so much more factually backed, and not relying on feelings or senses of self. I started to realize my desire to be a man may have been my fear of being a butch lesbian, that internalized misogyny and homophobia could have been the cause for all of the feelings I’d had.

It’s only been a few months in which I’ve finally really accepted the idea of detransitioning. I stopped taking T about 3 weeks ago, my wife and I have had long talks about the idea of my socially detransitioning as well as medically. What it might mean, how it might effect us, what her parents will say, what my parents will say, how our friends will react. My mother knows and is fully supportive. I haven’t told most of my friends, too afraid of how they might react right now. I’m easing my way in, wetting my feet, trying to slowly remind myself what being a woman really means and trying not to regret the steps I took to survive in a time when I didn’t know any better. 

With a beard or without, with breasts or without, in flannel or in skirts, I am female and I will never let anything or anyone try and take that away from me again.

anonymous asked:

I just watched Jinyoung's Never Ever Game Time and I am EXHAUSTED. It was legit 58 minutes and 51 seconds my mind repeatedly imploding at the realization of how gorgeous this boy is. How is he even real? It's just not right. Sorry, needed to exteriorize my frustration and thought you might somewhat relate to the struggle.

asdlkfjasdkl ANON YOU HAVE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE. Listen. Let’s talk about how this man dressed up in a classy blazer to play some computer games. 

A QUALITY HOE.

Then let’s discuss this tiny piece of hair

Lit.

But like YOU’RE RIGHT, HOW IS HE REAL?! how is ANY OF THIS REAL WHAT IS REAL, I- 

Bless Park Jinyoung. 

A Nino Tell-Tot-Tale

For @thelastpilot (as bribery so you’d be my friendd)


“Give it back Kim!” Nino lunged again, jumping with much force as his short, stubby legs could give him without much avail. Perhaps it was a bad day to visit the park playground after all. He couldn’t comprehend how a five year old could be so much taller than him, considering they were the same age; but here he was looking helplessly as his TMNT action figure dangled far beyond his reach. 

“What’s the big deal?” Chloe huffed, standing beside Kim in a bright yellow sundress with her arms crossed. Her shorter blonde hair was wrapped up tightly in a classy ponytail, rather than loose around her shoulders like she usually had it, and she smirked happily. She should put it up like this more often. 

“It’s from a Happy Meal, you can find another one anytime.” Kim agreed, a wicked grin on his features as he began to toss the brightly colored toy between his hands. Nino watched in horror as his most prized possession flew carelessly through the air.

“No! Stop it!” They didn’t understand, and Nino was starting to get desperate. It wasn’t just any TMNT toy, it was his favorite! He had to dig through countless nuggets and apple slices, trade with bratty kids and at one point just straight up cry until he finally acquired the best TMNT member of them all, Michelangelo. In the short five years of his life, Nino has never been on a more vigorous journey for a toy.

Not to mention, they discontinued the toy series in favor or Hot Wheels for the third time this year. So no, Nino wouldn’t be able to find another one ever. 

What’s going on?” A girl with jet black hair set into a pair of twin tails walked up the the group, blue eyes wide as she spotted the commotion. 

Marinette. Nino mentally cheered, glancing over his friend in loose pink overalls and a ladybug barrette holding back overgrown bangs. She’ll help me.

None of your business.” Chloe sniffed at the same time that Nino tattled, “They took Mikey.”

Marinette’s eyebrows furrowed, looking between all of them before spotting said victim in the hands of her classmate. A small frown began to form on the young girl’s face, and she promptly placed two small fists at the side of her none existent hips.

“Guys, give him back to Nino.” 

“It’s just a dumb toy,” Chloe sneered, “Nobody invited you over here.”

“He’s not just a dumb toy!” Nino argued, stomping his foot with as much rage as he could muster. Although it was hard to take his anger seriously as his Sketchers lit up in a flurry of colors.

“Nino’s right. Mikey is his friend.” Nino couldn’t help but notice how Marinette patted the small pocket placed smack in the center of her overalls subconsciously. He hadn’t noticed before, but he could see just the top of a small stuffed toy.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t the only one to catch the protective movement.

“And what do we have here?” Before anyone could protest, Chloe’s quick fingers plucked the small toy out of Marinette’s pocket and looked over it, a disgusted frown falling upon her features. “Ew, it’s a monster!”

“Hey!” Marinette immediately tried to snatch it back, too slow however for Chloe’s fast reflexes. Nino was able to see the toy better now, a small red figure made out of what looked felt and stuffing, and was definitely homemade. 

It looked like a tiny alien, with yarn threads hanging from the head like antennae and a black button placed in the center of the forehead, right above two equally crudely made blue eyes. Nino winced slightly, but stood firm with his friend.

“Give back Mikey and- er..?”

“Tikki.” Marinette supplied.

“Tikki!” Nino finished, rolling up his longer sleeves in an attempt to look tough.

Chloe barked out a laugh, Kim only observing the situation play out with Mikey still high in his hands at this point.

“Or what?”

“Or-!”

“Chloe?” A new voice popped out of nowhere, someone that the rest of the group besides Chloe couldn’t recognize. A small boy, almost as small as Nino but not quite, with neatly tousled blonde hair and bright green eyes. 

“A-Adrien! What are you doing here?” Chloe stuttered, eyes as wide as saucers as she greeted the boy coming over. 

“Mama brought me out so I could play.” He shrugged, and Nino eyed him warily. He definitely didn’t look like he was dressed for the park. He had on a button up shirt, pleated pants and brown dress shoes. This kid looked like he just came from someplace real fancy. Nino could make out a beautiful young woman with the same shade of blonde hair from a distance, also dressed to the nines in an elegant summer dress and heels.

This boy- Adrien- looked down at himself and smiled sheepishly.

“Spur of the moment.” He offered, and the rest of the kids couldn’t help but drop their jaws in shock. Adrien even talked like a grown up. It was slightly intimidating.

While Marinette continued to stare at the newcomer, Nino set his sights back on the important matters. 

Fast as lightning, the boy snatched Tikki out of Chloe’s currently distracted and unsuspecting hands, tossing it back to Marinette without so much as a fumble. 

Well, at least from him. Seeing as Marinette wasn’t focused, Tikki managed to hit her straight in the face and knock her dramatically to the side. Nino stifled a snort, it was rude to laugh at a friend’s pain after all, no matter how hilarious it was in the moment.

“Oh! Hey are you okay?” Adrien immediately rushed to help Marinette up, brushing dirt off his pants as he picked up the barrette that flew out of her hair, knocking her bangs to cover her eyes. 

“Oh, a ladybug.” Adrien smiled, noticing the added charm and handing back the accessory as Marinette attempted to clean herself up. “I love ladybugs.”

Marinette’s voice got caught in her throat as she lifted the hair out of her eyes, sky blue meeting intense emerald as she smiled shyly back. “So do I. Tikki is one.”

“Is that what she’s supposed to be?” Chloe snorted.

“Yeah,” Marinette protested weakly, suddenly extremely self conscious as she pressed her best friend to her chest, “I made her myself.”

Adrien’s eyes grew larger, gasping in awe as he inspected Tikki with a closer look. “You made her yourself?! That’s so cool! Can you make me one?”

He looked excitedly at this new girl, potential friend, and smiled widely. Marinette was caught slightly off guard. She has literally just met this boy, never having seen him before, but already he was opening up to her like they had known each other for years. Despite the fact that they all couldn’t be older than six. 

“Uh- sure.” Marinette blanched, cheeks glowing brightly. “Do you want a ladybug too or..?”

“Can you make me a black cat?” Adrien looked so pumped up it was almost too much for Marinette to handle. She simply nodded as the boy grinned back.

“It’s great and all, this toy making business you’re starting,” Nino deadpanned, effectively ruining the budding friendship moment between the two, “but can we save Mikey now please?!” 

Adrien looked confused, before looking up at the much larger kid still currently holding the turtle themed hero.

“Hey,” He whispered to Marinette, a mischevious smile making it’s way to his face, “I’ll distract him and you can take the toy back. What do you say?”

Marinette looked in shock between this new boy, who seemed like he has been watching way too many superhero movies as of late, and her good friend, still in need. She met green eyes and nodded determinedly, tiny fists already raised and ready.

“What is this, you’re going to take us down?” Chloe mocked, unamused by this entire situation.

“Yup!” Adrien grinned, “Ladybug and Chat Noir can take anyone down!”

“Who now?” Marinette scoffed.

“Us! You’ll be Ladybug and I’ll be Chat Noir! It sounds cool right?” He looked between the action figure and the dark skinned boy beside him, “And you could be.. The Turtle! No wait- The Jade Turtle.” Nino chuckled, feeling excitement bubble in his chest. Maybe this day in the park will prove to be fun after all. 

Kim grinned, obviously reeling and ready to play along, still teasingly dangling the toy above them all with a greater gusto. A trio may have just been born, on this hot summer day in a small park in Paris, but it looked like the start of something greater.

But now, in this moment, it was something epic, heroic, miraculous.

Headcanons for the next generation of fairytail kids

-Gray and Juvias kids learned water magic and think there dad is hella lame (which upsets him to no end because he just wants to be the cool dad)

-Gajeel and Levy have a daughter that’s smart like her mum and a little asshole like her dad. And all Gajeel wants is for her to be his little princess

-Loke and Lucy have a daughter who dresses like Lucy and Loke is constantly trying to make her cover up and keep her away from boys (because she’s a flirt like her dad)

-Lisanna and Natsu have the sweet little cinnamon rolls who love everyone but go ape shit when it comes to battles

-Jellal and Erza have twins that are so cool calm and collected but everyones still a little scared of them and Erza can’t work out why the other kids never play up in front of them.

title: ways to fly

rating: t

pairing: kagehina, hina-centric

tags: trans boy hinata, canon compliant, mild transphobia

ao3

Hinata arrived on the first day of school, hair short, nauseous, wearing his new binder and a new pair of shoes and a new name.

alternatively titled: i try to make the trans hina headcanon fit into canon timeline

Keep reading

Ike: *Goes to Canada for a week*
Ike: Hey Kyle, nice weather today, eh? Better go to the LCBO and get me a six pack of Blue and a mickey of maple whiskey to share with the boys while we watch the Habs play against the Leafs: It’ll be a real nail biter. Maybe pick me up some all dressed chips on the way back.
Kyle: …Ike, you’re doing it again.
Ike: What?
Kyle: ….
Ike: Oh, the Canadian thing. Sorry…

'She's the Man' Sentence Starters
  • "OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! IT BURNS!"
  • "Well hey there, pretty lady."
  • "Girls with asses like mine do not talk to boys with faces like yours."
  • "Be not afraid of greatness, some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them."
  • "I am convinced he's hiding something."
  • "Have you ever tried to run away in high heels?"
  • "I'm a boy, I promise."
  • "A few days ago I kissed this girl at a kissing booth."
  • "...and when I close my eyes, I see you for who you truly are, which is UUUG-LAY."
  • "Who's your daddy?!"
  • "Man, I just, I'm not really good at talking to girls."
  • "Do you... like... cheese?"
  • "Could you be a girl for just 5 seconds?"
  • "You don't have to flirt with her first, okay, genius? You're paying for it."
  • "Beware the old guy chewing gum... it's not gum."
  • "Are those real?"
  • "What does your heart tell you?"
  • "Wake up, I've been waiting for you."
  • "It's not a wig!"
  • "But why? He's so handsome, and rugged, and chiseled, and great."
  • "What are you talking about? Why are you lying?"
  • "I'm allergic to the sun."
  • "I played soccer once... or was it chess?"
  • "God you and your brother look scarily alike from the back."
  • "Remember, chew like you have a secret..."
  • "Why, why do you always talk about girls in such graphic terms?"
  • "Nonsense! You don't need a man to wear a beautiful dress!"
  • "___---, be a good boy."
Eastern Europe’s Halloween

Russia: what do you mean I’m too old to trick-or-treat bitch there’s no age limit on free candy or fun 

Ukraine: oh dear I forgot to buy candy here kid have a potato

Belarus: the next person who says they’re dressed up as a sexy anything will be shot

Latvia: russia confiscated all my candy to make sure there wasn’t any LSD or razor blades in it and all I want is a little piece of chocolate

Estonia: WHO BROUGHT UP THE SKELETON WAR GUYS I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES

Lithuania: I feel like tonight has been anything but productive and quite frankly I’m considering doing shots until I pass out

Poland: so far I have made eleven costume changes. the next one is in exactly eight minutes

Hungary: lithuania and me are drinking in the bathroom and talking about sheep come join us

Czech Republic: I’m the scariest thing in the world; the pokemon go song kid. I PLAY POKEMON GO EVERY DAY

Slovakia: LOOK AT THE WIENER DOG DRESSED UP LIKE A HOTDOG OH MY GOD HOW A D O R A B L E

Romania: I hate all of you poser vampires you have no idea what being a real goth boi is like

Moldova: romania punched a kid because he stole my candy and now I have twice the candy and romania might be getting arrested

Bulgaria: I’m just going to sit on my roof and throw candy at kids who come up to my door because why not

(( @russiashenanigans @ukraineshenanigans @belarusshenanigans @aphlatviasuggestion @estoniashenanigans @lithuaniashenanigans @poland-shenanigans @hungarysuggestion @czech-shenanigans @aph-slovakia-shenanigans @romaniashenanigans @moldovasuggestion @me ))

guess whos writing a trans boy hinata + kagehina fic B)

here’s a blip of what ive written so far. any feedback would be lovely!

tw: dysphoria, ment of periods and kind of sexualizing kids bodies (by other kids, not adults)

He started feeling worse when his dad called him “young lady” or when his mother made fleeting comments about his body, about his femininity, comments that he would later try to wash off as he scrubbed his body clean, scrubbed away the bad feeling. The Wrong stuck like gum in his hair, like the taste in his mouth after taking medicine. He wasn’t alone without the Wrong, and soon it became unbearable. 

Keep reading

how society treats sports fans vs how they treat nerd fans

sports fan: i’ve been to all of this team’s games in the last year 

society: wow !! you are so dedicated

vs

nerd fan: i drove two hours to get my favourite book signed by the author

society: do you work? who has the time for that??


sports fan: the player i idolise tweeted he had oatmeal for breakfast this morning, i think i will too

society: it’s so good to see you have a positive role model!

vs

nerd fan: i like to keep track of my favourite actors’ social medias, their lifestyle fascinates me

society: !! stalker alert !!


sports fan: this sport is gender inclusive, look at this tiny newspaper article about the womens’ sports team

society: wow this is exactly the kind of thing that makes us a superior species

vs

nerd fan: umm quiditch has teams filled with both girls and boys, and they play on the same pitch. this applies in the real world because quidditch is technically a sport

society: lol it’s not a real sport it’s just a bunch of geeky freaks dressing up and running around on brooms how about you join the real world


sports fan: i watched a documentary on my favourite sport!

society: sports is so educational !! 

vs

nerd fan: i read a lengthy article about my idol author/artist, they’re life story is so complex and interesting

society: how about you channel that energy into doing something more worthwhile


the issue that a lot of the nerd fanbase community has with sports lies in the general attitude toward sports compared to the attitude towards “geeky” interests. we don’t have a problem with sports, we do however have a problem with society not treating our interests the same as an athlete/sports fan’s interests.

he’s getting married but not to you (part 2)

part 1

a/N: after like forever i’ve finally done part 2

Lukes pov.

 "I don’t know what to do mum.“ I sighed as she patted my side in comfort and stroking my hair like she used to do when I was upset when I was younger.

 "What do you think you should do luke? How do you feel about this all?” She asked softly. 

 "I love Katey but … Y/n is my best friend, I’m always going to love her!“ "As a friend or something more?” “I… I don’t know” I sighed.

 "Ask yourself this; how did you feel when she told you she was In love with you?“ 

 "Well, I was shocked obviously because i didn’t know, I was angry, angry that she had waited until today to tell me although I pushed her to tell me what was wrong if not I wouldn’t have known, but most of all I’m sad, sad that she hid it from me for so long, sad that she’s had to watch me plan my wedding with Katey when all this time she’s been in love with me.” I rambled. Why was this happening to me? 

 "I want you to make a wise decision, but I want you to do what you think is right and what makes you happy, they are both wonderful girls and no matter what one of them will get there heart broken, make sure you pick correctly the first time, don’t mess them about hunny.“

 "Thank you mum” I said standing up and leaving the room to go and find Katey. 

 Sucking in a deep breath I opened the door in which I knew she was getting ready in. She let out a quick scream trying to cover her wedding dress from my eyes. She looked amazing, truly stunning. How did I get so lucky?

 "Luke! It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding!“ She gasped Trying to get me out of the room.

 "I’m sorry, I just wanted to see you before the wedding, I wanted to make sure you were sure about all this 100 percent.” I said 

 "I am. 100 percent. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.“ She said adamant.

 "Good.” I smiled “I’ll see you at the alter” and with that I left. I definitely made the right decision I hope. 

Walking out of her room I bumped into y/n looking at her in sorrow. 

 "Hey" she mumbled softly “what did she say?” I looked at her sadly and sympathetically and i think she understood. 

 "You didn’t tell her did you, you’re still going to marry her.“ She said her eyes tearing up, glassy and sad.

 "I’m sorry, I really am-" 

 "It doesn’t matter Luke I’ll get over it. I just want you to be happy and you are with her. I’m honestly so happy for you, you and her would make the perfect married couple. Anyway I’ll see you down the isle, Katey wanted me in her room to help get me ready with the other bridesmaids.” She said quickly before going through the door i just came out of.

 I can do this. Only 15 minutes to go and I’ll be standing next to her at the alter. I love her so much, I’m doing the right thing. I thought back to how beautiful Katey looked the first time I met her and how I had to go speak to her but got y/n to do it for me because I was too shy, I remember what y/n looked like on that day too, she was beautiful as well. 

 I remembered when I took Katey to the school prom, she honestly looked so pretty that night that I asked her to be my girlfriend, I remember how y/n only stayed for an hour before going home telling me she was bored as she was dateless and I was too busy with Katey. I regretted parts of that night, the fact I ruined y/n’s night due to bailing on taking her to prom which sucked because I had never seen her look more beautiful than she did that night. I shook my head telling myself i had to forget about y/n I wasn’t marrying her I was marrying Katey.

 Walking down the isle to the altar I stood next to the boys (my best men) and waited. The music started as my breath hitched and I looked towards my mum who gave me a small smile.

 "Does she look good?“ I whispered to calum not wanting to look back at her until she reached my side. 

 "Yes, she looks… Beautiful.”

 "Ladies and gentleman please stand for the bride.“ 

 What? I thought she was half way down the isle by now…

 "What?” I whispered to calum before turning around to look down the isle. Oh. He meant y/n. She was the last of the bridesmaids to walk down the isle before Katey. I was taken aback, my eyes trained on y/n as she was walking shyly down the isle.

 I didn’t even realise that Katey was behind her at this point, it had hit me that maybe this was wrong, I was overwhelmed with love as I looked at her beauty mixed with sadness as she plastered a fake smile on her face to look happy. We met eyes before she gave me a small reassuring smile. She was generally too nice, I could never get over how un selfish she was, she always wanted others to be happy before her happiness. 

 I quickly diverted my eyes to Katey in hope no one would realise. Katey looked amazing, I was stunned but somehow y/n was on my mind, well she hadn’t left my mind for a long time. I should be focusing on being happy and starting my life with Katey not questioning what my life would be like with y/n.

 "Hey" she whispered once she reached me linking our pinkies together.

 "Hi" I whispered back “you look stunning” I smiled I heard people behind us sit down and the boys left my side to sit with the bridesmaids and family at the front.

 Calum winked at me before sitting next to y/n who was staring at the floor with a blank expression. I couldn’t imagine how hard this would be for her, to watch someone you love, love someone else. Calum put his arm around her breaking her out of her state as she smiled up at him.

 She nodded at something he said before he pulled her close against his side holding her hand in his. Jealously sparked within me and I wanted to rip his touch away from her. That’s when I knew for sure I had most likely made the wrong decision.

 Throughout the vows my eyes kept involuntarily flicking to where y/n was sat, watching her reaction yet not getting anything as she stared at the floor. I knew that was probably her way of being able to get through this

. The priest started to talk and my nerves shot up.

 "Luke Robert Hemmings do you take Katey rose Harrlow for your lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?“ The priest asked turning to me.

 I took one final look at y/n meeting her eyes a I saw a tear escape her eye. I could tell this was hurting her, I looked back at Katey who was looking at me worriedly as I hadn’t answered immediately. 

 "I do”

—————————————————————————————————————-

 I’d made a mistake. 

 It hasn’t even been 20 minutes.

 I was sitting in the car next to Katey on he way to the wedding party, we hadn’t talked yet, reality hitting us that this was real- we were married. Husband and wife, best friends. No not best friends. No one could replace y/n. My thoughts drifted to y/n.

 I had never seen her look so defeated - and I was the cause of it. It made me feel like shit, when I should be the happiest in my life right now. 

 We arrived at the party venue. Everyone was already inside waiting for us. There were table everywhere, it was quite a big wedding. We walked up to the top table where our family and best men/maid of honour were sitting. I looked at the two table in front. One was full of the boy’s family, the other full of the bridesmaids- including y/n. 

She looked miserable, I knew that she didn’t get along with any of the bridesmaids, she had told me ages ago when she had to go dress shopping with them. I was surprised she had stayed. This must have been torture for her. She was such a good friend, I didn’t know how I was going to make it up to her. I did what my mum had said not to. I messed her around. I told her I wouldn’t marry Katey, I gave her hope that she still had a chance- and then I ruined it minutes later.

 I mainly stayed quiet over the dinner, only talking when talked to. The speeches were next, the boys did theirs together which ended up with them talking over each other but it was funny and made everyone laugh-even y/n.

 "We remember when we were all younger" Ashton said loudly so everyone could hear. “Me and the boys and y/n, we used to play pretend families- only because y/n made us” he earned a chuckle from the guests. “And now- now you’re actually married for real, not going to lie I though I would be the first to get married" 

 After the speeches Katey went to get changed into her other dress for dancing - I took this as a chance to go find y/n. It took me a while to find her, I had started to panic that she had left. And she nearly was when I spotted get from across the room, she had walked away from the bridesmaids and was going out the door that eventually lead to the exit after a few windy corridors. I quickly walked there, before shouting her name through the corridor. I turned the corner seeing that she had reached the exit door.

 "Y/n stop” I called

 "I-I can’t" her voice croaked

 "Please. You can’t leave" I said

 "I can’t stay" she said quietly. 

 "You’re my best friend, this is my wedding, please I need you here"

 "Why? You don’t need me anymore, she can be your new best friend, I can’t even be your friend anymore, I can’t do it any longer, it’s just a constant reminder of how I’m not good enough" she cried

 "Please, don’t do this" I whispered

 "I have to Luke, you don’t understand how hard this is to watch you two be happy, to know you’ll never want me, you’ll never look at me that way. I cAnt handle all the sympathetic looks off of the boys and your family. I need to move on with my life and the only way to do it is without you. I’m sorry" 

 "What do you mean without me?“ I asked suddenly scared. 

 "We can’t be friends anymore" 

 "That’s ridiculous! You can’t go from being my best friend to nothing!” I nearly shouted at her ridiculousness.

 "I have to!“ She shouted "what am I suppose to do Luke? Do you know how much it hurts to be around you?”

 "I understand, seriously I know how much it hurts, but please, I still need you in my life, you can’t walk away.“

 "I have to, I can’t do this, you need to go and enjoy your wedding, she’ll be wondering where you’ve gone” she said looking at me with a sad smile before walking out of the door.

 There wasn’t anything I could do, I should have gone after her but I was at a wedding, my wedding. I had to stay.

anonymous asked:

Can you do a HC with the RFA reacting to MC having a young son? (Around 2) thanks:)

you´re very welcome, dear <3


jumin

-will renovate an entire room for mc’s son, filled with toys and fancy pirate decor

-(no jumin he´s only 2 he doesent really understand this yet)

-is super polite towards the father of mc’s child (unless he’s a jerk to mc and their kid)

-treats him as if he were 4 years and not 2 lmao

-wont ever make the child call him dad, and makes that clear to the kids father as well

-oh ma god this man does not have any concept of age

-treats them as if they were his own tho. talking with him when he’s upset, as if he were a grown adult


zen

-oh my god he,s just as cute as mc??

-is a bit jealous of his dad at times, but will never ever show it in any way

-spends wayy too much time making funny faces at him, to make him laugh

-ohh but the real fun begins when he´s older, zen will make sure this kid grows up healthy and happy

-acts like his butler to make him laugh, addresses him as “prince”

-will also let them practice lines with him, and dances with him all the time

-also lots of high school musical lmao


yoosung

-boi is a kid himself they’ll be besties in no time

-when he grows older yoosung will nerdi-fi the kid in no time oh my

-lots of dressing up in costumes together, yoosung playing into whatever fantasy world the boy is caught up in

-is intimidated by the kids dad, and will always talk wayyy to formally to him

-kid loves to watch yoosung play and makes sound effects for his games


jaehee

-oh my, jaehee is so good with kids are you kidding me

-will encourage him to use his creativity, in whatever way the kid prefers

-also encourages him to express their feelings in healthy ways, and always respects him when they tell about them

-will let him braid her hair

-mcs kid loves going to see jaehee practice her judo, and will always try to imitate her moves

-compares jaehee to mulan


707

-kid loves him at first sight, pointing his odd haircolour out.

-”hair. tomato!!!”

-seven loves playing with him and especially taking them to car races and watching movies with him

-literally adores the kid, and the kid adores him just as much

-the kid wont allow anyone else but seven, read him his nighttime story, he´ll cry if you do it

biker!got7

PART ONE (a.u)

or’: in which dumb7 like to think they’re the new local gang and should be considered badass just because they got a bunch of bikes off ebay that were on sale and now they pretend to take beatdown requests. careful though, hyung line doesn’t mess around,…or at least they hope so.

warnings: mentions of bars/paid violence, vulgar language, lots of crack, super brief mention of dead ppl but it’s indirect no worries, mentions of needles and tattoos? 

special thanks to @bangtanbrochachos​ once again for helping out w some of the ideas my angle and my devil 

○  | see more of my aus here |  ○

mark: 

Originally posted by mayfifolle

•  signature items: gold ring 
                            + 24k gold chain 

• never reveals his gold chain because he doesn’t want to be deemed as the richy rich half of the tryhards™
• the type to quietly whisper ‘ay’ in the background while someone’s getting dragged
•  is actually the one with the highest credibility because he doesn’t really talk he’s just tall there are ready to stare everyone down saying nothing for like an eternity 
•  and he’s just staring them down like ‘are you really gonna do anything about it? are you’ and the person either backs off or gets into an existential crisis
• but listen if he starts talking it’s all fkin gone his vocabulary is way too eloquent for like fake bar fights and places in where broke ass people are giving leaves as gifts and
•  please stop this boy he’s too polite and cares about morals over money and all the fake shit they’re trying to sell like you could honestly go to him, slap some bills right on the table and be like ‘yo beat me up’ and he’d just look at you like you told him apples grow on trees and be like ‘now why would i do such a thing?’
•  not the one for conflict like ever and if his mates are trying to start shit he just stares @ them too and it’s game over 
•  him and yugyeom can’t always stand in the same room as the rest of the group if they’re having some closed off confrontation bc they’ll block all the light and there’ll be just weird ass smoke and darkness in the room while jackson is trying to hype everyone up and get the goddamn smoking machine to turn off 
• he’s sometimes getting shit like ‘please stop you’re scaring me’ while he was just standing there when he’s a walking puppy question mark pls (((ay)))))
•  the one who lowkey makes the group bow full 90 degrees by nudging their knees before they actually punch someone in the face and told everyone it was jaebum’s idea 
•  was told once that the reason the group wears sunglasses at night is because he’s too bright for them and that they keep him around bc his beauty is their ticket to heaven and actually made ppl reconsider their terrible intentions rip
• cue jackson getting #BornForTheSky trending #1 on twitter after that  n nobody was the same  
• also he is the one who usually appears in bambam’s pictures for ig which consist of him lying against a window w jaebum’s studded leather jacket looking at the lamp in the kitchen w the caption ‘the moonlight shines beautifully’ 
• even though it’s 4pm and the hashtag next to the caption is #happywednesday

jaebum: 

Originally posted by kpoppabo

• signature items: fake piercings 
                           + hair gelled to the gods above

•*sigh*, this bitch
the half which is not a half but more like 85% of the tryhards™ or whole group if you will 
i don’t really care about this whole biker thing, says im jaebum at 3am searching fake septums on amazon and printing a whole how to look tough without real tattoos cause needles are scary wikihow article 
used to have a pretty hard time with speaking w strangers like he has his shit together but got more comfortable over the time  especially bc they let him be the leader
 so now everytime he’s speaking to some dude and he gives a good comeback the rest of got7 clap and aggressively holler & headbang while youngjae is filming everything w his nokia and jinyoung whispers to him ‘you’re doing amazing sweetie’
 usually moves p quietly and makes slides instead of steps when he’s in that  mood he’s just feeling smooth bro and he’ll suddenly hear ‘sappunsappun georeoga~~’ slouch and die inside a little when will im jaebum live tbh 
•  got a discount for lace chokers from the ebay guy he got the motorcycles off and got the middle aged mom mentality like ‘wow this is 3% off maybe it will come in handy i must have it ‘
the reason everyone gets to go even to the grocery store down the block on the motorcycle bc girls literally pay him to take them two streets to college and take selfies with him
you might think he doesn’t care for how they appear on social media either but he’s the one who changes bambam’s ig descriptions to my chemical romance
got shook when he first accidentally punched someone and apologised & told them that they can punch him back if they wanted + had regretful thoughts for like a week after
•  doesn’t let the members to make deals after 10 bc sleep is more important than punching ppl in the face 
catch tsundere bum who totally doesn’t care about anything getting his jacket manually studded and adding silver chains to his jeans because he wants to be one step ahead of his enemies mhm we see you boi
• when they first formed their ‘gang’ and he got picked the leader bc he paid for everything jackson suggested the name ‘hell dogs’ and jb wanted to censor it bc it wasn’t appropriate so he wanted to call it infernal poodles and almost put that on a jacket w neon purple writing and flames around it at yj’s prayers 
• he changed his mind though when he got hospitalised bc he was accidentally almost hit 
• by his members
 multiple times
 with a car

jackson:

Originally posted by jypnior

• signature items: abercrombie and fitch cologne
                            + the honda he drives

• the one ‘assigned’ to beat ppl up but wow listen violence is the only thing he hates more than clothes
•  has v strong morals and absolutely refuses to even attempt to touch badly someone who has a child or 
•  ‘the wild in wild and sexy man doesn’t mean acting like a fool that’s just wrong man’ like listen do not do that to jackson bc he’ll turn to jackdaddy and give u the scolding of ur lifetime +  gets offended if u give attitude after so one should rlly prepare themselves if they wanna fight with that
• otherwise he’s like ‘yeah man no worries i’ll take care of it - jackson like a puma!!!’ 
•  wears abercrombie cologne not because he is extremely aware that the members don’t like it, but because ‘only good looking people can wear abercrombie’
•  is known as the bad man to the kids around the neighbourhood he lives in even tho he literally loves them all and wants to protect everyone (’why is he bad again?’ ‘shh son he drives a honda’) basically no one lets him live bc of that but he likes it so it’s all a-ok 
• accuses the members of trying to sabotage him if they tell him to slow it down w the cologne and tells them how ‘the rich musk will attract all the attention they need to make this work you guys are just haters’ 
• a dress code was made for this whole thing believe it or not but he never follows it he just randomly shows up in coats and insists they have ‘a meeting’ to decide if this is a problem when all the members are standing there in their ripped denim and leather jackets like ffs
• pleads to the victim to just walk funnily out of the location or something bc he rlly doesn’t want to do this 
• if the person says ok let’s so this he’s all giddy like omg!!! thank you so much you just made my life so much easier i’d totally treat you to ice cream if we weren’t in some shady ass bar place
• but if they don’t agree he’s like well son do you see tHESE GUNS HMMM  and he gets in their face and aggressively flexes and you know what he can do with them HMMM 
• he prides himself on his honda and is the only one who drives one but listen,,, he doesn’t know anything about motorcycles 
• like he could honestly tell you about a quad core 16 inch motor and to the person it might totally sound fancy but lisTEN,,,,,,
• either the mood setter w his intimidatingly arched furrowed brows or the mood ruiner
• cue jackson saying ‘to defeat the huns’ immediately after jb says ‘let’s get down to business’ like all the time
•  yet jaebum and literally everyone ELSE never learn

jinyoung: 

Originally posted by d-efsoul

• signature items: pear chapstick 
                            +  hubba bubba bubble tape 

• he was the one who rlly came up with the dresscode like he literally pulled all  the members aside and was like ‘now listen here if we’re gonna do this we’re gonna do this the right way’ hence why there were seven pairs of jeans and leather jackets checked on jaebum’s card
• also he’s the one who takes the jackets and ripped jeans to the washer once a week and they’re not allowed to wear normal clothes while riding (it’s the dress code yugyeom shut the fk up)
• catch dumb7 riding their motorcycles to buy garlic sauce for jinyoung and his ma during that time
•  his street name used to be junior until the group got a group call from jinyoung’s parents and told them they won’t let jinny play gangsters w the boys unless they call him by his real name
• a straight up bitch and who knows whether that might be the only straight he is 
• the only violent thing about him is the death glare he has which can 100% box with the actual dead trust me on this this,,,is,, science 
• the real savage, the one you should really fear the most like 96% of the time and he doesn’t even try to fight he just smiles @ you and u suddenly have the desire to run to church and beg for forgiveness,,, that is ,, a thing
• never allows the members to go past the speeding limit so they always end up late to any ‘business’ they have, blames it on the red lights and no one dares to correct him 
• has a ‘seriously strawberry’ bubble tape pack which he takes out of his pocket and opens it like he’s about to throw a damn grenade and literally bites off the roll (jackson: that man is a savage) after he parks his yamaha sr500 to feel more badass 
• except that one time when he bit onto empty air bc youngjae ate all his bubblegum the day before and stuffed it back into jy’s pocket and tbh everyone should pray for whoever dared to anger him that day (yg: so should he run or should he run now)
• the one who makes all the deals, was supposed to meet with two dudes who requested their services in some bar in the middle of nowhere but only one arrived in time and jinyoung was discussing wtv was needed w the dude and when jinyoung makes deals boi does he get into it 
• and the other dude arrived some time later and opened the door and jinyoung’s head turned almost 180 degrees w the most bitter look and was like ‘that was really fkin rude was i speaking or was i speaking’ 
• sometimes mark or jaebum accompany hin to these kinda meetings and sit in the back to guard 
•  but they’re not guarding jinyoung. they are guarding said people. from jinyoung


hope you enjoyed reading and please look forward to the part II of this au which will highlight maknae line and will be posted as soon as possible!

Pixie Dust (And The Problems It Causes)

Seblaine Week 2014 // Day Six // Disney

Blaine expects his summer job to involve copious amounts of hair gel and screaming children, not an irritatingly handsome co-worker who has a tendency to pelt him with fairy dust.  // PG-13 // {also on} AO3 - ff.net 

Blaine considered himself one of the lucky ones when it came to his line of work for the summer. His costume was laborious to get on, the many layers piling up in a way that was entirely unpleasant in the southern heat, but at the very least, he didn’t have to wear a wig. And it wasn’t as though he was unused to the piles of gel that went into slicking back his natural curly locks into a smooth, Disney-approved hairstyle. 

The girls seemed to have it worse with the wigs; he watched with increasing amounts of sympathy where his Ariels would tug them off as soon as they were backstage with a groan at the sweat sticking to their scalps. He’d managed to purchase a small spray bottle at a local store one weekend and took to having it ready for those such moments, so he could spritz them with cool water until they stopped grumbling. 

It was what he’d seen his mom do to Cooper as a kid when the heat had made him agitated and it seemed to be as effective here.

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