born this way wishes

The Wilting of a Rose | 2

☇  soulmate/reincarnation au 

genre: slight fluff, angst

pairing:  jungkook // you // slight jimin

word count: 8.5k

warnings: none

DescriptionJungkook, reborn as prince, meets you, along with Jimin, in a village market but doesn’t realize you are the girl he loved in his last life. He finds himself falling for you, only to realize too late that the love of a prince comes with a cost.

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You would think after what happened that the universe would grow soft and take some pity. After all, the two of you were born from the very stardust that made the endless skies of infinity. But the universe isn’t quite done yet; it’s cruel and likes to play sick games. And it’s favorite is the game of hearts.  

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All the sun long it was running, it was lovely, the hay
Fields high as the house, the tunes from the chimneys, it was air
    And playing, lovely and watery
         And fire green as grass.
    And nightly under the simple stars
As I rode to sleep the owls were bearing the farm away,
All the moon long I heard, blessed among stables, the nightjars
    Flying with the ricks, and the horses
         Flashing into the dark.

And then to awake, and the farm, like a wanderer white
With the dew, come back, the cock on his shoulder: it was all
    Shining, it was Adam and maiden,
         The sky gathered again
    And the sun grew round that very day.
So it must have been after the birth of the simple light
In the first, spinning place, the spellbound horses walking warm
    Out of the whinnying green stable
         On to the fields of praise.

And honoured among foxes and pheasants by the gay house
Under the new made clouds and happy as the heart was long,
    In the sun born over and over,
         I ran my heedless ways,
    My wishes raced through the house high hay
And nothing I cared, at my sky blue trades, that time allows
In all his tuneful turning so few and such morning songs
    Before the children green and golden
         Follow him out of grace,

Nothing I cared, in the lamb white days, that time would take me
Up to the swallow thronged loft by the shadow of my hand,
    In the moon that is always rising,
         Nor that riding to sleep
    I should hear him fly with the high fields
And wake to the farm forever fled from the childless land.
Oh as I was young and easy in the mercy of his means,
         Time held me green and dying
    Though I sang in my chains like the sea.

-Dylan Thomas, “Fern Hill”

BTS reaction where their s/o is stutter.

‘Hi! Can you do a BTS reaction where their s/o is too embarrassed to speak because they have a stutter? Thanks!’

~~~

JUNGKOOK

‘Who cares what others thinks!?’

Originally posted by sugutie

V

‘I don’t know why you are so embarrassed about it I find it very cute on you’

Originally posted by dazzlingkai

JIMIN

‘eehh? Why? You shouldn’t’

Originally posted by missbaptan

RAP MONSTER

‘But baby you were born like this’

Originally posted by ksjknj

J-HOPE

‘Jagiya I wish you could love yourself the way I love you’

Originally posted by nycbtslover

SUGA

‘I don’t see what you see you shouldn’t be embarrassed about it, all the people in this world are so different’

Originally posted by dreamyoongi

JIN

‘Well don’t be… you have to be really confident about who you are and how you were born.’

Originally posted by softlytaejin

I wish I could retain my natural beauty and innocence the way I was born with…I wish I could save myself from being a version of an unknown monster…I wish I could heal my shredded heart into being whole again…I wish I could protect those around me from my murderous stare and poisonous words…I wish I could save the child within me…I wish I could guide myself while I am lost in a wild forest…I wish I could let my pain flow like a waterfall…I wish so many things that it hurt..So I no longer wish for anything…
-M
—  #HiddenOne

mitsouparker  asked:

angst promts~ shiragoshi #1 or #16

1. “You say you love me. So what? You wouldn’t be the first, and you certainly won’t be the last.”
16. “I’m trying, can’t you see? Isn’t that enough for you?”
Read on AO3

The silence was too tense between them. Had been for far too long. But Goshiki didn’t know how to break it, almost couldn’t breathe. Everything was tight, tight, tight, and it left him spinning, reeling as he rubbed his hands together, picked raw from all the anxiety that thumped through him. He licked his lips. Glanced up. Shirabu was seated in the chair still, book in his lap. It didn’t look like he’d turned the page. Goshiki certainly hadn’t heard him do that. He swallowed. Raised his head. “Kenji-”

“Stop.” The words were ice, slicing right through him as he flinched back.

A breath rasped out. This has to stop. “Kenjirou-”

The book slapped down against Shirabu’s thigh and Goshiki jerked, eyes widening as Shirabu shot up. “Just stop!” he snapped, anger flashing across his face. “You’re so fucking pushy, can’t you just see that I want to be alone right now? Or is that too hard to get through your thick fucking skull?”

Goshiki’s mouth was dry, too dry, eyes burning as he blinked furiously and rose too. “I’m trying,” he whispered, “Can’t you see? Isn’t that enough for you? I’m trying to see when you need space, but- I just- I’m trying-”

Shirabu threw his hand out, palm flashing with crescent marks carved into it. “But you don’t seem to be capable of fucking understanding it! How hard is it, Tsutomu? ‘I need some fucking space’ - how many times do I have to fucking say that? I’m not-” Shirabu’s hands fell. A moment later, his shoulders slumped. For a long moment, neither of them breathed, and then- “I don’t know what I’m doing, and that scares me.”

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It’s late and I’m in pain and trying to make sense of my childhood and figure out why people were so mean to me other than the obvious answer of “I was literally an undiagnosed mentally disabled kid and this made me an easy target because of how ‘weird’ I was.”

And I figured out why Tumblr’s “…anyway” thing always makes my heart rate go up and upsets me.

Why did people ignore me so much my whole life? Even if it wasn’t deliberate and was just me being non-maliciously forgotten, it hurt me so much because it happened constantly. It made me feel so horrible. It definitely contributed to me growing up wishing I had never been born (I felt this way as early as 5 years old) because I felt so just… unnecessary, like people were all just annoyed that I existed and so I started feeling that way about myself. Every time this happened or I was being bullied, I just thought it was my fault. Was it because I was weird, and kids are assholes? But it’s adults too and it definitely continued to happen into my early adulthood. Lotta teachers ignored me a lot. I know I’m weird and I was a hyper “BLaAAAah!!!” kid with no volume control, a weird laugh, intense special interests, very easily overstimulated and drained. I know I was and am weird but I’m trying to understand why that made people delight in hurting me, or have no problem ignoring me even if they weren’t bad people. Why I am so forgettable and unimportant.

In class discussions, very often when I spoke I was ignored and not acknowledged by the teacher or my classmates. Too often to just be random. It was a constant thing. Even in college this happened and one day I finally said, “Okay, cool, just ignore me completely, I guess” and didn’t participate anymore. My classmates glanced at me like they were confused, but it was like. This was a small class of like 7 people. We were all sitting together. Whenever I contributed to the conversation, the teacher would just ignore me and keep talking. I remember a time this happened in 10th grade. I had been excited and happy because the teacher said he spent the summer playing RE4 and that’s literally what I did that summer too. And he just stared at me like I was crazy when I said “I did too!!” and the whole class was silent and then he just went on talking as if I hadn’t said anything at all. I felt humiliated, to have this happen in front of my whole class, year after year, in different ways. I was also not called on a lot. I would have my hand raised so long that it hurt, I had something I really wanted to ask or say, and they would ignore me. Again it happened too often to just be random or me being too sensitive.

More on the mean side, the mind games ignoring happened with classmates and even “friends”. 6th grade, I liked a girl’s shirt and I asked where she got it. She ignored me and just turned to someone else to start chatting. Not quite aware yet that I was being deliberately ignored, I asked again. She rolled her eyes and kept ignoring. At this point I was like, “dude, I’m asking you a question??” and so she snappily said she got it at a swap meet and acted like I was being so unreasonable for asking. Later when we were grouped up for a project, I asked her and the other girl how they would like to split the work up. They both looked at me, looked at each other, and then just talked to each other. When I tried to speak again, they giggled and smiled and turned away from me. I realized then that I was officially being ignored. To keep from crying, I gave up and pulled out a comic book. I got in trouble for not working on the project and tried to explain that my group was ignoring me but that apparently wasn’t an excuse and I was forced to just sit there and be ignored by these two girls. They kept giggling to each other like it was a game.

Around 5th grade, I went to a summer daycare type thing with the daughter of a woman my dad was seeing. Everything seemed normal until we got dropped off. She immediately paired up with another girl. I sat in the grass making flower bracelets for everyone. I gave one to her and she threw it on the ground, stepped on it, and they both giggled and left me there. They played together and kept glancing at me from afar, making a point to laugh to each other when they saw me sitting alone crying the rest of the day. I don’t think her mother ever knew how her daughter treated me. When we were sent to a week long summer camp together on an island, she ignored me the entire time and acted annoyed whenever I tried to talk to her. I was already very lonely and upset about being so far from my dad for so long and cried every night in my bunk bed and I thought maybe I had a friend to keep me company but she was still just ignoring me for whatever reason. This might not be worth mentioning, but I was always a lot smaller than other people in my age group and I often wonder if this contributed at all to me having an apparent target on my heart. It definitely made it easier for kids to steal things from me and hold them out of reach, or hold my head under water at the pool.

By college, the sad feelings about this turned to rage. I would be walking to a cafe with a classmate, telling a story or whatever, and they would just completely interrupt me to say something random and unrelated. And then not even say sorry or ask me to continue. (because hey, I am very excitable and sometimes still have a bad habit of interrupting but I at least say sorry) Just silence. I walked with them wondering, are they going to acknowledge that I was in the middle of a story? Did they even know or care that I had been talking? By the time we crossed the street and they still said nothing, I had my answer. This happened repeatedly the entire time we were in school, and every time I would be so upset but couldn’t say anything about it because I knew I would blow up. That’s how mad it made me because by that point I had lived through a lifetime of being ignored and I was sick of it and I really really wished my parents had never met.

Even when it wasn’t on purpose, it really fucked me up. When I got picked up from school, I would be telling my dad about my day. He would get calls from work, which interrupted my story. When the call ended, my dad had completely forgotten I was telling him a story, so he wouldn’t ask me to continue. He would just keep driving. At first I would just continue on my own but as this happened pretty much daily, I soon learned he wasn’t going to ever ask. So I started getting pissed every time it happened. I would cry and cry because I felt like he didn’t care about me, that he was just like everyone else who ignore me. When really, my dad was very busy with work and they constantly needed to call him and he also has ADD. In this case it wasn’t his fault but it still hurt me so much because if everyone at school did this to me, and my dad also didn’t care enough to hear about my day, then no one cared and I was worthless. And even if no one called, I would be talking to him and there would be no response at all. Nothing. Like I hadn’t said anything. Wherever we were, whether in the car, at home, at dinner, about to see a musical. We had a fight right before seeing Wicked and I silently cried through the entire opening because I had called him out on flat out fucking ignoring his daughter to her face and naturally he responded defensively. It happens still to this day but I just have to reel it in and breathe and be patient with him, but it still hurts so damn much to feel that nothing I say is worth a response and sometimes I just give up trying to talk because I know I’ll just be interrupted or ignored. It hurts so much. I hate this feeling.

These kinds of things happened to me constantly and they still happen. I feel like all I ever was to people was an annoyance. I was just always ignored. I was treated like I deserved it, so I thought I did. I thought as a child, “why do people hate me? what is wrong with me that people ignore me so often?” And I was always crying my eyes out so pathetically.

It hurt so much and it still upsets me to think back on it because I don’t know what I did. I don’t know what I did. I don’t know why I was always treated this way. I don’t know why and I just wish I had had a friend, a real one, to help me realize that it wasn’t my fault.

-Mamma, I'm sorry-

What would you do?
Mamma,
If you knew?

I just want to be accepted,
I’m sorry,
But I can’t handle to be rejected,

So I stay within my box,
Mamma,
I’m all chained up with locks,

I wonder how it would feel,
I’m sorry,
I want my soul to heal,

Wounded from the dark,
Mamma,
I’m afraid of what you would remark,

I want to be true,
I’m sorry,
But I’m so scared of you,

Please don’t hate,
Mamma,
It’s not my fault I’m not straight,

This is me,
I’m sorry,
I hope that one day you will see,

I’m still your daughter,
Mamma,
Even if I was raised for the slaughter,

Please don’t leave,
I’m sorry,
I know this is what you believe,

If I had a choice,
Mamma,
I’d shout it at the top of my voice,

I want your love,
I’m sorry,
Im a sinner not a dove,

Maybe I’ll say goodbye,
Mamma,
Will you think it was all a lie?

That I like them both,
I’m sorry,
But I would swear it under oath,

I am bi,
Mamma,
Please don’t cry,

I didn’t mean to disappoint you,
I’m sorry,
If only you knew,

I was born this way,
Mamma,
And this is how I will stay…

(r.b)

I once spoke to someone who had survived the genocide in Rwanda, and she said to me that there was now nobody left on the face of the earth, either friend or relative, who knew who she was. No one who remembered her girlhood and her early mischief and family lore; no sibling or boon companion who could tease her about that first romance; no lover or pal with whom to reminisce. All her birthdays, exam results, illnesses, friendships, kinships—gone. She went on living, but with a tabula rasa as her diary and calendar and notebook. I think of this every time I hear of the callow ambition to ‘make a new start’ or to be ‘born again’: Do those who talk this way truly wish for the slate to be wiped? Genocide means not just mass killing, to the level of extermination, but mass obliteration to the verge of extinction. You wish to have one more reflection on what it is to have been made the object of a ‘clean’ sweep?
—  Christopher Hitchens.
Don’t Leave me Quite Yet

Characters- Jared, Genevieve, Reader, Jensen, Misha, Thomas and Shep(For a tiny bit in the beginning)

Words- 2949(I got carried away a little)

Requested by Anonymous- Can you write a really triggering request where the reader is Jared and Gen’s daughter and she is going through a rough time and starts pushing them away, so they are now always arguing and they can’t seem to get along, but still gets along great with the kids, one night Jared and Gen come home and find the reader laying on her bed with a bottle of pills next to her and a note. So they rush her to the hospital, lots of fluff? If it’s too triggering that fine.

Warning- Attempted suicide that’s a big one, suicide note but I have that listed.

A/n- Really triggering, loved writing this, mostly because I love Jared and Gen! Feedback is much loved! Remember if you feel depressed please talk to someone, it could be me, a friend, or a family member, You are not alone. Side note, the note is taken from different things I have written that is why its more detailed and I am going to note where it starts if you don’t wanna read it. I wrote this from a really dark place that’s why things a really detailed

Originally posted by wonderlandgirlforever

You hated yourself, how you looked, how stupid you were. But you parents always seemed to see what’s best in you. You could barely look at them anymore. You wished you were never born. So that way you could never burden them for anything. Your parents could never find out what you do to yourself and how you treated yourself. They would be so disappointed in you, that’s why you closed them off and tried your best to not be around them. But you always were around the younger ones. Thomas and Shepherd meant a lot to you, they made you smile everyday.

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anonymous asked:

What are the differences between NightStar and his swap version, StarLight?

Starlight is the Swap Version of NightStar, coming for the DreamSwap universe (from @onebizarrekai​)

He’s born more or less the same way. By Dream’s wishes. Except that Dream has not do this wishes in a “aware” way. He kinda felt a kind of loneliness, but not in a conscious way.  Anyway the kid is born, has took the same appearance that his “mama” when Dream has took him in his arms.
Dream has had hard time to understand how it was possible. He’s kinda bored to be called mama but he’s too kind with the kid for reject him.

Starlight is kinda the same that NightStarn physically. Except that his eyes are golden stars and that he has golden wings, like his mama.

He smiles a lot, and he’s very optimistic. He want to help people but only people who have a low level of violence, or the one who have a high level for cause of suffering.

He doesn'y understand why his mama want to kill his uncle Nightmare. Actually he would like to know his uncle. Like a lot. He has the same high sense of family that NightStar.

Actually he can’t feel his uncle’s presence like NightStar can. But he sees him very often, always accidentally.

He gets lost a lot. Ink always find him. Dream has been like “okay” and he has done to him the same thing that for Ink.

StarLight is a very kind child, aways sharing with other kids, he loves to play and read or drawn.

He’s very serious about justice. And he actually study for see if his mama can supress negativity without kill his twin. Dream finds that adorable and doesn’t want to break his hopes.

He’s less pacifist than NightStar, some of his powers can be used for fight. But only for defend himself or people.

He’s very smart. Because he studies a lot more than NightStar. And his memories is a lot more powerfull. He remembers things after have reading them only one time.

But his vision of justice if a little wrong because of his “mama” but he tries to do his best. He’s always positive, and help his mama to help and save people. He’s also more serious than NightStar, and maybe more aware of the world.

He works secretly on a way for create (TRY to create) a artificial soul for his NOT-DAD Ink. 

(Because yeah, like NightStar refuses to call Cross dad, Starlight refuses to call to call Ink dad)

DreamSwap, Ds!Dream and DS!Nightmare: @onebizarrekai

Original Dreamtale, Dream and Nightmare @jokublog

Ink: @comyet

I want to blink out of existence.

I don’t want to inflict pain on anyone, I just want them all to forget as if I was never there.

Everyone would be happier that way. I’d be happier that way.

—  I wish I was never born

Now I am walking around to get exhibition hardware from stores. I know my brain should be bubbling with excited-ness chemicals but it is not. Everyone is in a happy rush about the great exhibition we produced, made happen and are installing but I just drag my feet every step of the way and wish I was never born.

This is a little random…but I’ve been thinking about it and…I really have no idea where I fall on the whole sexuality spectrum. Because I’ve hooked up with girls…but I don’t think I could ever date a girl…but I don’t know if that’s because I’m ashamed of that idea because of societal standards or if I just genuinely feel that way…I wish that when you were born a magic sexuality fairy would just bestow your sexuality on you and you never had to guess because the fairy gave you all the info you’d ever need.

2

You, sir, are illegal. ©

I see all these posts about how muggle-borns would freak out about not having wifi or whatever but stop and think for a second:

A little first-year muggle-born is puttering down the hall, wishing they had a way to contact their parents/loved ones immediately because there are a lot of prejudices against muggle-borns and owls are tricky because their muggle parents don’t really get it. This first-year wishes they had a place to go, a place to fit in. Suddenly, a door appears and the startled kid looks around nervously before opening it.

Inside is a room full of other muggle-born students surrounded by muggle technology. A couple of Gryffindors and Ravenclaws are duking it out on Super Smash Bros Brawl; some Hufflepuffs are exchanging recipes that they found on Pinterest; a lone Slytherin sat cuddled up next to her Ravenclaw girlfriend, switching between Facebook and Candy Crush – and those are just a few of the things that the first year sees. The little first year recognizes a member of their house and asks them where they are. 

“This? It’s the Room of Requirement. Don’t worry–we’re safe here.”

I once spoke to someone who had survived the genocide in Rwanda, and she said to me that there was now nobody left on the face of the earth, either friend or relative, who knew who she was. No one who remembered her girlhood and her early mischief and family lore; no sibling or boon companion who could tease her about that first romance; no lover or pal with whom to reminisce. All her birthdays, exam results, illnesses, friendships, kinships—gone. She went on living, but with a tabula rasa as her diary and calendar and notebook. I think of this every time I hear of the callow ambition to ‘make a new start’ or to be ‘born again’: Do those who talk this way truly wish for the slate to be wiped? Genocide means not just mass killing, to the level of extermination, but mass obliteration to the verge of extinction. You wish to have one more reflection on what it is to have been made the object of a ‘clean’ sweep?
—  Christopher Hitchens.