borderline neglected

Childhood emotional neglect: Questionnaire

Do you:

Sometimes feel like you don’t belong when with your family or friends?
Pride yourself on not relying upon others?
Have difficulty asking for help?
Have friends or family who complain that you are aloof or distant?
Feel you have not met your potential in life?
Often just want to be left alone?
Secretly feel that you may be a fraud?
Tend to feel uncomfortable in social situations?
Often feel disappointed with, or angry at, yourself?
Judge yourself more harshly than you judge others?
Compare yourself to others and often find yourself sadly lacking?
Find it easier to love animals than people?
Often feel irritable or unhappy for no apparent reason?
Have trouble knowing what you’re feeling?
Have trouble identifying your strengths and weaknesses?
Sometimes feel like you’re on the outside looking in?
Believe you’re one of those people who could easily live as a hermit?
Have trouble calming yourself?
Feel there’s something holding you back from being present in the moment?
At times feel empty inside?
Secretly feel there’s something wrong with you?
Struggle with self-discipline?

If you relate to 6 or more, it indicates your emotional neglect was extensive.

**This is not a standardised psychological test but based on Dr Jonice Webb’s clinical experience**

I think it’s important to note something. Requiem is told from Zoe’s point of view, and while yes, I most definitely believe that Connor did in fact try and break her door down and threaten to kill her, when she says “don’t tell me that it wasn’t black and white” she’s not right. She has it right, and Connor was an awful brother and from what we see, not a very nice person in general but it is not a clean cut situation.

This has been said a million times already, by various people including myself. Connor is a victim. Zoe is a victim. Zoe being the victim of her brothers abuse, doesn’t lessen the fact that Connor was a victim as well. He was a victim of bad parenting. A victim of ignorance, and a victim of borderline neglect.

The Murphy parents should have helped Connor, way back when he was young. And then after they failed to do that and he got out of control and abusive towards his sister, they should have shut it down. Also reminder that he was still just a kid. Borderline reaching adulthood, but he didn’t even stand a chance with those parenting skills.

Connor is responsible for his actions, no doubt he was abusive towards his sister and did horrible things, but there is no use painting a target on his back. I mean, he’s already dead.

Having a parent repeatedly tell you “the world doesn’t revolve around you” as a child can be very damaging when you consider that, as a child, your parents ARE the world.

Today’s epiphany. Whilst discussing peoples’ habit of infantilising people with BPD but neglecting to put that to any good use.

When dealing with children suffering trauma, people recognise that they need reassurance, validation, love and nurturing.

When dealing with a so-called childlike Borderline, people label our behaviour as ‘attention-seeking’ and become dismissive, invalidating and cruel.

You can’t tell people that seeking help is the first step to recovery and then dismiss us as attention seekers when we seek attention.


Children learn emotion regulation and self-soothing from their parents. It is not innate. If your parents don’t accept all of your emotions, then you will mirror them and reject your emotions too. 

Because you cannot change how you feel, you think you have to get rid of your feelings because you have received the message that they are unacceptable. So you may develop maladaptive coping strategies such as self harm, eating disorders, substance abuse and chronic suppression of emotions, or a detached state. BPD is a common disorder resulting from chronic emotional invalidation. 

I’m telling you this because I want you to know IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. You were never taught how to accept or regulate your emotions - you were taught to fear them and escape them. 

So if your parents/carers ever try to make you feel like a failure for your struggles, tell them it’s their fucking fault. 

I will no longer apologise for having feelings. 

you dont know it already
but if you were to feel anger
I would feel rage.
is to me as is to you.
you don’t know it already
but when you tell me
youre busy
that you’re working
that maybe you’re tired
I feel rejected
along with the familiar feeling of being neglected.
you should know
you should know.
is to me as is to you.
you don’t know it already
but when you get an attitude with me
when i need reassurance
when you come back from wherever it is you go
I feel safe.
you dont know it already
but i am afraid
im afraid of spiders
im afraid of authority
im afraid of you
but mostly im afraid of me.
is to you as is to me.
you don’t know it already
but when you come back at night and i see the glow on my phone
i feel so relieved.
because you’re okay.
and you missed me.
even if it is eventually.
is to me as is to you.
but why do you expect me to be okay and fine
when everytime you go
I say
please come back,
but not in those words.
is to me as is to you.
but why do you expect me to sit here
waiting for you to miss me
when you know damn well that i do.
is to me as is to you.
and why the hell do you assume
that because I’m messaging you and youre my number one
that you can treat me like your number five.
is to me as is to you.
and why the hell do you assume that if I snap on you that it was you?
why do you think that things are as easy for me as they are for you?
we live different lives.
is to me as is to you.
i want to know
why the hell you assume
that I couldnt find someone else who might be closer
who might be farther
who might show me that they care.
Is to me as is to you.
a few years now ive spent
telling you
coaching you
questioning you
to no avail.
is to me as is to you.
a few years now ive spent
trying to be good enough
trying to get your attention
trying to make you see me
but you never knew that no one does.
is to me as is to you.
how do you think i might feel
now having some background knowledge
when you say
babe its an
open relationship.
is to me as is to you.
how do you think i feel
when you say
im with her.
ive seen her
and i know i can’t compete.
is to me as is to you.
how do you think
i maybe feel
when you come back at night
from her house
and tell me youre tired.
is to me as is to you.
I want to see you when you’re with your friends
I want to see what theyre like.
is to me as is to you.
red rover red rover
send me right over
over the hills
and over the plains
and over the miles that separate.
is to me as is to you.
mother may i fall in love
mother said no
ive been hurt enough.
is to me as is to you.
the itsy bitsy spider
went up the waterspout
it scared me and you wouldnt kill it.
is to me as is to you.
my fears are spread
through years of me being
tourmented by lies.
is to me as is to you.
you dont talk about your childhood
and i dont remember mine
you dont talk about your feelings
and I talk too much about mine
you dont talk about your friends
and i dont have many.
is to me as is to you.
you make me feel better
about all the bullshit
and I forget.
is to me as is to you.
you make me feel worse
when you think I don’t understand
but usually I do.
is to me as is to you.
I think that you know
that im not like other people
but I can’t explain
why i am this way
and im not really sure if you can understand.
but its alright.
because what is to me as is to you.
—  a message I couldnt send.

Ok so imagine this:

Sam and her mother are having a heated argument. Her mother is denying Sam the ability to [something with Sam’s gothicness]. Sam’s fighting like hell broke loss. Her mother is having none of it, and slaps Sam across the face.

Now raise your hand if you think this is in character. Think about it.

Now, look at your hand raised, and think why. You think it was in character for Sam’s mother to hit her child. Again for a mother to HIT her child.

Sam and her mother definantly do not have a healthy relationship. It is borderline abusive.

Now I’ve seen a couple of stuff about how Danny’s parents are borderline neglectful.

How come we haven’t talked about Sam and her parents?

yuuko-uchiha  asked:

I wanna hear your headcanons about Naruto and Sasuke, because I totally agree, I mean... if you think about it, this is that happened to Batman and it's not like Bruce is the sanest person around >.>

OH NO WHY DID YOU ASK ME THIS (ILU THOUGH TY FOR ASKING ME THIS???) It’s quite long. And I’ve left some stuff out that I can’t remember off the bat. D:

SASUKE: In a nutshell.

Sasuke has PTSD. He suffers from major survivor’s guilt but he learned quickly how to channel/bury it because there was no one there to help him. His hatred for Itachi didn’t manifest over-night (obviously it didn’t) it took a while for him to get there. It showed up as he went over the massacre in his head again and again.

Sasuke has done this literally more than a thousand times, he relived it even before Itachi put him through that genjutsu. But once all the grief and terror starts to turn to anger, Sasuke stops reliving the night of the massacre. He puts it in a little box in the back of his head and he locks it up tight.

He keeps the hatred it gave him though. He keeps it as fuel.

Keep reading

hanniloli  asked:

Headcanon that, although they never had kids of their own, OMS become honorary parents of a bunch of kids from Starfleet Academy because Spock always somehow ends up as a mentor to some struggling kid in his class (because he has a heart for outsiders) and then Jim will tell Spock to just invite them over for dinner and he cracks jokes all evening and tells stories from their years on the enterprise. The youngsters are always amazed how charming and down to earth the legendary James T. Kirk is

This is 100% my headcanon for spirk with kids. BC I think both Spock and Jim would be excellent parents but their whole lives are devoted to starfleet and it would be irresponsible and borderline neglectful to have kids when they’re as devoted to their jobs as they are.

I think also the kids that Jim and Spock end up taking in probably grew up hearing stories about Jim and Spock and idolizing them and having posters and model enterprises and then they get to Jim and Spock’s house and there are these two old men arguing about intergalactic foreign policy while making dinner and there’s also all these priceless artifacts all over the house. Like. One time an ambassador gave Jim a painting by their greatest artist and now it’s just hanging in their house, worth millions of credits. Stuff like that. Needless to say, the kids are only in awe of Jim for a moment, and then they realize he’s just a weird old man just like all their grandparents. 

They probably end up going to Spock more for emotional support, I think. Spock is calm and collected no matter what, and a surprisingly good shoulder to cry on.

What surprises them most, however, is how much Jim and Spock still flirt. Still. It’s mortifying to be with them in public

I’ll trade you a headcanon for a headcanon