bone eating snot flower

Terrifying Sea Creatures

Have you ever wondered why we know more about the moon than we do about our planet’s deep seas? Wonder no more, it is because we want to avoid these terrifying deep sea creatures! 

Sloane’s viperfish (Chauliodus sloani) - it may not reach beyond a foot in length but its fangs are a force of nature, they are half the size of its own head and can impale any prey that swim too close. 

The Pacific blackdragon (Idiacanthus antrostomus) have photophores that can produce light and researchers believe that the luminous tip on the barbel acts as a fishing lure to attract the attention of their prey. 

Fanfin anglerfish (Caulophryne pelagica) are as terrifying as you can get in the deep sea. The males are one tenth the size of the females and after larval and adolescent free-living stages spend the rest of their lives parasitically attached to a female!

Black swallowers (Chiasmodon niger) are appropriately named - they can consume prey as much as ten times larger then themselves, which as the picture shows doesn’t always go to plan. Fortunately they do not grow much more than 10 inches in length.

Temperate snaggletooth (Astronesthes psychrolutes) is a species of fish that lacks scales and has a luminous red chin appendage that it uses to lure prey. 

The Colossal squid (Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni) is believed to be the largest squid species in terms of mass found in our oceans. They are one of our planet’s most elusive species and it is thought that ancient sightings of the squid gave rise to tales of the legendary Kraken. 

The Japanese spider crab (Macrocheira kaempferi) is a species of marine crab that lives off the cost of Japan and incredibly its leg span can reach up to 12 feet in length and it can weigh just shy of 20 kg. 

Polychaetes or bristles worms are a very common and diverse class of worms with over 10,000 species described so far. They can be ferocious predators and include perhaps the most disturbing and scary species in our oceans - the Bobbit worm (Eunice aphroditois) pictured below, which can punch a hole straight through a fish with its jaws and grow to 10 feet in length. 

Bone eating snot flower’s (Osedax mucofloris) are one of the most intriguingly named species found on our planet - they feed off the bones of whale carcasses on the sea floor. Lovely. 

Anonymous asked asktheimprobableinvestigators: Have you ever had to deal with planes that crashed underwater?

YuP. IT’S A BITCH TRYING TO FIND THE BLACK BOXES. BEFORE THE LOCATOR SIGNAL STOPS.

MODERN AIRLINERS CARRY FLIGHT DATA RECORDERS AND COCKPIT VOICE RECORDERS THAT SEND OUT A SIGNAL FOR, WHAT, UP TO A MONTH, AFTER A CRASH. THIS IS FINE IF YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE DITCHED YOUR PLANE IN THIRTY FEET OF CRYSTALLINE BAHAMIAN WATER BUT IF YOU ARE, SAY, AIR FRANCE 447 AND YOU GO DOWN IN THOUSANDS OF FEET OF OCEAN, IT IS A TOTAL CRAPSHOOT WHETHER OR NOT YOUR BLACK BOXES WILL EVER BE FOUND.

WE HAVE TO CALL IN THE NAVY. WHOEVER’S NAVY. AND THEY uSE THOSE LITTLE ROBOT THINGS. IT CAN GET REALLY DISHEARTENING. SITTING AND WAITING FOR A LITTLE ROBOT THING. THOuSANDS OF FEET DOWN IN uTTER BLACKNESS. TO COME ACROSS CRuCIAL BITS OF EVIDENCE.

THEY DO, THOUGH. ALASKA AIRLINES 261’S JACKSCREW ASSEMBLY WAS FOUND WITH THE REMAINS OF THE RETAINING NUT STRIPPED INTO A LITTLE SPIRAL WIRE IN THE SCREW THREAD. TALK ABOUT A SMOKING GUN, JESUS CHRIST.

ALSO. KARKAT HATES THE OCEAN.

I DO NOT. I JUST HATE THE HORRIFYING NIGHTMARE FODDER THAT LIVES IN IT. THE OCEAN IS JUST FINE, I OBJECT TO SHIT LIKE THAT ONE FISH THAT HAS A SEE-THROUGH HEAD AND ITS GROSS EYES ARE ALL POINTING UPWARD LIKE TWO GREEN JELLY MARBLES. AND THE BONE EATING SNOT FLOWER. I OBJECT VIOLENTLY TO THE BONE EATING SNOT FLOWER.

I FEEL. THAT THIS ANSWER HAS BECOME DERAILED.

So let me just take a minute to talk about the bone eating snot flower. Yup, you read that right. These worms are basically just a sack of sperm with no mouth, butthole, or bones. Oh, and that pretty pink thing on the top of its head is its penis. 

The reason it’s called a bone eating snot flower is because it eats whale bones. So how can a boneless, assless, and mouthless sack of sperm eat bones? Well, it secretes acid to melt the bones and suck up all the juicy lipids found inside. Thank you mother nature, for giving us the bone eating snot flower, as if our oceans weren’t weird and creepy enough already.