bottles up

anonymous asked:

my personal headcanon: stiles's panic attacks get worse after the nogitsune. he calls them "episodes" in his head. because it's no longer just a panic attack (as if it wasn't bad enough). these episodes start with violent flashbacks with seemingly no triggers, then there comes the accompanying panic attack, crying spell, and the cherry-on-top chest-numbing amalgamation of grief-guilt. he doesn't realize (till derek finds him during one) that he's been whimpering "please make it stop". -ace

Holy shit, nonnie, you are as bad as @crossroadswrite when it comes to making me cry. GO ON RITA, TELL EVERYONE ABOUT YOUR DROWNING HEADCANONS. 

Seriously though, this is a major headcanon of mine and one which I fully believe is canon. I mean, god, Stiles bottles everything important up. The summer after the Nogitsune is never far from my mind, I am always thinking about it.

I think about how he isolates himself that summer.

I think about how he can’t look at Scott or Lydia without feeling shame and guilt.

I think about how he dreams of Allison and how he wakes up screaming her name, Lydia’s screams playing in his head again and again until throws up.

I think about how his dad can’t even help, how he looks at Stiles getting worse and worse and hating that he can’t do anything because Stiles won’t let him in.

I think about how Stiles thinks he deserves this. After his mom, after everything, he deserves this.

I think about Derek sitting outside his bedroom window, never going in but letting Stiles know he’s there, that he understands. Sometimes he talks about guilt, about pain, and Stiles never answers but it helps.

I think about Derek helping Stiles cope by teaching him “alpha, beta, omega”, “the sun, the moon, the truth”. Stiles learned this at some point from Derek, we know this, and I think about how Derek taught it to him after the Nogitsune to help Stiles ground himself when it got too much.

I think about a lot of things. I think about how he focused on pushing the guilt and self-loathing down. I think about how it changed him as a person. I think about how that changed his behaviour and how he dealt with everything there on out. There is so much Stiles doesn’t say, and you can see it in him, you can see everything he is not saying and how much it hurts and that pains me so much you don’t even know.

anonymous asked:

You sound like a compete whiny baby right now! You're an adult. No one is going to take care of u but YOU! Grow a pair and deal with your shit instead of blogging about how awful your life is. I'm sure you have plenty to be grateful for, which is what you need to try to take into consideration. I know life gets tough but seriously, you're a full grown adult, and you sound like a 6 year old. Get over yourself and WORK for a good life! u can't just whine and expect things to change, u deal with it

People like you are the reason people keep things bottled up and let it eat away at them. If you don’t want to see what I post, don’t follow me, it’s that simple. I’m not a whiny baby. I’m a person using MY OWN BLOG to talk about MY OWN LIFE which happens to be very difficult at the moment. You honestly have no idea what’s going on in my personal life. Everyone thinks that if you post a selfie or a screenshot of a funny conversation or a video of you at the gym, that your life is perfect. It’s not that black and white. Do not tell me to go “WORK for a good life” when I wake up every single morning and literally work my ass off. I work so much and so hard that I don’t even have time to deal with the things in my personal life nor do I have the opportunity to actually feel my emotions because I’m always going. What’s your idea of a good life? A job? A salary? A relationship? Yeah, those are great and that’s what I’m working toward on a daily basis but guess what…a paycheck is going to fix my depression or the fact that I’ve wanted to commit suicide more times in the last month than my entire life. A part job job will help me pay the pills but its not going to fix the fact that I have so many family issues going on right now that I get physically sick just thinking about it. I know I have a lot to be grateful for and I remind myself of them on a daily basis because if I didn’t, I’d probably be dead. But even having good things in your life and appreciating them doesn’t make you immune to shit getting hard. I didn’t say my life was “awful.” I expressed that I was upset that I had NO ONE to turn to when I needed to and I will NOT feel bad about that because it is a basic human need to have someone you can fucking rely on. Being an “adult” has nothing to do with it. I get up every morning and do what I need to do to get through the day, to be one step close to my degree and my career and a life and if the only thing that helps me feel better is making a text post on my blog about the fact that things are hard, then you can fuck yourself ten times over because I’m going to do it. I don’t give a shit if you care about me or not, but please, have some fucking compassion for the things going on in the lives of those around you. If your life is so great that you can look down on others, then congratulations to you. But if you want to help someone, truly help them, don’t kick them when you know they’re down. 

anonymous asked:

Taurus the type to blow up over something super small because they can't manage their fucking feelings when they get them, instead they gotta bottle that shit up and flip out over someone forgetting to put the toilet seat down or something

anonymous asked:

Is it common for ENFP's to always bottle up their issues? My boyfriend refuses to most of the time with me, his friends, and his family. Therapists have always been out of the question. He says it just makes things worse so he hides it under jokes and smiles.

I think not feeling comfortable with openly talking about their feelings is something shared by many Fi users, but if it’s getting too serious, I honestly believe a therapist is the best option. Especially ExFPs, they’re usually seen as positive and cheery and they might feel pressured to project that image towards others even when they feel troubled. You should try convincing him that bottling it up would actually make things worse as it would take a toll on his psychological health, and talking about it could help release all those pent-up emotions, achieving catharsis. 

Hope things turn out better! xx

Missing Moments 11x24

REPOST Disclaimer: This has been bothering me for awhile now. The missing kiss from 11x24. So…given the events of the first episodes of season 12 this is how I imagined it went. I do not own Grey’s Anatomy, the characters, etc. etc. I will probably continue this with more “missing scenes”. Enjoy and please review.

“Are you okay?” Owen asks Amelia, desperate to comfort her and hoping she’d let him.

Over the last year and a half, he’d gotten to know Amelia fairly well. Early on, she was clear that she was not a very open person. She bottled up her emotions and when she was faced with a problem, she ran. She confided how difficult it is for her to share her past, her feelings, her deep dark secrets. They developed a bond that he realized she didn’t share with anyone else. Even Derek.

He discovered the ways he could comfort her. He knew when to push her to talk and when to just be silent and hold her hand. He hoped nothing had changed while he was gone.
He gives her a small encouraging smile as she holds tighter to his hand.

She looks at him and for the first time in over a year, she feels anchored back to her life. Almost normal, in her own Amelia Shepherd way. For the first time, she doesn’t feel the familiar crave for drugs that had always plagued her just beneath the surface. Instead, she feels a different pull; the need for human touch and connection.

“Yeah. I am,” she nods as she holds back her tears. She feels strong, safe, and secure. No longer alone. And it wasn’t just because she heard Derek’s message, but Owen’s presence. He had the ability to tear down the walls she so strongly kept up, and it no longer terrified her.

Slowly they gravitate toward one another with no sense of urgency. This time they’re not in an on-call room; there are no pages to interrupt them. Although the party rages on outside the door, they are only focused on each other.

“Amelia,” he whispers as she holds his face in her small, delicate yet strong hand and they both close their eyes in anticipation.

She initiates the kiss and it’s different than any kiss they’ve shared before. He pulls her closer to deepen the kiss, and she finds herself melting into him. Their lips find a gentle rhythm and only break apart moments later for air.

“Thank you,” she whispers, leaning her forehead to his.

Misinterpreting her meaning, confusion etches across his face. He thinks it must have been a friendly kiss. The result of weakness and heightened emotional circumstances. A kiss of gratitude in a way. Amelia felt abandoned first by Derek, then Meredith. Then he left and he could only imagine what it was like for her.

The message, the reminder of Derek, brought her closure. He thinks she’s just thankful he sat there with her; his presence a comfort. That’s all this kiss was, he was sure of it.

“Oh you’re welcome,” he chuckles uncomfortably as he stands to return to the party. “Save me a dance later?” he asks, trying to lighten his mood.

“Only if you think you can handle it,” she jokes back.

As he turns to leave, her face turns down as she realizes what she had just ruined.

when I say I’m doing something out of spite, most of the time i don’t mean that i’m doing it to be spiteful, there are occasion where that is the case but usually i mean that i’ve seen something that makes me feel spiteful and i’m channeling that anger into something positive rather then bottling it up and eventually doing or saying something that will hurt someone

anonymous asked:

Today I had a strange notion / That you were coming up the stairs / To reach over my shoulder / And to turn the bathroom sink on / So, so high. // That you were waiting at the stairs / In your charcoal suit / The one that you knew was my favorite / It must be, but it couldn't really / It really couldn't. // -> {bee, !!!} 1/2

That you were walking down the stairs / And out the bottle-up adobe / And if I went down those steps, / The bruises would find themselves in photographs / And the water would go back to being what it was. // But I couldn’t seem to bring myself / To stop holding your vigil / For the time it might’ve taken me / To silence the faucet, to rise from the wet tile, / And to unlock the door. -> {bee, !!!} 2/2

. the dead anon poets society . 

[goes into the cabinets finding a bottle of Hennessy, smiling to myself as I grab the bottle then make my way over to the counter. finds a clean shot glass, setting it ontop of the counter, finally opening up the bottle and pouring a good amount of alcohol into the glass. slowly sets the bottle down on the counter, quickly drowning down my shot, feeling the substance burn my throat causing me to make a funky face afterwards but also loving the adrenaline rush through my veins]