bogus dave

so i have been informed that some of us did forget about Terezi c3< Davesprite c3< John, even though Davesprite literally brought himself into existence in order to send Terezi and John into separate corners.

(I bet that sort of thing happens all the time in troll romance stories, but anyway.)

today’s homestuck prediction: Davesprite will eventually return from the presumed-by-someone-i’m-sure dead to find Terezi and John hatemarried amidst the ruins of 17 retconned timelines crumbling into implausibility - their key plot points unravelled to appease the exigent hungers of “funny prank”

All those years of angst over why Paradox Space was keeping a bogus dave on its payroll

meanwhile

he had one job

let’s get down to business.

here’s a list, mostly for myself, of what all the characters are doing right now

  • John: Still in Homosuck, buried in bogus daves and screaming at Caliborn
  • Dave: Chasing Jack Noir and PM, who are carrying dead(?) Jade, through the burning forest on LOFAF
  • Jade:  Supposedly dead, hanging out with Calliope in her little space vortex were she’s hidden, opening the curtains of the little stage that appeared there. It is unkown what version of her this is, but it is probably her “Alpha” timeline dead self who’s death was probably Just. This could just be leading us on though, and it could be another version of her entirely
  • Rose: Getting Roxy the fuck out of there
  • Jane: Crockertier, asleep, the tiara mind controlling her is using her body to strangle Aranea
  • Dirk: Still traveling to LOFAF
  • Brain-Ghost Dirk: Gone
  • AR/Lil Hal: ARquiussprite
  • Jake: In the middle of the lava lake Jade made, looking up at Gamzee and Terezi, just ressurected after being stabbed by Jane
  • Roxy: Asleep, getting taken the fuck out of there
  • Aradia: Hanging out in dream bubbles near Vriska and Meenah last we saw her
  • Tavros: Unknown, last we saw him ditched Vriska, probably in the dream bubbles
  • Sollux: Unknown, same as Tavros, was lifted out of the cave by Feferi and Nepeta
  • Nepeta: Unknown, with Sollux and Feferi
  • Kanaya: Just outside burning forest on LOFAF next to Karkat, looking up at Terezi and Gamzee, has her chainsaw out, real pissed
  • Terezi: Real bad shape, being held by Gamzee
  • Vriska: Hanging out with Meenah in the dream bubbles, gave up the plan to kill LE/Caliborn
  • Equius: ARquiussprite
  • Gamzee: Holding Terezi, covered in blood, red eyes and rage mode, flipping off Kanaya and Karkat and smiling
  • Eridan: Erisolsprite
  • Feferi: Unknown, with Nepeta and Sollux
  • Karkat: With Kanaya, real fucking pissed, has out Homesmellyalater, last threatened to kill or at least beat up Gamzee
  • Damara: Unknown/Dream bubbles
  • Rufioh: Unknown/Dream bubbles
  • Mituna: Unknown/Dream bubbles
  • Meulin: Unknown/Dream bubbles
  • Porrim: Unknown/Dream bubbles
  • Latula: Unknown/Dream bubbles
  • Aranea: Being stangled by Jane, was reaching for Brain-Ghost Dirk’s sword, dropped it while looking up at Condesce and saying last line of Homestuck thus far; “Oh shit.”
  • Horuss: Unknown/Dream bubbles
  • Kurloz: Unknown/Dream bubbles, last seen picking up Vriska’s coat in the cave and leaving as ominous music played, the music played in [S] Equius: Seek the highblood.
  • Cronus: Unknown/Dream bubbles
  • Meenah: Hanging out with Vriska, braided her hair
  • Kankri: Unknown/Dream bubbles
  • Caliborn: Working on Homosuck somewhere unknown, generally being an insufferable douchebag
  • Calliope: With Jade, happy to have someone with her, currently in trollsona form
  • Viceroy Bubbles Von Salamancer/Casey: On LOMAX, raising and naming an army of the undead
  • Spades Slick: Traveling to Alpha session from furthest ring
  • Rest of Canon Midnight Crew: Dead
  • The Felt: With Spades Slick, in JuJu oven
  • Ms. Paint: With Felt
  • Alpha Jack Noir: Making way to LOFAF from furthest ring
  • Beta Jack Noir/Bec Noir: Holding dead(?) Jade, flying through burning forest towards Jade’s quest bed
  • Peregrin Mendicant: With Beta JN/Bec Noir
  • Gcat: Running through burning forest on Jane’s orders
  • Erisolsprite: On LOTAK with other sprites
  • ARquiussprite: On LOTAK with other sprites, glasses just broke a lot, apparently had something to do with Jake’s hope powerup (probably just a reference)
  • Nannasprite: LOTAK with other sprites
  • Jaspersprite: LOTAK with other sprites
  • Davesprite: LOTAK with other sprites
  • ) (er Imperious Condescension: Just arrived on LOFAF, using her mind powers on presumably Aranea, made everyone look up and basically go “Oh shit.”
  • Andrew: You want me to pin down the author’s self indulgent self-insert? That guy’s wherever the hell he feels like being I guess

and there you/probably just i have it. if i missed anything or got something wrong just say so

Holy shit this might just be real
  • Penguin: ok
  • Penguin: well first thing i noticed rereading homestuck
  • Penguin: just like the trolls have two teams, RED and BLUE by the way, when they start off
  • Penguin: there are two different ways of thinking going on before cascade
  • Penguin: one, dave and terezi, is that everything is predetermined and you can't escape fate
  • Penguin: two, blue team (the other was the red team) vriska and john, believe strictly that they can challenge fate, rebel against it if you will
  • Penguin: now who is the main puppeteer of all the fate strings in paradox space
  • Penguin: Lord English
  • Penguin: he travels back through time rigging every event to his liking so that he is born and no one can oppose him
  • Penguin: he is literally the guy behind every single frustrating homestuck shaenanigan
  • Penguin: so the fact is aspects like breath and light don't believe in things like destiny. Breath is all about freedom of choice and light is strong in believing in luck
  • Penguin: you see it in vriska trying to face jack anyways, or rose being reckless to figure a way to save everyone
  • Penguin: and well, john being his spazzy glitchy self
  • Penguin: time and mind on the other hand
  • Penguin: when terezi does the coin flip thing while talking to dave she says 'let me tell you a secret'
  • Penguin: 'luck doesn't really matter'
  • Penguin: thats not just her hating on vriska that is because she has an understanding of mind and the mental paths a person will take and those are bound to logic. Part of a pre determined scheme
  • Penguin: which is why she mixes so well with time, because time in lord english's universe is also set in stone. You cannot defy what lord english has planned or you die
  • Penguin: so we already have two massive ideologies going one up against the other
  • Penguin: then theres another thing, dave and john aren't actually these adorable dork buddies like the fandom makes them out to be
  • Penguin: i mean they are best bros but, they also have a friendly rivalry going on
  • Penguin: its also a very typical thing, the 'dork' vs the 'jock' or in this case, cool guy
  • Penguin: matter of fact when john achieves god tier dave starts bitching with terezi about getting to god tier too
  • Penguin: then theres the fact that as soon as that doomed dave who didn't make it to god tier dies, he's contacted by aradia
  • Penguin: hussie would literally have no reason to make them meet aside from time shenanigans, but instead aradia hints to her being a 'servant' and that dave is too. And guess what, that very important conversation they have with one another happens just while gamzee vriska and eridan are making a murderdome out of the meteor and everyone else in the fandom is preoccupied with a lot more shit than two time players casually meeting in dream bubbles.
  • Penguin: then theres dave's quest
  • Penguin: remember the legendary POS, the sword
  • a pied wagtail: the one he already has?
  • a pied wagtail: (and aradia's a /maid/. She serves time)
  • Penguin: Dave breaks it the first time to get it, and Davesprite tells him that it is part of his quest to break it
  • Penguin: guess who hands him that sword, again, later
  • Penguin: grimbark Jade
  • Penguin: serving condy, who, likewise, is the servant of....
  • a pied wagtail: le
  • Penguin: yes
  • Penguin: if my hunch is right, dave's personal growth will have to rebel
  • Penguin: to the rules time has set in stone
  • Penguin: and to lord english
  • Penguin: 'breaking the sword'
  • a pied wagtail: ooooh
  • a pied wagtail: that would fit in with the cool kid thing
  • Penguin: definitely. Hussie is making everyone believe dave is gonna die heroically, killing lord english
  • Penguin: and maybe he will, but hussie also has this way of suddenly making characters turn bad out of the blue or causing massive plot twists
  • Penguin: i would not be surprised if this happened with dave instead, and he became a temporary antagonist due to time mechanics he can't escape
  • Penguin: john is obviously gonna be a big doofus, understand jack shit and attack him
  • Penguin: theres way too much juxtaposition between dave and john anyways
  • Penguin: and the theme 'red vs blue' keeps recurring
  • Penguin: do you really think hussie would pass the chance to make all davejohn shippers die in anguish
  • a pied wagtail: no
  • a pied wagtail: so far as i'm aware, hammertime has the most fics on ao3
  • Penguin: exactly
  • Penguin: hussie is going for the kill
  • Penguin: (well here i am gathering the clues to that theory)
  • Penguin: (altho i don't think dave is gonna act explicitly evil)
  • Penguin: (more like, cold, controlled evil)
  • a pied wagtail: (perfect)
  • a pied wagtail: (that is exactly how he would act)
  • Penguin: (yeah man)
  • Penguin: (also guess what)
  • a pied wagtail: (hmm?)
  • Penguin: (i wonder why dave got so scared of time travel over 3 years that he barely wants to use it)
  • Penguin: (i mean, i know theres the dead dave thing)
  • Penguin: (but, what could hussie possibly add as extra meaning)
  • Penguin: (and what if dave subconsciously has 'a feeling')
  • Penguin: (that every damn time he time travels he's just accomplishing someone else's, not his own scheme)
  • Penguin: basically time players are like puppets to Lord English
  • Penguin: And, holy shit, I just realized something that happens in Homosuck
  • Penguin: JOHN vs
  • Penguin: ARMY OF BOGUS DAVES
  • a pied wagtail: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
  • a pied wagtail: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  • Penguin: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  • Penguin: and everyTHING IN HOMOSUCK WAS PREDICTING LATER EVENTS TOO
  • Penguin: LIKE THE WITCH DYING
  • a pied wagtail: D:
  • a pied wagtail: DDDDDD:
  • Penguin: THEN THERES THE WHOLE CAL PUPPET WHICH DAVE HATES DEAL AS EXTRA IRONIC FORESHADOWING
  • a pied wagtail: in all the witch-related books by terry prachett, there's this thing called borrowing. and it's basically a way of being other animals? but for it to work you have to give the animal gentle nudges in the right direction, not fully take it over. maybe le can do that?
  • Penguin: hmmmm
  • Penguin: well its not exactly that i had in mind
  • Penguin: this is not a thing that comes from influence over decisions, not as a direct consequence, at least. This is a thing that involves time travel in a stable 'alpha' timeline
  • Penguin: lord english doesn't rule over peoples minds and is pretty bad at persuading them, i mean, have you /seen/ Caliborn?
  • Penguin: but he rules over time
  • Penguin: and time means events, history, plot
  • a pied wagtail: ooh
  • Penguin: time players are more sensible to how time flows and 'happens'
  • Penguin: so dave might just be aware of how LE is influencing him
  • Penguin: if not get fully manipulated by his orders
  • a pied wagtail: but don't lords destroy?
  • a pied wagtail: so
  • a pied wagtail: maybe le's not influincing the events so he gets what he wants
  • a pied wagtail: maybe he's destroying the outcomes that he dislikes
  • a pied wagtail: he's basically making sure the alpha timeline happens how he wants it to
  • a pied wagtail: and making all the others doomed
  • Penguin: exactly man, although lords don’t just destroy, those are princes. Lords rule over all.
  • Penguin: that, thats the whole basis behind every single doomed timeline
  • Penguin: the ones that 'lord english didn't like'
  • Penguin: its not paradox space itself that causes doomed timelines
  • Penguin: well it is since time is a major component of space and LE rules over all time
  • Penguin: but basically its lord english’s will that decides the events that will take place and be considered 'alpha'
  • Penguin: you get it easier after you re read it
  • Penguin: if you think about it, that would make calliope one half of paradox space, and lord english the other half
  • Penguin: well, caliborn
  • a pied wagtail: that fits in with the swirls on the cheeks
  • a pied wagtail: and therefore the colours of the sburb logo
  • Penguin: It's all starting to connect