bottom right photo was taken by my friend :)

6

Ok. So.
A lot of you guys would have followed me when I was the person in the top left photo. It’s hard for me to recognise who that is anymore, it’s not me for sure, and I doubt that it ever actually was. That was a year ago last month. Back then I was super depressed, I was hiding who I was to everyone, mainly myself. I’ve known since I was about 15 for definite that I wasn’t my authentic self. I hid it for a good 4 nearly 5 years. The top right photo was taken at the beginning of May 12th 2016, I thought I wasn’t ready to come out so I would just go for an androgynous vibe, before you know it we are at the middle left, May 29th 2016, I was out to my friends, family and coworkers. I felt free. The next photo is June 2016, I had only been out a month by this point and I was feeling more myself than ever, but everything felt a lifetime away and sometimes it still does. The two bottom photos were from the end of July 2016/early August 2016, which takes us up to date, I’ve had my name legally changed and I’ve been referred to a GIC, for nearly 7 weeks I’ve been on the waiting list, that leaves me with about 8 months of waiting before my first appointment. The whole point of this post is to not only show everyone how far I’ve come, and recognise my own progress myself but to tell you that if you’re scared to come out, I was too, and I can promise you one day you will start to see yourself in your own reflection. I’ve still got a long way to go, I’ve still got to wait approx 1 year for hormones by the time I’ve had my first appointment, I’ve got surgery, I’ve got an entire journey to mould into myself yet. But I promise all of you who are still in the closet, still have long hair, still use their birth name, one day you will bite the bullet and get there, and I know for a fact you are all so handsome. We got this boys.

4

Amazing photo shoot a week ago. I lugged two duffle bags worth of outfits around Brooklyn, changing in the middle of the street, reapplying lip chap, and suffering a broken choker. The price you pay for a proper Instagram modeling career. Yes, the “likes” were worth it. Very fun day, especially pulling together looks–some pieces sitting in my closet for months before finally seeing the light of day.

Top left: Topman Harris Tweed blazers, Tokyo thrift store sweatshirts

Top right: amazing vintage leather coat from an equally amazing friend, Topman mesh tank, Topman trousers, army supply store leather gloves, topshop choker (that tragically broke mere seconds after this photo was taken).

Middle: fucking stunning coat from Vintagewares in Brooklyn, camo jacket from Topman, black hoodie from NVRMND, glasses are Urban for $3 girl

Bottom: Harris Tweed/Tokyo thrift store sweatshirt combo, Topshop boyfriend fit jeans, white dress shoes from Tokyo dept store.

Photos: Valerie (middle shot); Elvir Ali (rest)

Like many fans of this band I was involved with a lot of problems, all my friends left me, i was at rock bottom! But then, out of sudden I started listening to them. It was 2010. Their lyrics got me through the depression. I don’t believe it was accidental, as a christian I know that God put them in my life. I got through. I’m happy. The world will never take my heart! Ever!

This photo was taken right after the tattoo was done!

Artist: Gustavo Silvano, Icaraí, Rio de Janeiro.

THROUGH THE YEARS WITH TAYLOR. Top right photo is my husband with Tay when he met her in 2007. All photos taken by me, except that one. A friend took it because I was working. 😭 Still awaiting my turn to meet the Swift. Keeping the faith. 💕
P.S. Bottom right photo shows my friend AT homoheroine in plaid reaching for Tay’s hand. :))