Darius Miles. Where do I even start with him? There were multiple times that Rasheed would run into the locker room completely naked, point to his genitals, say “Look, the second biggest bust in the room!,” and then look directly at Darius. Zach Randolph and Derek Anderson thought this was the funniest thing. He once even did it on the court when Coach Cheeks wasn’t looking. Come to think of it there were a lot of instances in which Coach Cheeks wasn’t looking. He was oblivious. Try imagining having Stevie Wonder as a basketball coach. That was what it was like.
One time Damon Stoudamire caught Ruben Patterson jerking it to a Victoria’s Secret catalogue. The guys wouldn’t let him live that down. He was Lubin’ Ruben after that. Rasheed Wallace and Zach Randolph were relentless. Those two made his life hell, calling him Lubin’ Ruben every chance they got. Ruben once told me he was contemplating “taking them out in front of everyone in the locker room,” but I talked him out of it. I told him he would probably miss and hit Steve Kerr. For the most part, the veterans weren’t subjected to this type of stuff. Pippen, Kerr, Arvydas Sabonis, Dale Davis; these guys were respected. Maybe Rasheed would call Arvydas “Saboners” every once in a while, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. However, the worst incident I can remember involved a respected vet. In 2002, some of us were in the gym before practice when Zach and Jeff McInnis got into a shouting match over hookers or something. This type of stuff happened like every other day so most of us just ignored it. Zach just lost it and fired a 5 lb. plate at Jeff. He missed way high and hit veteran center Chris Dudley in the back of the head. He had no idea what hit him. Zach actually felt pretty bad about it; Rasheed thought it was hysterical. Duds was out cold and we had no idea what to do. Antonio Daniels, Arvydas, and Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje carried him to a massage table and laid him face down so anyone who saw him would just think he was waiting to get a massage. I had about 20 or 25 extra headbands in my locker so I just started wrapping those around Chris’ head to try to stop the bleeding. He woke up about 30 minutes later wondering what happened and why he was wearing 15 headbands. We just blamed it on Lubin’ Ruben. Duds was a real team player and didn’t want this to be a distraction so he just let it go.