pitch meeting at the CW
cw studio exec #1: hi peyton take a seat we’re so glad you’re here
cw studio exec #2: so why don’t you give us an idea of what you’re thinking
me: okay. so. the success of riverdale has told us two very important things: first, there is tremendous money to be made in taking beloved fictional characters for children and placing them at the centre of a grimdark fuckfest. and second - your target demographic will watch anything. literally anything.
cw studio exec #1: excellent points. what are you proposing
me: you’re targeting the millennial demographic. kids who grew up in the late 90s, early 2000s. so let’s capitalize on that. let’s bank on their nostalgia. let’s take the most beloved saturday morning cartoon of that era, the longest-running children’s cartoon of all time - and let’s update it. let’s make it sexy. ladies and gentlemen, i give you The CW’s Arthur.
cw studio exec #1: brilliant
cw studio exec #2: i can’t believe we’ve never thought of this before
me: arthur read and his friends are all grown up… and they are discovering sex. and drugs. arthur will be played by tyler posey and he will have six-pack abs. he’s romantically involved with muffy crosswire, the undisputed head bitch in charge of elwood city high. this doesn’t sit well with his best friend, buster baxter - who is gay - or muffy’s best friend francine frensky - who is a lesbian - because diversity.
cw studio exec #1: nice
me: meanwhile young d.w. read, at just 15 years of age, has become the kingpin of a deep web drug empire and the mastermind behind elwood city’s burgeoning crisis in organized crime. but when mr. ratburn is busted with a large shipment of cocaine, everything will change.
cw studio #2: love it
me: and d.w. must go on the lam. but can she run forever… even after she discovers she is… teen pregnant?
both cw studio execs: are literally crying and throwing money at me