book swapping

I play a chaotic neutral cleric, and there’s a haughty high elf wizard in my party. We’d just walked into an inn after meeting each other for the first time, and my character already doesn’t like his character.

Wizard: (to the barkeep) Do you have… a library?

Barkeep: I mean, this is a bar. I– (our DM starts laughing at himself) I’ve got a couple books back here if you… if you want…

DM: and he pulls out a trilogy of what appears to be elf erotica.

Wizard: *sighing* Are you familiar with the concept of a library?

Me: (to the DM) I’m gonna steal one of those books and replace [wizard]’s spellbook with it

DM: *laughing* okay, roll perception. (I rolled a 16 or something) Alright you notice that the barkeep has a rotation of cleaning glasses at the bar, then walking away for a minute, then coming back to the bar.

Me: Sweet, when he walks away I’m gonna steal the books.

DM: Roll stealth. (I rolled a 12) Um, okay. So with a 12, you manage to get one book, but the barkeep comes back before you can get the other two.

Me: That’s fine, I just needed the one really. Now I’m gonna swap this book for the wizard’s spellbook.

DM: (over the wizard’s OOC laughter) Okay, wizard, roll perception, and cleric roll sleight of hand. (Wizard rolls a nat 1) Holy shit. Yeah, you do it.

Wizard, OOC: This is gonna be great when we get into combat.

We left the town to go adventuring and walked for eight hours, then stopped for a long rest. I and the wizard are both high elves, so I volunteered to take “first watch” (four hours where one of us meditates while the other stands guard). Time comes up to switch watches, so wizard comes out of his meditation while I settle down to meditate.

Wizard, OOC: I pull out my spellbook to prepare my spells for the day. (The DM and I start snickering)

Wizard: What– *sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose* Who… who did this. *turns to my character* Did you see who did this?

Me, OOC: I’m pretending that I’m already meditating, but I heard him, and I’m barely stifling my laughter.

Wizard, OOC: His face is SO red right now


      “In honour of Poussey, I’d like to welcome you all to the new Litchfield Community Library. Now, as you can see, it’s no longer just one room, but it’s everywhere. Um, so just take your book, replace it with another. Kind of like a book swap. And no, uh, smoking, ‘cause, like, you know, paper. Um, and no stealing. And no flash photography. Just be respectful. Okay.”




FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF with the lightest most PG mention of sex

Originally posted by syubto

masterlist | ask

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Dating Sam Winchester would include:

Originally posted by berezneva12

·         Him being your big overprotective bear

·         Him getting irritated when you call him that

·         “Grrr…”

·         “Stop it Y/N.”

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Headcanon: Coach and Jack are buds

Headcanon: Coach Bittle is a Civil War buff. He owns an authentic Union uniform that he made himself and every year he goes out and does the Madison reenactment. 

Headcanon: When Jack Zimmermann comes to visit, he and Coach don’t talk football. They talk history. 

Headcanon: Jack and Coach swap history books regularly, using Bitty as a go-between. They leave each other sticky notes by important paragraphs. 

Headcanon: Jack and Coach get into a heated history debate at Jack and Bitty’s wedding. Dad Bob and Bitty sip champagne and watch, equal parts embarrassed and amused.

BTS Single Dads

*Gif is not mine

This one…… away from me a lil’. ^^;

Single Dad!AU - Part One - Part Two - Part Three -


  • has a little girl who is most definitely Daddy’s Little Princess™
  • wears tiaras and tutus at her tea parties and OWNS IT
  • lets her help him w/ the simple things when he cooks
  • like washing the vegetables or taste testing
  • there won’t b a day where jin hasn’t made her the best lunch
  • is the dad all the moms look like w/ heart eyes
  • he cries the first day of day care
  • bc wow…….his baby has grown so much
  • she is 3 seokjin chill
  • doesnt know what to do w/o his bundle of joy
  • b u z z e d  when it’s time to pick up his princess
  • spots his daughter skipping out but damn near has a heart attack
  • his baby……his LITTLE GIRL was HOLDING HANDS with a BOY THAT WASN’T HIM
  • calm yourself seokjin he is a child
  • “Who’s that pretty girl you’re holding hands with, sweetie?”
  • your voice chimes from behind him, going over to the two toddlers and affectionately rubbing your son’s head
  • jin freezes and watches you like…..hey………you’re kinda cute………
  • snaps out of it when his daughter sees him and squeals
  • your eyes settle on jin and youre like wow he’s so handsome no wonder his kid’s beautiful??????
  • you shyly introduce yourself to him and he does the same
  • then his daughter’s askin him if she can go play with her new friend at the park
  • now jin’s lookin at two sets of puppy eyes and your pretty smile
  • next thing he knows these little play dates become regular whenever his schedule is free
  • n you and him begin to spend time together after dropping your kids off
  • have lil dates of your own when he doesn’t have shoots n you don’t have work
  • don’t realize how close you’ve become/how you feel about each other until one day your son calls him ‘dad’ n later on in the day his daughter calls you ‘mommy’
  • neither of you bother correcting them????
  • so you just melt into this family unit wordlessly and it all just slips into place, you take care of his daughter whenever his idol life takes up his time
  • all you know is that if anything were to happen to that man or his daughter, you’d b right there by his side
  • you know that he feels the same

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the slytherin common room is like a palace. the students hold court there, discuss schemes and ambitions and scandals, at home in such a regal setting yet always with a slight edge stemming from the awareness that outside these walls–outside this dignified, fierce, protective slytherin family–there is an ugly, real, vicious world waiting to tear them apart. but no fear; the slytherins will be there with their experience and cunning honed in their very own fortress to glide through the storm, calm and cool and untouched. these students love each other boundlessly, and this is where they prepare each other for the road ahead.

if the slytherins have a palace, then the hufflepuff common room is like a cozy cottage. somehow, the cushions are fluffier, the fireplace warmer, the sofas squishier, and the atmosphere homier than anywhere else the puffs have ever been. they readily welcome all, the ambience of the room bright and cheery and open. you can feel the love and support in that room–the frankness different from the slytherins’ to be sure–not better or worse, just different with its in-your-face bounce. the hufflepuff common room is shelter in a storm, a reprieve from an exhausting journey, a re-charging station brimming with smuggled food and unending comfort. 

the ravenclaw common room is like a roman atrium, open, airy, and embracing the sky with all its endless possibilities. it is florence blooming during its renaissance, chock filled with creativity, knowledge, and curiosity, the high turrets mirroring the soaring dreams of the students. here they study, work, and review, but also paint, sing, debate, and experiment. the ravens have no limits, no judgment or boundaries, only acceptance and empathy in shared thirst for wisdom. competition for grades is fierce to be sure, but personal ambition never impedes camaraderie and mutual discovery. books are swapped, new portraits revealed, and essays edited by peers. the ravenclaw room nurtures, growing curiosities, sparking new interests, encouraging deeper understanding.

the gryffindor common room is like an artist’s loft, overflowing with windows and half finished paintings and heart. gryffindors do not hide, or don identities or masks or veils; they are just as transparent and candid and true to themselves inside the tower and out. these lions are brave enough to care, and their ferocious love pervades their home base. like the slytherins, they know the true battle never ends; for the gryffindors, there will always be more justice to pursue, more weak to protect, more fights to be won. red is fierce, fiery, bold, burning bright and everlasting, the color of vanquished enemies and flowing sunrises and sunsets. this gallery holds a striking portrait of courage, of opening up to the possibility of wounds willingly, an arsenal of strength for the brutal, pounding battle ahead.

and the great hall–why, the great hall is where all these stunning qualities meet, in a glorious clash of colors, vibrant and unforgettable, melding together to form a place of unity, a haven for all–hogwarts.

Draco & Hermione headcanons, because I’m bored and I can, and I love them.

  • Draco is a blanket hog, lets just get that out of the way.
  • Hermione is both night owl and morning lark, and Draco loathes her for it.
  • She cooks breakfast most mornings, except for her birthday when Draco practically races her to the kitchen; mostly because she’s petrified of what he’ll make (he’s experimental).
  • His cooking has gotten better over the years, but there are moments…
  • Draco is a much better baker, and takes quite a liberty with making Hermione’s birthday cakes.  The messages on them range from grotesquely cheesy to downright NSFW.
  • Most weekends they lay in bed reading next to each other, momentarily breaking the silence to share quotes and thoughts.  Sometimes, they get into arguments about which is the better book, and end up swapping mid-read.
  • Draco has a nasty habit of barging into Hermione’s office and showering her with random gifts, affections, and a day’s worth of complaints about his coworkers… who are usually there in a meeting with Hermione.
  • Some nights she has nightmares, and he holds her until they still.  Some nights he has nightmares, and she reads him into a more peaceful slumber.
  • Draco nearly crushes Hermione’s hand, holding it, on the Sundays they spend at Malfoy Manor with his parents.
  • She rubs her thumb over his knuckles, and he manages to keep the snide remarks to a minimum.  Most of the time.
  • When they’re out in public, Hermione doesn’t like to show much PDA but Draco is disgustingly stubborn.  He never lets go of her hand, leans on her, hugs her to him anytime people pass by, plants kisses on her temples at the most unwarranted moments, and every odd look their way warrants a full on snogging.
  • She’s the one who proposes, completely by accident, as a joke (”Monet, a private tour of The Louvre, and dinner on the Seine? Marry me, won’t you?”) on the night he’s gearing up to propose himself.  
  • He’s been holding this against her ever since.
  • When Hermione finds out she’s pregnant, Draco is a complete loon, sending out ridiculously extravagant announcements to everyone they’ve ever known and then some (complete with gold and silver confetti) and buying everything he’s ever heard was even possibly good to possess when expecting.
  • Hermione ends up throwing the 100 pillows and belly cushions he’s bought at him.
  • they spend most of the pregnancy rejecting each other’s name proposals, Hermione going so far as to shape her morning pancakes into a big pile of “NO” when Draco actually proposes “Draco the Second”.
  • when the baby is born, they move into a slightly bigger home, not the Manor because Draco knows better than to ask Hermione to do such a thing, and a part of him doesn’t want to live there either.  They want to start fresh, together, in love, because it’s what they deserve.

last night the thought of kuro!neki visiting :re couldn’t let me go. some au ideas in the tags.

Dating Remus Lupin would include...


A/N Gif, not mine; found from google. Requests & ships open! Can we all just agree that Remus is the absolute mess & James’ is the group’s mother? Yes? Alrighty then. 


i. He adores your touch, it’s like one of his favourite things. He’d often lazily lay and move closer to you; he’d love to lay stomach down, his head on your stomach as you ran your hand through his hair or drew circles on his upper back.

ii. You and Remus would be able to have full conversations, without saying a lot. “Remember when we-“ “Yes! And Sirius did-“ “Oh my god yes.” Once, Sirius sat there completely confused listening to the both of you talk. He just shook his head and left when both of you tried to explain it.

iii.  Remus loved to surprise you with little gifts, randomly for no reason. Some flowers he picked on the way to a class, some chocolate, a book he thought you’d like. Although, this was because of a fear of you leaving; you loved it neither less. 

iv. Both of you would take a stroll through Hogwarts on a sunny, warm day. Remus would have his arm draped around your shoulder, occasionally using his other hand to guide your face up for a kiss. 

v. Remus would flutter over any public displays, around other people; you and him alone in public were fine. He’d blush the tiniest when you reached for his hand or rested you’re on his thigh, he’d blush even more if you gave him a peck on the cheek or temples before class.

vi.  You were his escape from James & Sirius, both boys are loud and full of energy, [kind of like puppies.] Whenever he wanted a break or just to enjoy some peace and quiet, he’d head to you, either to take a nap together or just plain read. 

vii. As much as he urged you to stay away and let the boys take care of him during the full moon, you were stubborn and he soon gave up on trying to keep you away. James later assigned you to get supplies and medicine for him. You’d often have to patch up all three boys.

viii. Once, after Sirius set a prank and it accidentally backfired onto you; this started an all-out prank war. It was chaotic, everyone knew the Marauders because of their pranks but for a prank war to be happening within the Marauders themselves?? Absolute madness. 

ix. James opened Remus’ chocolate, stole the chocolate then left the wrapper. A strong lemon scent was added to Sirius’ shampoo & conditioner; so his hair smelt like a lemon for a week, [Sirius absolutely hated this.] The pockets of James’ robes were unhemmed; the screws taken out of Remus’ bed. Chaos.

x. It was a little past, yours and Remus first year anniversary when all of you had learned to conjure the Patronus charm. Much to everyone’s surprise, but mostly Remus’, your Patronus matched his. Your wolf was a slightly smaller in a frame, then Remus’. 

xi. Remus had to leave the room after your Patronus was charmed. You looked at James and he noticed for you to follow him. When you did, he had started crying. He couldn’t really explain why he was crying but it most likely related to how he saw himself & the whole werewolf self too.

xii. One night, he broke down; it was shortly after a full moon. He expressed his feelings and the fear of you leaving because you wouldn’t be able to deal with his condition. “Remus John Lupin, I love you. All of you. Your condition doesn’t change who you truly are. Plus, after all, if I left because of your condition, then you didn’t deserve me in the first place.”

xiii. You met his parents first, his mother pulled you aside at the end of the night, thank you for sticking by him, despite what happened when he was a child. She also cried when you told her, your Patronus was a wolf too. There were surprising a lot of similarities between Remus & his mother. 

xiv. Although Remus was the mastermind behind James’ & Sirius’ most successful pranks, once you began dating, you’d add a little bit of input too. It took a while for them to catch on that you were helping.

xv. Shortly after both of you left Hogwarts, you brought a small flat in the wizarding world together. Sirius would live at both the Potter’s and yours and Remus’ house, plus he loved the small puppy both of you brought. All was well. 


i. Books!! You and Remus would often swap books or recommend books for the other to read. Both of you learn what each other’s favourite book genre was and adopted; you’d often leave notes for each other in books.

ii. It became a competition within the Marauders of who could sneak you into the Gryffindor dorm in the stupidest, silliest way. Peter’s tactic was more logical than the other boys, meanwhile, Remus didn’t have much to do with the competition.

iii. Borrowing each other’s house associated clothing; although, Remus couldn’t wear much of your clothing due to him being the size of a small tree. He’d often don your scarf, once Sirius convinced him to wear your robe; it was ridiculously too short.

iv. Although it was a little harder to sneak Remus into the Ravenclaw dorms, you still succeeded a few times. Both of you cuddled near a window, admiring the new perspective of Hogwarts from the Ravenclaw Tower.

v. Let’s get real, Remus is a bloody mess; everything of his is just chucked either on the floor, the chair or in his bed. James first thought you’d be the type to organise everything; but, boy, was he disappointed to learn you were just the same as Remus.

vi. You and Remus would have picnics by the Great Lake for dates, you’d had found a spot that was warm and the sun shone in that area. James, being the group mother would often help gather food for the picnics and help keep Sirius entertained.

vii. Your first kiss was just before Remus’ last class before the full moon. You were starting to get worried that he’d act out accidentally & asked him to take that class off. Remus pulled out aside, resting his hands on your face, before muttering a bunch of things to reassure you.

viii. As his class was walking in, he looked back to you, before leaning forward and his lips connected with yours. It was sweet, comforting with a small roughness to it, he pulled back, shot you a smile before saying his farewell.

ix. Often times, everyone [the Marauders, yourself & Lilly] would be within the dorm room, doing their own thing. You’d rest your head on Remus’ stomach whilst he played with your hair, you’d occasionally bud into the conversation, either to shot Sirius or James a smart comment.

x. In the mornings, you’d try to slide out of his grip but he’d pull you closer. He’d first pretend to be asleep before you’d peck his nose and a small grin would creep onto his face. He’d nuzzle his head in your neck, would often ask for ten more minutes.

xi. Remus loved whenever you would wear his sweaters, they fit more of an oversized top on you. He even got you a pale, baby blue sweater for your birthday.

xii. He’d spoil you for your birthday or Valentine’s Day. You’d wake up, already having a few presents at the bedside, along with breakfast. He’d surprise you with flowers randomly throughout the day, finishing the day off with dinner under the stars.

xiii. Remus would always make sure you were okay, and often put yourself in front of himself. He’d get you a bunch of chocolate whenever you weren’t feeling well, along with many cuddles.

xiv. Arguments didn’t last long, you’d miss each other too much. Your first proper argument was just before a full moon; Peter managed to convince yourself to be the bigger person as Remus needed help due to the full moon.

xv. James convinced both of you to go on a double date with himself and Lilly. To reduce anxiety, he made it rather fun date. You’d soon have to include Sirius & Peter in these ‘double dates’, as they’d start to feel left out.


i. Slow dancing. All the time. Often without music. You’d be talking and he’d casually move his hand to your waist, and you’d both start swaying. Sometimes it’ll be slow and romantic other times when you both fell was when it ended. 

ii. Having the stupidest arguments together, but absolutely defending each other to death. Once you & Remus had an argument over the fact Slytherin won the most recent Quidditch match, much to James’ appeasement; arguments over words are pronounced, whether it’s socially acceptable to not have a shower in so many days.

iii. Remus valued the words ‘I love you’ a lot; he knew the words had proper meaning and he psyched himself over the perfect moment to say the words. He blurted it out during a date at Hogsmeade.  You were laughing and he just sat back and looked on. That was the moment he realised he truly loved you.

iv. Remus was ridiculously shy towards the start of your relationship. Not only with the whole, ‘I’m lying as of why I disappear once a month,’ but also with the House clash. The relationship started during Quidditch season, where the rivalry was high. 

v. Study sessions would end up in full on make out sessions, especially near the full moon. Towards the full moon, Remus wanted you a lot more than normal, it was harder for him to control himself around you. 

vi. Remus planned a date, where he had planned to kiss you for the first time. Beforehand, he was super nervous; “What if I’m a horrible kisser?” “We can test that out Moony.” “Sirius, I’m sure he doesn’t want to kiss a dog.” “Dammit.” 

vii. Meanwhile, you were super anxious about the date, to Lilly. She kept reassuring you it would be fine, (secretly knowing what was planned.) Both James and Lilly received the absolute blushing and gushing about each other afterwards. 

viii. His absolute favourite thing to do was walk up behind you, wrap his arms around your waist; his thumb ever so slightly touching your stomach, then nuzzle his head in your neck; planting a few kisses along the way. He’d giggle against your neck, knowing that would make you laugh. 

ix. Remus treats you like an absolute goddess, so you wanted to absolutely spoil him for his birthday. You teamed up with James to get the perfect gift, although after a while he noticed something way up; he got a little worried but all worked out in the end. 

x. Remus has little mannerisms that he always un-subconscious ally does. Whenever he is feeling tired, he’ll trace circles on your skin. He’ll always kiss your forehead whenever the full moon rocks around. 

xi. James got ill one winter, even though you warned him to keep his distance; all four of the Marauders ended up getting sick. You and Lilly ended up having to care for them. “Tell James I love him. Make sure my mother isn’t invited to my funeral.” “You’re not dying Sirius.” “Moony, tell your girlfriend that I’m dying.” 

xii. After a solid week and a half, the marauders were all better; but you had caught the sickness they had. Remus was getting worried after he hadn’t heard from you in a few day; he managed to convince Lilly to walk you down the stairs of the girls’ dorm. Where Remus’ waited to carry you into his dorm. 

xiii. Remus found a way to take care of you, in his own little-unorganised way. He got Peter to help, he made sure you had enough food and got enough sleep. Remus stopped James & Sirius from annoying you, and cuddled with you; although you protested. 

xiv. Although yourself and Remus were the total opposite in many ways, the relationship still worked out. Slytherin & Gryffindor; night owl & early bird; inpatient & patient. 

xv. You and Remus would often have baths or showers together; it brought both of you closer. Remus enjoyed the baths together even more just after full moons.


i. You and Remus would often lay down either on the unused Quidditch pitch or near the lake and cloud gaze or just joke around. Depends on how many people were around, but it might result in a little makeout sesh too. 

ii. Both of you being half blood, you and Remus celebrated Halloween, a bit more than James and Sirius did. They didn’t fully understand it, but you and Remus would carve pumpkins and call it a date. 

iii. If Remus was helping with the planning of a future prank, often times the four of them can set rather unrealistic plans. You helped by pulling Remus aside and keeping him grounded, he really appreciated this. 

iv. Meanwhile, Remus helped you be more open, take on bolder challenges and opportunities and to be more comfortable, doing things without being anxious. Both of you helped each other grow over the course of the relationship.

v. You’d always be extra careful (and honestly go off a little) whenever Remus or the boys drank in excessive amounts. Although drunk Remus didn’t exactly like you being over protective, sober Remus did appreciate it a lot, and made his gratefulness known. 

vi. Around exam time, you try to get Remus [and let’s get real, James, Sirius and Peter to bc it’s all just one massive family], to study in portions rather than all at once. Well, you ended up studying efficiently, meanwhile, they either didn’t study at all or binge read everything the night before. 

vii. During the annual after Quidditch party, (didn’t matter if who lost or won), you’d stay sober and collect all the juicy embarrassing moments or confessions. Remus figured it out after two parties after Sirius was doing an excessive amount of favours for you. 

viii. You and Remus would often have a movie night, just the two of you. Although it took a little for Remus to admit, you both loved romantic movies that had both of you crying by the end. You’d cuddle together under a light blanket, with snacks that wouldn’t be eaten.

ix. If there was a bad storm, Remus would often come bunk in with you. Branches knocking against windows, the occasional crack of lightning freaked him out, but he wasn’t exactly willing to admit it to the other marauders. So you’d cuddle up in your common room. [hufflepuff’s common is in the basement btw]. 

x. Remus was practically a tree compared to you. One of his favourite things was when you’d wear his sweaters (even better if they were Gryffindor coloured), his sweaters gave you massive sweater paws, often used to slap Sirius with. 

xi. You’d play with Remus’ hair all the time, even though he acted if he didn’t enjoy it at all, he secretly did. He wouldn’t bother to brush or style it too much, knowing you’d end up styling it yourself.

xii. Before you began dating, it was very much everyone else knew that both of you liked each other, but the two of you didn’t know. It was blindly obvious that Remus liked you and that the feeling was mutual on your behalf, but both of you was blind to the fact. Much to Sirius frustration. 

xiii. However, James was the one who made Remus realise his feelings. “Blimey, Moony! You like her! It’s bloody obvious to everyone, now accept it and ask her out.” “Yeah mate, do it. She likes you too.” *Padfoot-Prongs high five.* 

xiv. Remus stumbled over his words when he was asking you out. He decided not to make it too fancy or anything; just to plainly walk up to you and ask you out. Even though it was a little rockier than he had hoped, it succeeded nonetheless. 

xv. You and Remus would stay up to unholy hours, just talking. About what both of you were worried about or the past. You’d cuddle up together and talk until both of your throats were sore. This happened a lot more just before full moons, where Remus would talk about his worries. 

Victor Criss: My bad

Request  “Can I request something with victor?

A/N  →  i just kinda took free reign w this!! i hope its ok

Pairing → Vic Criss x Reader (She/Her)

Warnings  → boys being rude™, patrick is his own offence, swearing, smoking, ie. the 🅱️owers 🅱️ois are 🅱️ack in 🅱️own

Victor Criss. Hm.

You didn’t know what to make of him. He was quiet, and you appreciated that, but the scowl he always wore was a part of the reason you kept your distance. The other part of course, was because he spent all his time with Henry and his ilk.

You were lab partners. It was fun, more enjoyable than you expected. You thought he’d just sit back and let you do all the work. That was fine, if you got a bad grade at least the only person you could blame would be yourself.

But he had stood beside you the entire time, you watched him take notes, then you followed suit. When you had turned back, the professor had already moved on, and he, with a softer expression on his face than you were used to, flipped your science book to the correct page.

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