luke: darth vader this is luke skywalker calling. im calling to let you know- Message Erased

luke: fuck.

luke: darth vader this is luke skywalker. im calling to let you know how disappointed i am in your story……how horrible you-

yoda: YOU LIED

luke: STOP 



luke, now crying: dar th vader thsi is l uke skwyalker calign……,,,im calling to let you know there were many thin gs i read in here that were FALSE. like yo u said i wo re six inch custom mad e bothan fur padded heels to bespin…,,, with my “pantone 448 colored poncho” when i wore a poly cotton twill fabric fall 2017 jacket se t….



anonymous asked:

Alex Goddamn Paknadel instructed us all to seek out your take on Rogue One and I have no idea where to look. Help.

It was in my newsletter ( last year, and it’s not one that’s in the archive. Do sign up if you like this kind of thing.


I started Sunday Morning with the 11am showing of Rogue One at South London cultural institution that is the Peckham Plex. It was the last showing. It was one of the last showings in London. It’s the first time I’ve seen a film twice in the cinema since Fury Road.

I like it a lot. My one-line tweet review ROGUE 10/10 captures my basic feelings, but second time through, things are always going to change. You can’t cross that river twice. You change. The world changes. In the last month, more than most.

But I found it as effecting as first time, on average. Some bits more, some bits less, over-all similarly wet eyed. But it’s lingered in a different way. First time, I came out in a giggly fanboy rush. Second time, I’m pretty much crushed.

Being a working writer, I’m unpacking and trying to reversely analyse choices, and doing my own rewrites to make what I think the effect it’s looking for more efficiently. It’s just something I do, and have done for the vast majority of my life. It’s certainly true towards the end the tangle of game-logic makes it top heavy, and (as always happens when you explain so much) leads to even more questions . You can question the integration of all those fighter pilots into the final act, leaning into the “not a star wars film unless there’s a dogfight at the end” (I felt them weakest bits of Force Awakens, but landed better here for reasons I’ll go into…)

But underneath all that, I can’t question it too much, as I see its point and the reasons for doing so. That’s why we talk about choices, as it’s really about what you choose to prioritise. It’s all done to make the movie turn into a relay race, a chain of buckets. If any one individual doesn’t do their small thing, it fails, and the future for a galaxy far, far away is the Empire’s jackboot, forever.

This rebellion isn’t about one kid getting a lucky shot . This rebellion is about all those individual choices and moments of heroism enabling the kid to get to a place to take that shot. It is many Bothans, writ large. None of the people who died knew that what they did made a difference. Some knew if they hadn’t done it, it’d have failed… but none knew for sure. They went to their graves ignorant. It could have all been for nothing.

To that end, the ballooning of viewpoint characters becomes the point, those pilots as real as anyone else, the actors commitment to those fragments of time meaningful. And as we pull away from our cast, we come to the final scenes, with those nameless Rebellion troops being cut down by Vader, one by one. Look at the details as Vader looms out the dark. The half-lowering of the guns as each consider just not doing this.. and then raising as they decide they have no choice.

Any of them didn’t slow down Vader for a half second, the Death Star survives. Any of them.

Which leaves me aware that’s all we can do when facing fascism in the dark. We have no idea if what we do make a difference. But it may. You have to believe it may.

Imagine Sisyphus watches the boulder tumble back, time and time over. Imagine the centuries, millennia of frustration. Imagine taking a breath, stepping up to its familiar form, and rolling that boulder again.

You wonder why he does so.

He knows that, against all his history, one day maybe the boulder won’t tumble back.

Hope is all we have, but hope - whether new or old – can be cruel.


When word of the second Death Star reaches the Alliance, Jyn has a somewhat violent reaction and Cassian does what he can to bring her back from her anger.

When Jyn was stirred from her sleep by the sound of her door opening, she reached for the vibroknife beneath her pillow. It wasn’t until she sat up and oriented herself that she recognize figure shrouded in darkness.

“Sorry,” Cassian said softly, regret in his voice.

Jyn thought that it was because he tried to be quiet and not wake her until he crossed the room to her and sat down. He’d been on a mission for eight days, deep cover on an Imperial-occupied planet. She reached for him without hesitation, stroking his cheek and tangling her fingers in his hair.

“I’m a light sleeper,” she told him, as if he didn’t know.

Cassian simply nodded, glancing away from her. She recognize the look on his face. He looked tired, and not just physically. Like it was emotionally taxing not to tell her whatever was on his mind.

“What is it?” Jyn asked, dread settling in her chest.

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And on that note, I think the scene where Vader smugs it up about Obi-Wan’s failure being complete because now Vader knows about his daughter would have been hilariously different if Luke blurted out “No, leave Leia alone.”

Vader pauses, lowers his saber.

“Princess Leia… is your sister?” he intones dubiously, mind spinning.

Leia Organa, raised by Bail Organa, one of Padme’s closest friends. Outrage at the betrayal fades quickly, replaced by outrage at his own blinkered ignorance. 

She is the angriest person he’s ever met! Her potential is staggering!

Like, literally, she slapped his mask once at the Senate and then glared up at him, daring her to murder her in front of the media Bothans and the Senate Guard.

“For fuck’s sake,” Vader swears, teeth gritted. “We could have had it all!”

i know star wars is full of unfortunate phrases, but why did the author of this book have to make me read this sentence with my own two eyes

“Mander thumped the Bothan on the shoulder, and Eddey mashed one hand against a series of buttons, fingers spread like a jizz performer playing on a nalargon.”

As a companion piece to my previous diagram, here is the Imperial Senate at the time of its dissolution in 0 BBY/ABY.


- Galactic Integralist Party (1136 seats): After the formation of the Empire, the reactionary elements of the Expansion and Republican Parties, as well as the Core Alliance, took control of and merged the three parties, forming the Galactic Integralist Party. Senators from the Liberal and Corporate Parties soon defected to the new political alliance as well, sensing the opportunity for favorable treatment in the New Order. Also commonly called the Imperialist Party, the GIP is far-right and fervently pro-Empire, promoting expansion of the Empire’s borders and consolidation of the Emperor’s powers. Elections in sectors controlled by the GIP are more often than not marred by voter suppression and electoral fraud, giving the party a permanent majority. Without any true legislative power, the GIP’s constant majority in the Senate serves to present an image of popular support for Emperor Palpatine’s policies, an image fewer and fewer believe every day. The GIP is led in the Senate by Orn Free Taa, formerly of the Liberal Party.

Official Opposition

- Progressive Party (892 seats): After the rise of the Empire, as the Liberal Party fell apart due to opportunistic Senators defecting to the GIP, the Progressive Party founded by Padme Amidala and Bail Organa began to grow into a large and robust organization as the horrors of the Empire became apparent. Energized by a rebellious spirit, Progressive Senators are known for their fiery proclamations of dissent in the Senate chambers themselves, and despite the party’s inability to actually stop any of Palpatine’s policies, the citizens of Progressive sectors view it as the last hope for a peaceful restoration of the Republic. Palpatine views the Progressive Party as a useful tool, channeling public anger and frustration at his rule into a toothless and powerless outlet, rather into militant rebel cells which pose an actual threat. Many Progressive Senators also secretly serve as the civilian government of the Rebel Alliance. The Progressive Party is jointly led by Mon Mothma and Leia Organa.

- Constitutionalist Party (51 seats): Officially a part of the opposition coalition, the Constitutionalist Party’s decline continued under the Empire, and at the time of the Imperial Senate’s dissolution it has reached its nadir in terms of representation in the Senate. The Constitutionalist Party’s continued presence in the Senate is due mostly to strong support from the Empire’s autonomous regions, such as Bothan and Herglic space. The Constitutionalist Party is led by Polo Se’lab of Bothawui.

Other Opposition Parties

- Liberal Party (30 seats): The Liberal Party continues to exist as a remnant of its former self. With its centrist, progressive, and conservative wings all splitting from the party, the Liberals have only limped along on the strength of their social liberal wing. The Liberals are opposed to the Empire, but condemn violent rebellion, deluding themselves into believing in the possibility of convincing Palpatine to restore the Republic peacefully. In fact, the greatest amount of resistance to the Empire that the Liberals have put up is a proposal to change the party’s name to the Liberal Democratic Party, to demonstrate its commitment to democracy. The proposal was ultimately voted down. The Liberal Party is led by Pooja Naberrie of Naboo.

- Anti-Jedi Party (12 seats): The reactionary Anti-Jedi Party briefly enjoyed a surge of support in the wake of the supposed coup attempt by the Jedi against Palpatine, but as the Jedi Purge progressed and the GIP arose as a larger reactionary party with greater official support, the AJP lost much of its purpose. The AJP found new life in opposition to the Empire, thanks to a rumor begun by former AJP Senator Chelo that Emperor Palpatine was, in fact, a secret Jedi. The party’s continuing hardline conservatism, however, has failed to win it much support. The AJP is led by James Ortell Donovan of Mindabaal.

- Reform Party (6 seats): Although he was a founding member of the Progressive Party, Senator Garm Bel Iblis realized that concentrating all of Emperor Palpatine’s political opponents into one party was a dangerous proposition, and left the Progressives to join the Reform Party, even as many Reformers were defecting to the Progressives. The Reform Party soon reunited with its Radical offshoot, and the current Reform Party offers a louder, more aggressive, and more radical vision of resistance and rebellion than the Progressives, partially an attempt by Bel Iblis to distract Palpatine’s attention from Progressive leaders who pose more of a threat. The Reform Party is led by Garm Bel Iblis of Corellia.

windona  asked:

Prompt: Pre-ESB, Vader has a chance to send a message to Luke without Luke knowing it's Vader.

“Boss?” Aphra said.

She’d just swung around the corridor, palm against the corner of the very tight turn, and taken in the scene before her in the repair bay. She drank in the sight of Darth Vader’s large form, blotting out half the room with it’s bulk, bent double as he set to work on a golden protocol droid. She furrowed her brow and angled a look behind her. Yep, Triple Zero was a) still behind her i) that wasn’t exactly good, considering and b) he was still black.

Approaching cautiously, she tried for an upbeat tone.

“Whatcha doin’?”

“My word,” Triple Zero said. She caught the red flash of his eyes in her peripheral vision; the protocol droid equivalent of a nostril flare. “What are you doing, sir?”

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I get that for the new Disney SW films, diversity was a big focus. And Kudos to them, they’ve managed to assemble a great cast of actors and actresses with all sorts of heritage for the last two and all of the cast are fantastic.

But, and this may seem a bit childish, I just really wanted there to be an alien in the main three or at least the main cast. I’d love to have seen some more in-universe diversity as well as in the actor’s ethnicities.

In the OT, we had Chewie, who was practically part of the main 3, and in practically ever scene with Han (which was most of them). We also had Yoda in Empire and the Ewoks in Jedi, as well as Jabba. The Prequels had Jar-Jar (for better of for worse) and Yoda was a very big part of those films too. Going from that, most of the Council seemed to be non-human, And non-human species held pretty big roles in the events of the Clone Wars, such as the Kaminans, or the Geonosians.

How many of those look human to you?

In comparaison, in TFA, we have Maz Plot-Device, who is in for a single scene and then we’re left not knowing if don’t know if she’s alive or dead, and  the big bad baddy Snoke, who I’m hoping isn’t human. Past that we get some very small roles, like Unkar Plutt, and the rest are all background characters, like in Maz’s cantina, or that bearded walrus on Hosnian prime. Sure, we get Chewie again but we’ve had him for 3 films and while I love the wookie, it’d be nice to get some new aliens in.

Rogue one would have been a great chance to put some in. I can’t really think of a better opportunity to put aliens into the cast than the films dedicated to stealing the plans of the Death Star. You know, the weapon of mass destruction built by a fascist regime that enslaved countless alien races to do so? The Empire considers other races to be lesser than Humans, so getting more aliens into the fight would’ve been nice rather than a bunch of humans and a Mon Cal captain. Am I the only one who’d have liked to see a bothan, or a twi’lek fighting against the Empire?

I get that they were going for an OT vibe for, and tbh most of what we do see in those films as far as the rebellion goes are Humans and a couple of Mon Calmari, but throwing in a Bothan, for example, or some new speicies.

I guess it’s slightly unfair to compare just one film in the sequel trilogy to two other trilogies when it comes to world building, and I’m sure we’ll get more aliens in Last Jedi/IX so let’s quickly just look at ANH.

As I’ve already said we already had Chewie as one of the biggest characters in the film, along with Luke, Han, Leia, R2 and 3PO.  Also ANH was made in 1977 for $11M (~$40M today) while TFA had $300M, with large improvements to CGI and makeup/costumes. In addition to a main non-human character, it makes a point of showing us lots of species, such as the Jawas, Tusken raiders and Rodians.

Basically, I just really want a Twi’lek, or a Rodian, or a Duro, or a Muun, or just some non-human to save the galaxy for once


I present to you a compilation of my Skywalker Happy Trash Family AU.

Most of these were doodled in Law Class, so forgive the poor quality.

A rough overview:

  • Anakin does not go Evil and Awful, and after that terrible scene where Windu dies Anakin rushes home and tells Padme what happened and he goes behind Palps’s back. He and Padme decide to seperate the twins at birth for their own safety - Anakin takes Leia to live on Tatooine, which is the last place the Emperor would look for him, and Luke stays with Padme on Coruscant.
  • Obi-Wan goes into hiding on Tatooine as well
  • Nine years later, Padme gets arrested by Palps himself for hacking their Death Star Plans, but it’s really just an excuse to lure Anakin to them because he is now a royal thorn in the Empire’s butt, being a Rebel leader and Jedi and ace pilot and etc etc etc
  • Anakin leaves Leia with Obi-Wan and rushes off (predictably) to save Padme, but things sort of go downhill and he disappears for like four days and then Artoo shows up at Ben’s doorstep with a message from Luke, who says his mother’s been taken captive and they’re about to come for him, too
  • Leia and Obi-Wan go on an epic adventure to save Luke/fine Anakin/find Padme, and run into teenaged Han along the way
  • They win the Falcon in a game of sabaac
  • A+++ sabaac skills amiright
  • They get separated from Obi-Wan in Coruscant, but Leia and Han find Luke anyway (and accidentally blow up the Death Star Plans)
  • Anakin finds Padme and attempts to rescue her, but it really ends up being this badass Mr-and-Mrs-Incredible style fight scene in which they escape and Anakin tricks Tarkin into thinking that the holo he gives him in exchange for his wife is really The Plans when it’s really just a recording of Luke and Leia as babies.
  • On their quest to find their respective parents, Luke and Leia discover they’re twins via holo of Padme in Anakin’s stuff
  • Anakin and Padme return to the Rebel Base (on Hoth, I’m thinking) and reunite with their kiddies. 
  • The rebellion escalates - Han leaves for a while to do work on another rebel base because they’re actually paying him, or something that hasn’t properly been determined yet, but he has to leave because then he comes back like six years later and Leia is all grown up and conflicting emotions ensue because woah she’s not a little girl any more and woah he’s kind of hot and woah we were really tight friends and this is all very strange so we’ll just constantly argue instead
  • Anyway, skip forward six years - the Rebellion is going full force (hehe) but the Empire still has the upper hand. The twins are mostly trained as Jedi, and Han’s been back for a while. 
  • A betting pool starts a la Jedi Warrioress and Starpilot
  • Padme wonders if she should be worried that Han and Leia’s arguments are louder than an angry Rancor without his dinner, but Luke tells her not to worry (Anakin grumbles something about scruffy starpilots and “too young for this nonsense” and “don’t give me that look Luke I’m not that obtuse”)
  • Okay, so by this point Anakin is an esteemed general in the Alliance, Padme does a lot of management stuff with Mon Mothma, and Luke, Leia and Han have already made a name for themselves - they’ve got wanted posters and everything.
  • Palpatine is not amused, but he is secretly scheming to take down Anakin and his stupid family once and for all
  • So somehow, somewhere in there, Bespin happens (it has to happen), except this time it’s Palpatine himself that does the torture/kidnap/freezing-in-carbonite/chopping off Luke’s hand, and things are looking decidedly miserable
  • (Padme’s heart sinks when Leia’s pale face emerges from the remains of the Falcon and she breaks down in her mother’s arms. But only for a moment, because her daughter is strong, and her tears have vanished a half-second later with a look so full of determination and seething hatred that Padme is a little frightened)
  • Padme has a long talk with Leia about what it means to love someone and how you can’t let your anger and hatred be caused by loss, because then everything can go wrong (*broken sobbing*). Leia doesn’t say anything, but she stops looking so angry.
  • Luke campaigns to have his father release Lando Calrissian from the base’s holding cell to no avail, but then Leia comes and asks, and -

(“Please, Dad.” He looks at his daughter’s face, pale and weary and eyes nearly-broken and he feels a surge of hatred towards Palpatine himself -

He remembers what he felt like on that ship when the blast hit and Padme was thrown down to the sand dunes and all he wanted was to fling himself after her and Obi-Wan’s hand grabbing his shoulder and

you are in my very soul, he’d once told his wife.

He looks at Leia’s eyes and sees … well, himself.

“It’s dangerous. You know that Hutts are -”

“Gangsters,” says his daughter, “slave-traders, I know. Dad. I grew up on Tatooine too.”

He sighs. “Alright. Go get Calrissian and Luke. I’ll tell your mother where you went.”

She cracks a smile for the first time in three months and Anakin knows that if he were in her position, he would need to go, too)

  • The twins and Lando and Chewie bring Han back and the Bothans give them Precious Information and Anakin needs a new general to help him lead the attack on Endor. When he approaches the newly-recovered young man, he wonders why the boy looks so nervous.

(“Are you nervous because you’re talking to me or nervous because I’m about to ask you to take a commission?”

“I’m not nervous.”

“Don’t kid yourself, Solo. So what is it?”

“I might be in love with your daughter.”



“You thought I was going to be mad? If you weren’t in love with her, that’s when I’d ‘a sliced your balls off and fed you to a Wampa.”

“Good to know,” mutters Han, and Anakin grins.

“So how 'bout it, General Solo?”)

  • Palpatine corners Anakin on the his Star Destroyer and nearly turns him because Luke is there and he’s hurting Luke and feel it inside of you, Skywalker, you know you can save him - And Anakin leaps in front of the electricity frying his son and catches it on his lightsaber and “Run, Luke!” but Luke won’t leave, he won’t he won’t he won’t, not his dad. He would never leave his dad.
  • They defeat Palpatine. But not by killing him.
  • happy family stuff happens. 


Petition to have Lucasfilm Animation make a full length film about the Second Death Star Plans.

The great thing about Clone Wars and Star Wars Rebels is that there are more instances where non human species can be major characters. I would love to see a movie that had a full cast of non human characters and this seems like a perfect opportunity. Give us Bothans and maybe throw in other species for fun. It doesn’t need to be as gritty or real as Rogue One, but I think it could be very good. 

How Reylo can happen-Extra info Rumor/Spoiler

For those who read my theory on How Reylo Can Happen I mention a rumor about Luke blowing up a hut. I wanted to make sure this source was legit and I found something interesting. Go read my original post if you want to know what I’m talking about. 

So, going back looking over old ass spoilers I tracked down the original post from the Bothan-spy on reddit. Then I looked back on their other spoilers and I think he is in fact credible. Here’s why: Look at this post dated 11 months ago so last April? or so. 

Now we’ve seen the trailer we KNOW red smoke is used on a new planet. Fits their description perfectly. 

Now for the interesting part If you haven't read my post about “My Theory” I’d suggest you do so because it goes hand in hand with this post. Here is a direct link (again)

How Reylo Can Happen

The hut explosion bit now I believe is extremely plausible but it’s what the source said when describing it that really got my attention. Here’s the original post

You see that bit where it says Luke is trying to stop them? Yup, that got my attention. If you read my theory I believe that Luke will try to keep both Ben and Rey from leaving Ahch-to. In other words “it’s a trap” And I just wanted to point this out to everyone. It’s really interesting this was part of the info we received. It’s even more interesting since we got the trailer.