I wish I could say that I didn’t love him, because I know he didn’t love me. I wish I could say that I hate him, but I really just hate myself for falling for someone like him. everywhere I go is a reminder of him, full of firsts and full of lasts. memories that are still fresh in my head, that make me think of him when all I want to do is forget he even exists. all of his words that helped develop my newest and deepest insecurities. words like those should be a crime. I’m not even hurt that he left me and then quickly went to someone else. I’m hurt because it just makes me realize that our relationship was nowhere close to what I thought it was. he called me names, and he came back into my life asking if I missed him. I don’t miss him. I miss the parts of myself that he destroyed. I miss the confidence that he stripped away from me. I miss being happy. there’s no way in hell that I miss his intoxicating mood swings, and all of his damn control, that made me feel as if I was owned by him. I don’t miss him. it makes me so angry that he thinks I actually miss him when all he has done is poisoned my mind with insecurities, and making me want to change myself completely. how could I miss the person who told me I shouldn’t be alive. I wish I regretted him, part of me does, but the other knows that if it weren’t for him I wouldn’t have endured a strong mind, that will help me to never allow a boy control me or manipulate me. he taught me a lot, he taught me that I never want to be with someone like him again.