Okay, so recently I was in the beautiful state of Maine, mostly just enjoying the wilderness while wearing a a bright orange hat so that hunters don’t mistake me for a bear or something. I was kinda tempted to equip an actual bear with one of those hats, just to see what brutal bear-victory would follow. But anyway, it was really pretty.
On the way back, I ended up at a one of the many Mom n’ Pop thrift-store-antique-shops that are scattered throughout the more touristy parts of New England. I was absolutely blown away by what a treasure chest of ridiculous horseshit I walked into. And, luckily for you, my friends, I have plenty of pictures.
We’re starting strong with H.S. Strut’s Cutt'n & Strutt'n 8, featuring Pennsylvania Coal Miner Bob “Boog” Pugh. I’m not sure whether it was in the coal mines, or whether it was hanging out with Rick and Matt over here, but quite frankly ol’ Boog looks like he has seen some things that he will take to the grave. Also, I like how there are 15 Hunts, and also 4 Bonus Hunts. I like to imagine in the bonus hunts, the Super Mario star power music starts playing and they get double points for every turkey.
Alright, what is that.
Oh. Oh Jesus Christ.
IS THIS WHAT LITTLE GIRLS IN THE 40’S HAD IN THEIR ROOMS, AT NIGHT?
Honestly thought, I even get the chills just looking at photos of this doll. The tangled hair, pale white skin, and orange eyes give it a sort of “dead” appearance worthy Asian horror cinema. I swear it looks like there is a soul trapped in there, its relentless stare knowing your every misdeed, burying into you as you sleep.
And then, across the shelf from it:
Next time you’re feeling down, and your path in life is clouded by negativity and pessimism, just think about the fact that this exists. For just $3.50, you can read all about Jerry Seinfeld’s timeless journey to finally figuring out what the deal is with airline food. Both the title and his face pretty much say “you know what you’re getting into.” And, you know what, I do. And I’m okay with it.
Oh, good, I was worried for a second that maybe I was getting the Bullshit Knock-off McCoys, but evidently these guys are the real deal. You can tell by Johnny’s signature Gigantic Left Arm, coming to tear your soul away from its mortal coil and drag you into the depths of the Danger at the Ranch.
And we end with this painting, which I think portrays my feelings about this whole experience more accurately than words ever could.
The take-away? Well, I guess the take-away is that humor is kind of like beauty. If we look hard enough, it can be found in everything, and learning to appreciate it can lead to a more joyful life. It’s one of those human things that seems so non-essential to survival that it’s like a small gift from nature. The purest appreciation of the wonderful absurdity of life. And, best of all, it is all around us.