I was thrust into a world
where limits do not exist.
It is cruel and unforgiving,
Forced to be someone I’m not
but somehow fundamentally built,
I am expected to carry this burden,
and along with it, the guilt.
Days turn to weeks,
and months to years.
This life is not mine,
no, I will not shed my tears.
I do my duty in hopes of release,
to return to the life I once knew.
“This ain’t a duty, it’s your life.”
It’s no gift, it’s a big Screw You.
I’ve been caught in the line of fire,
and it looks like I won’t be going home yet.
I’ve given everything I have
through my own blood and sweat.
What more do I have, what more can they take?
This burden is far too heavy,
I feel that I may break.
This is who I am now;
But I’m not sure I’ll make it out alive.
To think Advanced Placement was tough,
this is more than I can survive.
I lost my youth to this calling;
I wanted something different, something more.
And now my time here is finished;
always beware the effects of war.
Mother don’t you mourn me;
for I am finally going home.
It’s to a place where I belong,
where I no longer aimlessly roam.
I now carry no burden
or with it, any fear.
Just look to the heavens when you’re sad,
and know that I’ll be near.
I definitely want protective!Bones. Protective!Bones helping Jim when Jim doesn't even know it. Or maybe when he does. Or maybe Protective!Bones rallying the whole crew to help Jim.
Keeping James Tiberius Kirk alive was a full time job. But it wasn’t one of those fun jobs, or those jobs that are rather shitty but have good rewards. No this job was: hazardous (the people shooting at Jim, usually end up shooting at those around Jim); expensive (if you ever have to pay to get someone out of Rigelian jail, you’ll realise just how costly life can be); and worst of all, thankless because (for some strange reason) it is expected that Jim Kirk’s grump of a friend will bail him out of each and every problem.
It wasn’t like Leonard didn’t enjoy looking after Jim, for her did, he got a strange sick pleasure every time he jabbed that needle into his friend’s neck. It also wasn’t that he did it out of duty or respect for his captain. No, it was because Leonard McCoy was hopelessly in love with James Kirk.
And with that puppy-dog love, came the unreasonable belief that no one could keep Jim safe like he could. No one else knew how Jim cried after the death of each crew member. Or how he held his heart so far out on his sleeve that it took only the slightest insult to send Jim crashing. No one knew how bourbon and a joke could distract him from his worst terror-induced nightmares. And how many other people knew how Jim cuddled in his sleep? Seeking any warmth and comfort that he brushed away in his woken moments, but craved in his sleep?
And who else knew that Jim craved danger because it was the only way he felt alive?
It wasn’t that Leonard’s thoughts were always with the dashing but unattainable captain, for he had a ship to keep healthy, a daughter to talk with, friends to pretend to be happy with… and Jim to day-dream of.
Sometimes he wondered, for his own sanity, whether he should leave, go home, go to his daughter, rather than pine for someone who would never love him back. However, he knew that just because he was light years away from him, he would never be light years away from his thoughts or heart. So he was stuck, hoping that Jim will one day notice him. Hoping, hoping, hoping…. For his happy ending.