A letter to the boy I love,
I cannot tell you these things because the months have grown between us and the walls that have come up are just too high to climb, so instead I’ll write this here, and maybe one day you’ll stumble across it and realize just how deeply you are cared for.
Thank you. Thank you for saving my life, in the very literal sense. The road I was going down would have left me terrified, miserable, and ultimately alone. I would have never had the strength to leave the place I was in if you had not come along with your beautiful brown eyes and killer smile and lifted me out yourself.
Thank you for the late nights of endless conversation about a boy who did not love me. Not only did not love me, but did almost the exact opposite. Thank you for sitting by and watching me return to him over and over again only to have my morale torn down and heart broken to come crawling back to you.
Thank you for smiling at me like I was the best part of your day every time you saw me and praying for me more diligently than any other person I’ve ever met.
Thank you for introducing me to God in that little coffee shop in small town Alabama. Thank you for letting Jesus shine through you at all times.
Thank you for taking me in, holding my hand, taking me out on real actual dates. Thank you for being so excited to introduce me to everyone you’ve ever known and letting me talk to your mama on the phone because you had already been telling her for weeks how beautiful I was.
Thank you for driving me to the beach on a January night, handing me your jacket, and sitting with me on the sand, letting the cold ocean spray chill us to the bone while I talked about the things I loved and the things I feared and everything in between.
Thank you for taking me out on the pier at 9:00 on that frigid Valentine’s night and letting our feet dangle over the edge while we stared at the skyline glistening over the dark water and talked about our future. This was the night I knew I was in love with you.
Thank you for aimlessly driving all over the city every night with me, music on, eating food that was no good for us and laughing about anything and everything. Thank you for making me feel at ease with you and for having a never ending conversation. Thank you for holding me close the night I cried to you in your car and asked you to please never be mean to me. Thank you for upholding that promise to me even when you were no longer mine.
Thank you for kissing me that night on that old worn out couch in that empty cottage and looking at me with tears in your eyes afterwards. Thank you for showing me that someone can, and will love me that much.
Thank you for leaving when you knew it was time to go. Thank you for being strong enough to do what needed to be done because we both knew I’d never be. Thank you for crying with me at 1 am alone in that parking lot and telling me that it was the hardest thing you’d ever had to do. Thank you for showing me that it was not easy to let go of me. Thank you for breaking my heart. Thank you for bringing me down as low as I could possibly go so that I could learn to climb by myself. Thank you for giving me the strength to be on my own that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.
I love you, I love you, I love you, and a piece of my heart will always be yours. I am so very thankful for you even though I no longer get to be a part of your life. A part of me will always be with you that night on that couch, curled comfortably in your arms, the safest I’ve ever felt. Thank you for giving me this.