HEY YOU DWEEBAZOIDS AND GIGADORKUSES! WANNA BE KOOL? WANNA BE XTREME? WANNA BE PART OF THE MOST RADICAL, BADICAL, SLAM-JAMMINEST PARTYPALOOZA THIS SIDE OF THE MILKY WAY?
THEN HEAD ON DOWN TO 1337 RADSBERRY LANE TO FIND THE SICKEST MONDO-WIPEOUT POWER HOUR YOU’LL EVER SEE IN YOUR LIFE! BRING YOUR SURFBOARD, BECAUSE THESE WAVES ARE HUMOUNGA-DUNGA! BUT NOT ONLY THAT, WE’VE GOT A TOTALLY TUBULOUSO SKATEBOARD RAMP RIGHT NEXT TO A B-BALL HOOP SO YOU CAN DO A TRIPLE HOT OLLIE AND SLAM A DUNK! LOOK OUT BELOW, THOUGH-THOSE OCTOPI AND SHARKS ARE HANKERIN’ AND HUNGERIN’ FOR A BITE-SIZED SNACK! TAKE A DIP, AND YOU’LL BE A CHIP!
IF ALL THAT SUPER SLAMMING ACTION AIN’T ENOUGH FOR YOU, WELL GUESS WHAT TUFF GUY-WE’RE JUST GETTING STARTED! TRY HAVING A ROAD RAGE RC DEATHMATCH WHILE HANGING TEN! FLYING SKY HIGH OVER THE SICKEST SEAS! FISHING FOR THE FIERCEST FINNED FIENDS IN THE DEADLY DEPTHS! IT’S ALL HERE! AND YOU CAN BE A PART OF IT! 1337 RADSBERRY LANE, POWERUP PIER-BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!!!!!
Yes, still on these guys, but I felt I needed to wrap it up with Velouria. Of course it works (and how) as a stand-alone single, arriving from outer space in the most arresting way, a fantastic conglomeration of Frank Black’s bizarre lyrics (“how does lemur skin reflect the sea?”), Kim Deal backing vocals and harmonies (stay to the end), guitar that sounds like it’s crawled out of a volcano, the wailing theremin, the patented loudSOFTloud delivery of the lyrics - sweetly sung and harshly spat, making these four minutes very much greater than the sum of their parts (and we all know the parts are just as appealing when standing alone).
I know everyone goes on about “Monkey Gone to Heaven” and “Where Is My Mind?”, but as far as I’m concerned, this is the Pixies song you need to be going gaga for. Listen, and agree. Or not, that’s fine too, as long as it’s an informed decision.