boundaries are ok

i gotta bring up something real quick because it’s kinda been bugging me since friday. why is it that when a muslim man acts in scenes where he’s hugging, or kissing or in a sexual scene it’s okay, or maybe less okay but it’s almost turned a blind eye to. and yet when it’s a woman doing something as miniscule as hugging a guy everyone starts screaming around the place wondering ‘how she can do such a thing when she’s a muslim???’ 

it’s just as haram for a guy to kiss someone as it is for a girl to. 

manitoba space mayo: our customs are a complete objectification of women and disrespect of their wishes and personal boundaries and it’s ok if Kara said not to do things cause this is what I want to do so she’ll just have to “let it go”

karam*l stans: aww how romantic

me:

When most people get rejected from things, they accept defeat. They think they aren’t good enough. They wallow. They sink.
When brilliant people get rejected from things, they won’t just accept it. They’ll work hard, improve, and shoot higher, or (and this seems to be the case for most brilliant people I know) they say “screw them, I can do this on my own and I will do it on my own.” They are confident in their abilities, and take rejection with stride. I know a few brilliant people, and I’ve gotten to talk to them all about their journeys. They all embody this sentiment. A lot of times, rejection and defeat is what motivates them to master whatever it is company A is doing and do it without them, and better. They recognize that they have agency over their lives, and exercise that power. It’s absolutely incredible.
I also feel like they are partial to contrarian ideas and don’t really accept the world for what it is. I had an amazing conversation the other day with the CEO of a large tech advertising company about how he distinguishes brilliant people from not-so-brilliant people, and he basically said that not-so-brilliant people will do what they’re told, especially if it works. They follow/do what the world has established is right or the right way. “If it isn’t broke, don’t fix it”. Brilliant people on the other hand will always push the boundaries of what’s ok, constantly ask “why” and actively try to find something better. They are the people that drive innovation out of curiosity, fearlessness, and doing. They just want more out of everything.
—  Tyler Su
Boundaries

It’s ok to set boundaries even if other people don’t like them. If they get angry it doesn’t mean that what you’re doing is wrong, that your needs and wants aren’t valid. Their negative reaction doesn’t mean that you have to do what they want even if you don’t want to. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself to keep the peace, to keep them happy. You are not responsible for them and their feelings. You can own your own boundaries without guilt or fear.

title: kanbara fever
pairing: akihito/mirai
words: 3,398
notes: i promised some shower smut so here it is merry christmas you perverts i am so flustered oh my ogd

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He’s always touching her, in some way. Most of the time, he seems unaware, but Mirai is hyper-sensitive to his proximity and when his hand rests against her, she feels electric. Her blood hums with energy and she wonders how on earth her live-wire status is not frying the entire world into a catastrophe of flames and ashes.

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OK so at this point nearly all of us have had our decks troll us with that Moon-Sun happiness finding trick brought to us by the wonders behind @recreationalwitchcraft (http://recreationalwitchcraft.tumblr.com/post/121206878549/5-super-easy-tarot-tricks-anyone-can-do). The idea is to pull the cards between the Moon and Sun to find the steps to leave behind sadness - but it gets a bit unwieldy when you get half the deck or more there! So, I’m expanding on that idea, to hopefully make it a bit more manageable!

It starts the same. Shuffle. Breathe. Shuffle more. Flip the deck, rifle through them face up until you find The Sun or The Moon card.

If you got The Sun first, thank your deck and put it away. You’re good.

If you found The Moon first, there’s work to be done…

Start by setting aside all of the cards that came before The Moon (or, if you’re a keener, analyze them as a group to get some insight into the nature of your sadness!)

Then, you’re going to grab all of the cards that fall between The Moon and The Sun, wherever it is in the deck. Take this pile, large or small and separate it into piles of 7 cards each. Each of these little piles will represent one step of your journey from Moon-driven sadness to Sun-kissed happiness!

As I stated above, each pile will be one step in your path to happiness. I’ve outlined some potential steps below - start from Step 1, and read as far as you have cards. Some of you may have only one pile, some may have all of them. If you have many steps to work through, please don’t be discouraged! This is a growth based excersize, not a judgemental one. With each step you complete, you are building a strong root system, to support lots of growth!

How you treat each pile is up to you - I recommend playing with the 7 cards. Check out what suits are prominent, if there is an abundance of Major Arcana cards. Any themes that you can pick out? Does any single card in the group stand out as especially meaningful? Move the cards around - like if one seems really important, put it into the center of a circle of all the other cards. How do all of the characters within each bunch interact?

I’m going to put the potential pile stuff under a read more, just to save on some scrolling for y'all…

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Facing other people's pain

Sometimes, it’s very hard for people to acknowledge other people’s suffering.

It sometimes follows this kind of pattern (I picked arbitrary names to make it easier to read):

  • Sam is suffering in some major way
  • Otto finds this incredibly painful to witness
  • Otto can’t fix the problem that is causing Sam pain
  • Otto pressures Sam into reassuring him by pretending that he’s feeling ok and it’s not so bad
  • This allows Otto to ignore what’s going on, and to not have to be upset about Sam’s pain anymore
  • Sam’s situation gets worse, but Otto gets to feel better

It’s easy to fall into treating someone this way without realizing it, especially if you’re in a helping profession. If your identity is centered around being helpful to others, it can be very painful to acknowledge important things you can’t fix. It’s still really important to acknowledge them, because otherwise you end up hurting people. It’s really important to develop emotional coping skills to be able to acknowledge pain that you can’t fix.

If other people are doing this to you, it can sometimes be disorienting, especially when the people who do it are otherwise genuinely helpful. It’s really degrading when others pressure you to pretend to be ok so that they can feel better. Sometimes, this is hard to detect clearly. Sometimes, people are making it much better than it’s ever been — and you’re genuinely grateful for that — but at the same time, it’s still pretty awful, and they want you to convince them that everything is wonderful.

Most people experience both sides of this dynamic at some point in their life. Whichever side of it you’re on, it helps to remember that it’s a thing, and that it’s not ok. People shouldn’t pressure others to pretend they’re ok when they’re not.

It’s 2am and I’m getting emotional over Yoosung and my bf is like “… you should love me more bc I’m real.” And I told him, “it doesn’t matter, my love for Yoosung is also real.” And then there’s just a moment of silence and I just hear him say, “but I’m realer…”

anonymous asked:

are there any dating apps you'd recommend for more wlw connections? especially apps that don't focus on the sex part, but the relationship building. I'm demi-ace and i want to find someone to be my buddy/friend before i have to feel sexual attraction

Dating apps are simultaneously so varied and yet so similar. They tend to be as effective as the people using them. If you want friends first and foremost, say so and make it clear where your boundaries are. I kinda think OK Cupid makes that easiest, since the “I’m looking for” is delineated at the bottom of each page for each person. HER has local community events, too, so keep your eyes open for those. The big thing is to lay that out when you’re messaging each other. If someone’s being too sexual for your tastes, let them know - including blocking them if you need to. Hopefully it won’t come to that too often, and you can have your relationship on your own terms.

-Mod Sera

anonymous asked:

Hey learn to respect boundaries

ohhhhhhhhh my gd ok

1) i made one (1) comment on the post at a point in time when i hadn’t read the tag that asked for no discourse. i should have checked all the tags first. sorry. that’s on me.

2) my comment didn’t mention anything even remotely related to rape or sexual assault so it was, at worst, an annoyance…. which coincidentally is also what the post was to me

3) the language you’re using is implying a much more serious event than “i commented on a post” so knock that off and stop trivializing actual issues

4) this is a topic that greatly affects my safety and well-being as an lgbt person so uh…. eat my ass and get cishets out of my actual safe spaces that aren’t just tags on tumblr

the hooded figures have a really weird sense of boundaries/priorities 

it’s ok to steal people’s clothing and kitchen appliances but random paper from their desk is off-limits. i won’t listen to the most powerful wizard in the area when she tells me to not do X magic thing but I will listen when some rando tells me to stop swearing

When people lack a basic understanding of boundaries

Every time I write about boundaries or creepy people or stalking or harassment people respond saying that I shouldn’t call it creepy because he or she might not know better.

And sometimes that’s true. People often violate boundaries and hurt people without understanding what they’re doing. And when people really don’t understand, it’s good for someone to help them. (And in some situations there’s an obligation to do so, up to a point. Eg, if you’re their teacher and they’re inadvertently hurting other students.)

But, even if there is no malice, they’re still hurting people and it’s still wrong. If you want to teach someone to stop doing something wrong, you have to understand that it’s wrong and that it matters. You’re not doing them any favors by letting them continue to do it on the grounds that they may not understand. If people act like it’s ok, it’s really hard for them to learn that it isn’t.

Further, it’s ok to say no if someone is hurting you. It’s ok even if they have no idea what they’re doing wrong. It’s ok even if they’re upset by it. Asserting boundaries doesn’t come with an obligation to convince them that what they’re doing is wrong. Them hurting you doesn’t make you owe them anything. It means that they owe it to you to stop. Even if they don’t understand why.

Lessons learned today:

- Kidnapping is not a big deal. Not even if someone might die.

- Do not fuck around Melville’s whale. No matter the circumstances. Do not.

- Giving candies to children is serious business.

- There’s wifi in whatever dungeon Fyodor keeps his prisoners. I don’t know how or why.

- Mark’s pettiness still knows no boundaries but that’s ok since he’s probably high on something. As always.

In My Way - Chapter 15

AO3 link, First Chapter

Genre: Chaptered. Actor!Dan AU, fluff, bit of angst, slow burn, getting together (eventually)

Summary: Fiction. Daniel Howell is 21 and Britain’s newest star. He’s just been cast in the much-anticipated film adaption of Last Man Standing, the popular teen fantasy novel with a huge fanbase hanging off his every tweet. In other words, Dan has made it big.

Phil Lester couldn’t care less. He’s a stressed out PHD student working part time at a bookshop while he struggles to get into post-production. He’s 26 and still lives in a tiny flat on the fifth floor of a building with a lift more broken than it is in use. He loves books, but he thinks big film adaptions screw with the plot too much.

Needless to say, Phil is less than impressed when Last Man Standing is getting filmed in his hometown. And he certainly doesn’t want anything to do with obnoxious, arrogant, so irritatingly perfect leading actor Daniel Howell.

Warnings: Swearing, Ace!Phil, Bi!Dan, slight a- and bi-phobia, discussions of sexuality

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