box of crazy


Manga, 2003, and Brotherhood


nursey week day 1 - silence

Nursey hadn’t prepared for how weird this would feel. He only played with Jack for one year, after all. He shouldn’t be that weirded out by seeing him across the ice during warm-ups. He is, though, and he’s not quite sure why. Maybe it’s because Jack was his first real captain, or maybe Jack had pretty much become synonymous with NHL for Nursey these past three years. Like playing Jack makes it official, like he’s really in the big leagues now.

He’s more nervous than he’d like to admit.

Jack talks to him a little during warm-ups, both of them standing at center ice. It’s mostly terrible chirps on Jack’s end and then a weird, tense moment where Jack had said “Welcome to the show, Nursey,” and patted him on the back and Nursey had to remember that he’s not supposed to cry on the ice, especially before the game even starts.

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“My goal keeps me alive and no personal issue is going to interfere with that. If people try to put me in the crazy box–'crazy fucking Courtney'–go ahead. But if you think you’re going to stop me from where I’m going, you’re not going to do it. I work my ass off. I deliver the goddamn goods. And I will deliver them again.“

- Courtney Love, interviewed in Rolling Stones Magazine,1994

Story Time: Mail Dubias

This is a hilarious AF story about how the USPS once lost a box of my bugs and had extreme regrets.  If you are bug phobic, this is your warning.  There’s no photos of the bugs, just the poor mangled box.

Lets begin! Some of you probably remember earlier this year I lost a shipment of dubias.  Since I was busy working with the seller on what the heck to do about that I forgot to ever post the full story.  It’s great, I promise.

In Jan I ordered a shipment of dubias like usual, and it’s normally only 2 days to get here.  By the 4th day in the mail I’m wondering what is the hold up, but also figure hey, holiday rush is still on, no biggie.  Now, these only have to go from Kansas to Oklahoma, so when I pull up the tracking info I’m surprised to find they detoured to Cali.  No biggie they’ll be a little late until the box totally disappeared.

There was suddenly no tracking info available for this package, it vanished into the postal system along with my 200 dubia.  After a week of live bugs being in the mail I’ve given them up as unlikely to arrive alive.  By the 2nd week I’ve accepted they are never coming home.  This is where I am wrong. 

I get a mystery package, not that unusual honestly.  But the damaged notice?  Now that was odd indeed!  Opening the box was pretty crazy too:


By George it’s those lost dubia, poor bastards. Now at this point I should have known something was up, I mean why bags?  Why 2 bags?  But the only thing I can do is sit here and look at this poor destroyed box.

THOROUGHLY destroyed might I add. Also very slightly soggy?  It was raining in Cali at the time it was there though, this makes some sense.  Likely got left out somewhere. But wow it sure got a number done to it! 

Now I’ll have to make a note here, the company I buy from does 2 things that are highly relevant here.  Firstly, they send a small deli cup of food for your bugs with every shipment.  Secondly, they also put a smaller box inside the larger one that contains the bugs.

Dubia food: busted open and missing.  Inner box: OPEN.  Bugs: ALIVE but half are missing


the Basics of Cognitive Functions

So if you’ve been wandering around what I call the “MBTI fandom,” you’ve probably seen numerous posts talking about something called cognitive functions. And you’re like, “learning the order of the letters is hard enough, and now there’s SUBCATEGORIES!?!?”


And this is where the real magic of this thing called “Myers-Briggs” comes into play. Sure, the descriptions you read on were great, but what really makes your type accurate is what’s behind those 4 little letters. Which is…four more letters. 

Here is a list of all of the cognitive functions–and don’t be too daunted by them!! You’ll understand them with time. 

ESTP: Se > Ti > Fe > Ni 
ISTP: Ti > Se > Ni > Fe
ESFP: Se > Fi > Te > Ni 
ISFP: Fi > Se > Ni > Te
ENTP: Ne > Ti > Fe > Si
INTP: Ti > Ne > Si > Fe
ENFP: Ne > Fi > Te > Se
INFP: Fi > Ne > Si > Te
ESFJ: Fe > Si > Ne > Ti
ISFJ: Si > Fe > Ti > Ne
ESTJ: Te > Si > Ne > Fi
ISTJ: Si > Te > Fi > Ne
ENFJ: Fe > Ni > Se > Ti
INFJ: Ni > Fe > Ti > Se
ENTJ: Te > Ni > Se > Fi
INTJ: Ni > Te > Fi > Se

And there you have it. Find your type in there and see what it looks like. I’ll explain each one of your functions down below. But what you need to do is follow this order: Dominant > Auxiliary > Tertiary > Inferior
And what that means is first > second > third > fourth. For example, if you’re an INFP (Fi > Ne > Si > Te), the dominant function is Fi, the auxiliary function is Ne, and so on. 
Read about your functions in their proper order to understand what they mean for you.

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U L T R A V I O L E N C E  [ 58min. / listen. ]

For the rage that climbs through the bones asking for a fight, for the fist that breaks every part of its opponent, for the pain that consumes itself in adrenalina, for the taste of blood between the teeth, for the strong body and horrid mind as you have a little bit of the old 
u l t r a v i o l e n c e;

[ 001 ] no church in the wild. | by J A Y  Z.  &  K A N Y E  W E S T.
[ 002 ] counting bodies like sheep in the rhythm of the war drums. |
by  A  P E R F E C T  C I R C L E.
[ 003 ] into the lair. | by Z E D D.
[ 004 ] seven nation army. RMX. | by T H E  W H I T E  S T R I P E S.
[ 005 ] glory and gore. INST. | by  L O R D E.
[ 006 ] i want it all. FT. armageddon | by Q U E E N.
[ 007 ] fistful of silence. | by T H E  G L I T C H  M O B.
[ 008 ] demons. RMX. | by S L E I G H  B E L L S.
[ 009 ] ghosts'n'one. MSHP. | by  D E A D M O U 5  VS.  S K Y  F E R R E I R A.
[ 010 ] crying lightning. RMX. | by A R C T I C  M O N K E Y S.
[ 011 ] american horror story. RMX. | by D A R K L O R D Z.
[ 012 ] sail. RMX. | by A W O L N A T I O N.
[ 013 ] everybody wants to rule the world. RMX. | by L O R D E.
[ 014 ] female robbery. RMX. | by  T H E  N E I G H B O U R H O O D.

i’ve been missing my ex like crazy for days now and i haven’t told him but we’ll still snapchat about regular friendly things and this missing you feeling is EATING ME ALIVE. i don’t wanna be weak. i don’t wanna miss him this much. do i really miss him? or do i just miss the feelings?

“Cheesy!”  Jungkook~ BTS

​  requested: Hello!! Can i request 34, 42, 50 with Jungkook please? And i don’t know which genre i’d want it to be haha, write it as you wish and thank you so much!!

“I would do anything for you darling” | “Can you close your eyes?” |  “I’m both a lover and a fighter. I’ll take you down and then give you a kiss.”

A/N: asjdhaskjdhaksjhdkasjdh Jungkook..

WordCount: 3.6 k
Genre: Fluff
Pairing: Reader(She)xJungkook
Triggers: a bit or arguing and cursing


'Just … great.’

Sighing you took the pile you finished inspecting; It was heavy enough to require both hands for carrying across the room adding it to the rest of the piles that were already done.Your companion for the day had left 30 minutes ago to check something on the boss’s computer. Checking the hour the small tv on the upper corner of the room you could see that it was well past 8 o’clock, you had completed 2 hours extra and,by the looks of it, you had work yet to finish.
This was in no way how you picture yourself not six months ago.
But the truth is you needed the money of the extra hours; you had recently split up from a long term relationship, and your former boyfriend had kicked you out of the apartment without any time to think of a plan B.
At the moment you were fine with living at your parents, but of course you needed a place of your own.
You were ready to leave your job - administrative of the office- moving to a different city alongside your boyfriend who had got a new passion; Photography.
It was a tremendous step from his old job which was “delivery boy”, and you were extremely proud of him. There was no actual problem with his old job, but the fact he was pursuing a bigger dream was definitely something you appreciated. You even helped encouraging him by buying an expensive professional camera. And after some jobs he got a big opportunity on festivals and photoshoots. But maybe that very same pursuing of bigger dreams lead to him breaking up with you.
Six months ago you were packing everything up, the resignation letter was ready to be delivered sitting next to your phone. You were whistling a happy tune while finishing some cardboard boxes, carefully placing the last fragile things inside; mostly the cameras and lenses of your boyfriend, when he entered the apartment talking to someone on his phone.

‘Yeah Yeah, no problem. I’ll go tomorrow and we can check it out then’ he assured to the person on the other side. ‘Bye, Yeah bye’

Your smile automatically appeared as soon as you locked eyes with him.

‘Hey baby! Close your eyes!’ you cooed, skipping to place next to him and cover his eyes with your hands.

‘What’s this?’ he asked. You giggled like a schoolgirl as you lead him to the living room.

‘Surprise!’ you jumped excitedly, taking your hands off his face showing him how clean and neatly packed all your stuff was.  ‘Everything is ready!’ you notified excitedly, as you dragged him to sit on the couch. ‘So, you can relax today and get ready for tomorrow’ you said letting out a giggle.

‘Yeah about that…’ he began, you started massaging his shoulders.

‘Hmm?’ you hummed ‘What is it?’

‘You know…with all this change, and things moving so fast for me…maybe I want to focus on that for now’

You blinked twice. ‘I’m sorry?’

‘I’m trying to say I need sometime to think about where my life is going with this first…’ he turned around and meet your chocked eyes.

‘Okey?, Wait…so you, said you need time-and that includes me too?’ you asked baffled. He nodded.

‘It’s not your fault at all’ he shrugged ‘I want to meet with my “artistic side”, I can’t handle both things at the same time’

’ARE YOU FUCKING BREAKING UP WITH ME?’ you shouted at him.

‘Wow, you’re so dense…’ He snorted ‘See, this is why I need time away, you just don’t get me the way I need you to’

‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ you shrieked. ‘I don’t understand YOU?’ you got up violently and started walking to him, poison filling your eyes. ‘I’M the one who was dating a delivery boy, I’M the one who supported you when you ”discovered” you new career,I’M the one who bought you a fucking professional camera, and you tell me I don’t get YOU?’ you inched closer and closer.

‘Don’t make a scene y/n, please’ he argued ‘Just take your things and go…’
You huffed not believing him. ‘Fine, I’m taking my things then…’ you grinned lifting the box who held the camera and lenses.

‘Wait, the fuck? Put that down, that’s mine’ he warned.

‘Nope, I bought this so they’re mine’

‘You gave them to me!’ He laughed nervously.

‘I did, and now I’m taking them back with me… but you know what…’ you backed away, approaching the large window of the apartment.  

‘Wait y/n!’ he tried to stop you, terror on his eyes.

‘Since I don’t understand you or this’ you pointed at the item on your hands with your head ‘Seems like I don’t have a use for them, so off they go!’ you said throwing the box out the window.

‘Crazy bitch!’ your ex-boyfriend said as he reached for the window to see how the cameras and lenses broke in million pieces once they reached the floor.
That very same day you grabbed your clothes, your phone and the resignation letter next to it inside your purse, along with other personal things you could carry with you and got back to you parents.

And here you were revising papers, piling papers, ripping papers, all so that you could have money to remake your life.
3 more hours to go.
It wasn’t that bad actually, at least the place was quiet and you could take your time with the papers, not rushing anything because apparently there was still gonna be papers the next day too.
You let out a small and constant whine, pouting at your own misery.
Turning around looking at all the piles of piled-up paper that took almost the entire space of two desks you thought “Is there no paper tower here able to crush me under it’s weight?”  sniffling.
Defeated you walked to grab a big box of more papers with a load of dust over them, but you didn’t noticed it until you had already inhaled part of it causing you to sneeze.

‘Bless you’ your comrade muttered entering the office, a two cup of coffee on his hand.

You placed the box down and searched for a tissue on one of your pockets.

‘Thank you’ replied sniffing and cleaning your nose, the newcomer let one of the cups down on the table close to you, a gesture of his hand letting you know it was for you. You nodded thanking him ‘Found out anything about that document?’

‘Mmmh?’ he said lost with his eyes up looking at the tv, ‘What document?’ he asked sipping on his beverage, not looking down at you.

‘The document you left nearly 30 minutes ago to check…?’ you coughed some dust still on your lungs. ‘Jungkook?’ you called.

He lowered his eyes and met yours ‘No, I just needed coffee…’


‘Yeah, the boss office is locked so I can’t do anything, but I needed an excuse to go get coffee’ Jungkook lifted his cup to you.

And that took you 30 minutes?!’ you coughed again this time almost spurting out your lungs.

‘Hey are you ok?, you need a drink?’ Jungkook offered the cup he left for you, but you were busy trying not to spit your insides. ‘Do you have allergies?’ He inquired drinking up again, you threw a menacing glance his way.
'Jungkook-’ you started, but the name choked on your throat. 'Jungkook …’ you tried again a soft raspy voice. ‘Why you lied?’

He shrugged.

‘Ugh, never mind…please let’s just finish this and go home’ the tint on your voice was of exhaustion, you Didi want to argue with him now you both still had work to finish.
Jungkook and you were the only two employees aside from the night guards and the janitors on the office, you weren’t sure why Jungkook was doing extra hours, but you assumed it must’ve be for the same reasons you were.

'Why are you so consumed in doing everything today ?,’ Jungkook went around the room until he found the small control remote of the tv 'If we finished today we do not get more extra hours to do …’ He stated, while changing the channels 'We can do this for the rest of the week, don’t stress …’

'This is not the first time you stay doing extra hours then?’

'Nope, I volunteer to do the extra hours a lot of the time, cause I need the money, but …’ He stopped changing channel putting the remote down on the table again, dedicating a smile to you 'This is the first time I have company

You stifled a giggle. 'Well, your company is kinda anxious to go home and take a nice bath, so please indulge me and let’s proceed with at least finishing off this dusty boxes?’ You sighed, almost pleading for help.

'I would do anything for you darling’ Jungkook sang, displaying his big front teeth in a smile. Leaving his coffee aside and letting out a simple “alrighty then-” he rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt to the elbow, and moved to one of the other dusty boxes to lift it up without much effort and place it on one of the tables further from you.
If there was one thing you could say was good about working here was Jungkook. Vividly you remembered the first time he arrived at the company and used to be this shy and quiet person who could barely establish any eye contact with. Everyone thought he was weird about his choice to interact little to nothing with anyone, until one day you decided to go ahead and talk to him; about anything really, pet’s, favorite music, movies, relationships, anything he was willing to share with you. And so began a nice work relation with him, often your group of friends and you would hang out and have dinner after work and you would take a chance to invite Jungkook and help him get to meet the others. And so little by little he let himself loosen up a bit.
The memories of it took a smile out of you, by that time your ex and you would get into a lot of fight -mostly initiated by him- making it difficult to enjoy your days at the office, because they felt more of a burden than a job since you had no other choice but to remain there due to him having little incomes.-But Jungkook was extremely nice and funny around you and took that stress a lot off your shoulders. Sometimes after however you were changed of office and ended up on a different floor from him, so it was nearly impossible to meet him. But nevertheless you would come down casually to chat, mostly those days when you really needed his silliness; and he would come up and bring you something to eat or just some paperwork.

‘I’m both a lover and a fighter. I’ll take you down and then give you a kiss–’ a male voice on the tv declared with the utmost fake and exaggerated tone you had ever heard.
Checking on the screen you effectively saw a couple, the guy–buff tall and wearing a black leather jacket, was saying this words to a female who looked at him with dreamy and teary eyes. The scene took place on what it seemed like a park late at night, behind the buff was a motorcycle in which the girl was sitting.
Your face scrunched in disgust, the scene developed further until the two characters kissed.
You chuckled looking to Jungkook who seemed entranced by the bad acting.

‘Ew…’ you giggled, flipping one of the folder filled with old documents on the table.

Jungkook was snapped out of his haze ‘ “Ew” What?’ He chuckled.

Pointing at the screen with your index finger ‘Ew’ you repeated. ‘Ew everything about this’

‘What?’ Jungkook sounded amused ‘Are you gonna tell me your boyfriend is not cheesy like that with you?’ His eyebrow rises up in a cocky way glancing your way.

‘Hahaha,’ you laugh a little uncomfortable. You didn’t have a chance to tell anyone that you broke up with that douche ‘Umm, no…’ you shrug.

‘Wait, really?’ Jungkook turns around a surprised gesture on his face. ‘I thought all guys were cheesy with their girlfriends?’

‘Yeah, well…I never had a cheesy boyfriend I guess…’ you half-smile ‘At least not like that anyway’ you reference the actor on tv.

‘You should demand cheesy from him thought. It’s our best side…’ Jungkook purses his lips ‘Too woo ladies with our soft side’

You chuckled, sadness and disappointment tainting it a bit. Lowering your gaze to the work again you remained silent
Jungkook seemed to notice your change of behavior.

‘Y/n?’ He called ‘Did I overstepped? I’m sorry’ you smiled lightly, “there he goes again”.

‘No, It’s not you Jungkook’ you assured him ‘I-…’ you stopped and pondered on telling him the whole sad situation you were on currently. “Whatever” you said inwardly.

Jungkook patiently waited for you to continue.You gulped.

‘I broke- Well no…more like- He broke up with me’

‘For real?’ Jungkook asked. You simply shrugged and nod not looking to his direction ‘I’m sorry, I meant…He broke up with you?’

‘Yes, let’s not linger on the subject please?’ you awkwardly giggled.

‘How long ago?’ He digged further.

‘About…. mmm six months?’ you pretended to calculate the months, but you damn well remembered when that asshole kicked you out. ‘Or so? I don’t know, why you ask?’

‘Six months?! Why didn’t you say anything?’ He kept on inquiring

‘Geez Jungkook, I don’t know? It just never came up…’

‘You should’ve told me’ Jungkook nagged ‘Oh my god that’s why you were so distant those months ago’ He remembered shaking his head.

‘What?’ The conversation was going off topic to somewhere you didn’t want it to end. Him. ‘Why should I have told you anyway? I just needed sometime and It didn’t seemed important for you all to know’ .

‘ I could’ve go and kick his ass!’ Jungkook exclaimed.

‘What good would’ve come from that?’ you were starting to get a little annoyed

‘I don’t know, but we could’ve make him pain a bit for being a fucking jackass’

‘Why you think he was a jackass?’ you scrunched your nose.

‘Oh I know for a fact he is a jackass! After all you did for him, he just left you?’ Jungkook voice raised, swaying his arms outraged in the air ‘

‘Jungkook I don’t want to talk about this anymore, past is past…’ you said determined cutting his passionate blurb

Jungkook clicked his tongue visibly displeased at how you finished the conversation. Both turned your backs to each other, inside your chest your heart pumped fast; it almost seemed about to burst out of you in rage. “Such a noisy guy Jesus Christ” “What is it to him anyway?” “He shouldn’t meddle with things he doesn’t understand” you thought, leaving a deep and long puff. The silence on the room became heavier and almost tangible, if you payed enough attention you could hear the heavy breathing of Jungkook, he must’ve also raised some temperature. Never before you had seem him this upset about something, even less about your relationship.
Occasionally Jungkook would ask what was wrong when he caught you tearing-up a bit, or with a serious face. Opening up it wasn’t one of your fortes, but sometimes you’d let a part of you -of all the struggles that made you suffer- out, and Jungkook would be there to listen to them diligently. He wouldn’t give you useless advice, instead he would only offer his help to you. So you were quite confound on why this was his reaction.Guilty settle on the pit of your stomach over your reaction, thinking maybe you acted a bit impulsive yourself.

‘I threw his cameras out the window…’ you commented, trying to make peace with him.

Jungkook was silent on the other side of the room, that ugly sensation at the pit of your stomach grew with each passing second he wouldn’t say a word. “I fucked up?” “Not you too…” biting on your lower lip, strong enough to make it swallow. Ready to turn back to ask for a sincere apology your ears perked up at a low but in crescendo laugh, that gradually transformed into a chortle filling your chest with joy that provoked a good laugh out of you.
Jungkook wheezed supporting himself over the table,trying to calm himself down.

‘Incredible’ He avowed, pretending to clean a tear of his cheek. ‘I’d pay good money to see his face after you did that.’

You both chuckled.

‘Yeah, what a fart smeller’ you pursed your lips into a thin line.

Jungkook looked at you amused ‘Fart smeller?…really y/n?’

You shrugged ‘He was though…’ You winked at Jungkook, who deviated his face looking down his cheeks tinted red from the burst of laugh he had before. ‘Hey Jungkook,’ you called making him look back at your, a beautiful glow of playfulness on his eyes. ’I’m sorry, about before…’

‘Don’t apologize, I was wrong in meddling with your personal life…’ He nodded, acknowledging his mistake. ‘I just don’t think it’s fair to you, having to endure all that shit by yourself’

You locked eyes with him, your cheeks now changing color. The pure honesty on his eyes, and the authentic concern made your stomach twist into a knot. ‘Thanks’ you only muttered answering him.

Jungkook scratched the back of his neck. ‘Anyway it’s is loss…’ He began turning around returning to taking the paper out of the box, you stayed there staring at his back, for the first time you noticed how wide it was; extremely entrancing.

‘How so?’ you inquired curious.

Jungkook looked over his shoulder, a smug gesture plastered on his features ‘Because now I get to be cheesy with you‘ he ended the line with a cheeky wink.

You couldn’t help but bit your lower lip teasingly at his remark and blush.Jungkook was not the only one who could play games…

‘Mmmhm, okay… ’ you murmured rolling your eyes and shaking your head giggling. You grabbed the box in front of you and lifted it by it’s handles. ‘Oomph’ you let out, the heavy box taking the air out your lungs while trying to shift it by supporting it on one of your legs.
Another pair of hands grabbed the box, gently brushing against yours. Trailing up, your eyes scanned the set of veins that popped out from the muscled arms. You tried hard not to gulp at the sight.
A frowny Jungkook met your gaze once you reached up, embarrassment probably drawn all over your face.

‘I’m deadly serious right now y/n…’  the hoarse tone on his voice and the intensity in his eyes made you breath hitched, suddenly your were very conscious of Jungkook’s hands brushing on your skin. Blatantly you switched between staring at his eyes and lips, the moment frozen preventing you from saying a word.

‘Prove it.’ You moaned, challenging, heart beating fast on your chest.

Jungkook smirked, licking his lips. Taking the box from your grasp and placing it aside.
Eyes following his every move as he painfully took his time to finish this task, the anticipation building between your legs. It was very unlike you to get all worked up about something simple like flirting, but it felt exciting.
Jungkook swayed his way back, ‘y/n…’ the name rolled from his tongue like the sweetest liquor. ’There is something I should tell you before’ he grimaced, nodding you let him know he got your attention fully. ‘I’m not messing around right now, I genuinely want to prove myself to you. Not just jokingly flirt with you’ you blinked, breathing unevenly staring at his lips while talking. ‘I…really like you’ Jungkook finished, adam’s apple bobbing as he gulped. ‘He just confessed?’ your jaw went slack trying to respond to him, but words won’t come out. Jungkook gesture with a hand stopping you ’And…’ he continued ‘I don’t want this to be inappropriate,since you broke up with- you know’

‘Jungkook-’ you tried to cut him softly but he kept talking.

‘So, I need to know…If I can do this…’ he chuckled ‘If i can do what I’ve always wanted to do since the very first time we spoke’ He was looking down to his feet, shifting from one leg to the other, noticeably embarrassed about his word

‘Yes’ you said brusquely.

The muscles on his jaw tightening holding back a smile, His eyes darting up and gleaming once they met yours. ‘Good’ he simply said, you dedicated a shy smile at him feeling your cheeks burning up.

Jungkook’s face softened as he brought his hand up and cupped your cheeks, inching closer to you. Closing your eyes letting yourself drown at his touch; you learned over one of his hands, sighing pleased. With the pad of this thumb Jungkook draw circles over your cheeks lovingly. You only noticed how near he was when his hot breath gently caressed your skin.

'Kiss me’ you whimpered  grabbing on his shirt as your body pressed closer to him.

Jungkook let out a deep and almost mocking chuckle ‘Where?’ He teased, Playing fool. ‘Here?’ He leaned down softly pressing his lips to your cheek, eliciting a sharp sound that resonated once his lips separated from your skin leaving a ghostly burning sensation. ‘Here?’ He continued to place another kiss over your close eyelids, making you bite your lip and tighten your grip at his shirt ‘Here?’ he pressed against the tip of your nose, taunting.

As he parted away, you slowly opened your eyes breathing heavily seeing how his lips twisted into a smug smile. ‘Fuck you Jungkook’ you growled in a whisper.
Jungkook run his hands down you back placing the on the small of you back

‘Looking forward to that, sweetie…’ He winked.

A/N: Thanks for requesting!! <3

i miiiiiight have just purchased a wee sample size of Colin Firth’s fave cologne. For, um…research purposes.

I will absolutely NOT be sniffing it for inspiration whilst writing Hartwin/Firtherton smut fic *whispers* yes i will i am trash

i am so afraid of what other people think of me that i let them judge right from wrong.

so when you packed your bags and left them tugging at the front door, i screamed for you, i cried, i let you put my feelings into a box, label me “obsessive” and “crazy,” let you make me into the bad guy for simply reacting.

and when i asked my therapist if feeling things so strongly was right or wrong, she asked me, “what do you think?”

and i don’t remember the last time someone asked me what i thought and when i said i think i was doing the right thing by feeling she said, “then you are.”

and now the times i’m grieving, i try to remember that my opinion means something. that i have to value it, value it more than anything. because once you value your own feelings, no one can invalidate them. you can’t tell me what makes me brave. i think feelings are supposed to be felt. you can no longer pressure me into shutting them out.

—  i’m not crazy just because you say i am