booze science

PLEASE JUST IMAGINE

Like, if canon were different, and Allen didn’t die or reverse age or whatever the heck, he and Cross would be about the same age. Imagine it. They’d most likely be friends and generals together. 
-Adult!Long Haired Allen with Cross and Cross trying to spin that they’re brothers and Allen is like “jesus no”
- Cross getting drunk and arrested and golem’s Allen up “Hey im in jail again”
“Bloody fucking hell Marian”
-Allen laying about reading on his day off and Cross is across the room trying to Make Experiments. Allen constantly making comments about them and what chemical reactions Cross needs.
-They both blow shit up on missions when together.
-Allen likes to yank Cross’ hair and call him “Mary” when he needs to get Cross’ attention away from his booze/ladies/science experiment.
-Cross boasting how he only allows “Beautiful things to be around him” and Allen walks in the room eating a sandwich “oh and Allen” he says. Allen is just ????? and glares bc why tf are you talking about me Mary.
-Cross fucks off for a good year and when the Order starts making a stink about it and pesters Allen, Allen grouches and is like give me 2 days. 2 Days Later General Allen Walker is dragging a bitching General Cross Marian through the Order’s doors.
-General! Allen taking Lenalee under his wing and helping with her training (Dad Allen 100%)
-Generals Allen and Cross having a Reputation for Nonsense around the Order. -Every time Leverrier is around, Allen pranks the shit out of him, but since he’s Allen no one can ever find proof it was him and he just smiles his damn innocent smile and frolics away to his books and food. 
- Allen and Cross gambling everyone out of their money always and everywhere. 
-Add more is you want please feed my need for General Allen and shenanigans. 

This is a hard hat with more fluid tubes than the human body. It was invented by John D. Geddie, presumably in an attempt to solve his two most common problems: falling off bar stools and hitting his head on the ground, and being subsequently cut off by whoever saw him fall, as well as the guy who rode with him in the ambulance. His solution to these problems is both a testament to his love of booze and a symptom of multiple concussions.

The 7 Most Absurd Inventions in the History of Alcoholism

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laughing gas + alcohol-infused fruit = instant cocktails

You can make your own cocktails by infusing fruit with liquor! But that can sometimes take weeks! Ain’t nobody got time for that! Watch Tara and Anthony use laughing gas (nitrous oxide) to make liquor-infused fruit cocktails in only a few minutes on this week’s episode of Hard Science!

Watch Hard Science on YouTube!

Actually, if you have benefited from a piece of technology more complex than a sharp rock tied to a stick, it was probably made with the help of helium. Helium has the lowest boiling point of all materials on Earth, which means it’s cooler than a ninja Fonzie in sunglasses. Basically every high-tech industry imaginable has uses for helium, from chilling MRI magnets to producing fiber optics and LCD screens.

Think of it as the Batman of gases – known for its playful public persona as the stuff that makes you talk like Jennifer Tilly, but secretly a badass vigilante keeping the modern world in one piece. And just like Batman, the government completely doesn’t understand it.

After all, if the stuff is running out, the price should be going up, right? And we sure as hell shouldn’t be putting it in party balloons.

But according to Nobel Prize winner Robert Richardson, the problem is that the U.S. government is giving away helium like a discount VCR warehouse: as much as it can, as cheap as it can. In 1996, Congress passed a law requiring the U.S. government to sell off our helium stockpile by 2015. This has forced the price of the gas way, way lower than it should be, considering how little of the stuff is actually left in the world (Richardson says a balloon’s worth would cost $100 if the market were allowed to set the price).

6 Important Things You Didn’t Know We’re Running Out Of

The Scientific History of Why Humans Love Drinking Booze: An Excerpt from A Brief History of Vice by Robert Evans

According to the this theory, there’s a damn good reason our ancestors started drinking well before the evolutionary time line’s equivalent of five p.m. The Drunken Monkey Hypothesis (yes,that’s the real name) states that regular drinking carried substantial benefits for our adorable, furry forebears.

By the time fruit starts fermenting, it’s gotten absolutely as ripe as it’s going to get. Ripe also means “full of sugar” and thus full of calories. You need a lot of calories when your whole day is spent swinging from trees and fleeing from jaguars. After all, one of alcohol’s most well known side effects is the beer belly: Beer and wine and liquor are all dense with calories. A regular drinking habit combined with a regular eating habit leads to a much fatter animal.

One of the great challenges for any species in the wild is simply not starving to death.When you can travel from points A to B only by walking or running and have to hunt and gather all your food, you burn a lot more fuel just staying alive. Alcohol guaranteed our ancestors more precious, life-giving calories. The telltale scent of fermentation was an easy way for them to know when a food was at its most caloric. Keeping a solid buzz was enough of an advantage that our simian great-[X]-grandparents developed noses specifically attuned to the odor of ethanol.

Scientists have even gone so far as to confirm that drinking alcohol while eating food makes you take in more calories than if you just did one after the other. Mixing booze and food is such a good survival strategy that the only monkeys who fucked enough to pass on their genes were the ones who drank. And yes, there’s hard scientific evidence to support that claim.

Frank Wiens and Annette Zitzmann, animal physiologists from the University of Bayreuth, Germany, noted in 2008 that pen-tailed treeshrews really seemed to prefer getting their calories from fermented fruit nectar than from anything else.

The telltale scent of fermentation was an easy way for our ancestors to know when a food was at its most caloric.

Pen-tailed treeshrews are significant, because in addition to looking like the result of a raccoon mating with a pear, they’re considered to be the spitting image of the first preprimates, genetically speaking. And while these guys have a lot in common with our earliest ancestors, they also share something with Russian dockworkers; namely, the ability to put away nine or more drinks in a night without feeling it.The pen-tailed treeshrew lives its life like one giant bar crawl, with tree branches as its taps and fer­menting palm nectar in lieu of craft beer.

Read the full excerpt here - and check out A Brief History of Vice for more profanity, booze, and treeshrews!

Everyone’s favorite drug is often conveniently blamed for doing weird things to one’s vision when hunting for random sexual partners in a crowded nightclub. But when you take your drink of choice and zoom way the hell in, that’s when things really start to get trippy. Take a pina colada, for example, and see what it looks like on a microscope slide.

Whoa. So deep down, every pina colada is like staring at peacock feathers after dropping, like, all the acid. We’re surprised we’ve never pissed out Joseph’s Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat after overindulging on these.

You might think there’s some computerized color enhancement at play here, but that’s actually a photograph taken by BevShots, which achieved the effect by allowing the drink to dry on a microscope slide, shining some natural light onto it and taking an extreme close-up with a plain old 35 mm camera.

9 Normal Things That Look Trippy Under a Microscope

Did you overdo it last night? Well, Adam Rogers is here to tell you that most of what you know about hangovers is a myth:

“The famous one is probably dehydration. Everyone will tell you, "Oh it’s because alcohol dehydrates you and that’s what’s causing the hangover.”… [So you’re told to] alternate [between water and alcohol], or have a big glass of water before you go to bed, and some of that comes from the fact that you do get dehydrated. But, in fact, the dehydration does not seem to be what’s causing the hangover. You can fix the dehydration — and you’re still hung over.

[Also,] it’s probably not the case that it’s blood sugar that’s causing the hangover. When you drink, your blood sugar levels are affected. But by the time you’re hung over, your blood sugar levels are back to normal.

There’s that thing about mixing your drinks — drinking beer and then drinking wine, right? Again, no, you can do the study where you can have somebody drinking the same drink and getting to the same blood alcohol level and somebody drinking different drinks and getting to the same blood alcohol and they both get the same hangover, they both report the same symptoms.“

Rogers’ book is called Proof: The Science of Booze.