Once, when his uncles asked him what gift he wanted for his nameday, he begged them for a dragon. “It wouldn’t need to be a big one. It could be little, like I am.” His uncle Gerion thought that was the funniest thing he had ever heard, but his uncle Tygett said, “The last dragon died a century ago, lad.” That had seemed so monstrously unfair that the boy had cried himself to sleep that night.
Trigger warnings: This book actually provides trigger warnings, so I’ll list them here: Schizophrenia, sexuality (lots of internalized homophobia), questions of faith, questions of fame, drug use (quote: “psychedelic visions in the desert”), self-harm, sex, spiders, suicide (a very small part), and neglect/abuse.
“If you’re reading this and you think that maybe you could love someone of the same gender (or nongender), all I have to say to you is this: Congratulations! You’re perfect and wonderful and more alive than you ever knew. Be proud of who you are because you’re already more than enough.”
When I was a closeted gay, a friend and I were watching
YouTube videos when he asked me if I knew who Hannah Hart was and if I liked
her. Truth be told, I had no clue and had only seen her in a collab. But I
remembered her face and God, did I think she was cute. So I smiled and blushed
and told him yes and we watched an episode of My Drunk Kitchen. I never really
watched a video of hers after that. Not because I didn’t like it but because I
forgot to write her name down and so forgot to subscribe.
A few years later I saw the name again (because how can
you be on the Internet without hearing about Hannah Hart?) and finally
subscribed. Again, I didn’t watch any videos other than the new ones in my sub
box. Not because I didn’t want to, but because why watch old videos when you can watch
the new and make the most of your limited (read: poorly budgeted) time?
But after reading this book, I’m going to start
watching Hannah’s old videos.
Okay but why are y’all sleeping on The Torch Keeper series?
It’s an LGBT novel about a teenage boy named Lucien Sparks (Lucky) who has to compete against others just like him in various life-threatening challenges as decided by their government. By losing any one of the challenges, the loser is forced to choose between their ‘incentives’ (aka. a family member, loved one etc.) who has to die and watch before continuing on. The main character fights for the ONLY important person in his life, his little brother Cole.
I don’t want to give anything away because I want you all to check it out but this series is amazing and heartbreaking and DESERVES MORE LOVE.
I still remember how on our first date in that big hot air balloon you tightly held my hand because you were scared of the height (but were trying so hard not to show it) and how I squeezed your hand and told you not to worry because I was there with you.
I didn’t know then that after all this time, I’ll still be there for you. All the time.
I still remember our first kiss in your car that afternoon. Yeah, when you told me you loved me and I did not say it back. I told you that I didn’t love you. Maybe I was scared of opening up to you and letting you know my true feelings or perhaps I was scared of getting hurt again. And I remember you looking into my eyes and saying that you knew I loved you because my eyes already told you so.
I didn’t know then that after all this time, I’d still be head over heels in love with you.
I still remember our first extremely risky daredevil act. Yes the one where you came to see me while I was out for dinner at this hotel with my family and how I made an excuse to go the washroom. I remember getting a rush of adrenaline when you suddenly emerged, out of nowhere, & pulled me out in the cold through the door and started kissing me like Christian kissed Anastasia in the elevator. Fun part: the movie hadn’t even been released at that time. And all this while, I could see my parents through the glass door on the opposite side having dinner. I’m GLAD they didn’t see us.
I didn’t know then that after all this time, I’d still be down for whatever adventure when it comes to you.
I still remember the first birthday cake that I cut with you. Even though it was days after my actual birthday, I couldn’t help getting all excited like a small child and smiling ear to ear when you randomly surprised me with a cake and told me that you really wanted to celebrate my birthday with me but couldn’t so you brought me a cake now.
I didn’t know then that after all this time, I’d still be longing to celebrate all my birthday’s with you.
I still remember the first time you ever saw me cry. You held me in your arms that evening and told me that you were so so sorry. And then, like the drama queen that I am, I told you that I’d never forgive you but gave in eventually because who could resist those beautiful eyes and that cute voice when you said ‘I’m sorry, baby’.
I didn’t know then that I’d still be forgiving you after every fight, small or big, that we have.
I still remember our first slow dance together. You played an old English song and took me into your arms. I put my hand on your shoulder and you held me by my waist. It was so magical. I taught you how to ball dance (even though I didn’t know it that well but obviously acted like I was a pro) because you were insisting since days that you wanted me to teach you.
I didn’t know then that I’d still be wanting to dance away the night with you.
And after all this time, I’m still looking forward to countless other “firsts” with you.