booger and i


booger_nose Everything I wanted to know about sex and manhood I learned from @sternshow and #algoldstein. this is beyond for me. RIP @joeyboots BABABOEY Howard Sterns Penis. Rob was on Stern this morning promoting @goodtimemov !! Gonna post another vid of Howard talking

headcanon time! so @deohsogay and i were talking and as we all know, vasquez is a giant fucking lesbian and has been out and proud since she was in high school probably and long story short, her gaydar is off the charts

so OBVIOUSLY she has alex figured out from the moment she steps into the deo. and at first she’s not sure if alex is just lowkey and private but then she realises wow alex does not know that she is in fact a giant lesbian

and this amuses vasquez to no end because alex is the gayest gay to ever gay in the history of gay, and she has absolutely no idea. and after a while it gets to vasquez and she cant hold it in anymore so their conversations go a little like this

‘vasquez i got a new motorbike!’
‘i said yay! how exciting!’

‘vasquez i went to the movies last night and saw this one with kristen stewart in it she’s so cool i really like her’
‘what was that?’
‘thespian! you love actors!’

and when maggie shows up on the scene, you bet your ass vasquez hears all about the stupid, short, dimpled cop with shiny eyes who annoys the shit out of alex and vasquez is like oh my god she has a crush is this what it feels like to be proud of your children and she watches closely at the way alex smiles when maggie is around and she sees the way maggie looks at alex and she’s like ‘i give them three months and theyll be engaged’

‘it’s okay, vasquez i dont need back up, maggie’s coming with me’
‘you are so gay’
‘excuse me?’
‘you sure youre okay?’

ANYWAY so after this back and forth for years, FINALLY alex approaches vasquez one day and is like ‘hey susan did you know that maggie and i are dating and also i am gay’

and vasquez goes OH THANK GOD! and she pulls out this huge fucking scrapbook and it’s called DEOh So Gay: The Gaygent Danvers Story by susan vasquez and it’s literally a scrapbook made up of sneaky photos she took of alex’s gayest outfits and also written down documentation of every time alex said or did something gay and alex is blushing and also laughing because she’s so happy she’s come so far and vasquez is a good friend and also maggie loves it and it sits on their coffee table for the rest of their lives

anonymous asked:

The whole 'the way your hand touchs her hand when you walking down the street' is like, i hate rick for stalking Maggie and Alex, but i feel so good when i think about Maggie and Alex walking down the street, holding hends,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


they storm rick’s apartment and seize all of his possessions, right? like all of the evidence and stuff he had after stalking alex for A YEAR. and among those things are surveillance photos he’s taken of alex w all the various ppl in her life. and she’s horrified and like, it’s so so shitty


among the photos, she sees one in particular. it’s from one of the times they went to yoga together. they walk, not holding hands (bc neither of them particularly like pda) but they walk close enough that their hands are always touching. and in this particular photo, the clouds have parted just right, and the sun shines down on them both. alex’s head is thrown back, laughing at something her girlfriend has said, and maggie,,,,, maggie looks at alex like her laugh is the greatest thing she’s ever heard, like alex hung the sky itself, like alex is everything she will ever need for the rest of her existence. 

they may have only just said ‘i love you’, but alex can see in this photo, maggie’s felt it for a lot longer than either would care to admit. 

so alex takes this one photo, and she keeps it and when they buy their first place together, she gets it blown up and framed bc ‘this was destined to be, from the very beginning’.

Prank War - Stiles Stilinski

A/N: Everything’s better wet, right? This GIF literally attacked me in the middle of class which resulted in this 2k smut. As always, enjoy and send in requests if you have any. Love, J xx

Prompt: When a prank goes wrong, you and Stiles have to stay and clean up the mess and end up getting messier than before.

Word Count: 2,144

Warning: Smut and slime.

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September 3rd, Bangtan was prepping for Show Champion in Manila. This is the day that Tae found out his grandma had passed away. (He announced at MUSTER that his grandma passed away, which is why he randomly said, “I love you my grandma” during their music show.) K-ARMYs tweets say how they’re sorry for not fully paying attention to the sadness painted on his face. We love you, Tae, and hope your heart heals soon.

  • chyler: so how're we filming this? we'll snuggle into each other, kiss, flirt, banter maybe? we can talk about our relationship, or just say cute stuff?
  • floriana: i can call her danvers and do the head tilt thing, bitches love danvers and the head tilt
  • director: nah i was thinking you lie there asleep and maggie wakes up and we pan for about 1.5 seconds and then end scene
  • chyler & floriana: *look directly into the camera like theyre on the office*
Domestic prompts that have been stuck in my head

• ‘No, that ring isn’t for you…stop being nosy and wait until tomorrow you troll’
• ‘Your hands are really warm and it’s snowing outside yOU’RE LIKE A HEATER’
• 'If you wipe your booger on me again I will take the dog and leave’ 'IM SORRY DON’T TAKE THE DOG’
• 'Please don’t cry, we can get you the bird next week–no we’re not gonna steal him’
• 'I know you had a rough day so I brought you flowers and a candy bar-yes I remembered’
• 'I know you wanted a puppy but here’s a fish named puppy until we can go to the shelter together’