bong attachment

envydean  asked:

ouch... that's gotta hurt... perhaps some doctor!Cas to help him out with the... mishap

Ask and ye shall receive…but, I mean…be aware…this is a fic about Dean getting a cactus up his butt…

(since I’m assuming this is a request inspired by this post)

[X Posted to AO3]

All In a Night’s Work

2319 words. Explicit. Crack. Medical Kink. There’s a cactus up Dean’s butt.


“I’m sorry…what?”

Castiel couldn’t have heard that right.

“There’s a…” Nurse Masters gasped, struggling to breathe she was laughing so hard. “He’s got…oh God…I can’t even…” Doubling over, she scrounged a neatly labeled manila folder from her desk - a surprisingly thick, extensive patient folder - and slapped it onto the counter. “Just…just go see.” She managed a deep breath and tried to straight up.

“You said cactus.”

With a helpless snort, she collapsed in renewed gales.

How?”

Unable to answer, Meg waved him down the hall. Shaking his head in disbelief, Castiel took the folder up and paged through. 

Patient Name: Dean Winchester

Gender: Male

Date of Birth: January 24th, 1979

Complaint…

…Meg’s handwriting was illegible. No wonder she couldn’t breathe, based on available evidence she’d been laughing since intake. Poor Mr. Winchester, he must be so ashamed.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

"my 3d printed bong attachment" is a phrase i never thought i'd live to see

i had to send these first two files to the TA who runs the RBE department’s 3D printer and i told him it was a cup holder lol

Strangest Night of my Life

So, it’s 12:30am. Half past midnight, and I go out to see my girlfriend, who lives maybe a mile away in a relatively safe neighborhood.

Naturally, I have my stash box with me, because I planned on rolling a blunt and smoking it with her; I had just gotten Medical for the first time. It was a strain called “Blue Cheese,” really happy feeling. 

Anyway, have it in a ziploc bag that the dealer gave it to me in, and it is smelling strong even through the bag, box, and backpack, but whatever. I get to her house, and I head into the backyard. The time is now 12:45am. 

I sit against the side of her wall, and I figure that I would get her at 1:00am, so I have time to roll a blunt. Not three minutes go by, I pet her cat, I start grinding, and I hear the porch door open. Her mom’s walking out with a flashlight because she heard something.

I start getting nervous, so when she looks my way, I say, “Hi mom.” She jumps a little and says, “Boy, you almost gave me a heart attack. You’re lucky I didn’t have a gun.” I nodded and I apologize for startling her, and for being there. She asks me, “What are you doing here?” I told her I snuck out to see my girlfriend, her daughter, and she sighs and tells me, “Get on the porch.”

“Yes ma’am.”

So I bring my stash box to the porch, and she asks me what I’m going to do with it. I told her, “Mom, I’m not gonna bullshit you, I was going to roll a blunt.” She chuckles and tells me to go ahead.

Let me say, I’ve never been good with blunts, and plain wrappers are so delicate and difficult. I break two, talking with her about how I snuck out and everything while she smokes a cigarette, and then asks me, “Do you want me to roll it?”

She smirks. “Papers, blunts, tampons, I know how to roll it all.” I surrender the weed and a wrapper flavored like peach cognac (It’s a Juicy Jay wrapper) to her, and she starts rolling. 

Then my girlfriend’s grandmother walks out and lights up a cigarette, and I’m just talking about weed stuff; bong attachments and whatnot. When she finishes, she hands it to me and comment that she has to teach me sometime. 

We don’t speak much after, and I leave them to enjoy their smokes while I go wake up my girlfriend. It’s 1:00am. 

We wake up, talk for a little, then her mom calls her phone, and tells us to go meet her in her room. So we get dressed (Mhm) and we go to her room, where she tells me that she won’t sleep well if she lets me walk home alone this late. She wants to drive me home.

I refuse at first, but she gains ground and eventually I cave. So me, my girlfriend, and her pile into her SUV and she drives me home, making small talk. She drops me off, I’m carrying my stash box, and I go into my truck to sort it all out. I end up rolling two more Js of the Blue Cheese before climbing back in my window, and thinking, 

“What the fuck just happened.”