Where do I belong? Where do I fit? Who are my people? Where do my loyalties lie? We all choose our tribe. It’s that need to belong, to live within boundaries. Cos it’s scary on the outside, on the fringes. Some labels are forced on us. They mark us, set us apart till we’re like ghosts, just drifting through other people’s lives. But only if we let the labels hold.
You can piss your whole life away, trying out who you might be. It’s when you’ve worked out who you are that you can really start to live.
Aidan Turner as John Mitchell in Being Human Series 1
You said you have acted before. Is there anything wrong with using your attraction in your work? I think SC use their attraction to each other in JC. We reap the benefits on screen.
Nothing wrong with it at all! Writers are accused of being scavengers, but actors are just as bad. Anything that grounds you in the scene and engages you with the other person is GOLD, whether it’s a prop, a gesture, or how you really feel about your partner.
It’s proven (I wish I could cite the specific scientific study) that if you act like you like someone, you will eventually start to like them. Basically, your behavior leads your emotions instead of the other way around. It’s no wonder that so many co-stars playing couples end up romantically involved.
An acting teacher in college said that the only way to prevent it from happening was to draw very strict boundaries between yourself and your co-star. He said he’d started to develop strong feelings for an actress who played his girlfriend, once. It killed him because he was engaged to another woman and didn’t want to destroy that relationship. His strategy was to be polite, but distant, never spending time with her outside of professional obligations, or discussing anything personal.
I’m sure there are hundreds of co-star affairs that have stayed quiet over the years. It took 30+ to learn that Han Solo and Princess Leia actually got it on. I really hope it doesn’t take 30+ years to get confirmation on SC.
What was your VegasCon2013 experience like? If you don't mind me asking?
Nothing really happened. I did have a miserable time but it was mostly for reasons that weren’t the fault of the convention itself, just unfortunate circumstances really: I was working graveyard shift in a really stressful job, I went by myself (which I really don’t recommend, if you go, go with friends), I have an anxiety disorder that can make it difficult for me to deal with crowds and strangers, and I’m really sensitive to blood glucose changes (turns out that it’s kind of tough to get low GI food at a convention).
This year I have a new (awesome) job with a normal schedule, my medication is working much better, and I know to pack some food. But I still decided not to go.
I wrote about it here, but the short version is that I don’t think that cons are really fun unless you buy Gold Tickets and those sell for upwards of $500 and I just can’t justify spending that much on it.
Learning to love yourself and be kind and gentle with yourself is a key component of spiritual growth.
In certain philosophical systems over the ages, it was believed that if the body was tortured enough and abused enough, the spirit would soar free and be liberated. Nowadays most of us are not inclined to torture our bodies to free our spirits. However, we do seem to have our own variation of that theme by believing that if we abuse our minds enough with self-hatred and self-condemnation, somehow that abuse will be a path that liberates us.
For a true spiritual transformation to flourish, we must see beyond this tendency to mental self-flagellation. Spirituality based on self-hatred can never sustain itself:
~ Generosity coming from self-hatred becomes martyrdom.
~ Morality born of self-hatred becomes rigid repression.
~ Love for others without the foundation of love for ourselves becomes a loss of boundaries, co-dependency, and a painful and fruitless search for intimacy.
But when we contact, through meditation, our true nature, we can allow others to also find theirs.
As someone in her late teens who's nonetheless been on tumblr for ~5 years, I really agree that a lack of experience with fandoms beside very recent ones on here is to blame. Because hell, even back in 2012/13, you had the homestucks with kismesis ships (a canon relationship thats defining characteristic was wanting to kill eachother), all the loki fangirls, and way more hatesex/villainxhero ships- it was expected! Reylo is actually a damn tame one in my experience too... the hate is so surreal.
Yeah, the whole “REYLO IS THE WORST AND MOST DISGUSTING THING/SHIP EVER” hand-wringing is so overblown and, honestly, naive. I’m 29 now and I’ve been in fandom since I was 15/16. Nothing fazes me anymore content-wise. The only thing that DOES take me aback is the overlapping of Tumblr culture and fandom culture, which at its worst (which we’re seeing in the antis) leads to the decimation of boundaries, co-opting abuse discourse, and a total inability to separate fiction from reality and shippers from ships.
Honestly, looking back on myself as a teen in fandom, I got over seeing soul-scarring porn of my favorite characters, the scourge of humanity on forums, troll fics and flames. I’m not sure I would have gotten over having multiple people telling me I’m human garbage and deserving of zero respect or empathy, even as an abuse survivor, because of which characters I liked to see together.