bottle shots

Shit I’ve Heard High Schoolers Say
  • Why stop at capitalism? Destroy everything.

  • Guys it’s been three weeks since I’ve eaten a vegetable

  • At least we have memes to dull the pain of existence

  • An AP student: Oh my god I thought seven was less than six 

  • (while filling the cap of their water bottle with water) SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS 

  • friend one: If all your friends jumped off a bridge wou-
    friend two: probably

  • I’M GONNA GO HOME AND DRINK A WHOLE GLASS OF WEED

  • If cows ruled the world would they drink human milk?

  • student: my calculator is broken
    teacher: your calculator isn’t broken, you’re broken

  • no actually I think you have to be of age to be considered a cougar

  • (during math class on the second floor) student 1: so like how far do you think the distance is from that window to the ground?  
    student 2: enough

  • teacher: has anyone ever been to New Orleans?
    Student: does Popeyes count?

  • my word count on this paper isn’t very high but I certainly am

  • we’re in adult limbo. I’m not a teen and I’m not an adult. I’M SUFFERING, THAT’S WHAT I AM!

  • Look at my… (swings leg up to show shorts) not pants
4

i’ll drink to that

westham’s premium kentucky bourbon (1x12)
westham whisky (2x13)

note: these are fictional brands. like the props team really did That

MORE AU IDEAS

• “My stupid friends roped me into a mall scavenger hunt and you’re on the list” AU
• “We both wanted to rent a bike for an hour but the only one they have is a tandem bike” AU
• “You’re adopting the cat that I’ve been trying to adopt for a week now” AU
• “You just moved into the house next to my mom’s and she has you doing her yardwork” AU
• “I’m on a terrible date and you’re my waitor please help me” AU
• “My brother/sister asked me to break up with you for them i’m so sorry” AU
• “I’ve been receiving all your freaking mail since you moved out and you keep getting weird gifts from your brother make it stop” AU
• “Our dick landlord just evicted us both” AU
• “We both just moved in with our siblings and they’re neighbors” AU
• “I’m your neighbor and I can hear you fucking someone who shares my name” AU
• “Your cat got my cat pregnant and now I have all these kittens please take them” AU
• “I’m your ex, you are a cop, and I just got arrested for being drunk and disorderly” AU
• “Remember that one time in college when we were at that party and you asked a random stranger to pretend to be your boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah well that was me and we’re adults now” AU
• “You’re sort of famous and we vaguely know each other through bumping into each other all the time but the media thinks we’re dating” AU
• “You’re a cop, I’m a firefighter, we always work the same shifts” AU
• “You always ask me for help but I have weird health conditions that prevent me from doing so” AU
• “Your roommate cheated on me and I just threw your laptop out the window thinking it was his” AU
• “My kid just shot a bottle rocket into your window” AU
• “We’re both in the vegetable isle and I just burst into tears while staring at the cabbages” AU
• “That’s my fucking fish that you just caught give it back” AU
• “I’ve had a crush on you since the 11th grade but you’ve hated me ever since that one time” AU
• “The advertisement did not do you justice” AU
• “You jipped me of those concert tickets so I came to your house asshole” AU
• “You think I’m nervous because you’re interviewing me for this high end job but actually it’s because you’re stupidly hot” AU
• “Oh shit this isn’t my car” AU
• “You fell off the map 6 years ago and you think you can just waltz back into my life. Literally. You’re the dance instructor for my best friend’s wedding and we have history” AU
• “It’s 2am on the night of my 21st birthday and we gotta fix this fucking mess by morning or else we’re fucked ” AU
• “My dad’s a cancer patient and you’re his nurse” AU
• “Did I mention that I had a dream about you last night? Oh right we’ve never talked about before” AU
• “Lol this was a terrible idea” AU
• “juSt a game? jUST A GaMe????? FUCK YOU I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO WIN” or the “so competitive it’s almost sexual” AU
• “Aren’t you the person from marti gras last year?” AU
• “We’re both on the same multiple stop flight schedules to go to the same destination so we might as well stick together. Also your shoulder is a very comfortable pillow.” AU
• “Fuck you and your bee farm I’ve had enough” AU
• “We’re in an exam study group and I just send you my nudes by accident oops” AU
• “Somehow my gallery sculpture piece looks exactly like you how weird” AU
• “That tattoo on your chest is the exact same as mine” AU
• “I was actually awake when you did that thing” AU
• “Why do we keep running into each other when we live on opposite sides of the country?” AU
• “We need to be really quiet but you have the hiccups” AU
• “Why do you always walk your dog at exactly 12am every night? Do you not enjoy sleep?” AU
• “For the love of God, what is making that noise?” AU
• “Somehow you manage to scare me everytime we run into each other and i already get frightened very easily let me live” AU

46 Facts About Aileen Wuornos

Considering Aileen died at the age of 46, here are 46 facts about her & the life she lived. 


1. Aileen was born in Rochester, Michigan, on February 29, 1956.

2. Her father, Leo Pittman, was incarcerated at the time of her birth. He hanged himself in prison in 1969. 

3. She had a brother, Keith, who died in 1976 & left her $10,000 from his life insurance. 

4. Diane Wuornos abandoned both of her children, Aileen & Keith, when they were just toddlers. She left them with their severely abusive grandparents, who soon adopted them. 

5. Aileen was sexually abused by her grandfather from a very young age; Lauri Wuornos would force her to strip naked before beating her. 

6. She did not discover that her grandparents were not her actual parents until the age of 12; the discovery made her distraught. 

7. Before she was even a teenager, Aileen started to participate in sexual acts at school in return for food, drugs, and cigarettes. 

8. She engaged in sexual activities with her brother during their childhood.

9. When Aileen was 14, she became pregnant as the result of rape by a friend of her grandfather’s. 

10. Aileen gave birth to a baby boy at a home for unwed mothers in March of 1971 (the baby was immediately placed for adoption). 

11. She dropped out of school shortly after childbirth. 

12. Not long after Aileen dropped out of school, her grandmother died of liver failure, leaving her & Keith alone with their abusive grandfather. 

13. At the age of 15, she was thrown out of the house by her grandfather, Lauri. 

14. To support herself after being thrown out, Aileen became a prostitute. 

15. For many years she lived in the woods near her old home, sheltering in makeshift forts. 

16. Aileen was arrested for the first time in March 1974 for DUI, disorderly conduct, & firing a .22 caliber pistol from a moving vehicle in Colorado. 

17. In the year of 1976, she hitchhiked down to Florida. 

18. Aileen married 69-year-old Lewis Fell in 1976; their marriage was later annulled after she hit Fell with his own cane. 

19. During & after the marriage with Fell, Aileen was arrested multiple times for assault due to altercations with locals at bars. 

20. On June 2, 1986, she was detained & questioned after a male companion accused her of pulling a gun on him in his vehicle, demanding $200. 

21. Before the murders, Aileen had been arrested a total of 7 times; she had also been detained twice for questioning, was once suspected of firearm theft, & had even received a restraining order from her own husband at the time, Lewis Fell. 

22. She met her future partner, Tyria Moore, at a gay club in Daytona in June of 1986. 

23. Eventually Aileen & Tyria moved in together, being financially supported by Aileen’s prostitution earnings. 

24. On the fourth of July in 1987, Aileen & Tyria were detained for questioning about an incident that involved assault & battery with a beer bottle. 

25. Aileen shot & killed 7 men in total. 

26. The body of one of her victims, Peter Siems, was never found.  

27. Aileen murdered all of her victims with a .22 caliber revolver. 

28. On January 9, 1991, Aileen was arrested for the murders. 

29. Tyria Moore drew a confession from Aileen during a phone call in exchange for immunity from prosecution. 

30. Aileen was arrested on an outstanding warrant at the Last Resort bar in Port Orange, Florida on January 9, 1991. 

40. For her crimes Aileen ultimately received 6 death sentences. 

41. She was executed in the Florida State Prison on October 9, 2002 by lethal injection. 

42. Aileen’s body was cremated; her ashes were given to a childhood friend named Dawn Botkins, who spread them beneath a tree in Michigan. 

43. Aileen declined a traditional last meal (anything she desired under $20) and instead requested a cup of coffee. 

44. Her last words were, “I’d just like to say I’m sailing with the rock, and I’ll be back Independence Day, with Jesus June 6. Like the movie, big mothership and all, I’ll be back.” 

45. Aileen requested that the song “Carnival” by Natalie Merchant be played at her funeral.  

46. Up until her execution, Aileen proclaimed her love for Tyria Moore. 

Jar Alternatives

While many of us have a plethora of jars, not everyone does. I know I couldn’t use jars in spellwork when I was practicing as a minor. Maybe, you’re a student, living with others, or still in the “broom closet”, either way here is a list of alternative ideas to jars.

1. Christmas Ornaments
(The clear Christmas bulbs you can put things inside of are great for fitting in small crystals and herbs!)

2. Boxes
(I’ve used a small gift box before and filled it with herbs and intent, the box could be any size you want [even a ring box])

3. A Casette Case
(These may not be as common anymore [You may still be able to find at a thrift shop. but I personally like the aesthetic. You can take a lighter to seal it shut or add candle wax if you’d like to use in place of a Witch Bottle.)

4. A Juice/Pop Bottle (Personally, I’d choose something like a Snapple bottle if I were to go this route)

5. Shot bottles
(I found some littered about town when I was 18 and actually used one to store sand I ended up using for putting out my sage. If you’re under 18, I don’t suggest upcycling shot bottles found littered about. If you’re of legal age to buy alcohol, this is another way to upcycle.)

6. Gumball machines
(I remember for my birthday one year, my mom had me decorate a mini gumball machine. You could use it magically as well. You can buy things to make them from dollar tree. You’ll need a terra cotta pot and dish as well as a fish bowl. Turn the pot upside down, glue the bowl to it and place the terra cotta dish on top as a lid. Decorate as you will. I think this would be awesome for something to do with promoting happiness,prosperity, and the like.)

7. Sachets

8. Books
( You can get one of those stash boxes that look like books OR if you’re crafty, take a damaged book and cut into and turn into into a stash box.)

9. Stash Cans
(If you need to be discreet, you can purchase a marijuana stash can. They sell ones that look like Arizona Tea cans on Amazon.)

10. Locket
(There isn’t very much space but you can still fill it with a pinch of herbs and intent.)

11.A Coin Purse
(I had one somewhere…possibly stolen or thrown out… That I used for a set of runes I made out of deer antler buttons. They’re perfect for holding small things like crystals too!)

12.
Zip-lock bags
(This isn’t as creative as other items on the list but it gets the job done.)

13. Witch’s Bottle Necklace
(Okay, so this is still using jars technically. However, it’s easy to make it look more like a fashion statement than a spell. )

14. Sea shells
(They come in many shapes and sizes. You may not be able to close unless you have a whole clam, but they do look pretty and many people do collect sea shells.)

15. Tins
(You can re-use an old Altoids tin. You can purchase tins from Mountain Rose Herbs. They’re convenient if you’re on the go. They can be used as travel altars, containers for crystal chips, feathers, odds and ends, herbs, etc. )

endless

midnight
i walk around the park
with a cigarette in my hand
and shot bottles of gin in my pocket
screaming at the shadows that seem to be following me

1am
i’m home
staring at the ceiling
in my cold king sized bed
wishing you were near me

2am
it’s silent
i can hear a pin drop
it’s never been this bad before
i want this to stop

3am
my insomnia
and my lethargic motioned life
tossing and turning in my bed
wondering the meaning of my restless spirit

4am
i’m down stairs now
i have a cup of coffee
i don’t want to drink it
but the warmth of the cup soothes me

5am
it’s now dawn
and my thoughts have run cold
i live an apathetic life
because you broke my damn soul

@requiemofkingssuper painful art got me thinking, and that’s never a good thing, so here’s the scene in question and there’s probably going to be a fic that comes out of this but honestly who knows with me, am i right? anyway this is almost 3k and probably the longest “short” fic I’ve written so yeah >_>


Andrew nudges Neil into their room and watches him shuffle inside, appearing a good bit drunk without a drop in him. “The next time you want to risk endangering the mission,” Andrew says once the door is closed and the lock has been slid home, “leave me out of it.” He arms their security system, the pocket-sized one that Renee insists gives them a perimeter of the room’s exact boundaries. Andrew believes her, but Neil is low-tech, so Andrew sets the far cheaper early-warning system of a string, a crowbar, and a bell as well before backing away from the door.

Neil scoffs, the drunk act dropped, and Andrew turns to find him already shucking off his tie, working out of his grey jacket. “Please. You’d be bored if I wasn’t constantly keeping you on your toes.” Neil finally discards the thin outerwear, and he’s left standing in just the black button-up and trousers. Andrew never liked the color on him.

“Bored but alive,” Andrew says, stepping forward to start undoing the buttons of Neil’s shirt. Inch by inch, scarred flesh opens up to him, ending too soon when Andrew tugs the shirt free of Neil’s waistband.

The soft hum that slips from Neil is just as soothing as the man’s fingers skimming Andrew’s throat before working at undoing his tie. “But where’s the fun in that?”

Andrew settles a glare on the idiot, but Neil doesn’t meet his gaze, focused on his own long fingers and the path they sear down Andrew’s front as they undo each button with an artist’s precision.

Keep reading

Candy

Okay so, where do I even start? We had our first cuckcake experience since August 2016, a year and a couple of months. It was with the sexy close circle friend I told you guys about. We talked about it a couple days prior and set up the date. She told us what she was into it, what she liked – and it matched our likes, to the T. She’s into DD/LG (Daddy Dom/Little Girl) submissive, taking orders, rough sex, basically being a good girl :)

Normally the day of I’m anxious, but not this time. I felt more excited than nervous, more impatient. Maybe it was because I wanted her so badly myself too. I wanted to cum watching her please Gary, I wanted to experience her body, I wanted it all and I wanted it now. I couldn’t keep my hands off my pussy, or Gary. I planned on not cumming the day of, but that didn’t work out so well. I couldn’t help myself twice, the thoughts, the images, mmm….

We went and picked her up, around 7:30 we got back to the house. We talked the whole car ride home, there wasn’t one bit of awkwardness, thankful to her really – she kept the conversation flowing. She’s so bubbly, and bouncy, and beautiful. The atmosphere was very Mommy, Daddy, and little girl like, a couple of, “I’m a good girl, see!” and “Good girl”s were thrown around. Honestly, she normally acts like a little girl, Gary is very dominate, and I’m submissive to him, and dominate to others – so it was a little bit more than just an roleplay – sexually it’s who we are. It’s what made the whole experience, man it was amazing.

We got the bottle, a couple shot glasses, some whatchamacallit and headed upstairs. Just having her in our bedroom, knowing what was coming – my panties were soaking wet already. We all did a shot together, and turned some music on. Gary watched from the bed as we danced. I touched her body, she touched mine – all over. We kissed, there was craving when we danced, passion in our fingers – it was deep. Gary joined in from behind her, there was tongues and hands and boobs and moans and grinds – At one point me and Gary locked eyes and we both just smiled. You know when someone does something nice and you have no words, and all you can do it smile and the emotions comes through that way, it was that kind of smile for me. I was in bliss.

I couldn’t wait anymore. I pushed her on the bed and climbed on top of her, apparently, she wanted me just as bad because she got my shorts off somehow, got me on my back, and started to devour my pussy. She licked every inch, had her fingers going in and out of me like she’d be dying for this to happen. She climbed back on top of me, my hands were all over here – we couldn’t stop kissing. I felt Gary’s dick enter me…mmmmm – that was different. She was so short he couldn’t reach her hole, so she moved down some for him. She was on top of me, I was on my back…and he was fucking her from behind. Need I say bliss, again? Her moans were so close to my face, I could see every facial expression my husband’s cock was giving her. I was squeezing her nipples, and rubbing every inch of her body I could reach. Within about 30 seconds I heard, “Did you just squirt on me?” answered with, “mayyybeee” I could see Gary’s boxers were all wet, and I just got even wetter. I eventually wiggled out from under her because I wanted to see Gary’s dick going inside of her. I was surprised when she started to finger my ass, but of course, a pleasant surprise 😊

Gary flipped her over on her back and we both went to town. We were eating her out at the same time, making out with her pussy, #dreamteam-ing it. It was amazing, in these experiences he’s my husband yes, but I also feel a very very strong best friend connection. It’s bonding, it’s fun, it’s exciting, it’s memories made – it’s happiness. He sat up and started to fuck her, I continued to work on her pussy. I love feeling his body hit the side of my face every single thrust, I love how submissive it makes me feel to him – it makes ME feel like a good girl, too 😊

No point of this night was not rough. It was reckless, and savage, and passionate. We flipped around in every which way you could imagine 3 people could be. It went on for hours, and hours, and hours…6 hours actually. There was points where she needed a break and it would be just me and Gary. We didn’t stop fucking but we did talk. We talked about how amazing it was going, how fun it was, how we’re each doing. There was points where Gary had to pee and it was just me and her. We didn’t stop fucking either. First time I’ve ever scissored a girl, first time I’ve ridden a pussy with my pussy, first time I’ve used toys on a girl – a lot of first times for me.

MY NOTEABLE MY CUCKCAKE CREAM!!!! After a couple hours in Gary sat her body on top of mine, and pussy right in my face. I knew it was coming, because Gary and I talked about it prior and he knew this was the way I wanted it the first time. I was…man I don’t even know how to describe it. I was just laying there with the most up-close view of him ravaging her. I could feel every movement of his, I knew it was coming, he was so close. The moans got louder, the thrust got harder and I heard, “Are you ready for daddy’s cum?” She moaned, “Yes I am daddy, yesss I am daddy” I see it leak out, it clung to her pussy but was going up towards her clit. It didn’t have a chance of reaching it’s destination, as soon as I seen it come out I closed my eyes, opened my mouth and started eating. Gary was finished and backed off. I wanted it all. I moved behind her and licked anything I could have missed, but nothing. I wanted more. I sucked her pussy hole, and felt my mouth feeling up. It was still so warm, and I could taste them both…my very first cuckcake cream. My body really tingled, I felt something physically – it was really heaven.

We took a short break after that, but once me and her got back at it – we were all back at it. This one wasn’t so notably long, but still – lots of time spent. He finished with her on her back this time and of course I was right there to clean up. I’ve learned eating cuckcake cream is definitely one of my favorite parts about being a cuckquean, sexually.

Afterwards, I needed aftercare – but I learned. I learned experiences that run too long are harder on my emotions. It’s a lot to deal with all at once – because it was so amazing, it was harder on me.

All in all, my favorite experience. We did more with this girl in one night we’ve done with all our cuckcakes. It was so comfortable, and easy. It was amazing, and I can’t wait to do it again 😊

– AND MORE CUCKCAKE CREAM!!

Not-So-Great Witchy Tip

If the deities you worship or want to give offerings to like wine or alcohol, get fucking hammered and before every glass, bottle, or shot just say or yell “For (insert deity name here)!!!” and down that shit like a senior at a frat party.

Melodramatic, But It Turns Me On

summary: teenage!phan are at a sleepover and begin to have a bit of fun with the sex dices they’d found earlier that evening. 

warnings: smut (kinda)

words: 5.3k

-

I was gonna write more of illaks but apparently a weird 1am idea took priority and now . idk what this is laugHs oops

Im so tired I cant even think straight im sorry if the majority of this makes 0 sense I need 2 have a nap

This is probably the closest yall will ever get to me attempting smut lol appreciate it while u can x x

(if u don’t know what a ‘sex dice’ is click here)

-

Phil’s always felt weirdly privileged to share Dan’s bed whenever he sleeps over.

It’s not like it’s anything he’s a stranger to – quite the opposite really, but out of everyone, Phil’s the only one Dan will actually let in his bed on account of the fact he can actually have a decent night’s sleep without Phil taking all the duvet or accidentally rolling over and pushing him off the bed. That’s Kyle’s trick – explaining why he’s down there whilst his marginally less irritating best friend is up here under his duvet, sharing his mattress. It’s nice sleeping with the knowledge he won’t wake up either freezing cold or on the floor.

Phil’s used to them being the last ones awake – having been friends with a bunch of total fucking lightweights for the best part of three years, it’s become the norm for the rest of them to be down there, asleep. They’re wrapped up in empty sleeping bags and spare duvets whilst the only two who can actually handle their drink are lying side-by-side, a cut above the sea of empty bottles and shot glasses littering Dan’s floor. They’d passed out about half an hour ago, leaving the two slightly tipsy teenagers still giggling over what had been a contribution to the night’s entertainment along with the heated games of ‘never have I ever’ and one too many Malibu shots.

“Does this not feel weird to you?” Dan’s eyebrow quirks in Phil’s direction as he holds the two small wooden cubes in his hand. “I feel-… it feels- I don’t know- gross, kind-of,” he huffs out a chuckle.

“Why would-…” he squints in the darkness, “-… lick-… elbow-… feel weird to me?” he replies, a threat of sarcasm in his tone.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Can u write a smut where ur playing spin the bottle with Mingyu and Minghao after u guys left a boring party and it leads to a threesome sex? (Sorry if its too much!🙈)

Bottles

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 2506

Summary: A simple game escalates quickly when alcohol is involved.

(A/N): THIS KILLED ME Minghao is my bias and Mingyu is right up there with him so basically I’m biased af through this whole thing. But it was super fun to write and I’m really happy with how it turned out, I hope you like it~

Originally posted by jooshua

Keep reading

Dicking Down to Wifing Up

“Horan! Hurry the fuck up!” Harry yells through the door. “People are starting to show up!”

Niall looks in the mirror and adjusts his quiff a bit, “Coming!”  He just had the blonde redone and was more than ready for their house party.

Harry snorts from the other side, “Sure thing. Just don’t leave a mess.” He jokes and Niall hears him go down the hall.

He rolls his eyes and leaves the room. You said you were going to be coming to the party and he was looking forward to that. He had been trying to convince you for the entire semester to attend a variety of the parties that his frat put on.

Keep reading