box-lunch

Every year, without fail, my mom has always made sure I get a card for Valentine’s Day. When I was a kid, it would be in my lunch box. Now, I look forward to finding it in the mail. Love you, Mom. 💜

“’Between ‘Star Wars’ and the sequel, I wanted to cover as many bases as possible, to establish my identity as an actor rather than as Han Solo.’ Yet it’s hard to escape the space swashbuckler’s image; the Solo figure is on thousands of lunch boxes and other merchandise. ‘Yeah, I’m on bedsheets now, too; It’s everywhere. I just walk past it. I really don’t relate to it. I’m a little spaced out,’ Ford added, ‘but wait until you talk to Carrie and Mark. They’re a couple of parlor comedians.’ He was right. ‘Parlor comedian?’ Fisher exclaimed. ‘Is that what he said? And Mark agreed? I’ll never work with them again.’“ - Chicago Tribune, June 4, 1978.

Top 9 Most Fight-Able Characters in Mystic Messenger

(ranked by the likelihood of winning from least to most likely)

9. “Mary” Vanderwood, Secret Agent Murdermonster

Result: A swift and painful death

Are you shitting me? You’ll be goddamn eviscerated on the spot. Not to mention nobody will ever find your body. This is completely fucking unadvisable. DO NOT DO THIS unless you have a DEATH WISH and want to disappear from the world completely. Vanderwood is not to be messed with. They’ve killed many a worthy foe, and you will not be one of them. There’s not much else to say here. I don’t care who you are, you should not challenge Vanderwood. Say your prayers, fucker

8. Unknown/Saeran Choi, Total Edgelord

Result: Utter defeat, probably followed by torture + imprisonment

I don’t think you need me to tell you that this kid is fucking off his rocker. Let’s be real, he’s probably killed a few people, and he enjoyed every minute of it. You can bet your ass he’ll likely torture you after defeating you, too. And you know, some of you sick fucks will probably enjoy the whole damn ordeal. You’re probably the only ones who’d WANT to fight him just to have him fucking step on you. Well congratu-fucking-lations, you got what you wanted. He still beats your ass. The only reason Vanderwood beats him in this ranking is because it’s possible he’d keep you alive for fun, and some of you would enjoy that, so at least it’s a fuckin victory for somebody. Fuck.

7. Jaehee Kang, Smarter than the CEO

Result: Total annihilation + jail time

Do you see this face? This is the face of someone who has been repressing violent urges for fucking years for the sake of keeping her job. If she could snap Jumin’s neck, she would in a heartbeat. You do not want to give her a justifiable reason to unleash that utter fucking rage on your sorry ass. Did you forget she has a black belt in judo? She could beat my ass. She could beat your ass. She could beat anyone’s ass. I don’t care WHO you think you are. And after the fight? She’ll report you to the proper authorities, pick up a cup of coffee, and finish her daily tasks like nothing fucking happened. What a wild bitch. I fucking love her to death, tbh. And you know what? How dare you challenge her. She deals with enough shit in her life. I hope she beats your ass with a righteous fucking fury. Have fun in jail, dipshit.

6. God 707, Meme Lord Supreme

Result: Depends on your approach, but probably a failure

Honestly Seven’s about as fucking predictable as a lunch box full of wasps. What am I even supposed to say here? He’d probably imitate that shitty ass vine meme the first time you punch him and say “I can’t believe you’ve done this”, complete with a British accent, but when you keep hitting, it’ll confuse him. The element of surprise is probably your best bet, but you also have no fucking clue what he’ll do. He might beat the shit out of you. He might scamper away on his scrawny ass legs and proceed to hack into everything you once loved or held dear. He might lay down on the ground and let you kick the shit out of him. In the end, it depends on his mood. Is that reliable at all? Absolutely fucking not. So go for it, but I literally have no idea how it’s gonna turn out for you.

5. Zen/Hyun Ryu, A God Among Men

Result: You have a good chance of winning, but at what cost?

OK BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR MIND LISTEN THE FUCK UP. Why is Zen higher up on the list, Nani??? you ask me, pouting, clutching your Zen body pillow(s) in agony. Zen had a bad past!! He’s not easy to fight, he was such a bad boy!! v//w//v He’s so tough and strong and he’s our knight in shining armor! Hey!! Good for you! But GUESS FUCKING WHAT!! If you’re female, he’ll probably forfeit to you immediately, unlike the barbarians before him on this list, so technically he’s easier to fight! He’d probably LET you beat the shit out of him if it made you feel better. It’s not even a fucking question of who would win if a woman challenged him, so we’re gonna move on.
Now, if you’re a GUY, he’d be more willing to square up, and my advice is go for his face. Pretty boy doesn’t like messing up his pretty mug, and if you play dirty, he’ll get scared real quick. His ponytail is a disadvantage for him, so yank it real hard. You have a better chance of beating him with perseverance, but if you let him get the upper hand, you’re deceased because he’s probably a heavy hitter. Also, you will incur the wrath of all his fangirls, and probably the angels above, and you will spend the rest of your life MISERABLE AND CURSED, so proceed with caution. If you can get away with it without anyone knowing your identity, you’re golden. Good luck, but also, why? do you even want to??

4. Jumin Han, Mistah Trussfund Kid (The CEO)

Result: Instant win, but your life will be RUINED

Honestly, I think certain RFA members would actually be very glad if someone handed Jumin’s ass to him, but good fucking luck accomplishing that without having your entire life destroyed. On a purely physical level, Jumin is no competition. He may be the tallest motherfucker around, but he’s never fought anyone before in his LIFE. You’d probably only have an issue here if you were short as shit, and even then, go for the knees, amirite? He’ll fall like a fucking oak tree, and then you can rip him a new one while he’s down. Easy peasy, right? WRONG. He’s got a horde of like 50 bodyguards that you have to sneak past or defeat first or something. And if you somehow make it to Jumin first, they’ll swarm your ass after you first start swinging and have you incapacitated in a few seconds. Are those first few swings worth it? Maybe. But he’s gonna sue your ass for everything you own. The whole world will know your name. If you don’t get jail time, you’ll wish you had. It will be an easier life than trying to live in the public. Zen and Jaehee might love you forever, though, so maybe they can pull a few favors for ya. You better pray they do. Good fuckin luck out there, champ.

3. Yoosung Kim, Small Child

Result: Victory, but with a catch

Look into this child’s eyes. Look me in the eyes. Tell me that Yoosung isn’t a fucking pansy. You can’t, can you? It’s because Yoosung is a fucking pansy. This kid would be down for the count after exactly one (1) punch. He might enjoy it a little too, which’ll be awkward as shit for both of you. HOWEVER. If you trigger his Yandere side, which is bullshit but whatever, he might put up more of a fight. How do you do this, you may ask? Insult Rika. or MC. (Probably Rika tho). Something inside him will snap, and then he’ll be trickier to handle. He’ll probably play dirty when he’s like this, so expect to get shanked or bitten or something. It doesn’t change the fact that his scrawny ass can’t fight for shit, so you’ll still probably win, but not without a few injuries yourself. Hurting Yoosung is probably the moral equivalent to kicking a puppy. If you can be ok with yourself after that, then I mean, go for it.

2. Rika, the Antichrist

Result: Certain victory, but extremely dangerous

Look, maybe I should’ve put her lower on the list considering she’s got an entire cult following her every order. But, honest to God, you would be morally obligated to fight her. Please beat the shit out of her. Physically, her scrawny ass could do nothing to stop you. She’s ruined the lives of her friends, as well as countless other people, because of her deranged and, quite frankly, selfish desires. Basically, she’s a little bitch. I don’t know how you’ll do it, but god damn, you’ll be everyone’s hero. The downside to this is that she might sick Saeran on you, which is gonna be a pain in your ass, and Yoosung might hate you forever, but I think you can live with that, right? Do us all a favor. Fight Rika.

1. Jihyun Kim/V, aka Flower Angel Sunshine Man

Result: Total Victory, but you’re basically Satan

BEFORE YOU SEND ME ANON HATE, REMEMBER: this is a list based on how likely you are to win. And V? V would let anyone beat him. He probably thinks he deserves it. He might defend himself a little, but he couldn’t bring himself to hurt you. Your victory would be almost immediate. There is no catch to V. You’d just win. But you’re a fucking monster for it. And you know what? I’ll beat the shit out of you if you hurt this man. So don’t even think about it, asshole.

Tips for Caringhearts! Or any caretaker of an age regressor

If you’re new to this whole “taking care of an age regressor” thing, you might be a little confused as to what to expect! Here’s a little guide of helpful suggestions I could come up with based on general age groups!

BABY AGE REGRESSORS
• very cuddly
• needs lots of naps
• might use diapers
• be gentle and soft with them please
• likes chewing on things
• feed them
• hold them
• may be very babbly or completely nonverbal
• might be calm or fussy
• pacis, bottles, teethers
• stuffies and blankies should be soft
• lullabies
• soft carpet or mats for crawlers
• not too loud or too bright please

TODDLER AGE REGRESSORS
• might be mischievous
• giggly
• cute clothes are necessary
• pacis and Sippy cups
• all the stuffies
• cute plates and eating utensils
• nap time might be harder to enforce
• makes messes if you don’t watch them
• lots of crayons
• cut up their food for them
• buckle their seat belt
• everything is a game
• Disney everything
• tickle fights
• brush their hair
• bubbles!
• tea parties
• there’s monsters in the closet
• piggy back rides
• imitates caregiver
• “I am a big kid!”
• needs help/reminding for brushing teeth, going to the bathroom, washing hands, etc.
• less baby talk, but uses simple sentences, may make small grammar or pronunciation mistakes
• they shouldn’t touch the sharp things!
• or hot things
• they will probably want to touch the hot things and the sharp things

LIL KIDDO AGE REGRESSORS
• more autonomous and can help you take care of them
• help pick out clothes
• tie shoes
• lots of questions “what’s that?” “Who’s that” “why?”
• watch lots of cartoons
• the character shaped food is always better
• thinks they can do everything by themselves but they still need help
• night lights
• play pretend
• wants to learn
• take fun trips to pool, park, zoo, etc.
• sings lots
• arts and crafts
• read with them
• chores
• hold hands to cross the street
• speech easy to understand but may be random and excitable, unrelated to what you were saying
• character t-shirts
• cute hair accessories, bracelets, etc.
• pillow forts

BIG KID AGE REGRESSORS
• wants to be more independent
• board games and card games
• video games and movies
• still needs bedtimes and curfews
• help cook meals
• give them little assignments
• needs to know you’re proud and you love them
• climbs trees
• can have more big kid conversations
• hang out and play with them
• write cute notes and stick in their lunch boxes
• help them make hard decisions but allow them some freedom
• might need to limit time with electronics
• sports and team games
• comic books/ magazines


Remember, this is just a list of suggestions. Every regressor is different, and you’ll have to get to know them personally. They may have qualities from each of these sections! If you’re ever unsure as to what your kiddo needs or wants from you as their carer, the best thing to do is to ask them! They may be unsure of what they want themselves. It can take time and experimenting, but together you can find what works for the both of you together.