box condoms

Losing your virginity to Peter Parker would include..

- excuse the gif but it fits because homeboy is a whole ass NERD LMFAO

- anyways

- it happens at the absolute best moment when the both of you are ready

- peter being an absolute angel about it

- but also super duper nervous 

- not gonna lie he probably watched some porn beforehand

- ‘there’s no way i’m doing that’

- still has no idea what to do

- buying like 3 boxes of condoms because he didn’t know what size to buy (stay safe, kids!)

- literally wanting to die at the register, nearly runs out of the shop afterwards

- being the one that kisses him first, your heart jumping when you hear him moan and melt into your touch

- he’s in awe of your body 

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baby fever [parenthood series #1]

 summary: Bucky wants a baby. || fluff & nsfw || [future]dad!bucky x reader ||

warnings: your heart will grow like the grinch at this sweet content, nsfw, smut, trying for a baby, fear of parenthood, [intentional] unprotected sex, mentions of prenancy, mentions of Steve/Natasha and their baby Sarah

note: I’ve been posting dad!bucky fics here and there, so I decided to make a legit series and stuff about it called ‘Parenthood.’ This series will show everyone how Bucky’s little family was started, and how they progress through milestones and all of that. Here’s the first part called ‘Baby Fever!’ 

Originally posted by thewiinterrsoldiier

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Day One Hundred and Five

-A young boy walking by sounded the butt trumpet and promptly announced, “I blew gas!” to the world at large. I admire his pride and, moving forward, I will aspire to follow his shining example.

-I heard the voice of a man float through the store, saying, “When I was alive, Playboy actually played with me!” With no other context, I am forced to assume that Hugh Hefner has passed away and is spending his afterlife hanging around a Virginia Target, regaling the public with his tales.

-A three month-old in sunglasses gave me the double finger guns. He may not have possessed the fine motor skills to do so physically, but for the spiritually rad like he and I, the finger guns is more of an aura than an action, and he was exuding it in spades.

-Cat Lady has not been seen nor heard from since January, shortly after the inauguration of our Patron Saint of Incompetence and Impropriety. Whether this is coincidence or conspiracy, I hope to see her return soon.

-I rang up a joyful elderly woman sporting a Spider-Man hoodie. I feel that it is safe to say that I have just met Aunt May and that she is as supportive as ever.

-A guest walked by, carrying a poodle the size of a soda bottle. It took every ounce of self-restraint I have not to cry at its magnificence and/or give up my job for the sake of dognapping.

-A man, well into his sixties, purchased a large bottle of wine, a large box of condoms, and a large container of lube. It warms my heart to know that romance never dies.

B99 + Apartment AU: in which Jake, Charles, Rosa, and Amy live together while attending the police academy.

  • They technically see each other every day at training, but they all still try to hang out together once a week. (Usually movie nights, occasionally game nights, sometimes with alcohol, always in pajamas.) 
  • Charles offers to make dinner for all of them some time during their first week together. – He makes a dish involving bull testicles and is never allowed to cook for them again. (He’s still allowed to make hot cocoa though, which Jake asks for every time he comes home with a bruise.) 
  • Amy dies a little on the inside every morning Jake sleepily pads into the kitchen, hair still messed up from sleep and voice still a bit hoarse. 
  • The smoke alarm goes off almost every time Amy attempts to cook something. 
  • The number of times Amy has thought about just walking over to Jake’s room and kissing him senseless is  r i d i c u l o u s.
  • Rosa has at least three extra locks on her door, and none of the others have seen the inside of her room. (After catching Gina sneak out of there the morning after their graduation, Jake bribes her into telling him exactly how it looks like.) 
  • Jake somehow manages to leave various articles of clothing everywhere, and this annoys Amy to no end. (Partly because each rumpled shirt just makes her think about what it would feel like to tear his clothes off herself.)
  • Amy puts a calendar on their fridge and implements a cleaning schedule, with the chores all divvied up between the four of them. Jake complains very loudly about this at first but later has a ton of fun dancing around their living room while vacuuming and scream-singing Taylor Swift songs.
  • Charles regularly helps Rosa with her texting game. (Amy tries to contribute at some point, but her offer to proofread messages is quickly shot down.) 
  • From her room, Amy hears the door slamming closed followed by the sound of muffled voices and giggling. She peaks her head out a bit, and her stomach lurches when she catches a blur of bodies making their way toward Jake’s room. She crashes at Kylie’s that night because the walls in their apartment are thin, and she doesn’t want to hear a thing. (It’s a drunken one night stand that doesn’t come to anything because the girl’s apparently in law school studying to be a defense attorney.) 
  • Charles and Rosa do yoga together on Sunday mornings. They try to get Jake and Amy into it, but Jake just makes a joke out of everything, and Amy becomes weirdly competitive about it. 
  • Jake once woke everyone up at an ungodly hour because he had been watching a nature documentary and yelling over the grossness of live births. He since then has been banned from watching nature documentaries past midnight. 
  • Every so often (more and more frequently as time passes), Jake and Amy find themselves sitting on the floor of their living room way past 2 am, just talking and laughing. (Charles and Rosa can hear them from their rooms, but neither of them say anything about it.)  
  • Through the wall between their rooms, Rosa can hear Amy creepily singing songs before each big test/evaluation at the academy. The third time this happens, Rosa knocks on Amy’s door and stays with her until she’s calmed down. (”You’ll do great. Stop stressing, dum-dum.”)
  • Jake runs out of shampoo and doesn’t want to dig through Charles’ erotic shampooing kit, so he sneaks into the girls’ bathroom and steals a bit from the first bottle he sees. (Turns out it’s Amy’s, and it drives him nuts that he smells like her the whole day. Amy somehow doesn’t notice, but Rosa threatens to castrate him if he ever enters their bathroom again.) 
  • Charles likes to blast show tunes while doing chores or cooking large meals (or doing anything, really). They’ve all had front row seats to his renditions of choice songs from Oliver, Annie, and Cats. 
  • Amy’s usually pretty neat, so Rosa is shocked to enter her room to find nuts all over the floor… and on her shirt, and in her hair, and somehow on her bed a few feet away. (”Jake said I couldn’t catch any of these with my mouth, so I’m just-” “Don’t care. Call me if you grab each other’s asses.”) 
  • Jake’s been thinking of asking Amy out for ages, but he’s too afraid of the potential fallout. Both Charles and Rosa try to talk him into doing something about his feelings.
  • Amy once catches Jake coming out of the shower with just a towel wrapped around his waist. Needless to say, all work was forgotten that evening, and she had to take a long shower herself. 
  • It’s during one of their 3 am heart-to-heart convos that Jake and Amy finally kiss, and they don’t end up sleeping until the sun starts to rise. When Amy comes out of Jake’s room close to lunch time (donning one of his checkered shirts, because her pajama top is nowhere to be found), she finds a spread of various aphrodisiacs (courtesy of Charles) and a box of condoms (courtesy of Rosa) on their dining table. 

Shout out to @peraltiagoisland, @elsaclack, @dogworldchampion, @stardustsantiago, and @tiadorable for letting me yell about this AU and helping me come up with these headcanons!!!!!!!!

anonymous asked:

prompt; marichat but chat knocks on her parents skylight by accident and then has to explain himself to mrs and mr dupaincheng

Thank you for the prompt anon! Unfortunately, we have a little problem here. Sabine and Tom’s bedroom doesn’t have a skylight, only Marinette’s does. But that doesn’t mean I can’t work around it hehe. Here we go! It is kind of short tho.


Chat Noir adored visiting Marinette. He loved that he got time to spend with her, playing video games, having pillow fights and more or less sleepovers together. And the food was certainly a bonus. So here was Chat Noir, coming with a bag of two big ice cream boxes and ready to marathon. It was Friday and Marinette mentioned she wants to see that new TV series Versailles because of the costumes. Adrien wants to watch it to make fun of the ugly mustaches. Opening the skylight, he jumps in before somersaulting off the bed and landing in the middle of Marinette’s room.

“Oh, bonsoir my princess! Are you ready for this fine evening of…. of… er… “ Chat stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed they weren’t alone in the room. Marinette’s parents were sitting on the chaise lounge while Marinette herself was sitting in her computer chair, looking rather mortified. Her face screamed panic, while her eyes screamed murder. Absently, Chat wondered if there was a recipe for fried cat in wine sauce. If not, Marinette was one step away from creating it. He gulped. Turning to her parents, who were still surprised, Adrien straightened his back.

“Monsieur and Madame Dupain-Cheng. Bonsoir!” Chat waved awkwardly. “I swear there is a good reason I’m sneaking off in your daughter’s bedroom at a late hour in the night without your knowledge.” Marinette turned to him with a look that screamed ‘SHUT UP’

The two adults exchanged a look, having more or less a mental conversation. Then they smiled at Chat. “You should come to dinner one of these days.” Sabine declared while she and Tom got up from their place. “I’m sure you can explain the… reasoning then.”

“Enjoy the whatever you are up to. We will send you some sweets.” Tom added as they opened the hatch door to climb down.

Marinette and Chat looked flabbergasted as the two adults disappeared from sight. They turned to each other when the door opened again and Sabine appeared. “Don’t forget you have a box of condoms in your closet, dear.”

“Maman!” Marinette exclaimed in pure horror, but she was already gone.

“Well, that went well.” Chat declared after a few moments of silence.

Marinette turned to him with a look that screamed murder. Chat gulped then pulled out one of the boxes. “I bought you truffle ice cream.”

Marinette narrowed her eyes, before grabbing the box out of his hands. “You are safe. For now.”

anonymous asked:

Dan and Phil are roommates in college, Dan's horny and has been begging Phil all day to fuck him and make him cum and Phil finally caves when Dan starts jerking off in the shower while he's trying to do his homework so he puts on a cock ring and fucks dan until he passes out(aftercare too) and they don't go to their first class the next day cuz they're too tired lol overstimulation, cockslut!dan, choking and hairpulling

I also added a weeeeeny bit of daddy!kink and gave Dan a tongue piercing because why not? If you have trouble getting past the cut on mobile open in your browser!

When Phil first meets his university roommate, he knows he’s hit the jackpot. The boy who’s sitting on one of the single beds introduces himself as Dan, and suddenly Phil isn’t quite so regretful over his decision to live in one of the cramped one-room suites on campus, rather than paying extra for the more spacious dorms down the road. Dan is gorgeous, to say the least. He has these pretty brown eyes surrounded by fans of long lashes and lovely, dark locks that feather out against his face. His smile is so bright it might not even be an issue that there’s only one tiny window in the cinderblock room and that the lightbulb screwed into the cracked ceiling is basically useless.  He’s classically beautiful – but that isn’t necessarily what makes Phil decide he needs to have him within the first three seconds of knowing him. It’s more likely that every fibre in this boys’ being screams twink. From the way he’s dressed, in skin tight black jeans and a deep plunging V-neck that’s probably two sizes too small, to the way he spreads his long body across the small bed like he’s there for a centrefold shoot. Phil’s staring at his pouty, full bottom lip wondering what it’d look like wrapped around his cock when Dan – on habit, or perhaps something else – pushes the silver ball of his tongue piercing out and gently grips it between his teeth, before retracting it back into his mouth. It’s then that Phil’s want becomes more of a need.

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Bygones of the Sun | 04 (M)

Originally posted by hobismole

Genre: Angst/fluff/(future)smut || dance captain!hoseok, bad boy!au, uni!au

Pairing: Reader x Hoseok

Length: 4.8k

Summary: Jung Hoseok was once the sweetheart of the school, the dance captain whom every girl, including you, can’t help but fall head over heels for. But like the force of the ever-glowing sun, everything that rises must also set. A year of inactivity later and he’s now the school’s resident bad boy. You’re a firm believer of allowing the past be the past, and yet you can’t help but wonder where the risen sun has gone into hiding—because perhaps its shadows have out-shined its own radiance.

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05

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Kurt and Blaine and the Box of 100 Condoms

A birthday fic for @spaceorphan18

Not too late to get in on the birthday wishes, I hope!  Like everyone, I’d just like to express appreciation for all the time and effort you put in keeping the fandom light burning, and for the creative ways to still engage folks. 

So here’s a little token fic for you for your birthday - I hope you like it!

Pair: Badboy!Blaine, RetailMonkey!Kurt
Words: 1886
Warnings: Mention of prostitution (not actual prostitution - it’s funny I swear)

AO3

Beta’d by @mshoneysucklepink, of course.

“Seriously?”

“You lost Anderson. Get in there and do what you gotta do.”

Blaine sighed. His friends were assholes.

They had been chasing squirrels in the cemetery and had gotten bored, so they all decided it’d be funny to shotgun beers. The loser had to take on whatever dare the winners could come up with.

Blaine always won, he could suck a can empty while everyone else was still trying to figure out where to put their mouth, but not this time. They must have been practicing - or cheating - and Blaine was left holding the bag this time.

Well, not the bag exactly. There had to be some way out of this.  "Are you sure they even carry a box of that many?“

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So like, post-Joseph route AU where, after Amanda leaves to go and have ice cream with the Emmas, the rest of the cul-de-sac are still hanging around and talking, and Lucien, of all people, notices that MC isn’t looking all too great.

And Lucien has nooo idea what to do. Because man, he hasn’t said more than a few words to the guy.

But MC is just looking so miserable, sitting on the porch by himself, staring at the present his daughter had given him. None of the other dads have noticed yet. And maybe Lucien should just get an adult to go and check if MC is okay. But he doesn’t.

Because in that moment, there’s something about MC that reminds Lucien of his own father - tired and worn out after a long day at war with the world.

So Lucien, against his better judgement, goes up and sits down next to MC.

“You okay…sir?” he asks, because goddamn it may have been more than a month since they’d moved into the neighbourhood, but Lucien still has no earthly clue what the guy’s last name is.

MC looks up, surprised, and gives a tired smile. “I’m fine,” he says.

He doesn’t look fine. At all. So Lucien sits with him, and they talk for a while.

Lucien is pleasantly surprised to find that MC is actually a kinda cool dude. He’s a huge dork, of course, but that kind of comes with the territory of being a father.

By the time Damien comes over to thank MC for the lovely party and to let Lucien know they’re going home, MC’s tired smile looks a lot more genuine.

When Lucien bids him goodbye, MC just laughs and ruffles his hair.

“You’re a pretty good kid after all,” he teases, and Lucien just slaps his hand away with an embarrassed grumble.

Damien has no idea what’s going on, but far be it for him to complain when someone notices how brilliant his son is.

After that, Lucien doesn’t really see much of MC, and he mostly forgets about their conversation at the party.

But after Amanda finally moves away and MC no longer has anyone to badger him about getting out, MC kinda becomes a social hermit. The only other dad he actually hangs out with is Craig, because they’re college buddies.

And when a month has passed and Lucien realizes it’s been a while since he’s seen their new neighbour, and he remembers how tired MC had looked that day at the party, he feels a bit worried.

So, he asks his dad if they can invite MC over for dinner at their place one day.

Damien is a bit confused, but he agrees.

And it all starts off kind of awkward, but by the end of the night, MC and Damien are laughing together as if they’ve known each other all their lives, and Lucien can’t remember the last time he saw his father so happy.

After that, MC and the Bloodmarchs take turns inviting each other over for dinner once a week, and go out together on weekends as a family.

When Lucien has to miss one of their dinners together one night because he’s sleeping over at Ernest’s house, Damien walks into his bedroom to freshen up before MC arrives, and finds a box of condoms on his pillow that definitely wasn’t there before.

Damien just about dies of embarrassment right then and there, and can’t look MC in the eye for a solid hour.

When MC finally caves and asks what’s wrong, Damien tells him what Lucien had done, trying to play it off as a hilarious joke - “Kids, amiright?” (His voice is a little too high to be convincing, and his face is beet red).

MC stares at him thoughtfully for a long moment, thinking over how to respond, before finally his lips pull into a sly grin.

“Well, no point in letting those condoms go to waste, right?”

Damien chokes on the sip of wine he’d just taken, looking up at MC with bewilderment.

While MC tries to apologize through his hysterics, Damien is trying to figure out if the offer was sincere because holy hell does he wish it was.

(When Lucien returns home the next morning to find a sleep-rumpled MC cooking breakfast in their kitchen and with lovebites scattered all across his neck, the shit-eating grin doesn’t leave his face for the rest of the day.)

The Lake House

Based off of prompt 79. “Stop hogging all the blankets!” Send in by @ssselcouth!

A/N: So I’m going to be honest here, I started writing like three different stories before settling on this one and in the end, it really had nothing to do with the prompt. BUT, I do really like this concept so I left it open for a part two. Let me know if you like it!



“Maybe you lot should just fuck and get it over with.” Niall mocked from his seat by the fireplace.

You could feel Harry flinch next to you and his arm that laid across your shoulder retreated quickly. You let out an awkward chuckle as the group around you giggled.

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Heart on the Line (part 5)

Masterlist


You and Bucky had your differences in college, but now you need a place to stay and he needs a roommate, and in order to make ends meet, you two start a phone sex line together.  

“For a Good Time, Call…” AU


author: sugardaddytonystark (formerly buckysbackpackbuckle)
pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
word count: 1589

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Favorite Tomione Stories

Complete

Ultima ratio by Winterblume
Ultima ratio - the last resort. At last the day of the Final Battle against Lord Voldemort has come. Harry, Ron and Hermione fight bravely against their nemesis - but then something goes wrong. And Hermione finds herself alone in a precarious situation.

Somewhere in Time by Serpent In Red
Sent back in time by a mysterious person and trapped in the past with a missing Dumbledore and an overbearing, charismatic Dark Lord, they had no idea how much they could dabble with before the world they had known shattered into pieces.

Tied for Last By: Speechwriter
Hermione is killed by Voldemort, and is now dead. Well, sort of. Turns out that death is a little more complex than she knew… Ignores epilogue and last 50ish pages of DH.

Nightmare by provocative envy
COMPLETE: A broken time turner shouldn’t have sent me back so far. It was unprecedented. Stepping on it-smashing it-nothing should have happened. At most, I should have lost a week. At worst, I should have disappeared altogether. I shouldn’t have traveled back fifty-two years; half a bloody century. This should not have happened. HG/TR.

Masters of Manipulation by Nerys
A true manipulator will control the universe, but who will achieve the wanted mastership? Hermione suddenly finds herself opposing Tom Riddle in a quest for knowledge banned by the founders of Hogwarts. Can she stop the heir before he becomes invincible?

Shared Flame by Lady Miya 
It all started when two normally clever individuals both had a really lousy day. 

Have You Ever by Lady Moonglow
With the war looking bleak, the Golden Trio, Ginny, Draco, and Lavender go back to Tom Riddle’s 7th Year to destroy Lord Voldemort once and for all. What Hermione DIDN’T count on, however, is a shared common room, a curse, and a crazy little thing called love.

Daddy Dearest by ImmortalObsession
Lady Hermione isn’t quite right in the head. Her kingdom resides in a manor full-of-monsters. She has regular conversations with the Devil and fancies a dark knight who wants to kill her in her sleep. If not for the wonderful library, she might have lost her wits completely by now. Instead, she passes the time with music lessons and plots of murder.

The Hogwarts Christmas by OrbNerysDax
Christmas is a time of peace and joy, and most of all, presents. Do Tom and Hermione get what they want or what they need?

Romantic Idealism by Meowmers
She falls in love with him when she’s 12, but by the time she’s 17 she wants him dead. For Tom Riddle, its vice versa. Tomione. AU. M for a reason.

A Big Ball of Wibbly-Wobbly by Colubrina
The war is over, the good guys have won, and Hermione Granger goes to sleep in her lovely flat only to wake up in 1953 in the bed of someone she’d really much rather were dead. “I’m working on the ‘kill Lord Voldemort now, work out the temporal paradox issues later’ plan,” she tells him. He laughs. Tomione. 

Linen Rope by Brightki
Hermione is an upper sixth student at the highly elite Hogwarts School, and she needs extra hours working in the school’s science labs for her pre-admission to Oxford the next year. However, she has to get the approval from the chemistry teacher, Dr. Snape, as well as the support of the man in charge of the science department - Dr. Tom Riddle. (Non-Magical/Modern AU)

War Paint by provocative envy 
COMPLETE: It was small, slim, about the length of her hand; the leather cover was soft, the sewn-in binding was crisp, and the thick vellum pages were empty. 'Tom Marvolo Riddle’ was printed in ancient, flaking gold leaf across the front. He had been a Slytherin, a prefect, and head boy in 1944. She had checked. HG/TR. 

A Nose That Can See by Colubrina
Hermione Granger has found herself inexplicably tossed back into time to Tom Riddle’s Hogwarts. And he’s a Veela and, wouldn’t you know it, she’s his mate. Could life get worse? But he seems to have an endless supply of out-of-season fruit so it can’t be all bad, right? Tomione. Major character death, musical theater, and all that fruit. COMPLETE.

Allure by Meowmers
“Granger,” He seethed, as if he had any right to be angry while he was covered in blood on her doorstep. “Invite me inside.” Her nails dug into the polished wood of the door and she contemplated slamming it in his face. “Absolutely not.” Modern Vampire AU. Tomione. Also a splash of Drarry because I needed that in my life rn.

WIPs

Please, Save Me by Winterblume
AU Tomione. No time travel no time turners. - 'Are you not scared of him? Tom Riddle has got a rather peculiar reputation. But I’m sure it’s all stupid talk. He’s Head Boy after all.’ - 'What kind of a reputation’ - 'Er… he's… well, he seems kinda dark.’

A Fall Through Time by Ariel Riddle
A/U Tomione In a future dystopian society, Muggles are enslaved to their Pureblood masters who greedily drain the earth of its resources resulting in humans being on the brink of extinction. Muggleborns are hunted. Hermione must do what she does best-survive and adapt. Until that is, she is given an opportunity to go back to when it all started and rewrite history.

Bodyswitch by Winterblume
Hermione’s in hell and all her nightmares have come true. She’s turned into a brainless bimbo and is failing all her classes quite spectacularly. Her teachers have, in fact, already given up on her and just sit back and watch her flunk all her NEWTs. Yes, it’s nothing but hell for Hermione. On the upside, things can hardly get any worse. Right?

unsphere the stars by cocoartist
When you can’t change time, but you can’t go forward, what is left? Hermione learns how to be the protagonist of her own story. [EWE]

Stepbrother by cherry cup 
AU. The Grangers adopt a young Tom Riddle, and seal their daughter’s fate forever. Set in the 30s-40s. 

Murderer’s Maze by ibuzoo
A new killer causes a worldwide media sensation by committing crimes so depraved, that they’re creating a global panic. Only Special Agent and Consulter Hermione Granger can stop the killer—if she can solve his most complex and terrifying puzzle. Will she see through his game before her time runs out? Or will she lose herself in his maze of terror?

The Prisoner by Nerys
Imprisoned, Lord Voldemort is considered a threat of the past. His knowledge is desired by many. Yet, his offer is for one person only: Hermione Weasley-Granger.

Persephone by dulce.de.leche.go
Better to be the right hand of the devil than in his path. Better still to be the consort of Hades than a part of his collection of souls. Ten years after Voldemort has won the war, Hermione reaches a breaking point and shreds the flow of time to change her future. If she can’t change the world, she will change her place in it. - Extremely dark Tomione/Volmione. Warnings inside.

Bound by Sharkdiver1980 
When Hermione is sent back in time to 1947 after attempting to destroy a Horcrux, she finds herself forcefully subjected to a new law, Proclamation no.1682, otherwise known “The Marriage Law”. it had obviously been repealed almost as quickly as it was instated, which is why she had never heard of it; The problem was, she had already been assigned a husband. 

Unsinkable by Speechwriter
He: a young man long since raised from poverty, now on the verge of inheriting a magnate’s business in the 1910s. She: an impoverished young woman on her way to start a new life in America. In short: Tom Marvolo Riddle, Hermione Jean Granger, and one voyage on the RMS Titanic - and how it would change their lives forever.

Hermione’s Diary by Radiant Innocence
What would happen if Ginny Weasley had never had Tom Riddle’s diary? What if the Horcrux still existed, and was found by Hermione? What happens when the Dark Lord becomes intrigued by Hermione, and pulls her into his past? Read and Review!

School Days by Meowmers 
They meet on the playground. Ron told her that if she doesn’t fight for herself no one will ever leave her alone so she’s just trying to follow his advice. “Are you crying?” He asks. She musters all the fury in her 7-year-old body and channels it into her voice when she speaks through the tears. “So what? I’ll still kick your arse.” Tomione. AU. Rated M for future chapters. 

Oneshots

Professor Riddle by jadepresley
“When you have seen as much of life as I have, you will not underestimate the power of obsessive love” - Horace Slughorn

The Black Veil by NerysDax 
Samhain: When the veil’s at its thinnest, the impossible will occur. Up is down, down is up. Everything can be achieved by those the Goddess values. COMPLETE

The Darkness Sings to Her by Ariel Riddle
From beneath the cover of the water, or from behind a rock a ways from the shore, she would find herself lurking behind the waves and sneaking surreptitious glances whenever she could. AU Dark Fairytale with a Tomione twist. Oneshot.

Youth in Retrospect by provocative envy
ONE-SHOT: She’s buying a box of condoms when she meets him. HG/TR.

Quid nove sub sole by LeanaM
“They say history repeats itself, but that is not entirely true. History isn’t circular, it is more like a spiral. Similar events may take place over time, but they are never exactly the same. Sometimes they are smaller. Sometimes they are bigger. Sometimes they start the same, but the result is completely different.” Historical AU. Dark. Tomione/Gin'n'Tonic. One-shot.

A Lovely Night by Meowmers
“Please don’t ask me to dance,” She said, her fingers fluttering across her skirts, “Societal expectations dictate I must, I’m afraid,” He said, and there was something so familiar in the feel of her hand, in the warmth her eyes sent him. CINDERELLA AU THAT LITERALLY NO ONE ASKED FOR BUT I MADE BECAUSE I AM LITERAL TRASH ENJOY 

Master of Mort by PierreJ
A place for multiple pairings, romantic one-shot/stories and love with just a splash of angst. Come on, this is me.

Playing Cupid by Meowmers
“I’m beginning to think that I would love to hear you scream.” Tomione. Regency AU. Rated-M.

-art cred @ariel-riddle (I just played with it)

Rude Interruptions // Kim Yugyeom ft. Jackson Wang

Originally posted by jung-hosoek

Pairing: Yugyeom x Reader x Jackson

Genre: Getting caught // A little suggestive // Almost smut // Comedy

Summary//Request: Please do a Yugyeom push against the wall kind of kiss thing and they fet interrupted by Jackson before they can actually do what they want and then Jackson makes fun of them as he notices the obvious sexual tension.


“Are you sure no ones home?” you breathed against Yugyeom as his hands began travelling over your body, his lips ghosting over yours as he backed you up against the living room wall. You felt excitement and nervousness course through your veins at the thought of someone walking in on your very intimate moment you were sharing with your boyfriend.

“Everyone’s gone for the day” he hushed you as his lips found yours, trapping you between himself and the wall as he pressed his body against yours. You stood on your toes to put your arms over his shoulders as his hands explored underneath your thighs, still kissing you as he did so.

“Jump” he murmured. You wrapped your legs around his waist as his long fingers gripped your thighs. He began rolling his hips, creating friction between both of your cores eliciting a soft mewl from your lips as you felt Yugyeom’s member harden against your clothed womanhood. You moaned into his mouth, edging him on more as he moved his hands to your ass and gave it a tight squeeze.

Suddenly, you both heard the front door of the dorm open.

“Fuck, Yugyeom!” you almost screamed, as he very nearly dropped you to the ground. A look of panic swept across both of your faces as you began straightening out your clothes and ran over to the sofa to sit down and act like nothing was going on as you both stared in front of you at the blank television screen. Yugyeom pulled a cushion over the very obvious tent in his trousers, before seconds later, in walked none other than Jackson.

“Sup guys” Jackson said, not even looking in your direction as he walked passed you both and went straight for the kitchen, leaving the door open between the rooms.

“Hey Jackson…” you called out, looking at Yugyeom in panic. Yugyeom closed his mouth tight, his face burning crimson while trying to calm his heart beat as Jackson continued to talk to you both.

“…and then I said ‘Well why don’t you just give me 5 for the price of 4 and we’ll call it a deal?’ And he gave me them no problem! This is why you have to barter, kids.” he said as he walked back into the living room with a tray of food he just bought from an organic market. Jackson set the tray on the table in front of the sofa before tuning the TV on and squeezing right in between the both of you.

“So, what have you guys been up to?” he asked while setting the tray back on his lap.

Neither of you spoke as you both tried to come up with something natural to say. You glanced over at Yugyeom who was still looking forward with the pillow firmly placed on his lap. “Um, well we were just about to watch TV when you came in…” you trailed off before looking to Jackson who had been looking at you the entire time.

“…Are you okay (Y/N)? You seem a bit dazed. Did you eat today? Do you want some of my food?” he asked, offering you some with his chop sticks, to which you shook your head. “Ahh no thank you, honestly I’m fine I just…I’m just tired that’s all.” You smiled as genuinely as you could. Jackson squinted at you, knowing something was up. He turned to Yugyeom and noticed the pillow that he was clutching very tightly on his lap.

“…hey Yugyeom can I borrow the pillow to put under my tray? It’s uncomfortable on my lap”

“No Jackson” Yugyeom replied quickly, making Jackson flinch. Jackson began squinting at him also, looking back between you both.

“Give me the pillow Yugyeom” he said calmly

“No” Yugyeom said firmly.

“Why won’t you give me the pillow? Why are you holding it so tightly? Are you hiding something from me?” Jackson let question upon question fall out of his mouth, his curiosity burning with desire. Your eyes widened, hoping that Yugyeom had become a little less excited down there now as Jackson was adamant about wanting the pillow.

Jackson suddenly grabbed the pillow, yanking it straight out of Yugyeom’s grip before feasting his eyes on his obvious boner through his pants.

“OH MY GOD NO” he screamed as he began to laugh and giggle incessantly, throwing his head back against the sofa.

“You guys were doing dirty things when I came in!” he exclaimed, looking at you and pinching your cheeks to which you swatted him away and turned your head so he couldn’t see how red your face had gotten.

“Jackson stop it oh my god” Yugyeom whined in response, tugging the pillow back from Jackson as he tried to stop the tears from running down his face due to laughing so much.

“I can’t believe how grown up you’ve gotten Yugyeom. You’re a real man now!” he patted Yugyeom on the back before getting up from the sofa.

“I’ll leave you two spring chickens alone. Continue where you left off! Don’t mind me!” he chuckled as he walked out the living room door towards his room, leaving you to alone finally. You shut your eyes tight, feeling more embarrassed than you had ever felt in your entire life. Yugyeom moved closer to you before putting his hand on top of yours. “I’m so sorry about that (Y/N). I didn’t know he would be back so soon…” he trailed off, feeling terrible for putting you in such an uncomfortable situation. You opened your eyes to see a very concerned looking Yugyeom, his eyes full of regret about the whole ordeal. You smiled gently before kissing his nose.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s not your fault.” You cooed into his face before he kissed you lightly on your lips. You didn’t even notice Jackson at the door until he knocked the door frame, causing you both to snap your heads around.

“WHAT, JACKSON?!” you both shouted in unison, before Jackson threw a small box towards the both of you. It landed beside you on the sofa, before you picked it up and seen it was a box of condoms. You groaned, gritting your teeth as Yugyeom opened his mouth wide in shock before giving Jackson a look of disbelief.

“Don’t forget to use a condom! Kids shouldn’t have kids!” he said cheerfully, before walking back to his room, smiling and giving himself a pat on the back before saying to himself “Good man, Jackson. That’s your good deed done for today!”  

BTS Reaction to Giving Their Child the Talk

Note: I changed this reaction a bit, so it’s back and hella revamped! (sorry for being m.i.a., I had to finish playing LoZ Breath of the Wild..I dunno if I like Ocarina of Time or the other better djnd) *credit to gif owners*


Jin ➳ “I really like him, though! Why can’t I kiss him?” Your face was impassive as you nudged Jin on the side, internally laughing menacingly as you made him be the one to give your daughter ‘the talk.’

“You see, baby, it’s not that simple-” Jin froze, spacing off to the side. Was his only child seriously old enough to even..think about those things? He gulped, trying to find his words. “Boy’s are evil, and they only take things from you-”

“So does that mean you’re evil, too? You took something from mommy?” Jin was mortified and you began to burst into fits of laughter in the background.

Originally posted by jinatetae


Suga ➳ Yoongi stared at you as you grabbed an orange and a knife, slowly raising them with your hands and waving them for your daughter to see. “Never let a boy touch you.” You stated and your daughter scoffed.

You stabbed the knife into the orange, juices quickly bursting down the knife and onto your hands. Yoongi’s eyebrows furrowed. “Babe, what are you-”

“He’ll pop your cherry, and you’ll never get it back.” You took the knife from the orange and the juice slowly dripped onto the floor. Yoongi began to chuckle under his breath as he watched you peel the orange and share it with your daughter.

“I married a weirdo.”

Originally posted by sugagifs


J-Hope ➳ “Grow a pair and tell him already!” He had been lagging on giving your son the talk, and when you refused to let him in your bedroom as you yelled from the other side of the door; demanding he talk to your son — he was distressed. He knew the boy should have known already, don’t they teach those things in school? But there he was, walking to his son’s room as he was thinking of many things to tell the teenager, and once he had opened the door to find his son flushed as he had his hand in his pants, Hoseok slammed the door shut as he ran back to the room in a very flustered state. 

“I can’t believe you made me do that,” the words came out so quickly, and the expression on his face left you in a state of bewilderment, “next time, it’s on you.”

Originally posted by gotjhope


RapMonster ➳ He hesitated once he was outside of his son’s door, wondering if he should really do this or just tell you he already did. You had been nagging him all day to do it, since they were both men they would understand one another best; so when he let himself in his son’s room just to find the boy watching who knows what on his laptop, he cleared his throat to get the younger man’s attention. “Hey, I-”

“I’m way ahead of you.” The boy cut him short, opening his nightstand drawer just to show Namjoon the various boxes of condoms roaming about the tiny area. The older could only mumble an ‘oh,’ before he left the room with a smile. He was saved.

Originally posted by glitchyoongi


Jimin ➳ “Look, we gotta talk.” Jimin stated as he sat down before your daughter. You were in the back, hiding away from your daughter and motioning to Jimin what to say. “Have you been thinking about sex lately?” He said slowly, glancing between you and his daughter.

“Not..really.” She mumbled, typing away at her phone.

“Do you know what happens..when you have sex?” Her eyes shot towards Jimin and he gulped. He was looking around, before he stared your daughter in the eyes; not really knowing what to say. “God is watching.” He randomly said, and when he realized what escaped his lips he began to giggle at what he blurted out. There was no way he could do this.

Originally posted by itsrapmonster


V ➳ He was ready. He looked in the mirror and ran a hand through his hair, fixing it up a bit. Yep, today was the day. He was going to do it.

He walked back to the kitchen to find you and his daughter sitting at the table, talking lightly as you waited for him. “We need to talk.” He said, looking towards your daughter and she immediately looked up to him with innocent eyes. He froze, soon turning in his steps and walking away. Your eyes narrowed as you excused yourself from the table and went to see what was up with Taehyung. “What the hell, Tae-”

“Are you sure she’s at that age?” He said. His cheeks were flushing and you nodded as if it was obvious that she was. “She’s just..she’s too pure, I can’t do it!” He whined, smacking his hands to his cheeks as he remembered the cute and curious face your daughter just gave him.

Originally posted by jeonthegreat


Jungkook ➳ He was confident, already in deep as he spoke without staring the younger in the eyes. Jungkook was nervous, and he didn’t want to be there but he wanted to prove to you that he could do this. He explained about how children were made, which his son already knew, and the various ways to protect oneself from getting someone pregnant. “I have a question,” the boy, started as Jungkook nodded for him to continue, “so, did you use protection before you impregnated m-”

Jungkook was shook, his eyes boring into innocent ones as he abruptly got up from the chair to avoid further discussion. “This conversation is over.” He had stated, and when he told you later about what happened; you could only die from laughter as he pouted.

Originally posted by missbaptan


Masterlist

Always use protection.
  • Alby: I've been hearing some rumours about boys developing feelings for Y/N, now I just want to make it clear that Y/N is off limits for now.
  • Newt: What?
  • Gally: That's not fair!
  • Minho: Wait, for now? So when will she be available?
  • Alby: When and if the box ever sends up condoms and birth control pills.
  • Newt: ...
  • Gally: ....
  • Minho: ....
  • Alby: Don't give me that look! You're all shuckfaces already, I don't want Shuck faced babies running around here!
  • Minho: Yes, but what if we find out we're the only humans left! And we need to repopulate the world?
  • Alby: Oh? So you're telling me Gorillas put us here? And send us supplies every week?
  • Minho: I'd prefer to say aliens.
  • Newt: Minho stop talking.
  • Minho: Do you, or do you not want to get laid some day?
Forgive Me, Father

Summary: You find an unusual customer at your workplace, and end up getting more than you bargained for when you offer to take him to a back room
Square Filled: Virginity
Sam x Reader
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: NSFW, smut, loss of virginity, Priest!Sam, Stripper!Reader
Words: 3,720 (now you know why it took so long
Written for @spnkinkbingo

Your name: submit What is this?

You spotted him as soon as you walked into the room; he looked so out of place, standing by the doorway, away from the dancers and other patrons.

You walked over to him, swaying your hips and flicking your hair over your shoulder to get his attention.

You loved your job, and days like this - people like this - made you love it even more.

“Good evening, father,” you smiled over the music, running your hands up his lapels, “What’s a man like you doing in a place like this?”

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