bored idek

"Bisexuality isn't real"

“I’m bisexual,” I say.

A sudden unease creeps upon your face. Your eyebrows knit together in worry. Something isn’t right.

“But -” you start. The rest of your sentence dies on your lips. You open and close your mouth, as if tasting the words before saying them. I begin to worry as the silence stretches between us.

“But -” you repeat, finally. “Bisexuality isn’t real.”

As soon as you utter the words, I start to fade. My skin rapidly becomes transparent and I can feel myself being lifted out of existence.

You are right. Bisexuality isn’t real. I wave goodbye to the Real World™ as my Fake Soul™ descends to Fake Bisexual Hell™, where all the Fakers™ end up.

You sleep better at night knowing you saved the human race from yet another liar.

Good job, you.

An Incomplete List of the Things Shaw loves about Root

- when Root tries to wink, but she always fails to keep one eye open. she seems to have no idea that she is doing something wrong, nor know why Reese and Harold chuckle when she attemps to wink at them
- when she uses really bad—like, nauseatingly bad—pick-up lines. and that whenever she uses them her face breaks into a wide, idiotic grin that sometimes makes Shaw grin too even if she tries not to
- when she calls her “sweetie” in her ~overt-come on~ voice
- when she lets Shaw eat off of her plate without protest. and that she doesn’t take anything from Shaw’s plate, even though that would be fair
- when she uses two guns at once
- when she talks to Bear in a silly voice while scratching his belly
- when she shuffles half-asleep across the kitchen in her bunny slippers for coffee in the morning after a late night of coding or saving the world
- that she always has her nails painted black because she is just that Extra™
- when she tries to act all cynical about the world but she is somehow still a hopeless, dumb romantic
- that she rides a motorcycle
- when she complains about being cold just so she has an excuse to curl up next to Actual Space Heater Shaw, even when the room is really warm and she can’t possibly be cold
- when her Texan accent bleeds through and she calls Shaw “darlin’”
- when she tries to sing along with the songs on the radio but she is really bad with remembering the lyrics and she sings half the words wrong. neither Shaw nor The Machine have the heart to correct her
- that she always lets Shaw drive
- when she falls asleep on the couch with her glasses half off her nose and her computer still balanced on her lap and she’s snoring lightly and it’s just really precious—even Shaw can admit that
- that when Shaw is upset, she doesn’t try to pry at what’s wrong when she doesn’t want her to and it’s enough to just be together
- when they encounter a dangerous situation and she grins in a way that terrifies anyone who isn’t Shaw and says “ready to have some fun?”
- when she gets annoyed with a man and her wide, innocent eyes become deadly (and the man’s eyes become terrified)
- when she uses combat moves she picked up from Shaw
- when they are lounging in bed or on the couch or somewhere and she runs her fingers across Shaw’s back, giving her chills
- when she yawns and looks like a tired puppy
- that regardless of how abnormal or broken she sometimes thinks she is, Root never fails to make her feel perfect