How did you come to realise you were agender? Because I've been thinking I might be (well maybe 'my brain keeps sucker punching my sense of myself as cis' is more accurate)
When I really think about it, it wasn’t so much realizing that I could be agender so much as realizing that the word “agender,” upon discovering it, described everything I already felt, if that makes any sense.
For my entire life, I’ve straddled the gender lines. I was a little girl who wanted gold high heels for Christmas and dressed like I was going to high court, yet I brawled with the boys during recess. I cut my hair short as soon as my age hit double digits, but painted my bedroom bright pink. I didn’t think twice about choosing to live as a boy named Alex for several years, and not a single member of my family seemed to think that was out of character. Even though I sang soprano in choir, my natural speaking voice was deeper and more gruff than most of the boys I went to school with.
I was just “me.” I felt a little weird when people referred to me as a girl, yet being labeled a boy just didn’t feel right, either. Yet, I was in the fortunate position of growing up in a diverse neighborhood with a very liberal family, so I didn’t have to push myself into any boxes before I was ready. I honestly just didn’t think about my gender for years.
It wasn’t until I read about the concept of “agender” a few years ago that I had an “aha” moment. It essentially described how I felt and how I had been living my life; it was the first time I had ever heard a person described that sounded like me.
The funny thing is: I think a lot more people fit into that term than they realize, because “agender” is essentially saying “my gender isn’t important to me, (but my lack of gender kind of is.*)” Obviously, we need better marketing. But like my upbringing, I want everyone to have the chance to suss out their own identities. There’s a huge myriad of ways to be human, after all.