boyant

Un mal día en el trabajo lo tiene cualquier signo del zodiaco

Amanece. Las predicciones meteorológicas y anímicas para el día de hoy pronostican tormentas. El sol, así como cualquier muestra de amabilidad, brillarán por su ausencia.

Originally posted by warpiggly

Libra, como siempre, se ha puesto muy presentable para acudir al trabajo. Se quita el abrigo y se sienta al lado de virgo, quien le saluda y le dice: – Me gusta tu perfume, ¿pero tenías que marinarte en él antes de venir?

Virgo termina su informe y se lo lleva a acuario, que también tiene el genio torcido. – Estarás contento. Vaya bazofia que me traes.

Virgo se va sin discutir con acuario y éste guarda el informe en un expediente. Acto seguido, agarra el expediente al completo y va a soltarlo en la mesa de leo.

Leo levanta la cabeza: – Ni se te ocurra. No me endilgues eso, si no quieres que le cuente al jefe quién fue quien bloqueó Facebook en su ordenador.

Acuario resopla y se dirige al escritorio de aries. – Revisa estos documentos.

Aries mira el expediente con el rabillo del ojo y piensa: – Que te crees tú eso. Se levanta y lo lleva a la mesa de cáncer, que tampoco ha amanecido boyante de felicidad. – Qué asco de vida… Esto es como el infierno, pero con luz fluorescente.

Cáncer no quiere revisar los papeles y se los lleva a capricornio, que es nuevo en la oficina y tiene que aguantarse y realizar las tareas más ingratas.

Capricornio no le deja ni acercarse: – ¿Dónde vas con eso? Yo leí ayer todas las funciones de mi puesto de trabajo y no incluyen que revise y archive expedientes.

Cáncer lo mira con desdén: – Entonces, tráeme un café, si no sirves para otra cosa. Capricornio le lleva el café, echándole antes un escupitajo.

Para ese tiempo, cáncer ha dejado el expediente sobre la mesa degéminis, aprovechando que éste estaba en el servicio.

Géminis llega a su mesa y encuentra la pila de papeles. – ¡Vaya m….! En los cuentos hay enanos que te hacen el trabajo mientras duermes y en la oficina los hay que te dan trabajo mientras cag*s.

En un arranque de indignación, géminis se va con el expediente para dejarlo en el cuarto de mantenimiento. Allí está escorpio “leyendo” una revista para adultos (de ésas con muchas equis). Por suerte, se hallaba reflexionando después de la lectura.

Géminis sostiene el expediente en sus brazos y escorpio, tan perspicaz como siempre, le comenta: – Luego dicen que el raro soy yo. Mira a ti lo que te pone. Ahí te dejo la revista, por si acaso… Y se va.

La ira de géminis aumenta al sentirse humillado y arroja el expediente y la revista de escorpio por la ventana.

Todo cae a la calle, sobre el paraguas de sagitario, que iba entrando en el edificio. Ya que va a tirar a la papelera los papeles mojados, se da cuenta de que son importantes. Rescata algunos, pero en primer lugar salva la revista, que es más colorida y alegre.

Se acerca a la recepción de la primera planta y lo deja todo sobre el mostrador. Allí está tauro, controlando quién entra y quién sale mientras ve un debate político en una televisión minúscula.

El debate lo tiene tan crispado, que le grita a sagitario percutiendo tres insultos por segundo, mientras de un manotazo tira todos los papeles del mostrador. La revista, no. A ésa le echa el guante y se la guarda, mientras espera que se vaya el arquero.

Sagitario no está dispuesto a recoger los papeles de nuevo. Así es que agarra sólo uno y lo va amasando con la mano de camino al ascensor. –Necesito calmarme…

En el ascensor se encuentra con piscis y, mientras suben, le pregunta: –Oye, ¿has terminado con el presupuesto que te pedí que hicieras la semana pasada?

Piscis suspira y le dice con un hilillo de voz: – Mi mente está apagada o fuera de cobertura. Deja tu mensaje al escuchar la señal.

¡Ding! El ascensor llega al piso de arriba. Piscis mira a sagitario, que no dice nada. Sólo amasa la bola de papel mientras se pone rojo.

Piscis sale del ascensor. Sagitario estalla dando un grito, mientras que arroja la bola de papel con fuerza.

La bola rebota en el escritorio de libra y cae sobre el escritorio de virgo, que se asusta y exclama: – ¿Qué porquería es ésta? Lo desarruga un poco y puede ver que es… ¡su informe! – Nooooooo…

Virgo llora, mientras mira el reloj: – Y apenas son las diez de la mañana…

Originally posted by locuras1000

-Luis y Pablo.

Tangled (Peter Parker x reader)

Prompt : hi! I was wondering if you could do one where Peter and the reader go to Disneyland (only for 1 or 2 days, because obvs Spiderman responsibilities and such) and reader is the hugest Disney nerd ever and Peter is secretly kind of a Disney nerd too? and like he thinks the reader is super cute when she’s fangirling over Disneyland and they just bond:) just like super fluffy? thanks! sorry I’m being so specific Peter and I can’t wait. Well, he’s acting like he doesn’t care but I can tell he’s excited. We arrive with the Avengers at ten in the morning to start the day. “Okay… how do we do this?” asks Steve. “Let’s get into groups so we can hit what we want because I do NOT want to walk around with Tony the whole day,” says Natasha; Clint nods in agreement, “True dat.” Peter links arms with me quickly and starts tugging me down Main St. “We will see you later! Text me if you need us!” he yells before running towards the castle. When I look back, my arm still linked with Peter’s, I see Tony and Steve yelling at each other. Giggling, I turn back around to follow Peter. We slow down once under the castle and he grins at me. “What?” I ask. “Nothing. It’s just…well… we are in Disneyland, (Y/N)! I’ve never been here before! It’s so… so….” he stumbles for the right words, “Magical?” you ask him with a giggle. “Yeah,” he says in awe, watching Snow White interact with a little kid. He is too cute to handle. “So, who’s your favourite character?” you ask him after walking around for a while. “Probably Mushu from Mulan. He’s so flamboyant and sassy. Or shall I say Flame-boyant,” he says, starting to crack up after telling the pun. You groan with amusement before spotting Rapunzel across the walkway. He sees her after a while and asks if you want to go to see her. You nod with a cheeky grin before trying to casually run over to her… which fails. You trip when you’re really close to her and feel yourself falling and brace yourself for impact, but nothing came. You look up to see Peter holding you up, grinning. “I guess you just fell for me, huh?” he jokes, chuckling. “Cute, Pete.” “I know I am,” he says, his smile widening even more. You shake your head gently before kissing his cheek and whispering in his ear, “thank you, Flynn Rider.” “Flynn Rider? Don’t you mean Prince Charming because I swept you off your feet?” “Nope”, you say with a smile like the cheshire cat, “Flynn Rider because you stole my heart.”

Originally posted by vannialeblohic

Bios ❤!

amiga parceira só se for solteira.

taca o piru no meu cu.

nem aí p você.

##### cerca pro seu cu doce ######

rebolando a raba na cara dos boy

antes solteira do q iludida

na ponta ela fica.

piranha também ama

para de cagar pela boca, krida.

aqui no baile bota elas p sentar.

foca mas n sufoca.

nunca disse q prestava, bjaum.

ninguém ta segurando essa novinha.

na faculdade de piranha já tenho diploma.

veneno de cobra é drink p nois.

+ amor o caralho!

me preparando p sentar na tua cara

nunca disse q era santa.

lá vem o politicamente correto.

espetacular sempre fui.

dedo na boca empino a bunda

lá vem a pisca pisca de arvore de natal

da quebrada mesmo

só queria umas pingas.

paz e amor o caralho aqui é putaria

sempre soube q era maravilhosa.

n nasci p ser normal

rola ou enrola

sem estresse.

só de olha p você já tenho nojo

enquanto se tá com azamiga seu namorado ta cmg

se for inteligente pode até enriquecer

ta olhando? nem ligo

vacilou perdeu

morro de ressaca, sim.

volta pro útero, nois só agradece.

 tumultuando a vida das vadia

mil e uma safadezas.

relaxa e goza.

prepara a rainha chegou.

iludindo como sempre.

deixa rolar os cacete, vai ou nada.

a vida é uma calcinha atolada no cu.

amor eu tenho é por batata frita

o bonde é o bicho.

meu amor não sou você que é made in China

Mais feliz que o Datena, transmitindo tiroteio ao vivo!

coração tá open bar!

Fully baked!

Last Friday I met with the Beit Din. That evening during Shabbat service my sponsoring rabbi said it was the hardest Beit Din he had ever seen/been part of/heard of. Like he almost stopped them to tell them to chill out. 

I walked into it not knowing the 2 other rabbis, not even knowing whom the third rabbi would be. I had expected it, being Reform, to be questions like what does Shabbat mean to me and what is my favorite holiday and why? How would someone visiting my home know it was a Jewish home? Maybe a curve ball of what is the Hebrew date today? 

I got questions along the lines of what is my relationship with God - do I believe in God? What makes that belief/relationship Jewish rather than agnostic? What is the parshat this week? Why is it important? Why is Joseph one of two people in the entire Torah called “righteous?”  They even wanted to know about my boyfriend and how he is Jewish. They wanted to know what books I am currently reading, what I plan to read, and what I see as “Jewish 201″ (aka more than intro to Judaism that is the conversion class.) How would someone interacting with me know I was Jewish? How would I be involved with the greater Jewish community, not just my synagogue? How do I know I could handle antisemitism? At the first pesach seder I lead, which Jewish person -living or dead - would I want to invite and why? How did I know - despite the nerves and such from my first Shabbat service that Judaism is right for me?

Luckily I was only stumped on the righteousness question and I felt ok with answering “I don’t know.” The answer, in case you are curious, is because he blindly trusted G-d. 

One of the amusing parts of the Beit Din was how we discussed how I have developed and also ping others “Jew-dar.” 

Frankly, I walked out of the room shaking and nearly hyperventilating. The mikvah attendant was really concerned about me. Even after I showered, and tried to center myself, I still was on edge that she offered to sing a neguna (wordless tune) to help relax me as I did my dip. 

The water IS more boyant than you realize until you try to go under water. Note to those with long hair - as you go under swipe your hair back so that it also is fully under and doesn’t float above making that dip unkosher. Also, even though it is kinda deep, it isn’t deep enough to do a somersault in - I tried and my feet ended up above water so I had to try again. But hey - I somersaulted in the water! It was silly and joyful. :) 

There was a big echo in the small room - wonderful acoustics! It was pretty awesome when I would hear the rabbis say amen after each of my prayers or when they started singing Siman Tov. 

After the final prayer I was told I can take as long as I want - the time was for me. (Similar to what I was told after the Beit Din before going into the pool.) I just floated in the water for a few minutes. It was so glorious, relaxing, and utterly amazing.

When I was ready, I got out of the pool and got myself presentable again. Once I was done, we did the paperwork (making the donation to the mikvah, giving the customary gifts to the two rabbis) then we went to the sanctuary. There I got to hold a Torah scroll and my rabbi gave me a priestly blessing, then one of the other rabbis gave his own blessing to me. 

Afterwards my mom, friend who came to support me (and was in the room during the Beit Din), and I met my boyfriend for a celebratory lunch. My mom had gotten me a lovely bunch of flowers also. 

Rabbi posted a pic on facebook. I was greeted by tons of hugs and congratulations that evening at Shabbat service. I could tell my rabbi was really proud because he mentioned the Beit din 4 times during service. 

The last thing I need to do is a small ceremony and being presented formally to the congregation soon. Which means I need to write a small thing. lol 

For a few days afterwards I felt a great sense of peace. I felt connected, like before there was a connection but it was hazy at one end, but now I feel a strong connection between myself, the earth/ground, and above. (I know, that wanders slightly into paganism imagery and verbiage. ) That sense of peace and connection is fading a bit the more time passes, but if I focus, that small ball of peace/joy/love is still there in my solar plexus.

It’s funny, I don’t feel different. But, as I stressed out about leading up to the Beit Din - I didn’t change much. Who I am hasn’t changed, I’ve just firmed some of my ideas and what is important to me and gained a new label (and family/community.) But now, for the rest of my life, I am Jewish. Just thinking that makes me smile and offers me a sense of peace and happiness. :)

Watch on dum-spir-spero.tumblr.com

IN VIVO ft. Boyant - Moje leto

To srce balkansko i more jadransko , svima ću pričati da moje leto siii ♥