borderline neglected

If you've been abused, remember:

•It was not your fault, it’s never your fault.
•No one deserves abuse, nothing justifies it.
•When people/abusers say you could’ve acted differently so they wouldn’t “have to do that”– that is wrong. You didn’t push them to do that.
•They’re projecting their issues and anger onto you.
•It’s okay to feel weak, and defeated. You don’t always have to be strong.
•People may stigmatize your situation– refuse to believe you, downplay it, call you overly sensitive. They don’t know the reality, you do.
•If it hurts you, it hurts you. It’s valid. People should respect that, and good people do.
•Trust your gut. If things feel fishy and someone seems to be toxic, you’re probably right.
•You’re worth so much more than you know.

Childhood emotional neglect: Questionnaire

Do you:

Sometimes feel like you don’t belong when with your family or friends?
Pride yourself on not relying upon others?
Have difficulty asking for help?
Have friends or family who complain that you are aloof or distant?
Feel you have not met your potential in life?
Often just want to be left alone?
Secretly feel that you may be a fraud?
Tend to feel uncomfortable in social situations?
Often feel disappointed with, or angry at, yourself?
Judge yourself more harshly than you judge others?
Compare yourself to others and often find yourself sadly lacking?
Find it easier to love animals than people?
Often feel irritable or unhappy for no apparent reason?
Have trouble knowing what you’re feeling?
Have trouble identifying your strengths and weaknesses?
Sometimes feel like you’re on the outside looking in?
Believe you’re one of those people who could easily live as a hermit?
Have trouble calming yourself?
Feel there’s something holding you back from being present in the moment?
At times feel empty inside?
Secretly feel there’s something wrong with you?
Struggle with self-discipline?

If you relate to 6 or more, it indicates your emotional neglect was extensive.

**This is not a standardised psychological test but based on Dr Jonice Webb’s clinical experience**

I think it’s important to note something. Requiem is told from Zoe’s point of view, and while yes, I most definitely believe that Connor did in fact try and break her door down and threaten to kill her, when she says “don’t tell me that it wasn’t black and white” she’s not right. She has it right, and Connor was an awful brother and from what we see, not a very nice person in general but it is not a clean cut situation.

This has been said a million times already, by various people including myself. Connor is a victim. Zoe is a victim. Zoe being the victim of her brothers abuse, doesn’t lessen the fact that Connor was a victim as well. He was a victim of bad parenting. A victim of ignorance, and a victim of borderline neglect.

The Murphy parents should have helped Connor, way back when he was young. And then after they failed to do that and he got out of control and abusive towards his sister, they should have shut it down. Also reminder that he was still just a kid. Borderline reaching adulthood, but he didn’t even stand a chance with those parenting skills.

Connor is responsible for his actions, no doubt he was abusive towards his sister and did horrible things, but there is no use painting a target on his back. I mean, he’s already dead.

Having a parent repeatedly tell you “the world doesn’t revolve around you” as a child can be very damaging when you consider that, as a child, your parents ARE the world.
— 

Today’s epiphany. Whilst discussing peoples’ habit of infantilising people with BPD but neglecting to put that to any good use.

When dealing with children suffering trauma, people recognise that they need reassurance, validation, love and nurturing.

When dealing with a so-called childlike Borderline, people label our behaviour as ‘attention-seeking’ and become dismissive, invalidating and cruel.

You can’t tell people that seeking help is the first step to recovery and then dismiss us as attention seekers when we seek attention.

I'M SICK OF BEING BLAMED FOR SOMETHING THAT'S NOT MY FAULT

Children learn emotion regulation and self-soothing from their parents. It is not innate. If your parents don’t accept all of your emotions, then you will mirror them and reject your emotions too. 

Because you cannot change how you feel, you think you have to get rid of your feelings because you have received the message that they are unacceptable. So you may develop maladaptive coping strategies such as self harm, eating disorders, substance abuse and chronic suppression of emotions, or a detached state. BPD is a common disorder resulting from chronic emotional invalidation. 

I’m telling you this because I want you to know IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. You were never taught how to accept or regulate your emotions - you were taught to fear them and escape them. 

So if your parents/carers ever try to make you feel like a failure for your struggles, tell them it’s their fucking fault. 

I will no longer apologise for having feelings. 

you dont know it already
but if you were to feel anger
I would feel rage.
is to me as is to you.
you don’t know it already
but when you tell me
youre busy
that you’re working
that maybe you’re tired
I feel rejected
along with the familiar feeling of being neglected.
you should know
you should know.
is to me as is to you.
you don’t know it already
but when you get an attitude with me
when i need reassurance
when you come back from wherever it is you go
I feel safe.
you dont know it already
but i am afraid
im afraid of spiders
im afraid of authority
im afraid of you
but mostly im afraid of me.
is to you as is to me.
you don’t know it already
but when you come back at night and i see the glow on my phone
i feel so relieved.
because you’re okay.
and you missed me.
even if it is eventually.
is to me as is to you.
but why do you expect me to be okay and fine
when everytime you go
I say
please come back,
but not in those words.
is to me as is to you.
but why do you expect me to sit here
waiting for you to miss me
when you know damn well that i do.
is to me as is to you.
and why the hell do you assume
that because I’m messaging you and youre my number one
that you can treat me like your number five.
is to me as is to you.
and why the hell do you assume that if I snap on you that it was you?
why do you think that things are as easy for me as they are for you?
we live different lives.
is to me as is to you.
i want to know
why the hell you assume
that I couldnt find someone else who might be closer
who might be farther
who might show me that they care.
Is to me as is to you.
a few years now ive spent
telling you
coaching you
questioning you
to no avail.
is to me as is to you.
a few years now ive spent
trying to be good enough
trying to get your attention
trying to make you see me
but you never knew that no one does.
is to me as is to you.
how do you think i might feel
now having some background knowledge
when you say
babe its an
open relationship.
is to me as is to you.
how do you think i feel
when you say
im with her.
ive seen her
and i know i can’t compete.
is to me as is to you.
how do you think
i maybe feel
when you come back at night
from her house
and tell me youre tired.
is to me as is to you.
I want to see you when you’re with your friends
I want to see what theyre like.
is to me as is to you.
red rover red rover
send me right over
over the hills
and over the plains
and over the miles that separate.
is to me as is to you.
mother may i fall in love
mother said no
ive been hurt enough.
is to me as is to you.
the itsy bitsy spider
went up the waterspout
it scared me and you wouldnt kill it.
is to me as is to you.
my fears are spread
through years of me being
tourmented by lies.
is to me as is to you.
you dont talk about your childhood
and i dont remember mine
you dont talk about your feelings
and I talk too much about mine
you dont talk about your friends
and i dont have many.
is to me as is to you.
sometimes
you make me feel better
about all the bullshit
and I forget.
is to me as is to you.
sometimes
you make me feel worse
when you think I don’t understand
but usually I do.
is to me as is to you.
I think that you know
that im not like other people
but I can’t explain
why i am this way
and im not really sure if you can understand.
but its alright.
because what is to me as is to you.
—  a message I couldnt send.

anonymous asked:

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 more specifically, how do they feel about you being an otaku/fangirl?

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦- What’s your family like?

oh god uhh

okay lets split this into two

my Family (Mum) and my Relatives (Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt and other Aunt)

My family is fucking awesome, though borderline neglectful, and lets me do whatever wacky fangirl stuff i want (bought me a cosplay wig, lets me go to cons, helps with art stuff, bought me a Freakin Body Pillow). She’s a graphic designer who grew up in Hong Kong with two sisters and an extremely laid back family by Eastern Asian standards. She’s also super duper hardworking and has our whole situation financially stable, and thought me how to support myself for college or university. 

uh oh spaghetti os the next part is Edgy™ 

Keep reading

raincloudfedarie  asked:

yo i saw your tags in that post saying Mary is still a bad person and okay well yes she may be but it's not for shits and giggles. she's an alcoholic, is plagued by the fact that her husband constantly cheats on her, and understands that she isn't helping in any fashion. her character is layered more than Joseph's, and writing her off as "just as bad" is kinda to ignore that she is this way due to factors. she's a bad mom due to her alcoholism, she's an alcoholic due to her life being hard -

hey! thanks for popping into my inbox and telling me your concerns! and i have to say, i agree with you, but not completely

first and foremost i’d like to clarify that i, personally, never said Mary is ‘just bad’. actually, in the tags i specifically said that she ISNT a bad person. because really, when you hang out with her outside of her relationship with Joseph, it’s obvious that she’s a great lady. she likes to fool around and have fun, volunteers at a pet shelter, and genuinely loves her friends, as seen with Damien and Robert.

but with Joseph? she’s not so great. yes, it has been established in canon that Joseph cheats on her, and im in no way excusing him for being a shithead. but it is quiet obvious that they’re both miserable in their marriage.

the thing is, we don’t exactly know when the cheating started or who did what first (not that it exactly matters). saying that Mary is an alcoholic because of Joseph’s cheating is a bit presumptuous, but of course not impossible. 

i understand people can fall into bad habits due to their lives being hard, but that doesn’t excuse them. Mary has been shown to be an absolutely terrible, borderline neglectful mother. she straight up does not care about her own kids, and having a ‘hard life’ does not exactly excuse that. Joseph is extremely unhappy yet he still tries his best to be a good father.

saying that ‘she can’t divorce Joseph because they have to be pillars for the community’ is a bit presumptuous as well. Mary clearly doesn’t care about her or her family’s image. she behaves horribly towards Joseph and the kids at the barbecue and bake sale, never bothers to hide her alcoholism, is frequently seen hitting on men all over the place. if Mary really cared about being the pillar for the community, would she actually do any of that?

now, about people bashing Mary and praising Joseph…. maybe we’ve been to different sides of fandoms, but after the “Secret Cult Ending” has been supposedly found in the code, people have been nothing but straight up hateful towards Joseph - DESPITE the fact that that ending is clearly not in the game yet and we cannot say for sure if any of that is canon. I can’t say i haven’t seen people bashing Mary, but because of the whole cult thing there have been numerous people symphasizing with her as well. 

it could be that Mary and Joseph won’t divorce because of the whole cult thing, it could be something else. all in all the only thing that could be said for now is that Joseph’s route is really weird and I’m expecting that there will be some changes coming to the game in the near future that explain it all.

last thing i want to say is that i don’t want to start a discourse on whether Mary is ‘bad’ or ‘good’, because she’s neither. she’s a multifaceted, morally gray character that has as many flaws as she does virtues, and i love her wholeheartedly for that. 

let’s just not forget that admitting a character isn’t perfecting doesn’t mean bashing them, yeah?

hanniloli  asked:

Headcanon that, although they never had kids of their own, OMS become honorary parents of a bunch of kids from Starfleet Academy because Spock always somehow ends up as a mentor to some struggling kid in his class (because he has a heart for outsiders) and then Jim will tell Spock to just invite them over for dinner and he cracks jokes all evening and tells stories from their years on the enterprise. The youngsters are always amazed how charming and down to earth the legendary James T. Kirk is

This is 100% my headcanon for spirk with kids. BC I think both Spock and Jim would be excellent parents but their whole lives are devoted to starfleet and it would be irresponsible and borderline neglectful to have kids when they’re as devoted to their jobs as they are.

I think also the kids that Jim and Spock end up taking in probably grew up hearing stories about Jim and Spock and idolizing them and having posters and model enterprises and then they get to Jim and Spock’s house and there are these two old men arguing about intergalactic foreign policy while making dinner and there’s also all these priceless artifacts all over the house. Like. One time an ambassador gave Jim a painting by their greatest artist and now it’s just hanging in their house, worth millions of credits. Stuff like that. Needless to say, the kids are only in awe of Jim for a moment, and then they realize he’s just a weird old man just like all their grandparents. 

They probably end up going to Spock more for emotional support, I think. Spock is calm and collected no matter what, and a surprisingly good shoulder to cry on.


What surprises them most, however, is how much Jim and Spock still flirt. Still. It’s mortifying to be with them in public

I’ll trade you a headcanon for a headcanon