“You okay? That was a huge blow!” He was laughing and smiling and completely astounded at the size of the line I had just blown. My name is Jane and I’m fourteen years old. I’m sitting on Alex’s bed with his iPad on my lap with two more lines waiting for me to bring the rolled up dollar bill to my nose. I briefly looked up at Alex and gave him a little smile to let him know that I was alright but when I did I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My eyes were glossy and the whites were a tint of red which made the blue in the irises stand out even more, my sun-kissed skin turned a ghostly white. Who the hell have I become?
I am no longer the girl that would sit on the swings and squeal with excitement as my dad would give me a hard push. I am no longer the girl who would walk into church on Sunday morning with my great grandfather, hand-in-hand. I am no longer the girl that hides in closet with her sister and pretends that the boxes are rocket ships. I am now the girl that can remember her dad pushing her once on the swings before getting high over at the tennis court. I am now the girl that knows what would happen after church when my great grandfather would help me undress. I am now the girl who knows that every time Ashley and I would pretend we’re space explorers on a different planet it was because she didn’t want me to hear my dad hitting my mom.
As I stared at myself in the mirror and these memories danced in my head and the images played back like some sort of home movie, I became disgusted and angry with who was looking back. I brought my nose to the rolled up dollar bill and I inhaled. Just like that, I felt as though nothing bad had ever touched my life. I am Jane Cowens, I am untouchable.”
Pairings: Peter Quill x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader
Warnings: mild language, angst
A/N: One last part left - epilogue
Summary: Your best friend in the whole galaxy is coming to visit to help out with Thanos. When he arrives, Steve finds himself jealous of the close relationship Peter and you have. Will this stop the man from telling you how he feels? Will old feelings be brought up once Peter arrives? Does first love truly fade? Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5Part 6Part 7Part 8Part 9Part 10Part 11
“What do you think of these invitations?” Smurf asked while sliding the pearly white envelope across the kitchen island to you. Ever since you and Craig had told her about your engagement she’d taken charge, helping you plan every single little detail about the imposing celebration.
“They’re beautiful.” Carefully picking up the decorated letter you ran a hand over the beautiful calligraphy on it and smiled. It was finally starting to feel real. You were actually getting married.
“I come bearing cake!” Craig called out as he came into the kitchen with a stack of pastry boxes in his hand. Deran rocketed up from the couch and clapped his hands together.
“Finally! Something that I can help with.” Laughing Craig started setting up boxes and opening them to reveal the different tester cakes while Smurf cleared the counter to keep the invitations clean. J came bounding in from his bedroom and didn’t hesitate to pick up a fork, quickly taking a bite out of the first cake that Craig could unbox.
“This one’s really good!”
“Are you going to say that to every one?” Deran asked through a mouthful of food. J shrugged, already taking a bite out of the next cake.
Saturday evening came faster than expected. You spent most of the morning lounging around and catching up on sleep. Your whole family was extra nice to you all week long, you brother even kept out of you hair and minded his own business.
Ever since Michelle had left you utterly speechless and shattered, not many things proved to be that important, like the stupid dance. Peter’s calls stopped and his text messages no longer existed. He was going with Michelle and that was final.
Some may rank you as overdramatic, but you didn’t care. Peter Parker was going with a girl who didn’t deserve him and that destroyed you.
The best option for the night was to keep of social media. Thousands of pictures and videos were a sure factor to be posted and the last thing you wanted to see was a album full of Peter and Michelle.
Tilting the lenses of your reading glasses down, you glanced over the brim of the eyewear at the clock on the tabletop. It was already 7:30pm and the dance started at eight. Peter left around 6. you watched him skip down the apartment complex steps and return ten minutes later with a hand full of flowers then off again with his Aunt.
A chorus of knocked echoed on your front door tearing you from the river of thoughts. You swung your legs off the window sill and threw your blanket off your body.
“Just a second!” You exclaimed. The knocks ceased the moment your hand fell on the cold knob. Quirking your eyebrow you hesitantly unlocked the old door and pulled it open with a squeak.
Wrapped up in a neat golden box with a oversized white lush bow tied on top was a gift laid out on your welcome mat. Sparkles waxed the paper making it glow from the dim hall light peeking out from the wall fixture.
You examined the area outside of your home looking for any sign of life. The elderly woman who lived three home down from you was exiting her apartment. She smiled politely at you and for a brief moment you contemplated asking her about the strange present.
Shaking the thought out, you bent down and pulled the box into your grasp then entered back into your house kicking the door shut behind you. Your mom sat at the dining table consumed deep in her daily crossword puzzle with a blue coffee cup curled around her hand. You tip toed towards your bedroom hoping to avoid confrontation and rested the case on your desktop.
Your fingertips worked eagerly untangling the luxurious ribbon. Lifting the lid, you peered around the pink case. A gasp sounded from you sore throat.
Inside the container was a magnificent gift. Unintentional salty tears pinched at your eye sockets. A one of a kind blue gown was folded in a neat fashion inside the large box. Your eyebrow sky rockets as you skimmed over the front chest of the dress.
You lifted the fabric out from the parcel holding it up in the air. The skirt of the dress flowed out like the bottom half of a gown a princess might be found wearing. It was the dress… the one you had returned earlier in the week. The only thing you had ever felt truly confident in.
“Oh my god…” You said in a haze. The blue material pooled around the end of your bed. It was a flawless dress, completely gorgeous.
Displaying the long gown across your bedspread you flipped the box around in search for a name of a sender. The cost was high, something you mother secretly appreciated returning money wise.
A white tag made you heart skip a beat. Written across the paper in a messy style was a firework full of hearts. with your name in the middle. You fumbled turning the note in shock. On the back of the parchment was a time and location.
Meet me at the alley way on Greenway Street at 9pm. Wear the dress please, you look perfect in it.
Nerves pilled up. Who wrote this? What if this was all just some silly prank? Your mind bounced back and forth internally debating on the mysterious note and gift. It was obvious this mysterious admirer of yours had spent a pretty penny on you and who knows, maybe this could help you take your thoughts off of Peter and Michelle having the time of their lives at Prom.
Your heart raced a million miles in your chest. Butterflies bubbled in your stomach freely. Tucking the dress back into the case you rushed into the bathroom preparing yourself for the night ahead.
When 9:00 struck your heart leaped. Gripping the note in your hand you waverley stepped outside your apartment building. The air was tight in your chest. A weight crushed down on your lungs causing uneven breaths as you stumbled in your glittered heels towards the alleyway.
People passing by gave you strange looks. Few snickers, some smiled, and others sent you a curious view. Walking around Queens in a Prom dress was a peculiar sight.
Despite the hide away in the street being right around the corner from your place, the two minute walk felt like an eternity. You raced through the possibility of who could be behind all of this. There was always a chance that the whole thing was a setup but you had to find out.
Turning the corner and stepping into the pathway your body went numb. The scene before you was enough to cause a rush of tears to spring free.
Millions of fairy lights lit the dim space. The twinkling lights were hung in a zigzag manner connecting from your complex to the one besides yours. Grand vases overflowing with luscious red roses were planted neatly around the area. A large wooden portable floor covered the cement ground making the premises elegant and neat. in the far right of the alleyway was a white clothed table with a bottle of kids wine dug into a metal tin of ice. Two wine glasses sat opposite of each other.
Your hand clamped over your mouth to hide your gasp. A new voice broke through and you turned around to meet a pair of timid brown eyes.
“I uh- it’s not much but I wanted to make it special for you. Here, I remember you saying yellow tulips are your favorite.” Peter Parker admitted shyly. Drawing his hands out from behind his back he lunged a nosegay of sweet scented flowers in your hands. You accepted them in confusion bringing them up to your nose.
Peter shifted his weight from his back foot to his front tyring to maintain his composition. He was dressed to the nines in a sharp black tuxedo with a satin blue tie matching the fabric of your dress perfectly. His messy brown locks were combed tamely to the side with the help of a bit of gel.
“Peter what’re you doing here? You should be at Prom with Michelle-” Anger seeped in.The whole setup was forgotten and instead to push to the side with the realization of what Peter did.
Peter’s eyes darted to your frame. HIs left hand scratched the back of his neck, something he did when he grew uncomfortable.
“I called Michelle after she stopped by your place when you were sick. I heard everything… you left your window open. Besides I couldn’t go with her anyways when all I would be thinking about the entire dance would be you.” He stated. You mouth hit the floor half out of rage and the other out of a weird love feeling.
“Oh.” You nodded shortly. Tension was building by the second and you searched for a way out without creating too much drama. You could simply tell Peter you felt ill and wanted to go home, but what if he asked to come with you? Peter cut your mind race off as he shoved his hands in the pockets of his dress pants and coughed.
“She had no reason to say any of the things she did. I put her in her place as best as I could without causing too many issues. She won’t be bothering you anymore.” Oh I’m sure, you thought.
Rolling your eyes you set aside the posy of tulips. Across from you Peter’s eye followed your movements strictly. You scoffed and threw a pointed glare to the observant boy.
“I don’t need you protecting me, Peter.” You spat rather harshly. In defense Peter’s rose and looked at you as if you had grown an extra eye. His feet subconsciously walked towards you.
“I’m going to even if you don’t want me. You’re the greatest thing that has ever happen to me, how could I not protect someone like you. But she was right about one thing… I do like you, Y/n. A lot actually and-” Raising your hand you waved Peter off. You were not about to let him continue down the path he was heading especially if it was one full of lies.
“Don’t. That’s not fair, Parker. You’re not allowed to drop me like trash, kick me to the side, than lure me back in only to hurt me again. I’m not gonna let you do that. You break my heart every damn time.” You felt stupid at this point. Here you were in a fabulous decorated scenery. Peter hit the hammer on the nail incredible accurately with the beauty of everything he put together. Though the flowers, dance floor, and lights hardly distracted you from the fact that Peter hurt you.
Shuffling towards you, Peter reached out and grasped your hand softly. There was a look in his eye- one that you had never seen before. A hint of sorrow and something else, something more.
He shakily let out a breath of air and spoke,
“Y/n I understand if you won’t forgive me but just hear me out.”
You folded your arms sternly across your chest. Peter’s pleading eyes weren’t helping you stay strong and stick with your pride. Sighing, you loosened your posture and shrugged.
“You’ve got five minutes.” His features lit up a whole turn at your words.
Turning to the side Peter ushered you to the small table and pulled the chair back for you to slid in. You sat down silently watching with a hidden humorous smile as Peter rushed around the other side, wiping off a bead of sweat from his hairline.
Again, his tremulous hand locked around your fragile fingers. Butterflies took flight from the sensation of his warm skin against yours. Breaking the ice, Peter’s thumb danced along your knuckles mindlessly.
“I don’t love Michelle- I hardly like her. It’s just… since the moment we met I’ve loved you. Everything about you, all the small quirks, and everything in between. God I sound so cheesy and cliche but I love you Y/n. I… I thought you only saw me as your friend so I faked a crush on Michelle so I could get over you and there for awhile I thought I was starting to like her but then… then I would think about you, my mind always finds its way back to you and I’d remember how much I love you.” The brown hair boy rambled on and the more he said, the more his palms grew clammy. His voice wavered between octaves cracking ever so slightly. Wait what? Did he just-
You were almost positive your eyes were bulging out from their sockets trying to process his words. You darted your tongue along your lips quickly avoiding Peter’s burning gaze.
“You love me?” Saying it out loud made you feel that much more pathetic. There was no way the guy of your dreams liked you back- that only happen in chessy books and over done movies. There was no Nicholas Spark around and you were not Rose and the man in front of you was not Jack.
Peter head moving up and down in a rapid fashion caught your attention and you found him grinning from ear to ear.
“How could I not. You’re the sweetest person in the world and you’ve been by my side through thick and thin, like when my Uncle passed or when I found out about my powers. You’re the only one who knows about me being Spider-Man because I trust you more than anyone else in this world.” His words could melt you heart, but sadly for him, you had a heart of steel. Yanking your hand away from Peter’s embrace you huffed.
“Well if you love me so much why did you treat me so horrible? You made me feel awful, like I’m worthless. You picked a girl who bashed on me to my face over your best friend. Do you know how much I went through? I had to cancel all of our plans, making numerous returns, and spend the entire week feeling terrible. And you dropped me days before the dance!” You shouted. Your emotions had been bottled up for far too long and you desperately seeked to let them all flow out.
His gaze fell to the floor and you could see the wet tears forming. Oh god, you thought, please don’t cry. You had only seen Peter cry twice; the first was when his Uncle Ben died and the second was when he failed his English test (only to find out the next day the teacher mixed his paper up with Peter Mcalister’s).
He sniffled quietly. His knee bounced up and down as an act of distraction trying to pry his conscience from the events of the week.
In spite of guilt you outstretched across the table and held Peter’s hand. It was a new feeling. The way he grasped your hand made you brim with excitement and new found fear, not of him… just of the idea of what it could mean.
Peter reached up and dabbed the corner of his wrist collar against his reddening eyes.
“Please believe me when I say how sorry I am. I was tyring to find a way to shut down my feelings for you because I didn’t think they would go anywhere. I’m so sorry for hurting you the way I did. You mean the world to me and I never meant to hurt you, ever. And you’re not worthless. I figured you wouldn’t want me as your date so I tried to just save you the time. If I had known how this would turn out I’d never have asked Michelle in the first place. I’m sorry for everything she put you through. You didn’t deserve to be treated the way she-” Jumping up from your spot you lifted the ends of the mouth watering dress and threw your arm around Peter practically sitting in his lap as you cuddled into his warm side. His hand shot up out of instinct to keep you from falling out. The material of the dress bunched up underneath you at the sudden movement but you couldn’t care less. Peter’s hand rested on the small of your half bare back and a tint of blood red began to coat his cheeks.
“Just kiss me already would you?” You giggled. The demand was the product of a rain of adrenaline from Peter’s confession. Typically you were not so outspoken and forward but hearing him say that he loves you to your face, well that brought out a totally different wave you had never experienced.
With a cheeky smirk, Peter leaned in closing the gap between your lips and kissed you softer than expected. His lips felt like pure bliss, you were a permanent resident on cloud nine when his lips worked against yours. Air shortage grew tight in your lungs as the kiss deepened. Boldly up placed your hands on either side of Peter’s face bringing him closer to you. He hummed in satisfaction and found his way to your hips.
Light headedness entered your system and you detached yourself from Peter with a happy sigh. His hand lifted, skimming against the skin of his tender lips.
Standing up from his lap you helped bring him to his feet. Peter’s strong arm snaked around your waist holding your frame to his side. Smiling you soaked in the liveliness of the once dull alleyway. You nudged Peter and pointed around the space.
“Did you do all this yourself?” You asked still flabbergasted. It must’ve taken Peter hours to set everything up. You were thankful you had remained sulken in your room and didn’t glance out the window at all the entire day.
A bashful grin appeared and Peter shrugged nonchalantly.
“No, I had a little help from Mr. Stark and Aunt May. Mr.Stark said I was stupid for treating you the way I did, and he’s right, so he said he couldn’t stand by and watch me ruin something good so he insisted on helping.” He chuckled. Peter led you to the hand made dance floor and spun you into his arms slyly. Grasping his bicep to keep your balanced you winked at Peter.
“Well tell Mr. Stark I think he’s a genius.” You gushed swaying to the melodic tunes in sync with Peter.
The music echoed smoothly like a distant crashing wash lulling you to a bliss full of peace and serenity. Peter’s placement settled on your waist lifting his hand that was intertwined with yours and danced to the rhythm of the slow pace. You copied his footsteps like a mirror being extra careful to pull your foot back before his came crashing down.
From high above you two a loud cheering entered the scene. You stepped out of the gazebo and squinted up in the direction of Peter’s apartment only to find Tony Stark and Aunt May gleaming down. May had a camera glued to her face, an evident smile peeking out from behind the lense. Mr. Stark had a glass of pinot grigio raised in the air as if he were toasting you.
“Of course I am kid. Now have fun you two but not too much if you know what I mean.” So maybe he was really only toasting himself. Tony waved to you with a childlike grin.
“Tony!” Aunt May scolded sharply slapping his arm. Tony shuddered and winced as he babied his shoulder. May smirked in victory and waved at you two then shut the window of Peter’s bedroom.
You laughed hiding you face in Peter’s chest. His hand found the back of your head rubbing your freshly styled hair. You could feel his eyes scape your body, not in the gross way but more in an astonished way. Now it was your turn to blush.
“You look gorgeous in that dress by the way.” His compliment was simple yet threw your heart into overdrive. Looking down at yourself you gave Peter’s hand a light squeeze.
“Thanks, Peter. It must have cost you a fortune-” Your words were cut short by a pair of familiar lips smashing against yours. Peter’s kiss provided more passion the second time around but was still as sweet and gentle as the first. You drew back breathless and happy.
“Don’t worry about it, oh wait I got you something else.” Peter walked you over to the table you had been sitting at moments ago and dragged a bag out from under the sheet. You gave him a confused look and he held his finger up. Not long later he pulled out a baby blue corsage, twins to the one already pinned on his tux. Unsure, Peter tried tying the ribbon around your wrist multiple times. The heavy flower slid off and Peter fell to his knees preventing it from hitting the ground. Bursting out in a fit of giggles you watched as Peter managed to finally tighten the corsage the right way. “I-I… I think this is how you do it, uh, there we go.”
Lifting up to your tippy toes you planted a warm kiss on Peter’s burning cheek. He was too perfect to resist.
“You’re the best, Peter.” You stated leaning your head against his shoulder.
After a few hours of dancing, joking around, excited kisses, and laughs Peter walked over to his speaker and unplugged his phone. You tilted your head and walked to his side yawning as you did so. The sun was asleep and the moon was floating high in the crisp dark sky.
Turning on his back heel Peter slide his arm around your shoulder.
“Say… you maybe wanna head up to my room and order a pizza and watch a few movies? I’ll even let you pick which ones.” Peter suggested. He wiggled his eyebrows funnily and smirked. You nodded your head and reached down unstrapping the buckle of your heels.
“Sure but I can not take another second in these death traps so I’m going to walk barefoot and if-” You screamed in shock as your feet left the ground without warning. Peter had swept you off your feet, literally, and held you close. Lost for words you slapped his side briefly masking your smile.
“Ow, what was that for?” He questioned looking down at you.
“You scared the life out of me.” You said loudly. By the hint of mischievous in his sparkling eyes, you knew Peter already was aware why you screamed but it humored him to tease you.
“What did you really think I was about to let you walk barefoot all the way up to my apartment? No way. Besides haven’t you ever seen a Disney movie before? The princess always gets carried away by the Prince, I thought you knew that.”
A smile found it’s way to your face. You took in every little thing about Peter on the ride up to his room. When his kicked open his bedroom door and laid you down softly on your head you realized that you had been wrong all along, maybe this was a typical love story, but the cliche stories weren’t always awful. And maybe you were the Julia Roberts of the film, but you weren’t complaining, because in those films she always ends up with the guy of her dreams and that was exactly what was happening right now.
Haruka, we're almost out of rose petals, can you pick some up on your way home?
It was an emergency of the highest degree. The idea was almost inconceivable, honestly. She’d been so careful. So precise with every instance measuring out exactly how much was needed and exactly how much they would use. She even had a list with all the data and statistics so she would know if they were over budget.
And yet somehow they’d run out?
And not only them but every store in town it seemed. Haruka knew it wasn’t exactly the season for roses but to have all of her carriers out? Impossible. The universe was conspiring against her. Shimada assured her he’d get a shipment in the next ten days but old man Honda insisted he wouldn’t have her regular order of thirty-six dozen for another two weeks.
There just wasn’t enough time.
How many do we have? Her thumbs slammed against the screen in her haste to text Michiru.
Her heel bounced like a jackhammer against the sidewalk. Breathing deep, she searched for any sign of danger. The sky was clear, the wind was calm. Children played in the park across the street, free of the knowledge of the incoming calamity.
Her phone was out the minute the vibration processed in her hand.
Hotaru counts fifteen left.
Haruka’s heart almost froze. Only fifteen. That was only enough for a week’s worth of introductions by herself! Saturn and Pluto could get by on fifteen for another ten days but Uranus and Neptune? Haruka did the math. She felt the need to sit down.
Fifteen roses. That was only four introductions. Four! For the two of them! That wasn’t counting civilian encounters where who knows what they would need them for.
How could she have let this happen? They were the Outer Senshi, this was their sworn duty! You couldn’t enter with grace and elegance with only a measly fifteen roses worth of petals.
There was only one thing to do. A last ditch effort. Truly she was desperate. But desperate times…
“Hello, this is Chiba.”
The terse breath of terror was immediate. And oddly comforting.
“Five dozen. Give me three hours,” was all Mamoru said before the line went dead.
You can do so many other things than self harming that will help you.
Drawing on yourself with markers (pens can be sharp)
Coloring a coloring book
Organize your stuff
Write a poem
Write a story
Write a novel
Look up fun silly diys
Watch positive YouTube
Watch let’s plays
Go to a book shop
Go to a library
Surround yourself with stuff/people you like
Hug a pillow
Hug a stuffed animal
Learn a new language
Learn sign language
Organize a bookshelf
Try different colors of makeup or nail polish
Try on fancy clothes
Wear ridiculous outfits
Design a cosplay
Go to a thrift shop
Draw your favorite character (even if it’s a stick figure)
Make a lil comic
Make up characters and imagine them in everyday life
Imagine you have a pet dragon
Imagine you are 2 inches tall
Imagine you are 20 ft tall
Lie on the floor and imagine what it would be like if the house/room was upside down
Pretend you are an elegant ballet dancer
Try different ways to wear scarves or ties
Practice tying a bow tie
Make a smoothie
Wear an oversized sweatshirt
Drink a hot cup of tea/coffee/hot chocolate
Chew mint gum then drink ice water
Brush your teeth then drink orange juice
Play with water
Play with water balloons
Feel things around you and think about how they feel
Think about why the sky is blue
Make up ridiculous stories explaining the magic behind everyday things
Make stuff out of construction paper
Stick post it notes with happy notes and cute drawings everywhere
Encourage someone else
Color on yourself with highlighters
Make a pillow fort
Make a tent using a blanket
Make stuff out of toilet paper rolls
Practice sword fighting with wrapping paper rolls
Sit in a big box and pretend it’s a rocket or a train or anything you want
Pretend you are a general and inspire your troops
Pretend your life is being narrated by Morgan Freeman
Watch Disney movies
Watch kid shows/movies
Read your favorite children’s books
Read out loud with funny voices
Narrate everything you do
Make a paper hat
Brush your hair
Try different hairstyles
Try silly walks
Smell a book
Paint a mug
Walk in a field
Walk in a park
Walk in the woods
Hug a tree
Skip rocks in a lake or pond
Bounce a bouncy ball
Bounce an acorn
Draw on the sidewalk with chalk
Paint an old T-shirt with fabric paints
Do a puzzle
Make stuff out of cardboard boxes
Stick googlie eyes on everything
Wear every hat you own at once
Balance a book on your head
Make a baking soda volcano
Listen to birds
Imagine what voices animals and inanimate objects would have if they could talk
Talk into a fan and pretend you are a robot
And above all, know that you have a future. You have the potential to achieve great things. Life is worth living, and you don’t need to hurt to feel alive. You may feel empty at times, but you don’t need to fill that emptiness with pain. You have the power to help yourself. It will be difficult, but you are strong enough to do it. You are strong enough to fill that emptiness with happiness, to seek out things that bring you joy. Never forget that you deserve happiness.