book of boys

Oh man, I’ve been dying to get a copy of this book for as long as I’ve known of its existence. It arrived this afternoon and I honestly couldn’t put it down until I finished it a few minutes ago.

It’s more of a biography/account of the space program written by the “co-author” Henry Still, with intermittent insights by Betty Grissom, but there’s definitely a tilt towards the personal side and every reminisce by Betty is just,, so neat to hear. I’ve had a… complicated? view of Gus’ family, especially on things that happened post-fire, but reading Starfall has completely changed my perspective. I hope someday I can be even half the wife, mother, and woman that Betty is. She was lucky to have Gus, but he was even more blessed to find a woman like her to support and love him through a tumultuous life.

It was written in the 70s so it doesn’t cover the problems they’ve had with Scott since then, and there is maybe some unfair bias against certain people within the space program (take the last few chapters with a grain of salt), but overall it’s an unbelievably cool insight into Gus’ life, how he was as a husband and father and man. He was so, so special and I feel blessed to be able to know him the way I do. I love Gus even more than I did 6 hours ago, if that’s possible. I miss him a lot more, too. It’s full of very poignant quotes from Gus and others, but my favorite might be from Betty towards the end:

“I hate that Gus is gone, but I guess the program was worth it. He wouldn’t have had it any other way.”

  • what she says: i'm fine
  • what she means: why is broadway merchandise sO DAMN EXPENSIVE. all i want is something to commemorate me seeing a show that i already spent a shitload of money on, but i can't do that bECAUSE EVERYTHING IS TOO EXPENSIVE.
signs you love her

1. you think she is beautiful even when she has acne all over her face and hair tied in a messy bun. you think she looks hot when she tries to be mad at you for being too hard on your self. you think she looks better than most of the human population and you think she looks best when she’s in your arms professing her love for you between sips of that bitter vodka you bought her.

2. you can’t stop thinking about her brown eyes, short black straight hair and freckled pointed nose. you can’t stop thinking of how her lips would feel against yours right this instance. you can’t stop thinking about how perfect her breasts feel in your hands. you can’t stop thinking about the late night conversation you had with her. you just can’t stop thinking about her even when you’re sipping coffee at starbucks, even when you’re watching a horror movie, even when you’re in class studying discrete math.

3. you know when she is angry, or when she is pissed at you for talking about other girls. you know what she likes to eat when she is on her period. you know when she is upset about that paper that she turned in late to her professor. you know she likes to be the centre of your attention always. you know she smiles when you hold her hand firmly in public. you know she bites her nails when she’s stressed out. you know her inside out.

4. you smile like a crazy man when you see her. you smile when someone says her name. you smile when you see a text message from her. you smile when you’re around her. you smile when people say you look good together. you smile when someone tells you she looks beautiful, like its a compliment for you and not her. you smile when she tells you she loves you. you smile when she tells you she loves to be your girl. you smile all day like an idiot and you smile until someone tells you to stop smiling because she’s not even around.

5. you talk about her to everyone, to your mom, to your bestfriend, to your room mate. you tell them everything about her. you tell them about how you read this tumblr post and it made you think of her. you tell them she’s perfect, not because of how she looks, or how smart she is, or how well she writes but because she’s yours. and only yours. you tell them how you don’t date a nine, but always a fucking ten, so yeah you tell everyone how and why she is a perfect ten.

everyone needs to know this

I know, you think my generation doesn’t give two fucks about anyone else but themselves. but honestly why should we. everyone we loved left us for someone better, someone with longer legs or bigger bank balances. everyone we respected disappointed us by weaving us in a myriad of lies. everyone we idolised betrayed us. in a generation where everyone is letting everyone down, everyone is too stressed or too anxious, do you except us to care about other people. do you expect us to protect people from drowning when we dont even know how to swim. do you expect us to save lives when we want to end our own. do you expect us to love when our own hearts have been shattered into pieces. do you actually except us to give fucks about anyone but ourselves.
—  i am sorry i am selfish
2

she’s a handsome woman // panic! at the disco

I'm terrified about trc tv show

So I thought I’d make a list of shit that I couldn’t cope with it not having:
-Blue and Ronan are played by Amandla Stenburg and Reece King
-Noah needs to be a faded glittery ghost child, he needs the glitter that’s the most important part
-the “murdered murdered remembered” scene
-everything needs to be aesthetic and pretty
-Cabeswater needs to look pretty not some ugly cgi shit
-the pig
-the iffy maybe slightly problematic stuff that ronan said would preferably be excluded
-the wardrobe needs to be good, the boat shoes cannot be excluded
-THE MURDER SQUASH SONG
-300 Fox Way has to be so busy and cosy and psychic-y
-I want Ronans love affair with his car to be captured in excruciating detail I fucking love Ronan and his car
-pynch
-it needs to be shown that Ronan is completely and utterly in love with Adam but shown in a soft light and pretty and also Fire and sex and just you know
-Ronan and Noah’s friendship
-When Gansey and Blue kiss but don’t kiss on the mountains I loved that scene so much
-“I’m always straight” “oh man that’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told”

find love. find love like the one you dreamed of as a five year old which involves flowers and dates and promises. and for a minute just forget what happened in your last relationship. find love like the one that existed in the fairy tales books your father used to read out to you everyday before bed. find love you believe in. find love you want to write stories and poems about. find love you’d tell your daughter to chase. find love you would choose without having second thoughts. find love you just don’t just have to settle for. find love worth waiting for. find love.
—  find love/random thoughts