boundaries y'all

Cancelling cable service

Anonymous said:

I wanted to pass on a tip. My cable company, Comcast, is very aggressive with trying to keep people on their service. I received many calls pressuring me to stay. Finally, I told them I’m moving to Europe. They stopped harassing me because they don’t have service there. I hope this helps others.

realsocialskills said:

I’ve never tried this, but it makes sense to me that it could work. Have others tried this? Has it worked for you?

Just to be clear

You can be polyamorous and still cheat.
You can be polyamorous and still cheat.
You can be polyamorous and still cheat.
You can be polyamorous and still cheat.
Y O U   C A N   B E   P O L Y A M O R O U S   A N D   S T I L L   C H E A T




People say Noora is too self-centered, selfish and she lost all sense of herself since she got together with William WHICH IS STUPID AND BACKED UP WITH WEIRD AREGUMENTS. First of all, Noora has ALWAYS been Sana’s friend, when she told Sana she was out of the bus if Sana was out it wasn’t because Julie wanted people to quit the hate towards Noora , it was because that’s what the characther WOULD HAVE DONE. Noora also was and is an amazing friend to Sana, and helping her battle a lot of the insecurities that Sana has, and didn’t get mad at Sana for all the stuff she confesed. In my opinion, Noora is one of Sana’s truest friends. Another thing is that Noora keeps talking about William and she can’t find herself without him. Noora keeps being a boss ass bitch even before she met William and she went to Sana because Sana was the one who made her see that she was in love with William. William Magnusson isn’t a bad person. Is he abusive? Fuck, no. He respected Noora’s boundaries from DAY #1 Y'ALL , some of you would say that he forced himself into her for the date but if we are honest we all know that Noora liked William before and one thing that we should give to William is that HE FOUGHT FOR HER. Even when she was in denial herself. He truly cared about Noora because not only did he respected Noora’s decision of secretly dating, respected that she needed time to think about them and didn’t push her, was by Noora’s side when she had a panic attack , told her that he loved her even though she didn’t say it back until later on, wrote the essay that was stressing Noora out so much also keeping in mind Noora’s ideas and views of the world, he also drove to Eva’s house in order for her to talk to their girlfriend’s because it was obvious that she needed someone to talk to and there’s stuff that only her friends would understand.

Y'all gotta learn to give ppl they space. You can’t expect ppl to have unlimited emotional energy to be able to help you and always give you advice when you need it. Ppl got they own baggage to deal with without having to help you sort through yours too

  • kids show: [plays Man in a Dress™ and dudes doing something stereotypically feminine for laughs]
Ending things with a therapist?

Anonymous said to realsocialskills:
Could you please do a post about how to politely/effectively/appropriately end a therapist-client (or doctor-patient) relationship? Like, you’re not moving on because you’re feeling better, but because of some other reason? I am looking to find a new therapist because my current one keeps forgetting which client I am/sharing personal information about other clients, and I am not sure how to tell her without being hurtful. Thanks :)

realsocialskills said:

I don’t know a good script for this — I bet some of my readers do, and I’m hoping y’all will weigh in.

What I do know is that it’s completely normal to end things with a therapist. People do it all the time, for all kinds of different reasons. You have the right to end therapy, or choose a different therapist, for any reason you want. You don’t owe your current therapist an explanation. 

If you’re working with a good therapist who just happens not to be a good fit for you, it can be helpful to tell them what’s going wrong. Good therapists understand that no therapist is a good fit for every client. Good therapists can often help you find someone else who will be a better fit. (Eg: if the problem is that you need someone with more trauma expertise, someone who has a different gender than your current therapist, someone with more experience working with LGBTQ clients, someone who takes your insurance, or something like that.). So while you’re never *obligated* to give an explanation, if you have a good therapist, it may be advisable. 

But not all therapists are good therapists. Some therapists aren’t very competent, and some therapists behave unethically. If the problem is that you have a bad therapist, giving them an explanation is less likely to help you. Bad therapists aren’t generally very good at helping you to find better therapists. If you’re ending things with a bad therapist, it’s probably better not to get into the reasons too much. You’re not obligated to explain to them what they’re doing wrong as a therapist — they’re responsible for being ethical and professionally competent. It is not your job to teach them how to be a good therapist. 

It’s also not your responsibility to take care of their feelings. If they feel hurt by your decision to end therapy, that’s their problem and not yours. Clients end therapy all the time, for all kinds of reasons. Therapists often have feelings about this — and part of what therapists are trained to do is deal with their own feelings. Feeling hurt about a client’s decision to end therapy is never the client’s problem. If therapists can’t handle that on their own, they’re expected to seek out help — from colleagues or supervisors, not from clients. (Again, not all therapists are good therapists, and some bad therapists do not handle endings appropriately.)

Anyone want to weigh in? If you’ve chosen to end therapy with a particular therapist, how have you had that conversation? What’s worked for you?

hello hello, i updated my BYF and wanted to make a quick post reiterating what i wrote bc i know it’s not easy to find on mobile: 

 -i’m a 25-year-old high school teacher.
 -if you’re under 18 and you want to follow me i don’t mind, but please don’t take it personally if i don’t follow back. i’m extremely conscientious about my online interactions with minors.
 -if you’re a minor and i’m already following you, it’s possible that happened before i was a teacher or i might just not have noticed. if that’s the case no worries, just again keep in mind that if i don’t respond to messages, i’m not trying to be mean. if you’re a teenager and a teacher’s trying too hard to be your friend, that person is probably a weirdo and you should tell someone about it.

Also I think some of you need to take a break. Constantly sending people screenshots of other people you have issues with and condemning people who don’t automatically agree with you as scum of the earth with little context sometimes is so damn unhealthy. Or catching an attitude when someone doesn’t automatically respond to you, as if you are owed that.

Why is it okay to presume that people you don’t even know are responsible for your mental health and are supposed to give you undivided attention as you bombard them with your issues and concerns when you have no idea what is going on in other people’s lives? The radfem/gender critical community has been very overwhelming and chaotic lately.

anonymous asked:

I am not a fan of cat but I noticed she put dan is not on fire on the description of her videos and idk if thats something new which I find hilarious tbh

ok real talk time. why do y’all do this? this thing where you talk at me without so much as a hello*. as if we’ve been having a conversation, but i didn’t know it? its disorienting and kind of rude? 

like i don’t want to turn anon off. i know the struggle of tumblr not letting you make asks from a main blog and not wanting your main posted around like that. but you (and other folks) gotta understand that for me every anon is a totally new person (unless you id yourself as an anon i’ve previously talked to) and it feels a little bit like you’re asking me for a performance rather than a conversation? 

i guess maybe i’ve never explicitly said this, but i’m actually a pretty sensitive person when it comes to how you talk to me and its not very hard to rub me the wrong way. and this trend rubs me the wrong way. i try to be welcoming and friendly, because i really like the friends i’ve made in this fandom, the mutuals and the folks i just occasionally check on. but i really don’t like being talked at (and i also don’t like being asked to do educating i didn’t sign up for. you know who you are)

sorry you’re the straw that broke the camels back (plz you don’t have to apologies or whatever, i’m not upset. also lol srry i have no feelings on Cat) but just. gah. lets continue to think of (and talk to) people as people and not as names on your dashboard, yeah?

*obviously, if i’m asking for prompts or meme questions, i don’t need a grand introduction, but these random messages? nah, son.

Sky High Headcannon

Everyone with either one or two superhero parents gets powers. Every. single. one. Not like the nurse said. Some of the powers are simply inaccessible to us today. Just like Gwen Grayson (Sue Tenny) in the 70s, their powers just aren’t recognized as valuable, or even there. Since there’s no way to test for the existence of superpowers, no one would know if they were there or not if they were not obvious. 

Example: The ability to make ultraviolet light invisible. Since humans can’t see it, it wouldn’t be a noticeable power, even to the person who had it. But to a creature that can see UV light, it would be interesting.

More examples: The ability to manipulate the 14th dimension. The ability to make a cat sleepy. The ability to freeze time for a millisecond. Slightly increased speed. Immortality (not invincibility. Can still feel pain, go into comas, etc, just never going to die) The ability to dim a light bulb. The ability to always know where there are plastic bags hidden inside of other plastic bags. 

My theory is that the small number of students born “without powers” have powers that don’t apply to human life, and are therefore unnoticeable. 

Tagging a few people who might find this interesting idk @bisexualblckcanary @guineashifter @jerk-bending @sigurism and all the folks at the sky high net.

When people keep asking why you don't have kids

Anonymous said to realsocialskills:

I’ve had a hysterectomy and I live in a region where it’s very odd (like, statistical outlier odd) for a woman not to have kids by my age.

So it’s fairly common for people to continue to harass me about why I don’t have kids and not take any of the polite attempts at diverting the subject as hints to leave me alone until I tell them the truth.

Then when I tell them the truth they get mad and say that it’s too much information. Any advice for dealing with this?

realsocialskills said:

It might help to be direct about saying it’s a personal question.

I’m not sure how your conversations are going. I’m getting the sense that they might be something like this:

  • Them: So, why don’t you have kids yet? When are you going to have them?
  • You: Nice weather we’re having. But it’s summer and so it will probably rain soon. Do you think it will cause flooding again?
  • Them: Oh, probably. It usually does. But what about kids? Are you seeing anybody? Fertility doesn’t last forever.
  • You: So, I have this great new recipe for a seven-layer congealed salad.
  • Them: Children are a blessing. Life really can’t be complete without them.
  • You: That may be true, but I had a hysterectomy, so it’s not happening. Now can we please talk about something else?
  • Them: Why would you tell me something like that?!

It might help to add a warning layer before you tell them the truth. One possible layer: Saying it’s personal and that you don’t want to talk about it, then an immediate subject change:

  • “That’s awfully personal. I don’t like to talk about this.”
  • “That’s private medical information.”

Another possible layer: Asking rhetorical questions that warn them that they might not actually want an answer. This can make it harder for them to blame you, and more likely that they’ll back off:

  • “Do you really want the gory medical details?”
  • “That’s a very personal question. Do you really want to ask that?”
  • “Are you sure you want an answer to that?”

Another possibility: Answering the question in a way that’s a bit less graphic but still gets the point across:

  • “It just hasn’t been in the cards.”
  • “I can’t have children.”
  • “I’m sterile.”
  • “It’s not medically possible.”

If you’re in the South, there are some nuances about how to make people feel bad about asking inappropriate questions that I don’t really understand. (Which is part of the reason I don’t live there anymore.) It’s mostly a matter of affect. I know that it involves inserting a certain kind of pause and icy body language that tells someone they’ve crossed a line, but I don’t know how to do it or describe it well. If anyone who is better at that wants to weigh in, that would be welcome.

tl;dr If your attempts at subtly deflecting intrusive questions are failing, it can help to more explicitly say that the question is too personal and that you don’t want to answer it.

Anyone else want to weigh in? Do people intrusively ask you why you don’t have kids? Is there something that gets them to stop (or that makes you feel better)? Do you have experience dealing with this around other intrusive personal questions?

Y'all want to know my genius plan for travelling with two small kids who are close enough in size that I have to double check clothing sizes on generic things like socks? Plastic Bags. Labeled plastic bags. So when I’m rooting through their suitcase for clothes I don’t have to check the label on every pair of underpants or hold every pair of socks up to see if it’s smallish or medium smallish?

Life changing, y'all. Life changing.

Question for y'all: participating in conversations without dominating them

So, I’m hoping some of y'all have this skill, because I do not.

I’m pretty good at having a one-on-one conversation.

I’m lousy at in-person conversations with more than one other person, unless I’m dominating the conversation (or sometimes if the conversation has another clear leader). When I’m at the center of the conversation dominating, I understand the flow of conversation, how to listen, and how to respond to what people are actually saying.

When I’m trying to participate equally in a group, I get very confused and tend to fall back on trying to dominate. It comes off like I think my voice is the most important, but I actually don’t, I just don’t really know how to have a group conversation. I’m hoping some of y'all do?

 Have any of y'all figured out how to participate fully in group conversations without dominating?